My Safe Harbor
by vegenosferatu
Summary: Takes place after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon. The more intimate she is with Jake the more her heart heals. Will Edward come back to reclaim his lost love? Will she loose them both forever? If so who will she choose? Lemons for later chapters MATURE!
1. Permanent Residence

My Safe Harbor

This version of the story takes place after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon. What if Bella discovers that the more intimate she is with Jacob , the more her heart heals? How far will she go? Does she hurt her best friend in the process? Will she loose them both forever? Will Edward come back to reclaim his lost love? If so, who will she choose?

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**_

_**Chapter 1-Permanent Residence**_

**BPOV**

The rain pelted my bedroom window mimicking the tears falling from my eyes, hitting my pillow. Forks constant gray skies seemed to mirror my mood these days since _he _left. It has been close to four months now, and the pain never seems to cease. When sleep takes me each night, my nightmare, the same nightmare, brings an onslaught of painful memories. Each torturous time rips the gaping hole that has set up permanent residence in my heart. It is a constant reminder that _he_ left me, shattered and broken beyond repair.

My unselfish nature keeps me from taking my own life, even though the thoughts of ending my sad existence has crossed my mind daily. I would never do that to Charlie. Lately he has worried about me, slightly hovering at times. I have to give him credit for trying. He invites my friends over regularly, hoping that someday I will give in and accept their company. My only fear with seeing my friends is the questions that will come with them. I cannot handle playing twenty questions. I might loose it, and that is not fair, nobody deserves that. In fact, "what did I do to deserve this?" To have my world crumble around me, no wait, on me would be a better description. The thing is, Charlie doesn't understand that I do not want anything from anyone, except for one. But _he_ is never coming back.

"Enough psychobabble Bella", I thought to myself. Deciding to take a shower which was more of a chore these days, the simple day to day things have become a mountain to climb. Necessities like breathing is laborous. As I let the hot water run over my skin, letting my guard down for a fraction of a second, the thoughts of my _second family, _the Cullens, started to creep up on me. The ones that said that I was like family to them, the ones that claimed to love me like a daughter......................The ones that have forgotten about me and not even attempted to make contact with me in almost four months. It is true what Edward told me "It will be as if I never existed" Sometimes I think I am going a little crazy, like I conjured them all up in my head. Did they really exist? Did _he_ really exist? The answer to that is yes, because something as perfect and _god-like_ as Edward, could not have been imagined. My mind is not that creative!!

The water in the shower was beginning to turn cold when I realized that I had been in there to long. It seemed to help my overall numb feeling. Climbing out of the shower, I scraped my leg on the shower door runner. "Shit" I screamed to the top of my lungs as the blood from my cut covered the floor. I began to feel nauseated and the room started to spin. I clamped my hand over my mouth and nose to stifle the smell. Slamming my eyes shut so they were tightly closed. Good, now I couldn't see the blood, or smell the blood. I couln't even taste the blood in the air. With all of these senses cut off, my hearing became pronounced. I could hear familiar voices downstairs. "Probably one of Charlies ploys to get me to be around friends". But as I listened closely, I recognized the voices it was Billy and Jacob Black. Hopefully they are only here to watch the game with Charlie.

Slowly creeking open the door to the bathroom, hoping that nobody would hear me up moving around. That is almost like permission to invade my privacy. Charlie has learned to not bother me when I am locked in my room. Tiptoeing down the hall to my room, laying my hand on the doorknob ready to enter, I felt a very large, warm hand entwine around my shoulder.

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	2. Realizing

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer

**Chapter 2- Realizing,**

"Don't touch"..............I spun around with fury burning in my eyes and acid in my tone.

Letting the culprit see what I meant on my face. I did not want to be touched by nobody. As my eyes met his, I seen his bright white smile widen into the smile I loved and I couldn't bare to fininsh my sentence. With a wary look in his eyes, not knowing what my reaction would be. His warm hand cupped my cheek. As the humongous Jacob Black stared into my eyes with a little hesitance, not knowing what my reaction would be. "Hey Bells........it is really good to see ya, I've missed you." My knee jerk reaction was to flinch away from any kind of closeness. Pulling away not wanting to feel his blazing hand on me any longer. "Okay I have to remember this is Jacob not Edward, Jacob has done nothing to hurt me, ever!"

Keeping that thought in the forefront of my mind, I knew I could not hurt this gentle giant that stands before me, even though he snuck up on me and caught me off guard. It is just so much easier avoiding people all together. I wanted to be in my room, my refuge from the bitter outside world rearing its ugly head. Glancing back up at Jacob, but not looking him dead in the eye, I noticed his hand was still half raised in the air not knowing what to do with it. I had trouble looking into his deep set eyes that were now full of worry. His arm dropped to his side, eyes fell to the floor, and he turned to walk away.

I grabbed at his shirt catching it between my fingers before he could get away. "No...wait Jake" He turned to look at me, hurt saturating his face. "I'm sorry, it's just"....He put his large finger to my mouth, "There's no need for explanations Bella." Jacob pulled me up into one of his awesome hugs, I felt like the air was being squashed out of me. "Uh.. Jake...can't...breathe." With his face buried in my hair, and a rough voice said "I have just missed you so much Bells!" His massive arms continued to wrap around me securely but loosened to a gentle touch. Now realizing that this was the first time in months that I felt safe, and the huge hole in my chest seemed to relent and hold together just a little bit. I let a faint smile brush across my lips "I've missed you too, Jake" saying it made me feel good knowing I truly meant it.

Jacob sat me back down on the floor, never letting his arms drop from my waist. His eyes searching mine, intently holding their gaze. The straight line of his lips slowly turned up at the corners. He took a deep breath, letting all of this sink in, I presume. It truly was good to see Jacob, and at this moment, realizing that he is the reason that I smiled today, and made me feel safe today. Could he truly be the reason? Or has me dismissing any kind of contact put me in a state of self deprivation? Anyone could have done that if I would have just let them in. Or could they?

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	3. Feelings

Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer

**Chapter 3-Feelings**

**JPOV**

Internally my mind was overflowing with thoughts, but I din't want to freak Bella out. Yeah, I could see it now her running and screaming, trying to get away from me. "Oh by the way Bella for the past four months I have done nothing but think of you, worry about you." But this last one puts the icing on the cupcake " I almost forgot Bella, I love you more than life itself." That is sure to send her over the edge considering the state she is in. I could feel the hot tears tugging at the corners of my eyes threatening to deceive me. I fought to hold them back for Bella's sake. She has been hurt enough and I am not going to add to it. If she seen me crying now she would become curious, and at that point I couldn't lie to her.

As I put Bella down on the floor, a faint trace of a strained smile crossed her lips, but it didn't touch her eyes. Brown eyes are usually warm, but hers seem cold and empty. She was not the same Bella I remember. Deep circles layed heavy under her eyes and they seemed slightly sunken in. Had she lost weight? Bella's cheek bones were more prominent, she kind of looked sick. "That damm bloodsucker is to blame for this" I felt my temper rise. But at least she was here in front of me, and still beautiful in my eyes. Maybe I can help her forget. I hope she gives me the chance.

Being lost for words at the moment, not knowing what say, afraid to push her to far and scare her away. I need to keep it light. "Bells, do you wanna go down stairs with me and grab a bite to eat? I'm half starved!" She eyed me confused, taking in my size. A cute little smirk tugged at the corner of her mouth. "What?" I huffed at her, snickering at the same time. "Well Jake, it looks like you haven't missed any meals to me!" Now that's my Bella, sneering her wise cracks at me. "Are you saying I'm fat Bells?" She blushed briefly and said "Oh no Jake you're just humongous that's all." I wonder why she blushes when she looks at me! hmmm. "Have you grown a foot since I seen you last?" I couldn't keep my laughter at bay. "Actually, I have grown a little more than that, major growth spurt, I guess. Boasting a bit 7'2" now, you can call me a man now Bells. "No, you are just a big kid Jake." But I noticed her eyes widen as she took in all of me.

"I bet Billy is going broke trying to feed you." She unleashed a full grin then. I thought my heart was going to melt right through my chest. If she knew how much I wanted to pull her in my arms and caress her lips with mine, she would inevitably never talk to me again. My rude stomach interrupted me with a large rumble. If I could noticably blush, Bella would be aware that this embarrassed me. But thanks to my dark skin she would never know. "Uh, Bells can we go eat my stomach is hurting I am so hungry, my dad brought some pizza and it is down there getting cold, let's go." She took a deep breath. "Okay let's go and feed that beast before it get's angry" she said as she patted my stomach. "Oh-My-God she is touching me, I could combust at any minute.

Grabbing her hand and leading her down the stairs, I noticed how small and frail it was. Actually her whole presence is small and frail. I feel like I need to protect her. Seeing her, and spending this time with her is going to make it much harder to be away from her now. I will have to make up excuses to be near her. And knowing Bella she will try to back out. My duty will be making sure she doesn't. It seems she is enjoying my company as much as I am hers. Because according to Charlie she has been like the walking dead for the past few months. She did actually smile, and she has been teasing me a little today.

When we got downstairs Billy and Charlie's head shot up at us from the TV. They eyed us curiously, mostly Billy, but Charlies face was priceless. He sat there all wide-eyed, and his mouth hung open. Almost like he was afraid to say anything. When Bella was in front of me, with her back to me, I turned to look at them both and gave them a wide smile to show them that I can handle Ms. Swan. Billy gave me a thumbs up and Charlie gave me a crooked grin looking unsure. I looked around to see if I could spot the pizza, it was nowhere to be seen. "Where's the pizza old man?" Holding my stomach. "I'm starved!" Billy was shaking his head back and forth " Sorry Jacob, me and Charlie here finished it off."

"Hey Bells, the two old geysers in there hogged up all of the pizza, let's go out okay?"

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	4. His Presence

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters belong solely to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 4-His Presence**

**BPOV**

Jacobs presence is really a surprise. He seems to have a way or a know how to make me feel better. I don't remember the last time I smiled or the last time I laughed. And who knew Jacob could be the one to do that. When he held me in his arms that nagging hole seemed to close slightly. And his warm, inviting smile is like a shining beacon in the roughest of storms. Here I am with my best friend and I feel like he is a freakin miracle worker. Charlie threw some money in our general direction, "Here you two go grab a bite, me and Billy wanna finish up the game." He gave me a brief smile and gentle nod, like he was trying to coax a frightened kitten.

"Dad I really don't feel like............. I stopped as Jacob grabbed my hand, that sad look started to come back on Jacob's face, and I couldn't say no. Guessing he could sense that I would go, he began to drag me towards the door. "Come on Bells what about the Beast? It is getting angry and I know you don't want that. Charlie and Billy looked at each other confused. Billy just shrugged and smiled. Jacob smiled his big smile and said with a sarcastic tone, "Ya want me to put your shoes on or just carry ya?" Give me a minute Jake I need to go upstairs to get my boots and jacket, okay?" As I ran up the stairs, getting further away from Jacob I noticed the hole tearing back open. I gasped as the pain of it set in..

Maybe it is just my imagination, or deprivation of human contact for so long. Could he have this affect on me? Surely not! I hurried back down the stairs, Jake was waiting on me by the door. As I neared him, the closer I got, the more together I felt. I stood as close to him as I could without him getting the wrong idea, or think I was close to crazy. All of the sudden I heard a deep rumble in his chest, the next thing I knew he had me flung over his shoulder and ran with me to my truck. In our close proximity in the small cab of the truck, I could feel the hole literally pull together. Not closing completely. I guess I will always have it, damaged goods, none the less. Nobody in their right mind would want someone as broken as me. But I really wanted nobody but _him_ and he was gone.

Jake shook his head, letting the rain splash me. He shook it like a dog after a bath. "Stop Jake" slapping his shoulder. Jake reached over behind me and slid me over to sit beside him. "Now your in your place, and I am in mine, let's go eat." I could feel the heat radiating off of his body even though he was only wearing a cut off T-shirt and jeans , and it was thirty degrees outside. "Dang Jake do you have a fever or something? YOU-ARE-HOT!!!!" He looked at me grinning but did not answer. I felt like Jacob was hiding something from me but I let it drop. Our silent drive continued, I unintentionally sank sideways like he had an invisible magnet in him. I liked how the closeness made me feel, like I didn't have to hold myself together. Glancing at his face, I noticed his eyes cutting towards me from the side with a slight smile on his lips.

I felt so warm there, pressed against Jake's side, and he was obviously enjoying it, or getting a laugh out of it one. Regardless of the reason I couldn't bare to pull myself away because I knew that it would mean immediate pain. It was weird how Jake, my childhood friend, could hold this special power. I wonder if he has this effect on everyone. Nah, it is probably just me, considering the weird way my brain works. After a short drive to town, we arrived at Grady's Pizza. I didn't want to move away from him, but I knew I had to get out. Jacob reached for the door, his hand resting on the handle.

Jacob turned to stare at me in the face, eyeing me curiously with one eyebrow raised. A lop-sided grin on his face, "Ya know Bells, I like ya being snuggled up to me and all, but I am kind of hungry." He said with a snicker. He noticed my slow reluctance to remove myself from him, I let out a deep sigh as I lifted myself away. "Bells, are you okay? You seem a little distracted. I can go in and order if you don't want to go in." That was definitely a good idea considering Jacob's presence is the only one I needed right now. But I couldn't stand the idea of him leaving me out in the truck alone, to bare the pain. "Yeah, we can order to take it home but I will walk in there with you to order. I would like to see what is on their menu." I had to think of something quick to tell Jacob so he wouldn't get suspicious.

When we finished ordering, we sat at a small table in the corner to wait. Jacob was now fiddling with his hands pushed together on top of the table. I was staring at his hands in kind of a daze, biting my fingernails. He reached up to take both of my hands in one large hand. "Are you sure you are okay Bells?, You look nervous, the way you are gnawing away at your nails." I stopped. "It is just a habit that I have formed recently, I'm okay!" The crease in his forehead remained, as this signaled he really didn't believe me. But he had every right not to believe me. Because truly I was nervous, and I wasn't really okay. As I sat there I realized that I would have to say goodbye to him tonight. Let him go back to LaPush with Billy. Just the thought almost brought tears to my eyes.

We sat there and talked a little about the past when I use to come up here to visit Charlie in the summer. How we use to hang out and play when our dads would get together. "I'm glad I got to see you today, Bella!" "Me too Jake... I...." I didn't want to finish. I looked down, staring into my lap. He lifted my chin so he could read my expression. "Bella, you know you can tell me anything, don't you?" I just nodded slightly. I didn't know if Jacob Black was ready to hear what I wanted to say. That I couldn't stand the thought of him being away from me for a minute because he was holding the pieces of my broken soul together.

"It is just that I haven't been much of a friend to you and I will understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. I don't really deserve you Jake. You are to good." "Bella I will always be your friend, nothing could ever change that. Please trust me on this, I could never not be a part of your life in some shape or form. As he said this he put his blazing hand on my cheek. This time I did not flinch away from his touch, I pushed my face into his soft hand breathing deeply. I noticed the more intimate and close we were, the more the hole closed. "This is really strange", oh shit! What was meant to be a thought just came out of my mouth. Confused, Jake turned his head slightly to the side, not releasing my face. "What is so strange Bella?" surprise saturating his voice.

Our pizza was ready. He released me quickly to get it. "Let's go, dad is probably waiting for me to get back so we can leave." He said this to quickly and strained. Maybe I had done something to upset him. As we climbed in the truck I sat close to my side, kind of hugging the door. He shut his door with a loud bang and eyed the distance that I put between us. "So, do I smell or something? There is way to much space between us, and anyways I am in my place so why don't you get your pretty little head over here Bells." I slid over closer to him. But we were not quite as close as we were on the way over here. Jacob slid me back over as he did before, closing the gap in between us. "Now, that's better."

It is almost like he knew that I needed his presence. Well his close proximity too. Feeling comfortable with my words, coming out shyly at first "Jake you have really made me feel happy today, spending time with you. I haven't felt happy in a long time. I wanted to say thank you for putting up with me."

"Bella, by the way you make me happy too. We need to do this more often." I nodded into his shoulder. "I would really like that Jake." When we got to my house, we went in and seen that Charlie and Billy were watching the last of the game so we sat down on the couch and started to eat our pizza. "You two didn't want to eat there?" I shot my eyes at Charlie and just shook my head. Trying to give him a little reassurance I smiled , "No we wanted to come back here and irritate you two." After finishing my slice of pizza, and Jake finished off the rest. I leaned against Jacobs shoulder, he was so warm I drifted off to sleep.


	5. Please Stay

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 5-Please Stay**

**BPOV**

It startled me when I woke to Jake placing me in my bed, he bent down to sweetly kiss me on the forehead, "Night Bells, I will call you soon, kay?" He raised up to leave not realizing I was now awake. I caught the hem of his shirt and the tears began to fall out uncontrollably. I sobbed and whispered "don't...leave-I can't....please stay." That is all I could get out between heavy sobs. Jacob turned on his heels and fell to his knees beside my bed. "Bella, are you okay?" Holding me from the side of my bed, letting my tears soak his shirt. He gently rocked me back and forth.

My sobbing quitened, even though my breath caught in my throat from crying ella, he said softly. I couldn't look at him in the eye. "so hard. "Yes." He was trying to search my eyes for some kind of unspoken answer. "Bella, I don't understand, what's wrong? I'm here okay?" The tears starting to well back up in my eyes. "Jacob please don't go, it hurts so bad." Clutching my arms around my chest in attempt to not allow my heart to explode. "I'm right here Bells as long as you need me, I'm right here sweetheart." Jake was sweeping my hair out of my face.

I up at him with red swollen eyes, desperately. "Will you stay all night?" Jacob's brow furrowed and he looked away in deep thought. "I don't know how Charlie would feel about that Bells." Thinking for a minute "Jake just please figure something out, I can't be alone tonight." I was beginning to sound completely desperate. At this point I really didn't care as long as he stayed. As I sat in my bed, the pain was almost unbearable. I probably looked at my clock over a hundred times. It had only been an hour since Jacob left, but it seemed like an eternity. I heard a thud outside my window. It startled me as Jacob climbed through my bedroom window.

Watching him climb in brought back some painful memories of Edward doing the same thing, night after night. Jacob sat on the edge of the bed beside me, laying his hand over both of mine that was folded in my lap. I could feel his hand burning into mine. Realizing that he had only a loose pair of black sweat pants on and no shirt or shoes. I had finally stopped crying enough to notice. It had to be at least twenty degrees outside. "Jake, why don't you have a shirt or shoes on? You are going to catch pneumonia! Aren't you cold?" He took my hands and placed them on his broad chest. "Do I feel cold to you Bella?" His chest felt like it was on fire. As my eyes traced the plains of his chest and down the many deep lines in his stomach, he continued to watch my face holding my hand to his chest with gentle pressure.

"Bella, there is something I need to tell you, but I want to make sure it is the right time, when I know for sure you will not run away." He looked at me cautiously making sure he didn't say to much. "Tell me Jake, I promise I won't run." I said smiling, trying to give him a reason to believe me. "Just trust me Bella, when you are strong enough and some of the shock has worn off from the past few months, I will tell you. So, do you want to talk about things, or do you just need me to hold you?" I looked in his brown eyes, and with all sincerity I said "Both!"

Jake and I layed on my small bed and he held me in one arm while he stroked my back, running small circles there as I continued to talk and sob. His feet hung off of my bed about a foot. I nuzzled my face in his neck as I continued to cry, occasionally sneaking glances of his face. Usually he was looking at the ceiling with watery eyes as he listened to my "horror" stories. It looked as thought he was going to cry himself. This time I looked and his tear streaked eyes were on mine. "Bella you know I would never leave you right? I will be whatever you want me to be." The sobs became stronger. "Shh, Shh I'm right here Bells." His face was so close to mine, our noses almost grazed.

I could feel his warm breath sweep over the skin of my cheek. "Jake, you know I don't deserve you right? You are too good."

**Please review. This is my first fanfic of any kind. Review and I will soon give you the lemons you have been waiting for. Thanks ;)**


	6. Needs

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong solely to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 6-Needs**

**JPOV**

Her beautiful face is so close to mine, I can smell her strawberry scented shampoo. I want to kiss her, but I think she is just too vulnerable right now. Should I ask or just try, or should I wait? I don't know, the desire is almost incapacitating. The urge is to the point of pain. I have loved her for so long, and here she lay so fragile in my arms needing me. The thought of her actually needing me so bad that she wanted me to stay is kind of confusing. When she asked me to stay with her tonight, I thought she was dreaming at first. But when realized she was awake my heart lept. I could feel her eyes on my face, probably wondering what I was thinking. I was scared to face her because I didn't know how much more restraint I had in me.

She put her head and face back in my neck, feeling her chest heave with her sobs. I could feel her soft lips and sweet breath right where my artery pulsed. My breathing hitched tight in my throat as it began to quicken. Heart pounding hard against my chest. My arousal hardened uncomfortably, it felt as if it was going to rupture straight through my pants. The throb down below was evident to me. I had to be careful not to let Bella be aware of it. To have Bella molded to my side, with her breath tickling my neck, all the while I sat wondering if she could hear my fast beating heart. Would she know the reason?

I put my finger under her chin and raised is so her eyes would meet mine. Letting the resolve in my eyes wash over her. "Jake, thank you for staying and being my friend." It was barely a whisper as she looked at me with her wide brown eyes. They were slowly warming up loosing their hollow look. I intently held my gaze hoping she would sense what I wanted. "Bella, I would spend every minute of eternity with you, being your friend, if that is what you wanted or needed?" Her brow furrowed slightly, "do you want it Jacob?, to be my friend, don't do it for my sake." The acidic tone in her voice caught me off guard, but I had to expect this side to come out eventually. It was an obvious reaction to the pain and hurt that "her vampire" had caused her. I lost it for a minute with all of the emotion welling up in me.

I took her face in betweeen my hands so she couldn't look away, even if she tried. "Bella, do you honestly think I don't want to be your friend? You are so absurd." My temper was rising and I could feel the animal inside of me shudder. "You really don't know me at all Bella, all I have done the past few months is hurt for you. When your bloodsucker came into your life it tore me down, almost completely destroyed me. How do I make you understand?" I ranted non-stop, emphasizing each word trying to make her see until I could say no more. I could see she wasn't fully understanding. Then beyond a shadow of a doubt, I knew what I had to do to get through to her, to show her how I felt.

My hands still clenched around her face, her tear soaked face slightly afraid. I loosened my hold and lightly took my thumbs to dry her tears. "I'm sorry Bella, it's just that..." I didn't finish my sentence, I slowly inclined my head to the side never releasing her gaze, trying to hold her eyes with mine. At first there was fear and confusion in her eyes but as I neared her mouth, she closed her eyes in sweet surrender. Brushing my lips over hers tenderly, taking her mouth with soft, gentle kisses. She did not grant me a much needed entrance, but she was kissing me back. Her tears were still falling as we kissed. What did this mean? Was she sorry that she was doing this? I had so many unanswered questions.

My need for her at this moment was mind blowing. These gentle kisses didn't explain the intensity of my feelings. But this is what Bella needed, and I will be whatever she needs me to be. Putting all my needs and wants aside, I was tuned into this beautiful angel beside me. Pulling my lips away softly, kissing her nose, then her forehead letting my lips rest there. I stroked her face loosening the stray bits of her hair that was stuck there by tears. Her chest heaved as she took in a deep breath and I felt a shiver quake her body against my side. I didn't know what to say to her, so I figured silence was the best idea. I knew what I wanted to say but that would have to wait.

"Kiss me again." she whispered. I felt her hands in my hair pulling me closer. I pulled back slightly, shocked at her request. The need in her eyes was indescribable. A look of pure need and desperation.

**Please send me reviews and the promise of juicy lemons are near!!! :0**


	7. Closer

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All chararacters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 7-Closer**

**BPOV**

His lips felt so warm and soft against mine. The feeling of betrayal crept up on me, after all I was still in love with Edward. But he did leave me all alone, crushed into a thousand pieces. Now here I am with my best friend, using him as a make shift substitute. I could never give him the love he deserves. When Edward left he took all of the love left in me with him. The last thing I want to do is use Jacob. As our mouths continued to explore each others, I felt a warm rising feeling slowly climbing within me.. You see I have never kissed another like this because Edward was so careful with me.

Wanting Jacob to kiss me with as much heat as I felt, I raised my hands and knotted them in his long , thick hair pulling his face closer to mine. He Pulled back taking deep breaths, "Are you sure?" slightly nodding my head is all the permission he needed from me. He pressed his full mouth against mine hastily, with a new found fever. Tracing my bottom lip with his tongue wanting entrance. I granted. His large tongue filled my mouth comfortably, in between the tongue filled kisses, he would take my lip and bite it gently, scraping his teeth across them. His breathing accelerated as did mine.

Pulling me closer to his side by the small of my back, a gentle groan escaped his mouth and into mine. Jake tasted earthy and so good. Before I knew it I let out little whimpers of pure desire as I felt all of him pressed against me. That little sound made him plunge his tongue into my mouth, my tongue moved with his in a way that I have never experienced before. The slow torturous heat was building up in me. What was this heat? Was it Jacobs constant warm temperature or something totally different? Jacob was far from careful with me, I didn't feel anything at this moment that wasn't Jacob.

Sucking my tongue between his lips with gentle pressure brought on a new wave of sinful pleasure. He had one of his hands tightly gripping the small of my back pressing me against him, and the other wound in my hair at the nape of my neck. The blush on my cheeks was evident as Jacob pressed his length against my thigh. As he stopped our heated kiss he groaned into my mouth and pulled away. Pure desire raged in his dark brown eyes. A single tear fell down his cheek. I wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for my bedside lamp making it glisten. He propped himself up on one elbow so he could look deep into my eyes.

Jacob took the back of my hand to gently wipe his tear away, "Bella, I love you, I always have and I always will. I know and understand you cannot return those feelings, please don't ask me not to because I feel the same regardless." Sitting quiet for a minute he began kissing me gently on the lips. In between kisses "Edward doesn't deserve you," kissing my forehead "Hell I don't even deserve you." I felt as if someone had a vice grip hold on my neck, you know that feeling you get right before you cry. The tears spilled heavily onto my cheeks, "Jake, you have to know that I still love Edward." He looked at me with a new found sadness filling his eyes. His eyes left mine to look away briefly, returning them quickly to mine. "Bella, like I said , I will be whatever you want me to be.

I did need him, obviously, but I knew I could not return his feelings. But he didn't ask me to. All he said he wanted is for me not to ask him to stop loving me. I can do that....I think. "Jake, I do need you very much. You are such a good friend and I don't want to ruin anything with you. I feel like I am being selfish, all I am thinking about is myself." His lips turned up into a smile. "Bells, if you would only listen to me you wouldn't feel that way. The key words being _anything you want me to be."_ This kind of infuriated me a little bit, "So you don't care that I am using you to make myself feel better?"

He let out an evil chuckle, pressing himself hard against my leg. I inhaled deeply, "does it feel like I care, use away Bella."

**Sorry this chapter is so short. I needed to leave this at this juicy point. Please review and I promise it gets better. You see it is all here stuck in my head waiting to come out. :***


	8. Confessions

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 8-Confessions**

**BPOV**

My mouth hung open with utter shock as Jacobs words came out seductively. He was still grinning searching my face for a response. All I could do is blush profusely and stare at him with a dumbfounded expression. I could feel his rock hard arousal throb against me. My face flushed warm with fresh embarrassment. "Jake, can I ask you a question?" Sure he said still giving me a toothy grin. "Do you really not care that I use you? I mean I will always be your friend no matter what, but I cannot promise anything more." But I do kind of have a confession to make, you see when you came here I realized the more I am around you, the closer I am to you, the the better I feel. It is kind of strange I guess."

"So, let me get this straight, literally the closer I am to you the better you feel?" I giggled at the look on his face, I could see the wheels turning in his head. "Bella, can I try something, ya know just as an experiment?" I nodded kind of afraid at what he was asking. "Will you go and change into your bathing suit, and don't ask any questions?" he asked with a goofy grin.

**JPOV**

Bella slowly climbed from the bed and went to get her suit out of her chest of drawers. As she left, she was shaking her head confused. I could see that it bothered her not to ask any questions. While she was gone I hid in the dark corners of her room, pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I turned all of the lights off so she would not immediately be aware of my presence. This was really interesting that she found such comfort in my closeness. This experiment might backfire on me. But if it is true that the closer I am the better she feels, it will be a good thing. I heard Bella enter her room, me hiding so she could not see me, although I would be able to see every breathtaking detail of her. I noticed she was looking around her room franticly searching for me.

She sat in the middle of her bed and pulled the cover up over her, pulling her knees to her chest rocking gently. "Jacob, are you still here?" There was fear in her voice. I stepped out so only the moonlight reflected off of my bare chest. She gasped "What are you doing Jake you scared me?" "Do you trust me Bella?"

Standing at the end of her bed. "Yes!" She squeaked. "Don't get mad at me okay? I have permission to try this right?" All she did is nod with mixed emotions on her face. I took a deep breath, "Lay down Bella, and let me know if it gets to be too much okay?" She eased herself back pulling the covers up with her.

Leaning down at the end of her bed, pushing my hands under the covers. "Close your eyes Bella." She did and I placed my hands on her ankles, rubbing slowly up her calves. Reaching her mid thigh and back down. Gentle at first, then with a little more pressure massaging her muscles. She was tense at first but the more I kneaded the more she relaxed. I could hear her breathing speed up and slow down matching my rhythym. "Turn over on your stomach Bells." I climbed under the cover with her letting my hands trace over the backs of her legs, pausing where her knee bends, lightly brushing my fingertips there. Goosebumps formed on her smooth skin, and a shudder rippled through her body. Ugh if she only knew what she does to me!

Letting my hands guide their way to her back continuing the light touch with my fingertips. Watching Bella tremble under my touch was pure bliss. Pushing her long hair to the side, carefully lowering my lips to her shoulder, gently letting my lips caress her skin. I heard her breath hitch as I did this over and over. As I neared her neck, tracing my tongue up to her ear, "Bella, your wish is my command." I let a soft breath escape my mouth and into her ear, taking her earlobe between my teeth letting them scrape against it. I placed my chest on her small back letting her feel some of my weight, but bearing most of it myself. I didn't want to crush her.

My erection was hardening completely, feeling my heart beat pulse through it. A wave of new sensations were threatening to erupt from me. Heat like I never knew, it invaded my body making my eyes roll in the back of my head. Crashing my open mouth forcefully on her neck, sucking with great pressure, a light groan came out of her beautiful lips. I moaned into her neck lifting myself off of her, taking her arm to pull her back so she could turn over and face me. When she looked at me I could see tears in her eyes. "Bella?" now concerned that I have went to far, I went to pull away, "Wait Jacob it is not what you think, I want you to stay here........right here." She said as she curved her hands around my biceps pulling me gently towards her. "Jake, it's just I have never experienced anything like this. It is just a little overwhelming that is all." I could see her blush in the dark.

"Bella, do you know what you do to me?" hovering over her so she couldn't feel me. She sniffed trying to clear her tears, "Bella I meant what I said about anything you want me to be." She let out a little laugh that sounded like it came from a little girl. "You know Jake, you are positively a glutten for punishment." A deep animalistic growl emanated out of my chest. "Punishment from you is pleasure Bella." Oh my god where in the hell did that come from, I am going to scare her away. She shook her head probably thinking that I was crazy. And I guess I am a little considering how much I love this girl and I am willing to turn it all over to her. Give myself totally to her, all of me, every inch.

**Please review me and I will give you more. Who wants lemonade???? ^_^**

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	9. Giving In

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong solely to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 9-Giving In**

**BPOV**

The exquisite feelings running through my body as Jacobs hands left a blazing trail wherever he touched. Trying to comprehend all of these things that are happening so quickly. Part of me holding back because of _him_, and the other part of me wanting Jacob so badly it hurts. Will I regret it, after all is said and done? Jacob was still hovering over me not really touching me at all at this point, as all of these thoughts raced in my mind. An electric current seemed to be arcing between our skin, like magnets pulling us closer together. Jacob was waiting for my response, or my permission one. And my decision was made as I looked into his eyes. They were full of a deep love and desire and I knew I could not deny the overpowering want within me. Completely nervous, my body full of fear, knowing the pain that was soon to come, having my innocence still intact.

The closeness of Jacob was almost to much to handle, the intense sensation of my wounded heart trembling, pulling itself together. I reached up to stroke his cheek, he nuzzled his feverish face into my hand. His skin was suprisingly smooth to the touch. Touching him in such an intimate way, staring into his eyes, I could almost see his emotions. They were honest and pure. I could not return this to Jacob, and knowing it was like a knife in my side. I would give myself to him completely, all of me. But not my heart, my heart is being held prisoner, locked up with shackles and chains.

Taking my lips with his, our tongues began their familiar dance. Jacob ran his fingers down the length of my sides, my body shook with chills that seemed to cover my entire body. Tracing my jaw with his nose, down to the spot right under my ear. Licking in tiny circles, continuing to descend downwards. Nipping my neck with his teeth as he went. He paused at my collar bone letting his tongue trace the dip in between them.. His hands brushing back up my sides, stopping just before my breasts. He pulled his lips to mine to look at me, checking on me. Running his fingertips around the edge where my top met my skin, taking his thumbs and brushing over the thin fabric that covered my peaks. Instantly I felt them harden, my breathing picked up speed as Jacob with his talented hands kneaded my hardened mounds through the fabric.

He was now under my right breast, taking one finger and sliding a single finger just under the edge, pulled it open to allow his hand to fully cup the entirety of it. Massaging gently as he still watched my face, he took my nipple in between his thumb and forefinger and twisted gently between his fingers. Noises that I have never made in my entire existence began to escape my mouth. Carefully lifting my top so my breasts were completely exposed, he continued his slow decent, so now his mouth was placed near my breasts. He continued to rub my peak in slow circles, occasionally applying more pressure, he took my other nipple in his mouth sucking gently. His tongue flicking it, scraping it between his teeth. The mixture of his warm mouth, the occasional pain, and the incredible pleasure, I arched my back, pushing myself farther into his mouth. Jacob let out a groan, and pressed himself into my leg.

My mound was on his stomach and I raised my hips and pressed against him. With every lick and every touch, I rocked my mound against him. His motions were the same, pressing his length hard against my leg. And Oh---My---God, his length! He felt huge through his sweat pants. But what did I expect, Jake is huge. Leave it to me to pick someone with the ability to physically damage me for the rest of my life. Jake never letting his hands rest while fondling me, started placing kisses down my stomach, his tongue dipping in and out of my navel. A wetness between my legs began to pool.

Almost immediately as I discovered my wetness, Jakes eyes found mine, "Bella, you smell delicious," resting his nose on my mound and inhaling deeply. I wound my hands in his hair at the base of his loose ponytail. Feeling his warm breath through my bathing suit. With a deep voice, and squinted eyes, "may I?"

My eyebrows pinched together in the middle, as Jakes lip jutted out in a slight pout. I guess I am so naive because I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. Jake ran his hands down to my thighs, letting them come dangerously close to my soaking mound. Before I knew what was happening, with one swift swipe of his very large finger, he was inside my bathing suit. Not touching the insides, but just rubbing on the outside. It finally hit me what he wanted.

Could I let him do this? I wasn't sure, I have never even considered it. I mean I have heard Jessica talk about it at school. She has obviously experienced it alot of times. I just get caught in the middle of all her gory details. Thinking back kind of made me curious. Looking down at Jake, nodding my head, my bottoms were taken off in one quick movement, he threw them across the room with one hand never taking his other hand off of me. His eyes found something very interesting as his nose was about a half an inch away from me. Placing his finger against my wet slit, the mixture of his heat and my wetness mingled nicely.

Slowly he let his finger rub the insides of me, not entering me but just above. Jacob found my bundle of nerves and began to rub in circles. I could literally feel my own heartbeat there making me even wetter. I didn't think that was possible. I was sure at this point I was soaking Jacobs finger and the sheet underneath me. I threw my head back, pleasure taking over my body, as I realized he replaced his finger with his tongue, licking at me, almost violently. I gasped and a loud moan erupted from me when Jacob was at my entrance, massaging lightly. Everytime he groaned with his mouth on me, it sent vibrations through my body. Eagerly taking his finger in a little further each time.

He placed his open mouth over me, dipping his tounge in my entrance along with his finger. When he had his finger fully in me, pulling it back and forth with gentle pressure. His long finger seemed to fill me completely. I had never been touched here. Lashing his tongue on my sensitive bundle, began sucking gently as he continued thrusting his finger in and out of me. I pushed my hips upward off of the bed, making him enter me harder. Oh- my -God ...Jake....You.....Fuck.... I couldn't believe the words and sounds coming out of me. I was almost tempted to look around to make sure someone else was not in my room.

A knot was forming in the lower part of my stomach, when Jacob grazed his teeth over my clit, sucking it, it pushed me over the edge. I grabbed Jacobs head and pushed his face into me, while I ground myself into his mouth. A great release washed over me as my body trembled, and shook. Convulsing a few more times my body relaxed. Jake just looked at me, with my juices glistening on his lips, a look of satisfaction on his face. Licking his lips, "You taste good too!" he said with a _cat that ate the canary smile_.

He moved back up to where our bodies were entwined together, him on top of me.

There with my hand pressed softly against his cheek, pushed my hand around his neck, letting my thumb rub over his ear. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. "Jake, I want you!" His eyes, now open, looking into mine. "I don't want to rush you Bella, are you sure?" Tears once again softly spilling onto my cheeks, "Yes Jacob, I need to you, all of you, as close as our bodies can be. Jake I know you won't understand this but my need for you hurts almost like a physical pain."

Jacob gently let his weight engulf me. The heat from his skin was pure pleasure. He put his full lips on mine and kissed me sweetly, being careful not to go to fast. "Bella, have you ever... I mean...did you with...?" Jacob was temporarily lost for words, but I knew what he was trying to ask. "No, first time..._he_ never would because of the danger it imposed, we never did anything more than kiss." I was scared to ask him the same question, he seemed much more experienced than I. the way his hands kept my body riddled with desire. And his mouth, as I thought of that a quick shiver slid down my spine. Like he knew my thoughts, "Bella, if you are wondering, I have never...either. Almost once, but that happened a while back. It was a crazy attempt ot try and get over you. But I knew from the start, it was hopeless, and I didn't waste my time."

Jake was smiling at me "Even if you don't love me Bells, I want to make this special for you. Make you feel like you are the only one on this planet, because you see Bells, in my eyes, you are the only one on the planet for me.

**Okay Jacob fans, how far do you want Jacob and Bella to go? Pleaz review me tons and it will keep cuming. hehehe!!!**** :o**


	10. Decisions

**D**isclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.

Chapter 10-Decisions

**BPOV**

Jacobs words melted my heart, he really _does _love me. Maybe, just maybe, I could give him a chance, let him love me...and I could return it one day. The way he deserves to be loved. But that seems unlikely, considering the disrepair my heart is in. It feels like it will never totally heal. Even though when Jake is near it pulls together, but it does not ever close. I wonder if I will ever love another like I did Edward. My love for him became an obsession, like I was possessed by it. Him leaving me was like cutting my oxygen off at the source, the reason for breathing left me alone in the forest.

I truly wanted to give Jacob a chance, he was too good, too kind, to just break his heart all over again. My want and need to sleep with Jacob was a selfish one. It is totally for my self preservation. I know what I need to do, "Jake, can we take a few steps back and assess our situation?" I said swallowing a little too loudly. Jacobs massive body was still on top of me, holding himself up with his hands looking me in the eye. He closed his eyes briefly, and took a slightly deep breath. "Sure Bells." Patting the bed beside me, trying to coax this _beast_ off of me. When he was by my side my face immediately turned scarlet, because I remembered that I was completely naked. "Uhhh, Jake, will you excuse me for just a minute?" pulling the covers with me as I drug my self to my feet. Jacobs laughter shaking the bed. "Bells, I have already seen you, and you have nothing to hide, your beautiful."

I turned to smile and blush at him. "Just a minute." I squeaked. I grabbed a handful of comfortable cotton out of my drawer and headed for the bathroom.

Leaving my cover at the door of the bathroom, I rushed and put my night clothes on. Looking in the mirror I notice the pink undertones my skin was throwing off, and the burgundy of my lips caused by Jakes mouth. Scanning my skin to look at the obvious changes from tonights happenings, "Oh no..no..no...NO!" There on my neck was a purple mark. What am I going to tell Charlie? I guess I will say I fell and hit the shower faucet or something. He will believe it because I am so clumsy. I hated lying to Charlie, considering everything he has went through with me. But this was a necessity. He would think I was nuts if he knew that Jacob caused this.

I put my hair in a loose ponytail, brushed my teeth, and splashed cool water on my face. I might better put some deodorant on because I was sweating terribly, in there with Jacob. His body temperature is unusually hot. I wonder if he is okay, he seems to run a constant fever, even though he doesn't act sick. Taking one last look in the mirror, bracing myself to return, to tell him that I wanted to wait. Nervous knots filling my stomach. The hole coming back open slightly, causing a tightening in my chest, like something was squeezing my heart. Anxious to be back in my room with Jacob, where I felt safe, I walked very swiftly to my room. "Jacob, sorry it took...." I stopped because Jacob, _"My Safe Harbor,"_ was nowhere to be seen.

As I threw myself on my bed face first, feeling the sobs welling up in my chest, ready to explode, I seen a note on my nightstand.

Bella,

I am so sorry I had to leave without saying goodbye.

There has been some complications that have come up

and I don't know when I will see you again. I love you

with all of my heart Bells, and I hope to be back in

your arms again soon. Just in case things don't turn out to

well, I want you to know that you bring meaning to my life,

my reason for existing. You are my life . Oh, and by

the way, sorry for the mess, I promise I will explain later.

Forever Yours,

Jacob

I placed the note next to me on my pillow, as I finally allowed my tears to escape. Thunderous emotions spilled, as I let all of his words sink in. The slight resemblence of some of these words written here brought pain with them. And what does he mean _if things don't turn out well?_ And what mess is he talking about? I sat up with tears fogging my vision trying to look and see what he was talking about. There on the floor was the only piece of clothing he had on shredded on the floor, and something else but I wasn't quite sure. I got up and turned my overhead light on so I could see better. Bending down to touch whatever it was that was that was now scattered all over my floor. It was course to the touch, a deep russett color. It kind of looked like hair. Animal hair, what in the world?

My tears had stopped because I was in such deep thought as of what could have happened here, in the ten whole minutes I was gone to the bathroom. Confusion racked my brain. Did an animal come in here through my window and attack him? Well that didn't seem logical because he wrote me a note, and plus there was no sign of struggle, or no blood. Laying back on my bed, feeling the weight of sleep about to take me over, my thoughts were of Jacob, pure and good. How he disappeared so suddenly, and wondering what took place here. When and if I would get to see him again. All of these thoughts were playing like a warped record in my head. Until I succumbed to sleep.

_Jake and I sat on a mossy log in my favorite part of the forest, his large hand placed over mine. It was cold out and Jacob put his arm around me, I nuzzled my head onto his shoulder. And as if it was possible being next to his heat, to literally feel the temperature around us drop. It was a significant drop, about ten degrees, if my estimations are correct. Then out of a deep fog that was forming from all of the moisture, a lean, tall figure sauntered towards us. Wait, I recognized that evident grace, could it be? Squinting against the thick, wet fog, I couldn't quite make out yet who was coming upon us, or what was coming for us. As it came into view I immediately knew it was _him, _except I noticed he was different. A hard look on his face and his mouth turned up into a wicked smile, bearing all of his razors edge teeth. "My, my Bella, look what you have come to, if I knew you were such a little slut that would sleep around with dogs like this, I would have never even bothered." I was angry and frightened at the same time, knowing my Edward would never talk to me like that. "What do you want Edward." I have come to claim you Isabella, to take back what is rightfully mine. I am going to kill your Jacob so he can never interfere with my will again. With lightning speed I seen him flash to attack Jacob. But as I stood never letting go of Jacobs hand, I noticed a heavy trembling in Jacob. Scared to death I thought, I would not let Edward kill him, without killing me to. That is the least I could do for my bestfriend. NOOOOOOOOO! I jumped in front of Jacob as the love of my life smacked hard into me. _

Gasping forair, I woke, clothes and sheets drenched with my own sweat. I was having trouble catching my breath. I needed to talk to Jacob. I picked up the phone, dialed his number. It rang six times and right before I hung up I heard Billy on the other line. "Hello, is there anyone there?" "Yes Billy it is me Bella, is Jake there I really need to talk to him?" " No Bella he isn't, is everything okay?" Sobs were coming out of me in torrents. "He disappeared, he left me, where?"

"Bella, calm down sweetie, is your dad home?" "I don't care where is Jaacob?" "Bella I can't tell you where he is, but everything is going to be okay."

**Please review. Sorry I haven't written in days. Been quite busy. Thanks to all who review. Promises to write more! :)**


	11. Conscious

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong solely to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 11-**

**BPOV**

"Okay, just tell him to come back, I need him Billy." I hung up the phone before he could say anything else because my heart was beating hard and unsteady, feeling like it could explode at any given minute. I didn't want to make poor . witness my final meltdown. Knowing Charlie could hear me from down the hall, I tried to contain my grief. Silently sobbing, chest heaving causing it to be sore. My head was pounding, nose stuffy, eyes almost swolen shut. I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. As my nightmare replaying in my head horrified me. My mouth is so dry, I need to get a drink. I thought to myself. Walking down the stairs, stumbling over my own two feet, totally missing the last three steps. I crashed to the floor head first. Hitting my head hard. My eyes began to darken, my ears were ringing. Then blackness swallowed me.

My consciousness was coming in waves. I would wake with my head pounding and blurry vision. When I would try to look around the room would spin fiercely. So I layed my head back down, keeping my eyes closed. The deep darkness took over me again.

_So cold and dark, I was afraid to look around. The fear overwhelming, as I wandered aimlessly in the forest. Lost, not knowing which way, was the right way. I layed on the cold, damp forest floor, curled up into a ball, with my knees pressed tightly against my chest. All of the sudden I was being carried, shivering, my body holding me prisoner, I desperately tried to break through the barrier of consciousness. Unable to open my eyes to see my hero and thank him for saving my life._

I woke up in my own bed, head throbbing. Going to touch my forehead I noticed a large bandage over it. Who?........ I went to look in my mirror and seen that it was bandaged so well it looked like a doctor did it. Was I taken to the hospital in the middle of the night? I cannot remember anything, except for falling and everything going black. Then I remembered my dream of the forest, someone saving me. Could my dream be some how linked to my subconscious mind, did someone carry my limp body to my room? Obviously someone did, but who? I doubted Charlie even heard me fall, because he has been pulling double shifts at the station with all of the mischief going on around here in Forks.

The urge to cry was strong, but I knew crying would cause my head to hurt even more. Thinking of Jacob, and where he could be was unbearable. Another very important person in my life has mysteriously disappeared. Maybe he decided that it was not worth hanging out with a hopeless case like me. Or maybe being with me he realized that he didn't love me the way he thought he did, so he figured it would be best to just leave me without saying a word, with no explanations.

Taking four ibuprofen with a glass of water and a big fat sleeping pill, hoping it would knock me out for the remainder of the day. Sleep came hard and fast. Waking only to eat more medicine, to force sleep to pull me under and make me numb. This continued for six days until Charlie became suspicious. There was a loud rap on my bedroom door. "Bells, can I come in?, I need to talk to you a sec before I head off to the station." I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to see anyone. "No, Char...Dad please go away." "Bella, let me in!" I got up and let him in, the room spun when I got up from my bed." What did I expect I haven't been upright much in the past week.

"What is going on Bella, you have been stuck in your room for a week? What happened to your head? You look awful." Then I realized for sure that it wasn't Charlie that carried me to my room. Had I walked? Very unlikely. "Dad, I just don't feel well, that's all. I fell and hit my head, but it is getting better, okay." "Well, I wanted to check on you because I'm getting worried again, you were doing okay with Jacob over here, you seemed like you were coming out of your four month slump after he left you. Have you heard from Jake, why don't you go down to LaPush for a visit?" I could not hold my tears back any longer, placing my face in my hands, my eyes spilled. Charlies hand was on my shoulder rubbing back and forth trying to console me. "Bells, did I say something wrong? Are you okay? I'll call in to the station and tell them I need off okay?" "No, I just need to be alone. And I am not going to LaPush!" I spat at him.

Charlie didn't understand my reasoning behind this. It was because Jacob never know where he is. Charlie continued to try and talk me into going, reminding me of how much Jacob missed me, and how much he would enjoy my company. "Dad, that is enough, I am not going, Jacob doesn't want me there okay, so leave...me....alone!" I rushed pass him slamming my bedroom door in his face, locking myself in the bathroom. "Bells, I left some money on the kitchen table for you to get some dinner. I will be out late again, maybe all night. Oh Bella, sorry for pressuring you. See you later!" It was quiet for a while, I felt bad that I had been so rough on Charlie. He is a good father, not always easy to talk to, but he cares, sometimes a little too much. Mostly he worries.

All I knew is when and if Jacob came back I would give him that chance, and I would put my whole heart into loving him. Spend the rest of my life trying to make _my Jacob_ happy to the best of my ability.

**Please review! Give me some imput on what you want. I may use it, and I may not but I like to know what you feel. Thanks to all of my readers.**


	12. His Return

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 12-His Return**

I needed to get out of this slump before it claimed me again. The last thing I wanted was to be a member of the walking dead for the second time around. I had to come to grips with the fact that Jacob may not ever come back. Peering out of my bedroom window, looking up at the overcast sky, a shiver ran up my spine. Like I was being watched by something unseeable to my eyes. Occasionally I do feel like eyes are on me, but I blow it off as my overactive imagination. Trying to force myself to feel better, I decided to go and pamper myself a little bit. I drew myself a steaming, hot bath, put a little of my favorite vanilla scented bath oil in. Tieing my hair into a loose knot on the top of my head, I noticed the purple places on my neck were fading, where Jacob had marked me as his own.

Slipping my body down into the hot water, instantly relaxed me. The sweet vanilla scent had a calming effect. I decided that I would take a little trip today, maybe to Seattle or Port Angeles, not quite sure which one. I didn't have any friends to go with anymore since I have excluded them from my life for the past several months. I need a good read anyway. I will stop in that little book store, in Port Angeles to see what I can find. Welcoming any kind of disraction, that could occupy my mind, keeping it away from the dangerous corners. I got out after a long soak, dried off and headed to my room.

I pulled on my favorite pair of jeans and a dark blue v-neck blouse. Brushed the knots out of my hair and neatly put it up into a high ponytail, only letting half of it's length hang down. I went over to my jewelry box, opened it up and noticed a pair of earrings that I haven't seen in almost two years now. They were a beautiful pair of sapphires and diamond teardrop earrings. My mom gave them to me on my 15th birthday. I use to wear them all of the time, but haven't seen any use in wearing them lately. My phone was ringing so I hurried to answer it hoping it would be Jacob. "Hello" I was completely out of breath, panting hard." Bella, this is Billy, how are you doing?" I was stumped and didn't know what to say. "Oh, hi Billy, I'm fine, is everything okay?" "Well Jake wanted me to let you know..........." I heard nothing on the other end but silence.

"Billy are you still there?" I heard his strained breathing on the other end. "Bella, they're back!" I sat there stumped, dumbfounded. "Who?..........." and then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I figured out who Billy was referring to. "Are you sure Billy? Is Jake okay?" Waiting for a reply was torture, it seemed like Billy was holding something back from me. "Bella, I am not at liberty to tell you, but I will tell you that I don't know exactly how Jacob is doing, or when he will return. I do have a message for you though, Jake says he misses you, and he will see you soon." My chest felt heavy and burdened with hurt. "But he left me, just like......" I did not finish because the pain was too much, my tears fell silently. I couldn't let Billy know what I was feeling. "Bella, he does love you, and I am sure he will explain everything when he gets back. So just hang on a little longer, okay?"

"Billy, could you tell Jacob that he is no different than _h_im, the way he left me all alone, when I needed him most. Tell him not to bother with me, it's a waste of his time. I am no good for him." Actually I am no good for anyone, a complete waste of air. I am using up oxygen that other people with a life could have. I don't deserve to live. I have no reason to live, I was kidding myself when I thought I could have a chance to make Jake happy. I cannot even make myself happy, let alone someone else. All of these thoughts were screaming in my head, while Billy was saying my name countless times, like he was trying to wake me out of a dead sleep. Gripping the phone so tight that it made my hand hurt, tears falling like rain, "Tell Jacob that he was my sun after the roughest storm, even if it was just for a brief time. But he still gave me a happiness that I haven't felt in a long time. And Billy, tell Jacob not to miss me, and I'm sorry."

After saying all I needed to say I hung up the phone, immediately when I put it back down on the receiver, it rang again, but I did not answer, knowing it was Billy, probably thoroughly worried. But he had every right, because I was even worrying myself with these thoughts. I couldn't stand the thought of even running into _him_ by accident knowing the pain would be unbearable. And to top it off, at the very moment I thought I would be happy again, it was all stripped from me, from another person that said he would never leave me. I have learnt one thing from all of this, that is men cannot be trusted, they get what they want, then they leave you all alone and afraid, to defend yourself in this cruel world.

I WILL NEVER LOVE AGAIN, AS LONG AS I LIVE. I was pretty convinced of this because ending my life seemed like the only solution, the best solution.. Nobody could hurt me again, hell I couldn't even hurt myself anymore. No more clumsy Bella. The atual thought of _him_ returning and why had they returned. So maybe I wasn't hallucinating when I thought I seen his car the other day. I would not leave here without telling Charlie goodbye. He deserves at least that. I would just tell him that I needed to get away, but I would never come back. Maybe I will pay a visit to the Volturi and see if they can help me out, be one of their victims. I doubted very seriously that I could do away with myself. I am to much of a coward for that. I had my mind made up, I would schedule a flight and leave out of here as soon as possible. Hopefully they will have a flight leaving today, before anyone can stop me, or at least try.

I went to grab my keys, and the stash of money that I had put away for college. I am sure it will take every bit of this to fly to Italy. Rummaging in my top drawer of my dresser, totally engrossed in finding my money, "where is it, I know I put it in here." Then I heard _his _velvet voice coming from behind me in close proximity. I couldn't make myself turn around in case it was my mind playing tricks on me, which was probably the case. But yet I haven't considered the fact that Alice probably tuned into me and seen all of the thoughts in my head play out. I was gripping the side of my dresser with my eyes closed, trying not to faint. My attempt was useless, my head swam, as my vision and hearing left me. I can usually feel myself hit the floor with a loud thud, but this time the only thing I felt is two freezing cold arms hold me very close, and I could briefly smell_ his _sweet scent then the darkness completely took me over.

To my readers, I am sorry I haven't posted in a while. I have been in the process of moving. You all know how much of a headache that is. My chapters might be spaced out for a while, but please hang in there. Please review!!!


	13. Wide Awake

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Chapter 13-Wide Awake**

**BPOV**

Maybe this is all a bad dream, that's it, I am safely asleep in my bed having a nightmare that's all. With my eyes closed I was trying to convince myself that all of this was a dream, none of it reality. I layed there pretending to still be passed out, trying to analyze the situation. Could it have really happened? I sat very still, keeping my breathing slow and shallow. Discretely inhaled a little deeper to smell the air around me. My mind was surely playing tricks on me because I could faintly smell that familiar scent of _him, _I could feel the air around me slightly cool. And wait, in the distance I could hear an animal in pain. A wolf? I have to be dreaming....

**EPOV**

I know I shouldn't have come, I have frightened her to the extreme. She looked at me like I was the bloody ghost of Christmas past. I cannot blame her though, the way I left her. I have to make her understand that I did it for her own good, for her safety. If I only knew then, what I know now, because I realized that I couldn't live without her, and I will do anything to get her back. She is so beautiful, even more so than before. It has been four months since I have seen her, and she still does strange things to my body. I heard Jacob howl only a mile deep within the forest. I could strangely hear the pain in his tone, could he be whining about me being with Bella? But really, why would he care? Doesn't he want her to be happy again? I know the mutt doesn't care for me much, and the feeling is mutual but, I am sure him being Bellas best friend he wouldn't care as long as she is happy! As I was mulling over all of these thoughts, while not daring to take my eyes off of Bella, it occurred to me... Oh hell no, the dog is in love with her. I went away and he attacks when she as at her weakest. The nerve of that mongrel.

But what if she loves him too. I don't think I could deal with that, I already have enough stacked against me as it is, without having any competition. She has to see it my way, so we can be together again. Maybe I will leave and give her time to adjust. Give her space to figure out what happened today. I leaned in to kiss her forehead, she flinched as my cold lips brushed her warm forehead. "Bella, I will see you soon love."

**BPOV**

I fought to keep my eyes closed, because now it was evident that I was not dreaming. I heard his voice, and I could feel his cool breath on my skin, and Oh, his lips,...his lips just touched my forehead. I think I am going to pass out again. I forgot to breathe just like I used to. Bella you have to remember everything you have went through the past months, and who caused it. And you have to remember Jacob, you can't just turn your back on him. I know I cannot get far enough to go through with my earlier plan with Edward and Alice being back in town. I wanted it all to end even more now than I did before. I couldn't understand why they were back. They really had no reason to be back. This is all happening so quickly, I don't know which way to turn. I kept my eyes shut afraid to open them just in case he was still there. Silent sobs threatened to make my chest explode. Wide awake now, in the distance that same sad howl.

**JPOV**

Leaving Bella like I did with no explanation was a stupid mistake. Now that bloodsucker is back and I have no chance in the world against him.. Bella will be back in his arms in a heartbeat. But I will not give up without a fight, I have loved her for way too long to just let her go so easily. The thought of him in her room, doing who knows what. I hope Bella has enough sense not to fall for his lies again. He cannot give her what I can give her. As I was spilling my heart out to Embry, about my feelings for Bella, I realized I was telling the wrong person. I need to tell this to Bella, but first I need to go see my dad and let him know that everything is okay with the treaty, and that the pack and I are safe. I want to make sure that he relayed my message to Bella, and see if she gave me any in return. That would be good so I could feel out how she was feeling before I go over there. I am pretty sure she is not to happy with me, but after I explain she will understand.

I sprinted toward the house, still in my wolf form, feeling the leaves and branches crackle and snap underneath my paws. I feel so free when I run, and just the mere thought of having Bells in my arms again made my heart soar. Before I approached the house, I phased back to my human self, feelin a little awkward at first having being in my wolf form for over a week. It feels funny being upright, almost not normal.

He heard me come in he looked up and his face was all crumpled with worry. "Dad!" I thought he would be happy to see me in one piece, but obviously something else was bothering him. "Dad, I'm okay, I didn't even get one scratch. It is over, the treaty was never breached." His face never changed, his deep black eyes had an empty look and slightly watery. Had he been crying? Then he looked at me, and I am sure that my face was a mirror of his because I knew it had something to do with the love of my life, Bella. "Is she okay dad, did he hurt her? Kidnap her? What? God dad, talk to me I am going crazy here!" "Son, I think you need to sit down." Pacing the floor back and forth like a caged animal, I could not sit down. "NO, NO you just tell me what in the hell is going on, I can't stand it dad, just spit it out for christ's sake. I am a big boy I can handle it."

With a strained look in his eyes he began, "Jake, I called Bella earlier to give her your message, she was really upset. She mainly talked in circles about how you left her like he did, and she was not good enough for you. But what really worried me Jacob is she asked me to tell you not to miss her, and she was sorry. Her voice kind of had this dead tone to it. She hung up on me and I tried to call her back but she wouldn't answer. I am really worried about her Jacob. I have heard that kind of desperation before, and it never really turns out to well. I think she might hurt herself Jake." As my dad told me the story, his eyes welled up with tears. My body began to tremble, not the wolf, but pain and fear that I might be to late, to save my Bella. My dad could see the hurt in my face as the tears exploded from my eyes. "Oh Jake I don't know if I should tell you this or not but Bella also wanted me to tell you that you have been her sun after the roughest of storms, and have shown her how to be happy again."

I ran full force out the front door, exploded out of my clothes not bothering to take them off. I didn't care I had to try and save her. Making it all the way to Forks from the reservation in about seven minutes. I neared her house, sniffed the air around me to see if I could smell her. My senses were so heightened, when I was in wolf form. I could smell her so at least she was still at home. But I didn't know if she was hurt or what. I had to check and I really didn't care if I am naked or not. As long as I knew she was safe, everything would be okay. Even if she didn't want me anymore, or if she wanted to be with that leech, I could deal as long as Bella heart still beats.

I climbed the tree outside her house to look in her bedroom window, hoping nobody would see me in her tree completely naked. I am sure Chief Swan would love to come home and see that. As I looked in her window, she layed peaceful on her bed, eyes closed with one arm across her forehead. She was fully clothed, like she had planned to go out somewhere. Laying so still I couldn't see if she was breathing. I had to get a closer look. I was thankful that her window didn't squeak when I opened it in case she was just asleep. I knelt beside her bed and watched her chest rise and fall with every breath she took. A wave of relief washed over me. I rested my eyes on her face, noticing her eyes dancing under her lids, I wonder if she is dreaming.

Looking her over, I hadn't noticed until now a bandage on her forehead. What has she done now? She really needs to be more careful, or I wonder if it was an attempt to kill herself. I guess I would never know the answer to that. My eyes scanned over her entire body to make sure there was nothing else wrong with her. Tracing the blue veins in her hand with my finger, she let out a deep sigh. I pulled back hoping she wouldn't wake up with me in her room naked. I would probably give her a heart attack. I sat quietly beside her bed, watching her, wanting to touch her, hold her, not knowing if I would ever be given the chance again. I layed my head beside her and fell fast asleep.

**BPOV**

I could hear someone in my room walking around on the creaking hard wood floors. I continued to force my eyes to stay close out of pure fear. Whoever it is, was beside my bed now. I felt someone trace my hand with a warm finger. Maybe I was dreaming about before but I couldn't be sure. I sat still for a while longer and every thing became still and silent. I slowly opened my eyes and began to look around my room. I noticed my bedroom window was left open, so that part was not a dream, somebody did come in here. I looked down beside me and seen Jacobs black mass of hair beside me on the bed. A feeling of overwhelming joy spread through my heart, a warm, complete feeling, like coming home after a long trip. I was happy again, and was so glad that I did not make it to the Volturi after all.

I realized all of these earlier feelings were stemming from me being away from Jacob. Now that he is back, and here with me, I want to love him, like he, from the start, was made for me, and I for him. Wide awake for the first time, in a long time. I placed my hand on his head, and stroked his silky hair. He mumbled something unintelligible. "Jacob, wake up." When his bloodshot eyes met mine I knew he had been crying. I smiled, wrapping my palm around his blazing cheek. "I missed you." Jake looked away like he was ashamed of something. "Bella, I'm sorry, I never should have......." I put my finger over his lips, "Shhh, I don't need any explanations okay?, I am just glad you came back to me, I thought you were gone forever."

"Bella, I could never leave you, I told you that. Didn't you believe me?" "Well, when you disappeared on me, I was scared that I would never see you again. Jacob, you complete me in a way that is unfamiliar to me, and it frightens me because the thought of being away from you is painful." Jake looked at me and smiled showing his beautiful white teeth. With a smirk on his face, "well, I guess I won't be able to let you out of my sight then, because I am not going to be the cause of your pain. I can't have that."

Those words were enough to comfort me, hoping there was truth behind them. Being burnt before, not completely trusting. I noticed as I talked to Jake, that he was shirtless again. He was still sitting beside my bed. I went to sit up, he took his hand and pushed me back down gently. "Uhh, Bells, I don't know if you want to do that or not." I could have sworn I seen him blush. Confused, "and may I ask why not?" "Before I tell you, you promise not to scream?" I didn't understand what he was saying. "Whatever you say Jake." "You don't want to see me like this, I assure you. I'm naked!" My eyes widened as I stared back into his eyes. "Oh Jake you are such a kidder, you are not naked." He had a closed mouth grin now, starting to raise up where I could see his full chest and some of his rippled stomach. As he raised up a little farther I stopped him, because I knew he was telling the truth. I could see the V in the center of his hips.

My eyes felt heavy as a warm feeling invaded my body as my eyes fell over every perfect plane in his beautiful body. I know I shouldn't use beautiful when it comes to describing a man, but Jacob honestly brings new meaning to the word beautiful. I didn't care why that he was in my room naked, all I cared about is that he was here with me. When my eyes had taken in all of him, I searched to find his eyes, where I could see forever. "Jake, I want to love you, like you deserve to be loved, the way you love me. I will spend my life trying to make you happy." He looked me with an unfathomable expression on his face. It was a look I had never seen him give me. "You don't know how long I have waited for this. Probably since we were little kids, playing on long summer days together. I knew then that we were made for each other."

He bent down to kiss me on the lips, so sweetly. "Jacob, can I ask you a question? Would you make love to me?"

**Please review! Will Jacob make love to Bella? Tune in to find out. What do you want to happen?**


	14. Explanations

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong solely to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 14-Explanations**

**JPOV**

I am sure at this point my eyes are bulging out of my head. If I heard this beautiful woman in front of me right, I think she just asked me to make love to her. Are my ears deceiving me? Bella still had her soft hand on my face, gently rubbing it with her thumb. She continued to look me square in the eyes, searching, possibly waiting for a response. I wasn't quite sure I should answer her. Because she may not have asked me question, I thought she did. "Jake, did you hear me, or are you still half asleep?" Bella was smiling sweetly at me, laughing a little as she asked me this. "Yeah Bells, I heard you, but I am trying to decide if what I heard is actual reality." Bella grabbed my face in both of her hands and pulled my face to hers. Tracing her tongue over my lips, wanting entrance. I pulled away slightly to look at her, I didn't understand where all of this was coming from.

I mean I want to make love to her, but I don't know if today is the right time. She still seems so vulnerable. Ya know, seeing Edward for the first time today, since he crushed her. She has to be feeling pretty shitty right now. I wonder what he told her, or if he even let her see him. I was afraid to ask Bella these questions myself because I knew if would cause her pain. Her brow began to crinkle in the center again, she always does that when she is in deep thought, or when she gets frustrated. I better start talking, before she mistakes my silence for rejection. "Bells, did you have a good day today?" Her face got all red, she sat straight up in the bed, I covered my manhood with both of my hands. "Jacob, honestly, I just asked you to make love to me, and all you can ask me about is my day, my day has literally sucked, and I would like it if you would make me yours, now is that too much to ask?"

"Bella, I do want to make love to you, actually I think and dream about what it would be like all of the time. And yes, I wish you were mine, but you are not over _him_ yet. I need you to give yourself to me completely without any fear of you going back to him. I couldn't live with that. I know that I love you and only you, and always will. But I don't think that you can tell me the same thing and mean it Bells. I cannot be a substitute for him, I want to be your number one, your only one. I just don't think you are ready to make that kind of committment, and anyway there is alot of things that I need to tell you before you make any kind of decision."

"Jake, would you like a pair of my dads old shorts, before he lost all of his weight. I am sure you will be able to squeeze in them, I can tell you are uncomfortable." Her face was kind of sad, I bet she thinks I rejected her. "I am not uncomfortable around you Bells, I just need to explain some things to you, before you make such an important decision. When you find out, you may kick me out of your life for good. So, yes I might need those shorts you were talking about, in case I have to run out of here."

Bella got up, with me still covering myself, not wanting her to see that much of me just yet. She quickly left the room, I watched her all the way until she disappeared from the room. How in the world am I going to explain to her about what I am without scaring her to death. Guessing their was no easy way to tell her, I need to prepare myself for her to handle it bad. As Bella rounded the corner. She looked so cute as she was in full blush, throwing the pair of shorts in my general direction. "Here!" she said as she closed her eyes and turned her head. "Is that my que to get dressed?" She just nodded her head. "Okay Bells, I'm good and covered." I sat on her bed waiting for her to turn around. When she did, I patted the spot that was next to me, wanting her to sit by me. She came over to take her place on the bed beside me. I faced her taking her hands in mine.

"Listen Bells, what I am about to tell you might frighten you a little bit. Please don't run away, and please don't kick me out of your life. Just remember as I tell you this, that I am still Jacob."

**BPOV**

The tone of Jacobs voice was serious, all joking aside. He was beginning to scare me a little. "Okay" I let him continue. He was rubbing circles in the back of my hand, it was beginning to burn by his touch. Whatever he was about to tell me, must be making him nervous. "Jake, just tell me already, the suspense is killing me." So he began..... "Do you remember when you and your friends came down to LaPush and I told you those scary stories? Well, they are true Bella. I didn't believe it at first myself. You see, the whole time you were depressed, I was going through some things myself. Some very difficult life changes. Bells, I don't really know an easy way to tell you, so I am just going to say it." I lifted my hand to stroke his hair to try and reassure him that everything was going to be okay. "Go ahead Jake, it's okay, I'm not going to run."

"Bella, the changes I went through was life altering, physically and mentally." Trying to make light of the situation, I blurted out, "Are you trying to tell me that you went through puberty or something, cause that's what it sounds like." I laughed, but he just hung his head, and would not look me in the eye. "No Bella, I wish it was that easy. I am a werewolf, not by choice, or not the way you see it in movies, I wasn't bitten or anything like that. It is kind of a blood line thing. My whole family, from generation to generation, it is passed down in our genes, and when we are physically and mentally ready, it happens. The change was very hard for me, I cannot even begin to to let you know what I went through. I did not want this, and part of me still doesn't, but I have learned to accept it. I am so sorry I haven't told you before now, but there just hasn't been a good opportunity until now. Now is really not the best time, but it has become necessary. "

"Jacob, will you look at me, because I have some things to explain to you too. When you left me like that I was angry and upset because I thought you had left me like he did. I seem to have the ability to push the men in my life away, and I didn't think that you would be any different. But you see Jake, I don't know why, but when you came back into my life, I felt whole again, and today when I seen you laying your head on my head beside me, it hit me. Rubbing my hands through your hair, looking at your sleeping face, felt like....like I was coming home, after being away for a very long time. Jake, do you understand? I don't really understand it myself, but I do know one thing, I want to love you the way you deserve to be loved, the way you love me. Making you happy will make me happy Jake. Will you let me try, Jake?"

"So, you think with those magic words, I will be putty in your hands?" A deep growl gurgled in his chest as he lunged at me wrapping his arms around me. "Well your right, I am putty, so mold me any way you want." I laughed at his use of words. Cute would be a good word to describe Jake, if he wasn't so damn huge. He held me so tight that I think my head might pop off at any minute. "Bells, I have waited so long to hear words like that come out of your mouth, I want to do everything right with you, like it is supposed to be, no regrets, and no mistakes. I love you so much." Jake was holding my face between his hands, pulling my lips to mine with more passion than I have ever felt. I was home, with Jake kissing me and holding me sweetly, I could stay like this forever. I couldn't imagine anything without Jake, he had to be my other half, there was no other explanation. The way I felt with him was absolutely nothing but right.

"Jake, I do love you, you know that right?"

**Please review! I don't know when I will be able to submit another because of the move. Have patience with me. Will she continue to feel the same if Edward makes his presence known? =_+**


	15. My Sun

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 15- **

**JPOV**

I think I must be hallucinating, I cannot believe that the love of my life is finally trying to return the feelings that I have had all of these years. I feel like I am some kind of alternate reality or something. I need to really be honest with her, "Bells, I know you love me, but is it enough? When you say these things it gives me hope, a hope that makes me feel like we can be together, ya know like more than friends together. Would you tell me if I am overstepping my boundary here? You know the way I feel about you and yes I want to make love to you, but can you honestly say that you are ready to make that kind of commitment to me?"

Bella was looking me in the eyes, never releasing her intent gaze, like she was expecting me to read her mind. I want to believe her, but what if she is not totally over the leech, am I willing to get hurt again? I would do anything for her, but I don't know if I could handle loosing her again. I will have to be sure. Before another thought could cross my mind, or another word could come out of my mouth. She took one of my hands, with both of hers and placed it over her heart. "Do you feel that? My heart is beating steady and strong for the first time in months, and it is because of you. Jake listen, I can't really explain how or why but I am going to try and get it across to you the best way I can. You know the shape I was in when Edward left me. I wanted to die, I had no reason to live anymore.

As Bella continued I seen her face sadden as she talked about him.

He was my life, and all I knew, but you see he took it all away when he left. I felt my life was in ruins, in reality it was. Seeing you for the first time was like I was being blinded by the sun, it made me feel warm and happy. I excused it as being some kind of reaction of being secluded from people for so long. But like I told you the closer I am to you the better I feel. That is true Jake, and when you left me without giving me reason, I was hurt and angry, thinking you did the same thing to me. But when you came back there was no anger left, and I realized at that moment that I could not live without you. You are the wind that blows in my hair, the rain that falls on my cheeks, the air I breathe, you are like the missing piece of the puzzle, but Jake you are mostly my sun."

Her face seemed to brighten as she continued to talk about me. That made me feel good.

Bella was still holding my hand to her heart. I could feel it under my hand beating hard. I looked down as I felt her tears fall to my arm. Tears are usually warm, but because of my extraordianary temperature, they felt cool each time one fell from her eye. I heard her intake a deep breath "Jake, will you let me love you?" I could not deny her this if she wanted to try. I wanted to believe her, but somehow it seems too soon. But if she needs me like this I will love her for as long as she will let me, and let her love me for as long as she needs to. I took my free hand to rest it on her cheek. "Yes Bella, I love you and I will let you love me." Her face was not so sad anymore.

Wrapping my hand behind her neck pulling her close to me, gently tasting the sweetness of her lips. I would do this right. "Bells, what about Charlie?" Shyly, blush in her cheeks, "He won't be home tonight, he is at the station on overnight duty." Now both of my hands were on the sides of her face. Pulling her lips to mine, I took my tongue and traced the outline of her lips, they parted slightly, with that escaped a quiet sigh. A quick intake of her breath and her hands were knotted in my hair, crashing her lips to mine. I pulled her arms from around my neck, pulled my lips from hers, as I did this their was a suction noise. "Bells, let's take it slow, I don't want to hurt you, because if you keep this up I will not be able to control myself." She grinned, "I don't want you to control yourself, I have never wanted anyone so bad in my entire life. Make love to me Jacob."

My heart was in overdrive, I could feel my member harden between my legs, threatening to rip Charlies shorts. " I want you to be sure of this, I will honor your purity Bella, I can wait for as long as you need to. But in my mind, I was ready, I had been waiting my whole life for this it seems. "I want to feel you Jake, next to me, all of you. I want to be yours." As she said this the tears streaming down her face, "please", that was it I could not deny her anything at this point, I would go to the ends of the earth for her. I grabbed her face with a little to much force as I wanted her to know my feelings, "Bella, I love you so much."

Crashing my lips to hers, parting them with the force of my tongue, invading her mouth. Our tongues danced, fighting for dominance. I grazed my teeth over her bottom lip, her hands were tangled in my hair once again. A soft moan grew within her as my mouth took her neck, sucking fiercely wanting to taste every bit of her essence. She was so sweet. I pulled her shirt up over her head, and looked her up and down. I was pulsing in between my legs, imagining what it would feel like to be inside of her. My dick literally throbbed at the thought. Kissing down between her ample breast, undoing her bra at the same time. I watched as I threw her bra across the room, her nipple hardened in the cool air. I placed my warm mouth over her peak and rolled her tip between my teeth and tongue. Bella was on the edge of the bed, and I on my knees in front of her. She arched her back to place herself fully in my mouth.

As I continued at her breasts, I took my hands down her sides and pulled her jeans off. She lifted to make it easier for me. Tracing my tongue down her stomach, raising to briefly look at her, noting her expression. Her hands still in my hair. I parted her lips with my first two fingers, I went to lick her, and she pulled me back. I looked at her wondering what was wrong. "Jake, you have already given me pleasure, and I haven't given you anything, I want to try and do something for you." She was smiling a shy smile down at me. She was pulling me closer to her. Patting the bed beside her. I sat down, with one of her small hands placed on my chest she gently pushed me back. It was me blushing now because she was surely aware of my evident arousal. Her hands were gliding against my broad chest. Sending chill bumps all over my body. Bella was kissing my neck, swirling her tongue in circles, my hips bucked as this brought on a new wave of pleasure.

Her long hair was in my face, I inhaled, taking in the scent of her strawberry shampoo. Making her way down with her mouth, to my chest, she took my nipple in her mouth, sucked and nipped. I didn't realize a man could get pleasure from that, but oh my god, the things she was doing to me. Moaning probably too loud each time I felt her teeth graze me. She looked at me and smiled. "Does that hurt Jake?" I put my hand in her hair, pulled her mouth back to my chest, "No.......don't.......stop......I said between heavy breaths. She continued, I felt her hand going down my stomach stopping at the top of the elastic band on my shorts. Passing the band up outside my shorts, to lightly stroke the length of me with her fingertips. I could feel it jerk under her touch, as I am sure she could too. "Jake, can I ask you a stupid question?" She continued to stoke me as she looked in my eyes, I honestly didn't know if I could answer any quesiton coherently at this point. This question was obviously an embarrassing one because I could hear her swallow loudly. "Are all guys like this, ya know, I mean.......BIG?"

I couldn't believe sweet little Bella was asking me about size. And honestly I couldn't answer for everyone. Of course I could tell her about the pack, because I have seen everyone in the most intimate of ways because of the way our minds are connected. "Uh.....I don't know Bells." She laughed a little, completely embarrassed. She just shrugged her shoulders, laying her hand completely on top of me, still on the outside of my shorts, grabbing me, moving her hand up and down the entirety of it. My body shuddered under her touch. I am going to loose if if she touches my skin, I thought to myself. Like she could read my mind, she put her hand in the top of my shorts, touching the head. I could feel moisture at my tip. Having difficulty fitting her hand in there with my manhood, I began to take my shorts off. Edging them downward, my dick exploded out of them.

The look of shock was on her face, open mouth, big eyes and all. Not saying a word. Her small hand wrapped around my shaft, not completely encircling it. Her touch was cool, and soft. Gliding her hand up and down my length, letting her palm go over my tip, and back down taking my moisture with it. Thrusting my hips, into her small hand. She increased her speed, as i did mine. "Bells, you might want to stop that if you want to do any love making, I am going to explode in your hand if you are not careful." She slowed, and made her way down to me with her mouth. She was laying between my legs, holding my dick up with both hands, staring at me. "I don't really know how Jake." she said embarrassed. "Bells, you don't have to do that." Her bottom lip jutted out in a full pout, "but I want to give you pleasure, will you tell me if I am doing it right, and tell me what I am supposed to do."

This is going to be interesting, me telling her what to do, while she is doing it. The knots in my stomach were tightening at the thought. "Are you sure Bella?"

She just knodded looking at my member with huge eyes. I put my hand around her neck guiding her down to me, she placed her lips at my tip. "Kiss me, Bella." She placed tiny kissed at my tip, spreading my juices over my head with her lips. My breathing picked up pace, "Use your tongue." Taking her tongue, licking my most sensitive part, the heat was like lava running through my loins. Barely able to speak with my body convulsing with pure ecstasy. Bella.....I....please....I couldn't make anything come out of my mouth that made any sense. I took my hand and wound my fingers through her hair at the back of her head.

Moaning and guiding her "open your mouth for me Bells." She did and I gently pushed her down onto my throbbing dick. As soon as I was in her mouth I jerked. She got the idea as I was pumping into her mouth holding her head with gentle pressure. She closed her soft lips over me, moving her tongue while she was stroking my shaft, paying close attention to the head of my dick. Each time she would push me in a little further until I could feel myself hit the back of my throat. My entire body shook underneath her. She could feel my pleasure, hear my pleasure, even see my pleasure. "Mmmmm, Bella, oh don't stop," With my heightening pleasure I pushed her down on me a little harder while I pushed my hips up, making me go deeper in her mouth. Her warm, wet mouth engulfed me. Taking my length about half way.

She hummed as I hit the back of her throat over and over. This felt so good, the vibrations all around me. She was looking at me as she continued the motions. My face twisted in an erotic mask. I couldn't keep the sounds from escaping my mouth, it was almost to much. I had to stop her before I filled her mouth. I don't know how she would feel about that. I pulled her back slightly trying to analyze her reaction. She just wouldn't let me go so I have to tell her. "Bella, you are amazing and I don't want you to stop but if you continue I am going to explode."

She stopped with her lips just resting on the head of dick, "Jacob, I want you to, I want to taste you." She said this with such conviction, I could not deny her yet again. As soon as she put her wet mouth over my head, her free hand began to knead my balls, and I filled her mouth.

Pushing her head down, my dick jerking violently in her mouth. Screaming her name as each wave of sin flowed out of me. When I was spent, she raised up not a drop was wasted. She licked her lips, "You taste good Jake." I laughed,"I am sure I don't taste as good as you." Pulling her down on top of me, kissing her with the fierceness that I felt. I could taste the saltiness that lingered in her mouth. And to my surprise my manhood was standing at attention again, ready for more action. Wow, I thought to myself, usually when I have to resort to relieving myself, afterwards it is lifeless for a while. But here with Bella is obviously not the case. "Bells, I think he's ready for more of you." Her eyes widened as she could feel me harden on her leg. "Jake, can I ask you another kind of silly question?" Sure Bells, anything." "Well, as you know I am a virgin and I was kind of wondering if it is going to fit?"

My laughter was shaking her on top of me. "Bella, you are so silly, we don't have to if you are scared. We will go as slow as you want to. I promise I will be easy, and I want you to know that I would never intentionally hurt you. But I think it will hurt, and I am sorry for that. Just let me know if it gets to be too much okay?" I layed Bella down beside me, and I turned on my side to face her. Our bodies were completely touching, she looked like she had another question for me, "What?" she blushed and looked away from me. I took her chin with one finger and brought her back up to look at me. Waiting, "why are you so hot Jake?" With a smirk on my face, "It's a wolf thing." She laughed, "Is that why your thing is so big, too?" Now that was cute her calling my dick a thing. "Do you know you are so damn cute Bells?" Kissing her softly, "I love you Bella, I have been waiting my whole life to hold you this way, kiss you this way, make love to you."

Moving my body, pushing her down onto her back, supporting all of weight on my hands, looking her in the eye. "Bella, are you sure you are ready?" She smiled up at me, and I could see the answer in her eyes, she was mine for the taking.

**Please review. I am working on some more lemony goodness. Next chapter. I will speed it up if I get plenty of reviews. **


	16. First Time

**Disclaimer: I own nothing all characters belong solely to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 16- First Time**

**BPOV**

Oh my god, this is really about to happen, my head swam with all of the jumbled thoughts that my brain was trying to process. Jacobs large body was hovering over me carefully. He was waiting for an answer because he would not proceed without my permission. Mentally I am ready for this, wanting to connect to Jacob on that level. But physically, I am scared to death. I have never really had anyone talk to me in depth about the whole process. I have heard girls at school talk about it, but I usually got myself out of those type of conversations quickly because I wouldn't know what to say because I had nothing to relate to. Looking into my best friends, soon to be lovers eyes, I knew he loved me beyond a shadow of a doubt, and I also knew that he would never leave me, that he would stay for as long as I needed him.

I do love Jacob, and I want to try and love him the way he wants me to, and actually the way I want to. I feel like if I have this connection with him, that something internally will click. So many other clicks have happened since he has come back into my life. Why would this be any different? Placing my hands on his broad shoulders, gently tugging him toward me, I felt a slight resistance. Feeling my eyebrows pinch together with confusion. He could sense that, "Bells, just give me a minute to compose myself, being this close to you does strange things to me. I want to do this right for you and for me okay?"

Jacob looked down at me with love glowing out of every pore. "Bella, can I just hold you for a while? I need a minute or two to gather my feelings, to put everything in perspective, to completely absorb all of this. "Sure, Jake anything you need." Truly, seeing Jake above me with his russet skin, and deep set eyes, full lips, and rock hard body was almost enough to send me over the edge, without him even touching me. It was pretty amazing that he held that kind of power over me. As he layed down beside me, he rolled me over on my side with my back up against his chest. Molding his body against mine, his arm reaching around me holding me against him. His face was buried in my hair on the top of my head. Taking the tips of his fingers and sweeping from my shoulder, down to my hand, entwining his hand with mine.

A shiver ran through my body, and made it convulse. I had the cover up over the bottom half of my body, but I could still feel him pressed against my backside. He took my hand that was entwined in his and placed it on his muscular thigh, guiding my hand up and down. I heard his slow deep breathing matching the rhythym he made. He brought his lips to my ear, "Bella, do you know the things that I want to do to you?" Licking my lobe, grazing it with his teeth. A deep animalistic growl came from somewhere within him. As he continued to whisper in my ear with a low, rough voice, feeling all of him grind into my backside. "Oh little Bella, how I long to be inside you, giving you pleasure, making you mine. You know after tonight there is no turning back, you will be mine."

Wow I liked this side of Jake, him talking dirty to me. It actually turned me on, ALOT!!! I could feel the wetness grow between my legs as he spoke softly in my ear. He unlocked his hand from mine, me continuing my ministrations, him reaching around me again. His hand cupped my breast from behind, wrapping his large, hot hand underneath it. Took the soft pad of his thumb and rubbed gently on the tip. His mouth eagerly took my neck, at the hollow just under my ear. Pinching my nipple between his fingers, as he latched onto my neck. It was almost to the point of pain, but somehow still mind blowing at the same time. Maybe I was one of those sick masochistic people who liked pain with pleasure. Knowing me, being a magnet for trouble, and a target for pain, that would be the case.

With each flick of his fingers, brought with it burning knots filling my lower exremeties, building immensely, threatening to burst. My hand that was on his thigh was gripping him tightly, holding on for dear life as Jacobs talented hands and mouth crippled my body. My hips involuntarily pushed backwards making his dick press into me with great pressure. Not wanting that sweet pressure to go away I left my ass there. Jacob moaned into my neck, "mmmmmm....my sweet Bella, how I want to take you." His hand was at my hip under the cover now. His blazing touch seemed to sear everywhere he touched leaving a trail of heat behind. Taking the covers off of me, raising up on his other elbow, continuing to hold my hip. "I want to look at all of you Bella, you are not cold are you?"

How could I possibly be cold with my own personal heater behind me, I thought to myself. I could feel his eyes on me, as he slowly pumped himself against me, guiding me with his hand. Pushing and pulling me back down on him. My juices flowed making me completely wet. I heard him sniff at the air, "Bella, you are going to be the death of me, do you know that? Me laying here dangerously close to you, and your smell teasing me. Jacob took his hand that was on my hip and reached around to my most sensitive spot. He took his finger and parted my lips, with one swipe he had my moisture covering his finger, bringing it back up to his lips, and sucking me off of it. Putting his whole hand flat on my mound and began palming it violently.

"Bella, you taste too damn good, it is sinful." Me groaning loudly as his hand worked its magic, bringing me close to my boiling point. I was not the kind of person to dirty talk, considering I have never done it before, but I wanted him so bad right now that I thought I might self destruct. I had to say something or do something fast. My body was so sexually frustrated to the point that I am almost in tears. I did not know if that was normal or not, to feel this strongly about something. But it was too late, before I could say anything, his spell was complete, my body convulsed and I spilled in his hand, "Ohhh Jake, mmmm, ......haa, hmph, Jacob, oh.....please.....please Jacob......mmmmm. Jacob covered my screams with his mouth, he was now on top of me. Moaning into my mouth, letting his tongue explore mine. This time he wasn't so careful to keep his weight off me.

I am sure he wasn't letting it all come down on me, but still the heaviness I felt from him felt good, secure in a sense. "Bella, I want you to tell me what you want." Feeling the blush rise in my cheeks, he wanted ME to tell HIM what I wanted. I knew what I wanted but I did not know how to tell him without making a complete fool of myself. He knew I was embarrassed by this, "Bells I want you to be comfortable with me, please tell me and your wish is my command." His burning hands were on my face holding it still so I couldn't look away. "I knew it, you don't want me do you?" I was completely stunned by his reaction. "No Jake, I do want you, I want you bad." He shook his head like he didn't believe me, "Well then tell me damn it, tell me how much you want me, and tell me what you want to do to me, and me to you."

My want and need overpowered the embarrassed feeling. Looking into his eyes, with a sure conviction in my voice, "I want you to make love to me Jacob, I want to feel all of you inside me, I need our bodies to connect as one, and one more request Jake, I need you to take it slow." I couldn't believe that all of those things just came out of my mouth. "Now, was that so hard?" Jacob was unleashing my favorite smile bearing all of his beautiful white teeth. "Bella, I am not going to lie, this is going to hurt insurmountably. And I am so sorry, just know that I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. I promise it will get better, just give it time okay. He bent down to sweetly kiss me on the lips. "And Bella, don't be afraid to let me know how your feeling, and by the way I love you Bells."

Jacob reached down and began to prepare me, sliding a finger in me, then two. He massaged my opening, I felt him try to place a third finger in me, he mumbled something under his breath. "What?" I asked. "You're tight Bella, damn tight, so small. It is going to be interesting that's all, I don't mean to scare you, I just want you to be prepared that's all." Huh, he didn't want to scare me much. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and my stomach felt queasy. I had a bad case of the nerves. His fingers felt so good pumping in and out of me. Once in a while I could feel him take his fingers out except for the tips and tug down at me entrance. This hurt as I felt him stretching me. I guessed he was trying to prepare me the best way he knew how.

Removing his hand from me, propping himself on his knees so all of him was exposed to me. God he is so sexy, Jacob wrapped his hand around his member easily. Never releasing my eyes, he stroked himself, from the bottom of his long shaft all the way to the tip, squeezing his head slightly before reversing his hand to go back down the other side. As I watched him, my arousal grew stronger, his breathing hitched, as did mine as I literally seen him grow in his own hand. "Shit" oh no I just said that out loud. I was meaning for it to be a thought. He just looked at me and smiled a devilish little grin. "Are you ready for me Bella?" I just nodded unsure of what I was asking for. Placing one hand down supporting his weight beside me and the other was still hanging on to his member still gliding his hand along it. Passion filling his eyes, lust, want, need, all of them surely mirrored my own.

Taking his cock and rubbing it on my clit. He created a gently rocking motion allowing his head to hit my sensitive bundle of nerves. He stopped for a brief moment, adjusting himself so he was placed at my dripping entrance. Looking at me, waiting for approval, I smiled but I am sure he could see the fear in my eyes. "Bella, grab on to me okay, I am so sorry." I knew what was going to happen next, so I quickly did as he said. He bent down to take my mouth into his, slightly pressing his head into me. I could feel myself stretch, as I moaned into his mouth. "Bella do you want to stop." I was digging my nails into the skin of his back. "No, no I don't, just give me a minute. Keep going Jake!"

As he pushed himself into me a little further, I screamed, even though his motions were slow and gentle, the pain was indescribable. Adjusting to his size was proving difficult. I could feel my walls squeezing him, could this be hurting him to. He had his eyes shut tight so hard that they were creasing at the corners. Grunting each time he dipped into me. "Wait Jake, I need." He knew what I needed, and that was for him to be still for a second. "Jake, how much further, is it almost?" He stopped me "Bells, I think I might damage you if we proceed, you are just too small." I didn't want to hear that, I had to give myself to him. I pouted at him, "I don't want to stop, I want to keep trying." Jacob began pulling himself in and out of me with a steady rhythym, getting me use to what he already had in me.

"More.....I want more." As my body adjusted to half of his size, the need for more was all to overwhelming. He pushed in another two inches, "AHHHH, Oh Jacob!" I felt him hit my barrier, the last trace of my purity, as he felt it to he threw his head back, moaning my name, "Bella, I can't stop, I can't....You have to tell me this is what you want, before I go any deeper. I am at the point of no return." To simply put it in easy terms I was frightened but I did not want him to stop. "Jacob, I want you to push your way in me, don't hold back, make love to me like you mean it Jake." With that he took himself totally out of me only his head remained intact. "Bella, I love you, I'm sorry." Crashing his lips to mine with a force that matched my core. Plunging hard in my center, I felt stinging, burning, and rip within my core. A new wetness was between my legs, and knew in an instant that this was blood. My blood.

Jacob was pounding me, my body writhing with new feelings, the knots in my stomach began to tighten, and then released as my body shook with pleasure. Jacobs eyes lulled in the back of his head, then he looked at me while his huge dick continued to invade me, "Bella, I want you to cum for me again, and I want you to look at me when you do it." This was not a request, this was an order. Licking his finger and thumb, placing it on my clit and began to rub in circles, he took it and pinched it between his fingers. He opened my lips with one hand and with the other he began tapping me there. I felt my body begin to quiver again, my thighs tensing up and shaking, closing my eyes to let myself realease again. "No Bella, look at me I want to see your face when I make you cum." He was really serious about this. I opened my eyes the best I could, his face went blurry as I felt my eyes go to the back of my head. Screaming his name, Jaa...cooob, fu...ck, I'm cumming again.

His breath quickened as I noticed his whole body seemed to vibrate, that is strange I thought to myself, his body seem to shake so violently that it was blurring from the speed. Deep growls emanated from within his chest, grunting and moaning, he threw his head back and his teeth seemed sharper. This is really playing on my imagination, messing with my head. He loudly screamed my name, "Bella, oh Bella, my sweet, sweet Bella, look at me while I cum for you." I did and his face was all contorted with pleasure as I felt him jerk inside of me spilling his seed deep within me. The jerking continued eight times, and Jacobs body fell limp on top of me. I had a strange feeling there at the end like we were not alone, that someone was watching.

With Jacob spent, still on top of me I slightly raised my head to peer over his shoulder to look around my room. I seen _him_ standing in the dark corner of my room. I continued to stare thinking it was a mirage that would eventually going away. Or maybe my subconscious mind playing tricks on me. But as I continued to stare, the apparition stepped slightly into the light coming through my bedroom window. My mouth opened ready to reveal his presence. He placed one long, white finger over his lips. My mouth closed as his gaze went down to his own hand, looking back to me. My eyes followed down his arm to where his hand was stroking his own length. I had never seen Edward before, not like this. I knew for sure that this was some kind of sick dream, that my mind had conjured up, or maybe I was passed out from what had just happened to me. My mirage continued to pump his hand along his shaft. He was mouthing something, "Play with youself." I thought I read that right. Who did this figment of my imagination think he is anyway, barging in on me like this.

Anyway I was happy here with Jacob, I didn't need anything messing it up. I sighed and closed my eyes hoping whatever it was to go away. Jake leaned up and rolled off of me and onto his side, nuzzling his nose in my hair. "You know your absolutely amazing Bella, are you okay?" I took a quick glance at him making sure his eyes were shut. My eyes darted back to that dark corner and he was gone. Whew, it was just my imagination after all. But then Jacobs eyes shot open, assessing the air around him. He looked frantically around my room", with a puzzled look on his face. "What is it Jake?" He put up a finger,obviously wanting me to be quiet. "Bella, would you think it was weird if I told you I can smell vampire?" I just shook my head because I knew where this was going. "You see when I came here today, I knew Edward had been here, and I could smell traces of him. But now that all my senses have come back to me after the mindblowing love making session we just had, I can smell it even stronger."

Oh no, I thought to myself. Was _he_ really here after all?


	17. Reclaiming Love

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 17-Reclaiming Love**

**EPOV**

Ever since I left Bella this afternoon, I have waited here in the forest watching her house. Listening to her move, and listening to the things she said outloud. I left only because I didn't want to frighten her, after so long. She looks so frail and tired, so unlike my Bella. Wait just Bella, after all she isn't mine any more, and I am to blame for that. I have to find a way to aproach her that will not sent her into a state of shock. I have to explain to her the reasons why I left. It wasn't that I didn't love her anymore, or that I didn't want her. It was only because I was afraid for her future hanging around me and my family. She is constantly in so much danger as it is on a day to day basis, and we just added fuel to the fire. I couldn't stand it if one of us were to loose control, I would never forgive myself. But now I realize that I cannot live without her, no matter the cost. I will turn her myself if that is still what she wants. I may take her anyway, to ensure a life with her. She would come around in time, forgive me, love me again. I never stopped loving her and never will for all eternity. I hope she still loves me. Getting up the nerve to appear in her life again is more difficult than I thought it would be. That sounds strange coming from a vampire, and a vampire being scared. But it is true Bella frightens me, with the power she holds over me. Her heart sings to me. It has been a constant warped record in my head, since I have been away. I have added more to her lullaby each day. The notes becoming sad, matching my feelings. Being without Bella is worse than being without a beating heart, which I feel is the complete essence of life. As the memories of us filled my mind, I knew I had to at least see her again, convince her that I am back for good, and that I will never leave her again, and that I would trade anything in the world just to be in her arms one more time. Kiss her sweet lips, and yes, oh yes, make love to her like she always wanted, and take her for my own, stopping her beautiful heart, and giving her the life she use to beg for. I will not deny her any longer, I am not physically or mentally able to cause the woman I love any more pain.

The sky was beginning to darken and I could her the springs in Bellas mattress squeak slightly as I imagined her sitting there in deep thought. And all was quiet, hearing her deep steady breathing. That sound was all too familiar because I had watched her sleep countless nights. I needed that again, to watch my angel sleep. As I neared the edge of the forest walking at a normal human pace, ready to walk out into the open, I caught a familiar scent. Wolf! Gah! Crinkling my nose at the stinch, I continued my way to Bella's house, I could climb the tree and go through her window, and no one would be the wiser. But as I neared the house the scent burned my nostrils, it became stronger. Could that dog be in there with my Bella? I wasn't sure because I couldn't hear any kind of conversation. Not the two of them, I only heard his thoughts, "Bella, I am so sorry, please, please forgive me. I promise never to leave you again, I love you Bells, that's right honey just sleep, I'm right here okay?" Then a still silence like I have never heard consumed the air. Then I heard another sound of deep, heavy breathing, assuming it was Jacob. Why did Bella have to keep company with the most dangerous creatures around. Absorbing all of this at rapid speeds sent my head spinning with unknown human emotions. Anywhere from hate, jealousy, angst, and anger, I was completely infuriated that he was in there with her and not me. And he said he loved her, one of my fists clenched at my side while the other hand crushed a large branch of a tree into dust.

I wanted and needed to see Bella but couldn't just yet with the dog being here. If I seen him with her I would probably loose it and kill them both. Well not Bella, I would just turn her whether she liked it or not. Then something occurred to me and a great sadness washed over me. What if, in my absence, she found something in Jacob that I took away from her when I left? What if she loves him back? As these perverse thoughts invaded my mind, I knew if that was the case I would not hurt him, because that would entail me hurting Bella again. She once told me that she would never turn her back on someone that loved her. Did that mean she would accept Jacob, loving her and maybe returning those feeling? I couldn't blame her for any of it. But some way, some how I had to be part of her life, anyway that she would allow me to. Bellas heart quickened as she began to wake up. I was so tempted to look in her window, but I didn't want her to find out I was here, in full peeping tom mode. It was driving me crazy because I couldn't hear what she was thinking. I heard her gasp a quick intake of breath like something surprised her. I was about to succumb to my curiosity, when she spoke. Ahhh... her sweet voice is like music to my ears. She was trying to wake the dog, her voice was soft and full of sleep. I could hear a smile in her voice as she told him she missed him. And if I could have cried at this moment the tears woud have been falling fast. Jacob's ragged breath, hearing him sniff lightly, I could smell salt water so I knew that one of them was crying. And this was my undoing, I witnessed Bella asking that mangy mutt to make love to her. "Over my dead body" Wait I am already dead in a sense, so that would not be a correct statement. I composed myself, because she sounded happy and that in itself was worth it. I would not interfere, I would make myself known at a later time, and let her make the decision without any interferences.

As the evening continued I couldn't pull myself away, I listened to their easy, carefree conversations. Him confessing his undying love for her, yadayadayada, it was beginning to make me feel sick, if that is even possible. But even still my curiosity was obviously my weak point. Heavy breathing in unison, wet smacking, that could only mean one thing, and then I heard it, Bella's body was writhing under Jacobs touch, hearing her moan his name brought with it an onslaught of pain, knowing that should be me instead of him. I heard her tremble, and could smell her release. My nostrils flared as I tilted my head back. That's it, I can't do this anymore, I have to see her. Know the pain that I was about to inflict on myself was intolerable. Seeing my Bella, with that monster making love to her, doing who knows what to her. Surely I can sneak in her bedroom window without being caught because they are preoccupied. I slid her window up thankful it was still greased from the past. I had to bring oil with me in the past so it would not make a sound when I opened it. I placed it back to a closed position, and went to the darkest corner of her room. Then I saw Bella, the love of my life with the wolfs dick in her mouth. The sounds coming out of him was bizarre and animalistic. I always wanted to do these things with Bella, but I was scared I would loose control in the heat of passion.. My mind was made up I would have her. I felt a strange wave of pleasure, I couldn't be getting off on watching them, could I? Yes, the answer is yes, yes I could, I felt myself harden between my legs. My dick needed attending to. I unzipped my zipper and pulled my member out between my hands. As Bella in all of her naked glory, was positioning herself under Jacobs massive body. She was ready for him, but I could see fear in her eyes, mixed with passion and need. As Jacob steadily pumped in and out of her, I could hear her stretch with his size. He was going to kill her for sure. I heard him hit her barrier and she screamed. He stopped to make sure that he could proceed. Her virtue still intact, he pressed through her making her pant and scream his name. My hand was matching their rhythym, I imagined at that point what it must be like to be in her warm, wet folds. How I would be completely intoxicated by her. As she came, her body convulsed. A new scent was mixed in with the scent of her arousal, immediately my hand flew to my nose, because her blood, my drugs scent filled the air. Jacob had planted his seed deep inside of her. She was forever tainted, but that made no difference to me.

Pumping my hand violently down my cool shaft, ready to release I realized that Bella was now staring at me intently. I placed myself in the light coming through her bedroom window so she could get a view that she had never seen before. I wanted her to play with herself for me. Confusion and fear swept across her face. She looked away briefly, I watched my hand stroke my dick, only quickly to look back at her. Her beautiful brown eyes followed the line of my arm down to my hand. She watched my ministration in disbelief as I spilled into my other hand. Throwing my head back, not making a sound, but my chest was heaving playing out the motions. Some deep ingrained human action, I guess. Jacob rolled off of her, with his eyes closed. She briefly glanced down to look at him, and I was gone. I knew I could stay here no longer, but I would be back to reclaim my lost love.

**Please review guys, it really helps. Hope you liked it!! :)**


	18. Imprint

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 18-Imprint**

**JPOV**

Wow, am I dreaming? I just made made love to the girl that I have loved all of my life. Until now, I could only dream of having Bella to call my own, and now here she lay beside me, nuzzled against my bare chest. The softness of her skin, and how goose bumps rise on it everywhere when I touch her. I looked at her face and I realized at that moment that we would be together for the rest of our lives, it was like being under water for a very long time, and then breaking through the surface for a much needed breath of air. We connected on a supreme level. Should I tell her about the whole imprinting thing, or should I not? Hmmmmm.... I don't know, I will just wait until the time feels right. I could sense an uneasiness in the way she held her eyes and mouth. And then it smacked me right in the face, my nostrils burned and my stomach did flips of disgust. I could smell leech!!!! Bella looked at my face knowing there was something obviously wrong. "What's wrong Jake?" I frantically scanned her room, but there was nothing, except for a lingering stench that filled the air. "Bells, don't be afraid, but I think there was a vampire in here, it is gone now, but the scent is still strong in the air." She looked at my eyes quizically, not sure if what I was saying was meant to be some kind of joke or something. "Jacob, do you know who it was?" Her eyes darkened, and became a little sad, no doubt she was thinking that it was _him._

"No Bella, like I said it only left a disgusting behind." Acid laced my tone, anyway how could she even wonder if it was her ex, that left her high and dry. "Bells, do you want it to be him?" I felt my chest beginning to get heavy and the tears were threatening to spill. I held back the urge, it took every bit of strength I had. She reached around to stroke my cheek, and a smile that lit up her face saturated with love. "Jacob, honestly, you just don't have any idea do you? When we made love I felt like your heart was beating to save my life, like we connected on a whole new level, like you are the air that I breathe." She talked until she ran out of breath. "And Jake, look at me, I'm not finished. Being in your arms is like being sheltered from a storm, and to answer your question, no, I did not want it to be him, because I love you and I am yours, FOREVER! Now I knew she felt the same way about me. It must be true about the whole imprinting thing, the way the other person feels the same way too. Wow! I looked into her eyes and took her face between my hands, and gently kissed her lips. "Oh God Bella, I love you so much." Tears were streaming down my face, they were not sad tears, just the overwhelming happy kind. "Bells, I will never leave you, do you understand? NEVER! And I will love you like you have never been loved before. You are my life, my world, as you always have been, but now I will not be able to be away from you, you are a permanent part of me." I took a deep breath because I needed to tell her.

"Bella, there is something I need to tell you, okay?" She nodded her head still looking into my eyes. "You know how I told you that I am a wolf?, well being that, we do a thing called imprinting. Imprinting only happens once for us, when we find our mate. We cannot physically or mentally be without that person for any extended periods of time. It brings the phrase "One and only love" a new meaning. It is like we exchange hearts for the other one to take care of. It will be as natural as breathing Bella." Her eyes began watering, I just knew she was going to shut down and never talk to me again. And then something unexpected happened. "Jake, does this explain the way I feel, because when you were explaining that to me, it matched my feelings exactly. Did you imprint on me?" Sniffing her hair and pulling her closer to me, our noses barely touched on the end, as I looked her deep in the eyes, pressed my now hardened again erection against her. "Do you have any complaints, Miss Swan?" Her breath hitched as she felt me against her, and my eyes were burning into hers. "Yes Bella, when we made love, I imprinted on you, and it was beyond my control, we cannot make the choice for ourselves. It just so happens that I am the luckiest man, well wolf around. I have the best of both worlds, the girl that I have always loved is my imprintee. Not everyone has it that way, I could have been in love with somebody else and seen you, and it would have been like there was nobody else in the world for me, not even someone that I thought I loved."

"But Bella, I have to warn you that hanging out with a wolf is quite dangerous, I would hate for you to be close to me when I change. We briefly loose all connection to our human senses, while the change is happening. But after it is okay. So if I tell you to back up, don't take it to heart, it is nothing against you okay?" She smiled, "You know I have a unique ability to attract all kinds of weirdo's? But I like it, and I completely and truly love you Jacob." Her lips melted into mine, with her hands wound up tight in my hair. I pulled away, "Bella, I love you too, with every fiber of my being, until the day I die."

**Sorry this chapter wasn't as long as the others but I felt like I needed to end it there. I will write more soon! Please review. Will Edward come and try to claim what he thinks is still his? **


	19. Shower Anyone?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 19-Shower Anyone?**

**BPOV**

Loving Jacob feels so right, easy and comfortable, like it is suppose to be. Never hard or strianed. I fell for him in a perfect way, I never had a choice to make. Without a doubt, I knew I would be with Jacob for the rest of my life, but somehow I could not just let my past disappear, that didn't seem fair. I need some kind of closure to the book of "Bella's Past." That might be a little easier now since I know for sure that Edward was in my room, that it wasn't my imagination playing tricks on me. But I have to wonder why he was here, and why he came back. And oh--my---god, it just dawned on me what he was doing here in my room while....while me and Jake....oh, my, and what I seen him doing, could that have been truly happening? Surely not, well I hope not anyway, that would just be a little strange and twisted. The thought of him watching me give myself to Jacob, while he stroked his long, pale member, his eyes never leaving mine as he brought himself over the edge. Now that would be a memory that would forever be etched into my mind.

I would go to the Cullens house tonight, if I can get away from Jake long enough, or maybe I should ask him to go with me. Maybe that is not such a good idea considering the two of them are mortal enemies. Well that solves it, I will just explain to Jacob what I have to do, and I am sure he will understand. That part of my life needs to be over before I can totally committ to Jacob, like I wanted to.

I started sweating as Jacobs body was still pressed tightly against me, he had drifted off to sleep while all of the thoughts were processing in my head. Jake looked so peaceful and happy, as I tried to move his heavy arm that was entwined around my waist, grunting with the force I had to exert. This should be a small task, but he was so huge, making it very difficult. His eyes were squinting with sleep, a small smile on his lips, "You goin somewhere?" His arm was back around my waist pulling me even closer. I could feel his rock hard erection pressing into my leg. "Jake, I am sweating like a pig, it is not that I don't like you being close to me, but I need to take a shower to wash all of this sweat off of me. He chuckled a low throaty laugh, put his lips to my ear as he held my face with one of his hands. Grazing his teeth over my earlobe, letting his breath escape into my ear and gently whispered, "may I join you Bells?" Oh the feelings that were coming over me yet again, washed over me like a mid-summers rain, warm and inviting. His tongue traced down the edge of my jaw, tracing my lips next, my lips parted slightly with breathing that slowed and sped at different intervals. He took his hot, wet tongue and slid it through the small opening and ran it under my top lip over my teeth, and did the same to the bottom.

That familiar ache was making itself known, I could feel a wetness pool between my legs. Taking his massive tongue between my lips and sucking it with soft, but fierce passion. Jacob moaned into my mouth as he was pressing himself into my leg over and over. I bit his bottom lip as I stared into his eyes that mirrored mine. Jacob pulled back a fraction of an inch, coming close to my mouth again, and when I tried to touch his lips to mine he pulled back again. Repeating this several times over a wicked little smirk crossed his face. "I thought you wanted a shower Bella." Before I could answer he had me up and in a sitting position, he placed one hand under my ass while the other was blazing on my face, he lifted me up effortlessly. My legs wrapped around his waist, and I could feel his huge cock barely touching my center. Our breaths became strong and steady, as he hungrily took my mouth, I felt his fingers slide in me stroking at a dangerous pace. He continued his ministrations as he kicked open my bedroom door and carried me down the hall to the bathroom. Pressing my back to the wall his swolen head was at my entrance, feeling it jerk, and as he reached in to turn the shower on his eyes were boring right through mine.

An overwhelming heat enveloped me, just the thought of what was about to come into play pushed me over the edge and I shook with my release, spilling myself onto Jacobs thick cock. "Jacob, give it to me please." I couldn't stand the fact that he was not in me, his head sweetly teasing my entrance. He still had a shitty little smirk plastered on his face. "Do you want it now?" I let out a soft whimper begging him to plunge deep into me. "I want to fuck you too Bella." My head swam with pleasure as my body tensed waiting for him to gouge my center. I put my head back against the wall waiting for what seemed like an eternity. Jacob supported my weight as both of his hands were open on my breasts, palming them gently rubbing in circles. Just the complex feel of him, and how much of him there was to feel. My eyes found his again, mine forming into slight slits, because of the pleasure he was giving me, but not quite what I asked for. "Jake, I beg you please, now?" I could feel his body shake with laughter. My lip jutted out in a full pout.

Gently placing me into the shower he followed in behind me. I felt the cool water hit my skin, cooling it slightly. If I was in here by myself it would have been cold, but not with Jake here. I tried to turn and face him but both of his hands were on my arms turning me around to face the wall. "I want you Jacob, can I look at you?" There was silence, all I could hear was his deep breathing behind me, and the trickling sound of the shower. He was driving me crazy, all I wanted right now is for him to make love to me again, satisfy my needs. "Bella, oh Bella, you are beautiful at every angle, your long hair wet down your back. The soft sway of your back, your heart shaped ass, and your long slender legs are utterly perfect." I could feel my skin tingle where he layed his eyes. Goosebumps trailed up and down my spine. He wasn't touching me with his hands, but it felt like he was raping me with his eyes, it was almost as if I could literally feel them embrace me. Jacob was inches behind me as he took both of his hands and ran them from my shoulder to my hands and locked his with mine. Raising our entertwined hands, placing them on the shower wall.

Not allowing our bodies to make contact, simply knowing he was behing me in all of his hardened glory, made my head spin. I closed my eyes, blowing down my back with his hot breath was intoxicating. He took his hand and placed my right hand in his left, now both of my hands were in one of his. Firmly gripping them so I could not get them loose, no matter how hard I tried, wanting to explore his body with my hands and he knew it, but he had other plans. Taking his free hand around to the curve of my hip, brushing backwards with his fingertips to my ass. Placed his large hand covering one side, rubbing with pressure, massaging. I felt his hand leave briefly only to come back with a slight slap to my backside. A tiny scream came out of my mouth, not that it hurt it just shocked me a little. He continued this, and again a smack to my wet ass, a little harder this time, each time it scaring me a little. My ache was growing in my center. I didn't know that this could be so pleasurable. I felt like a little girl getting disciplined, it was kind of hot. Well actually, totally hot. My heart raced not knowing what he was going to do next. It was a new kind of excitement like I have never experienced.

I needed somehow to break this agonizing silence, he kept me in the dark wondering. Panting out between breaths, "I--want---I---want." I couldn't even speak with the tantalizing torture he was working on my body. "Spit it out Bella, what do you want? Could it be this?" For a brief second I could feel him press against my ass cheek, only gliding it once across my wet skin. I let out a long drawn out sigh, it came out all shaky. "Yes, yes, please, please, I want you, please?" His fingers found my taut nipple and began tugging it with extreme force, I watched his talented hands as they explored my breast. The contrast of our skin was like night and day. Him being night and I being day, there was also temperature differences. I was now the cold one and his skin was an inferno, this brought on different pleasures, the exact contrast was so extreme, it was so different to anything I have ever felt. His fingers brought pain mixed with pleasure as he tugged fiercely at my nipples, paying close attention to both of them not letting the other one get jealous. He bent down to my ear, I could feel his lips, and his hot breath, "I love your tits, I want to suck and bite them until they bleed Bella."

Trailing his hand down my stomach, stopping to rest his hand on my soft mound. I could feel my warm juices flowing down my leg, the need for him was almost too much to handle. The way he was talking to me, turned me on beyond belief. I didn't know Jacob had such a dirty mind, but I guess all guys lean toward that tendency. It felt safe with him, because I knew he would never hurt me and that made it even better. "Jacob stick your fingers in me, play with my...." Before I could finish, his lips crashed onto my neck, sucking, biting, licking, but nothing to satiate my core. I was truly getting frustrated. When I tried to turn and look it him, he turned my head back to the shower wall. "I'll tell you when I want you to look at me." He had an edge to his voice, that I have never heard. His full hand on my back, making his way down, gently pulling me by the hip backwards towards him. He took his foot and placed it between mine, and gently moved my feet outwards. Now I was facing the wall at an angel with my feet spread, like I was about to frisked by the cops.

I heard a deep growl, as he took one finger and ran it down the middle of my ass. Not touching any intimate part, but almost. "Bella, I am going to let your hands go now, but you don't move them okay?" This was definitely an order. Taking both of his hands, one on each of my cheeks, spreading them slightly. All of me was exposed to him, parts of me that never have been exposed to anyone. I heard his breathing speed to a rapid pace, oh my god what was he doing? Jacob kneeled down behind my with his head now in line with my back side, placing his hot lips right under the curve of my ass letting his tongue dart out. His hands were now on my calves running them up and down. He followed the line of my leg and and his hand found my center, placing the tip of his finger at my entrance, rubbing in circles, I ground against his mouth and hand wanting him to push his finger inside of me. Nothing I tried seemed to work with him, I couldn't get him to give me what I want. I guess I need to use my own fingers if he is not going to do it for me. As I tried to do it myself I just found my hand being slapped away by his. "Ah ah ah, I told you hands to the wall."

One finger slid deep inside of me, I felt myself tighten and jerk around it. One finger made me cum all over him.. I screamed his name as my body shook uncontrollably, my hands having nothing to grip onto, my nails scratched down the side of the shower wall. As my body continued to convulse in waves, Jacob was now behind me. "Talk dirty to me Bella." Oh shit he just asked ME to talk dirty to him. I didn't know what to say. "Fuck me Jacob." I heard him snicker, "Is that the best you can do, you must not want me that bad." My face was flushed red with embarrassment.

**Please review. Next chapter full of hot juicy lemony goodness. !!!!**


	20. Dirty Talkin

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. **

**Chapter 20-Dirty Talkin**

**BPOV**

I knew if I wanted him, I would have to come up with something quick. "Stick your dick in me?" I said questionioningly. "Is that all you want Bells, for me to stick my dick in you, come on you have a vivid imagination. Let me show you how it's done." He said as he slapped my ass hard making me scream. "Bella, I want to eat your sweet pussy, until you cum all over of my face, licking my lips, not to waste any of you. Then I want to take my hard dick, and ram it into your tight, wet center making you scream for more. Bury my balls into you from behind. Yes, Bella I did say behind. That is the way I want to fuck you, pushing all of me inside of you. Can you handle that my sweet Bella?" As Jacob was talking dirty to me his hands were moving from my back down to my ass. "As I pump you from behind taking your ass into my firm grip, smacking it, I will spill my hot seed deep into you as you cum with me, over and over again."

My eyes rolled in the back of my head as I felt his cock slide back and forth over my wet skin, letting it skim way to close to unexplored areas. Each time he would get close, a whimper would escape my lips. I was about ready to internally combust as he continued, "where do you want it Bella? He held his long thick cock in his hand rubbing it against my ass. Pushing it a little too close for comfort, "Here", his deep words came out at me, I screamed "Jacob, mmmm you're driving me crazy, please." He guided his shaft towards my entrance, I could feel him bend his knees and position himself behind me. Taking one of his hands pushing my back down so my entrance was accessible to him. I was now grasping the faucet so tightly it made my hand hurt. He took the head of his cock and carefully placed it above my entrance, and with his other hand reached around to spread me wide open, and with the other he made himself slap my clit with his dick. Picking up his pace was all too dangerous.

"I'm cumming Jaa-coob, Ohhh, I'm cumming for you." And then the words came without my permission. "Fuck Jacob, slap my clit with that big dick, I want you to me hard, don't hold back, I want to take all of you, feel you cum in me." As the words fell out of my mouth, I couldn't believe I was saying these nasty things. My state of mind was altered with Jacob ravishing my body from behind, making a disconnect between my brain and my mouth. "How bad do you want it?" His voice almost a sneer, knowing he could hold this over my head for as long as he wanted, and weak little Bella would be here for all eternity trying to get this strong willed giant to give in. "Okay gosh dammit, I have had enough of this shit, put your fucking dick in me now before I scream." His hand now fisted in the back of my hair pulling my head back, while he leaned over to rape my mouth with his. Turning my head to the side so my neck was exposed, grazing his teeth down my neck. His mouth was resting on the back of my shoulder. And what happened next shocked me beyond belief.

Jacob bit down where my neck started to curve into my shoulder, and at the same time spreading me apart slammed his cock into me. He showed no hesitance, went straight in for the kill. "Scream for me Bella, yea that's it scream my name louder." My screams were muffling his, if we were in a screaming contest I surely would have won, and Jacob would get the biggest dick award. His thick cock pounded me from behind, making me cum over and over again. I felt my center ripping again, once again I could smell my own blood, making me feel uneasy in the pit of my stomach. I fought those feeling back, not wanting to ruin the mood. "Ahhh.... Ahhh..... mmmmm. ..... fuck Bella." Smacking both of my ass cheeks with his massive hands, and spreading them apart with each heavy thrust. He more than completely filled me, I have to say I was overflowing with Jacob. Everything I felt was Jacob, and it was heaven. Jacob was surprising me more and more every minute. I didn't know he could be this dirty. He took the tip of his finger and ran it over unchartered territory, a tingling sensation hit the pit of my stomach, moving downward. The mixture of him rubbing my ass and him fucking me at the same time threw me over the edge yet again.

Jacobs breath quickened as he stuffed his cock in me. "You like that Bella, you want more?" And before I could answer him, he took it upon his self to slip his finger in, "mmmmm, tight little ass, tight little pussy." I stopped breathing instantaneously as he explored me. It was pleasure mixed with pain, I was beginning to believe that alot of things dealing with Jacob was that way, but I liked it, hell I loved it, who am I kidding? With each movement of his finger matching his movement inside of me. "Jake, ahhhhhhhhh, JACOB don't stop...don't fuckin stop." I lost count as my body shook again with blissful release, this time he pushed his long finger all the way in, and I lost it again. My body felt weak as he continued to fuck me senseless. Feeling his body tremble, and his hearty cock jerk inside of me, I knew he was close. His body was vibrating behind me, that still seems a little unnatural to me, but of course how would I know any different. As he shoved his dick in me as hard as he could holding me in place by my hips with his hands, he moaned my name, over and over again. He let out the strangest sound, a sound that I have never heard come out of a human. A howl?

As our bodies slowed, and all of my senses came back to me, I realized I was scared to turn around and look at him. I didn't know why, but all I knew is that I didn't want to look at him, just a gut feeling telling me not to. "Bella, turn around, look at me."

**Please review. What do you think is going to happen next. Stay tuned in to find out. ;O**


	21. The Wolf Within

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**To all of my readers: I hope you enjoying my story, I aim to please, so if you have any suggestions or questions do not hesitate to ask.**

**Chapter 21-The Wolf Within**

**JPOV**

"Bella, will you please look at me? Are you mad at me?" The dead silence was killing me, making me think I have done something wrong. Then slowly she turned around with wide eyes. "Jake?" she searched my eyes like she was looking for something. I smiled hoping that would make her smile too. "Are you okay Bells, did I hurt you?" A faint trace of a smile brushed her lips, "Yea, I'm okay, but are you?" I didn't quite understand the meaning behind this question. Of course I was okay, but why was she asking with such concern in her tone? "Sure Bells, I'm great! Why do you ask?" She briefly looked away, "never mind, you are gonna think it's stupid, obviously you are okay." I bent down to kiss her cheek, lifting her chin up slightly, "nothing you could ever say to me is stupid Bella, please tell me or ask me anything." I am not sure if the blush in her cheeks was from what just went on between us, or from her being embarrassed. I didn't want her to feel that way, I wanted her to be comfortable talking to me about anything. "Please Bella, I promise I won't laugh, I will just listen." Sometimes my uncontrollable laughter got the best of me, assuring her that this was not the case this time. "Okay Jake, but you promised not to laugh, well a few minutes ago when you were about to, ya know...." she paused and looked away, closing her eyes as I seen her face flush a couple of shades darker.

As her eyes fell toward her feet, she continued, "Um, about to....." "Bella, spit it out already, when I was about to loose myself in you?" Her eyes met mine again, "Yea that, well when that was happening, I felt you shake Jacob, and I was just wondering if that was normal?" A full fledged grin showing her all of my teeth, making my eyes squint at the sides, using all of my strength I had in me to hold back the laughter that was threatening to erupt out of me, but I promised I wouldn't. "Bells, do you know how absolutely irresistible you are?" she just shook her head. "Jacob, I shake too, but not the same as you, you almost vibrate!!!!" Her face full of amusement, wide chocolate brown eyes, her mouth held slightly parted. I knew why it was different but I wasn't sure that she should know just yet the reasons. I just shrugged my shoulders, "You're just that good Bells!" Looking away hoping she could not sense that I was hiding something from" her. But I wouldn't be so lucky, "Jacob, please tell me, I need to understand, I want to know every part of you." How could I deny her this, she deserved to know, she was the one willing to give herself to me entirely, without any inhibitions.

"Bella, can we get out of the shower? Your lips are turning blue, I think we used all of the hot water. Not that I was using much anyway, it is just because we were in there so long." Wrapping my arms around her, and lifting her by the waist out of the tub, placing her gently on her feet. Taking a towel and wrapping it around her gorgeous body. "You know Bells, I hate to cover up something so beautiful." I said teasing her. I lifted her in my arms like a baby and carried her to her room, laying her on her bed, pulling the covers up around her. "Don't you want a towl, Jake?" Her eyes scanning down my body, slightly enlarging when she reached my cock with her eyes. She continued to appraise me as I heard her let out a small sigh. I was in a teasing mood, "Ya know he is yours right?" She smacked me hard in the arm, "Ja--cob! You are so bad, Owww, you hurt my hand!" She said rubbing her hand that just hit my arm. Placing the tip of my first finger on her nose tapping it as I said each word, "no, no, hitting is not nice Bella, I think you did that yourself missy." Leaning down to kiss her cute nose, everything about Bella amazed me. She turned her head so I couldn't reach her nose, her mouth stuck out in a child like pout, and her brow creased in the center. "Hmph" she squeaked looking at me from the corner of her eye.

She reminded me of a child that has just been scolded not getting her way. "So, you're not talking to me now?" She sat there stubbornly with her arms crossed over her chest, not daring to look at me. Okay, Bella wanted to play games, I am ready to rumble. Two can play at this, I got up from her bed and went to retrieve the shorts that she lent me. "I guess if you are not talking to me fanymore, there is no reason to hand around here and talk to myself." I knew I couldn't leave her, but I was curious to see if she would allow me, or could let me. I made it all the way to her window, and then I felt her cool arms encircle my waist, and her face pressed tightly against the middle of my back. "Don't leave, I want you to stay." Turning to look at her, I seen a single tear in the corner of her eye, hanging on for dear life. "Bella don't cry, I was only kidding, I couldn't help myself the way you were pouting over there, and not talking to me. I wanted to see if you would actually let me leave, that's all, I wasn't really going anywhere." "Jacob, I love you--all of you, forever. Never leave me, promise?" Pushing her hair out of her face, looking into her eyes, "Bella, I will never leave you, it is an impossibility for me now. I love you always, you complete me. But there is one thing." Panic filling her eyes, "What are we going to tell Charlie? Billy and the rest of the pack already knows, but Charlie doesn't. "We will think of something, we have to."

Noticing her chest was heaving as she thought hard about what to tell Charlie, her breaths coming out panic stricken. "Shh..shh.. Bells, it will be okay, Charlie likes me ya know, and him and dad are best friends, it's gonna be easy." "I don't want to tell him that I am in love with you Jacob, because he will surely committ me to a mental hospital, with you only being back in my life for a couple of weeks, and he doesn't even know you came back from your so called disappearance. Ya know when you were gone, it brought back bad memories for him too, reflections of me when he went away. He didn't want me to go back to that, and I cannot blame him. I was like the walking dead." Hearing that I put her in pain, broke my heart into. "Okay, let's think how we are going to go about this, first I will start coming around alot more, making my presence known." she giggled, "what?" "Like your presence wouldn't be known anywhere you are?" Here I was trying to be serious and she had to tease me about my size. "Ha Ha very cute Bells, anyway as I was saying, I will come here almost everyday..." she interupted me again, "Almost everyday?" she looked hurt. "Well Bells, if I come everyday Charlie will get tired of me, and I don't want that. You know I will come every night when Charlie goes to bed."

Bella looked sad for just a moment, "That is a good idea Jake, we can ease him into the idea of us being together. Maybe make it happen a month or so away from now." I was truly doubtful if I could bare to hold it that long, but I would try. "Bells, how am I going to keep _the look_ off of my face, you know the one, showing that I am madly in love with you? I mean anyone that is not an idiot would be able to tell that we are in love." She put her hand on her chin, and she was thinking hard. "You know what I don't care what people think, let them assume what they want, and only we know the truth. And the truth is Jake, I am yours, just like you said, there is no turning back. I don't think there ever was truly a choice to make, I was just blinded temporarily, and now I can see clearer than ever with _My own personal sun. _Without you I would cease to exist, I don't know why I didn't see that before, but it doesn't matter now. All that matters is the here and now."

Pulling Bella up in my arms in one of my bear hugs, forgetting my strength, "Uhhh...Jake.....can't...........breathe!" Loosening my hold just a bit, I heard the air whoosh back into her lungs, "Sorry, I forgot that you are more fragile than me, oh and that reminds me about the question you asked me earlier about the shaking." This was it I had to tell her for her own good, now that it is obvious that she is much more frail than I. She was listening intently as she scanned my face, trying to read my expression. "I don't know where to begin, this is so hard for me. " Trying to play it off like it was something simple, but in all actualitly it wasn't. "Really the shaking is just a _Wolf_ _Thing _, but on the more serious side Bella, when I am with you a part of me stays human, the outside part mostly, and my inside wolf cries and shakes wanting to come out. And you see Bella, that I my worst nightmare come true. If I loose control, and detach from my human senses for just one minute, mostly while I am that close to you, would morbidly threaten your life." Oh no, she is not looking at me anymore, is that fear I see in her eyes, or disgust? She reached up and stroked my cheek, smiling softly, her eyes full of nothing but the love that she had for me in them, "Don't worry Jacob, I'm not afraid of you, whatever will be,---will be. I love every part of you including the wolf." Wow, she is totally amazing, I couldn't ask for anything more.

Bella's complete acceptance of me was hard to absorb at first. Originally I thought she would turn and high tail it out of here when I told her about me being a wolf, and now I tell her that the animal within me screams to get out every time we make love. Yet she is still here, smiling, and not afraid, because I could smell it if she were. She started to say something but stopped, her mouth gaping without making a sound. "What is it Bella? Did you need to say something else?" Tracing my lips her thumb, shyly, barely a whisper, "I find it kind of sexy." I looked away, dumbfounded, not really knowing what she was talking about. Think dammit think, remembering what we were talking about just prior to the whole acceptance thing was me being animal of sorts. Could she possibly mean?????

She was waiting silently for me to respond, but honestly I didn't know how to react to that. My nose crinkled, almost disgusted myself by the thought. I had always thought of this as a wretched curse that has been passed down through lineage. I didn't ask for it, nor never would have. It makes my life somewhat miserable, though recently with Bella in my life, and imprinting on her makes it bearable. Without her, there would be nothing, her cool fingers were still on my lips. An electric sensation was pulsing where she touched. "Can you feel that Bella?" She closed her eyes and a wide smile spread on her face. "That tingly sensation?" "yeah, that's the one." I lowered my mouth to hers sucking in her bottom lip into my mouth, and she groaned. While her lip was still in my mouth she tried to speak. I released her shaking with laughter, "What was that Bells, I couldn't understand your mumbling." and when she tried to say it again, I covered her mouth with mine. She looked at me kind of funny, "Bella, tell me, dang, all I hear is ma, ma, ma, ma, ma." And yet again she tried for the third time, I stuck my tongue in her mouth this time, truly trying to frustrate her beyond belief. She took my face between her hands and pulled me away. "I---Said----I----Could----Get----Use----To-----This." Every word was pronounced clearly, so she could make sure that I understood.

After she got her point across our mouths melted into one another, feeling like the very first time. "I love you honey." "I love you to-----even if you are the big bad wolf." I looked at her in disbelief, her teasing me in such a way. "Yeah I guess that makes you little red riding hood. Do I get to eat you for dinner? Hell let's make it every meal. Who needs food?" She let out a loud belly laugh, somehting that I have not heard from her since we were kids, playing at LaPush Beach. "Oh, Bella by the way, I want you to meet the pack, we are all getting together down at LaPush Beach this weekend, do you want to come?" Smiling the most beautiful, serene smile, "I wouldn't miss it for the world. But Jake there is a few loose ends that I have to tie up here, but it shouldn't take long. What's today, I've lost track." "Today is Wednesday Bella, can I help you tie up the ends?" Looking down at her hands as she twiddled her thumbs, she was nervous about something. "No, that's okay, I need to handle this matter on my own, and don't worry about me Jacob, I am a big girl. I will tell you when all things are handled but I can't tell you now because you will probably lock me up and throw away the key."

Now this was worrying me, why didn't she want to tell me? Did she trust me? She must be thinking about doing something dangerous for her to think that I wouldn't let her do something that she wanted. I have to know! "Bells, your not doing anything stupid are you?" "It depends on your definition of stupid." Looking at me dubiously. "Well I don't want you running off getting yourself killed or anything, you know how your a magnet for danger." "Listen Jake, it is nothing dangerous from where I stand, but in your mind it would be the most dangerous thing there is, so I don't want to worry you unnecessarily. But you will see it was nothing to worry about when all is said and done, do you trust me?" I had to give her my trust if I expected her to trust me. I bent down to kiss her cheek, "Yes Bella, with all of my heart." "I will go and handle my business tomorrow in the daytime okay, so I can be ready for your arrival at night. Does that sound good? And by the way Jake, if we don't want to get found out at any minute it might be a good thing to wait outside in the forest until Charlie goes to sleep. He will be home any minute!" I swiftly pecked her soft lips, "I'm gonna run home to see dad, explain everything to him, I'll be back when I hear sleeping Charlie snore." I crouched on her window seal, feeling it give slightly under my weight, looking over my shoulder to look at her beautiful face one more time.

As I jumped from her window, springing down onto my feet, "I love you Bells!" Glancing up at her open window, she stood there with her arm stretched forward, and a tear in her eye. The pain that I was feeling inside of me made me shudder. Why was she sad? And the thought occurred to me, it's what she has to take care of, it has nothing to do with me, but what could be causing her so much pain. I mean the pain of being away from her was enough, as I am sure it is hard for her too. But what else could be causing her to cry, just the thought of something like that made me want to cry. I guess I would find out in time, after she handles her business, as she puts it. Making sure nobody was in sight, I let the wolf within me break free as I sprinted through the forest that connected Forks and LaPush.

**Please Review. I tried to use more dialogue this time. Let me know how you liked it. Will Bella go through with her plan to contact Edward? Will Jacob find out and stop her? Tune in for more!!!**


	22. Memories

**Disclaimer: Of course by now you know that I own nothing, and all characters regretably belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 22-Memories**

**BPOV**

Oh god the pain is overwhelming, the mere thought of what I had to do. I sat there watching Jacob leave my house knowing he would be coming back when Charlie goes to sleep. I love Jacob, but I have to close "My Edward Book," before I can move on with my life. I would tell him that I am ready to move on, and that I didn't need him anymore. But I would also tell him how much pain he put me through when he left, leaving me broken, and shattered into a million of tiny pieces. And Jacob is the one that put me back together, and yes, I would tell him that a part of me still loved him and always would, that he took a piece of my heart with him when he left, and that part would forever be his. But he will have to know that it isn't enough anymore, that I would not be hurt again. Wrapping my arms around my chest out of habit now, the pain I was feeling was not as torturous as it had been, due to the fact that the wound in my heart was healed, totally closed. Even though I knew seeing him again would bring some kind of pain with it, but it would be easier in a sense, knowing I have Jacob, the one thing in my life that has been a constant.

It hurt that I could not tell Jacob what I had to do, but I would after all is said and done. I would not keep anything from him, nor lie, or cheat. He is my life now. How ironic I would use those same words, that I once witnessed come out of Edward's mouth, and he proved just how much he meant them. But I would prove to Jacob, my Jacob that he is the only one for me, and I will love him until the day I die. As I peered out my window, in the distance I could hear the howl of a wolf. Was that him? I wondered, feeling a smile spread over my face. Hmmm, a wolf, who would have thought? Leave it to me to be atrracted to something not human, but at least Jake is human half the time. Mentally preparing myself for tomorrow would be hard. Now as I think about it, with Jacob just leaving me for a while, I have the strength at this moment. There is nothing I want more right now, than to get this over and done with. My decision was made, I would go finish this tonight while I had enough nerve in me to do it. Tomorrow might bring cold feet, and I will never completely let go if I don't do this. It was now or never, I knew myself to good.

I decided to take a shower before heading over there. As I let the hot water beat down on my back, relaxing my sore muscles. Every muscle, bone, and fiber of my body ached. It felt like my joints were out of place, mostly the ones in my pelvis, and hips. Jacobs large proportions really gave my body a beatin, but I wouldn't trade it for anything, surely somehow, I would get use to it. Maybe! Washing my hair with my favorite shampoo, leaving it in so I could smell it, using my vanilla scented body wash. I loved the way my strawberry shampoo and my vanilla body wash scents combined, almost like strawberries and cream. My stomach let out a loud growl in protest because I haven't fed it today.. But food would have to wait considering there was more important things, more pressing things to handle at this time. My impatient stomach would have to wait.

Getting out of the shower, putting my hair up in a towel, I stood in front of the medicine cabinet mirror. Jacob had left his mark on several parts of my neck. I would need a good makeup job before Charlie got home. At least the dark purple ones I could hide with my hair. Charlie would have a hissy fit if he seen my neck. I headed to my room, went to my dresser and pulled out the first thing I seen which was my favorite pair of blue jeans, and a University of Phoenix sweat shirt. I grabbed them and quickly threw them on. Realizing the time as I looked at my alarm clock, I needed to go, and fast if I wanted to get back before Charlie and Jake got back. I could leave a note with Charlie, telling him that I went to see Jake, but I didn't really want to lie. I just needed to make sure I was back and in the bed before he got back. Let's see, I thought as I pulled my wet hair back into a ponytail. It is 12:08 a.m. now and Charlie gets off at the station at 1:00 so that gives me about fourty five minutes to have my talk with Edward. That should be plenty of time, hell maybe he doesn't want to see or talk to me, and that would be enough closure in itself.

A part of me wanted Edward to send me away without seeing me, and the other part of me just wanted to see him one more time before I continued my life with Jacob.

Nearly running down the stairs, grabbed my keys off the nail where I always kept them. "Shit, I almost forgot my shoes." That would have looked really good showing up at the Cullens barefooted, they would think I had gone crazy. My rain boots were beside the door with a thick pair of socks already in them, so I hastily slipped them on my feet and headed out the door to my truck. It had been raining and slightly a bit warmer here today in Forks, causing the night to be dense and foggy. It would be a feat for me to see in this kind of fog. My truck roared to life, it still making me jump, every time I started it. Pulled the gear into reverse, looking at the dark forest in my rearview mirror. A sudden chill ran down my spine, and the hairs on the back of my neck, stood straight on end. An uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I felt as if I had eyes on me that came out of those dark woods behind me. Shivering once as the chill ran it's whole course, I blew it off as nerves, as I sped down the winding street.

It had been a while since I had been on this street, the one that crossed in front of the Cullen house, I knew my turn was coming close, so I slowed down to make sure that I didn't pass it. There is was, just around this bend in the road, dense forest on each side, I could see where it opened up slightly. Turning down the road, I remembered the same large oaks that lined the drive, leading up to the house, I remember how Alice decorated each tree for my birthday party with a big pink ribbon. But as I looked closely I seen how overgrown it had became as I neared the house, the once manicured lawn looked unkempt, but my eyes followed the drive until I seen their beautiful house. No lights were on in the house except for one on the top floor. If my memory serves me right, I believe that is Carlisles study, but I wasn't sure. My brakes squeaked as I slammed my foot down, when I reached my destination.

Sitting in my truck, taking a few deep breaths before I got out of the truck, taking it all in as the memories flooded and overflowed, of how many days and nights I had spent here with my second family. All of them that I remembered were good, except for the one of my 18th birthday, when Jasper lost control, leading to Edwards decision, and put me in a world of hurt. I couldn't let myself get too overwhelmed with the good memories, I was here to put this shit to an end. For myself, not for Edward, this was all about me. I got out of my truck, and tried to close the antique door, without it making a sound. But who am I kidding, if there is anyone in there they already knew I was here. They could here someone coming down the road, and now they could smell me, surely they would recognize my scent. Walking up the stairs, that led to the huge double doors on the front porch, I raised my hand to knock, but before I could, someone opened the door. Like I was trying to shield my eyes, I instinctively shut them before I could see who stood before me. My heart beat frantically.

Breathing hard and fast, squinching my eyes shut tight, I heard a familiar voice, but it is not the one I expected. My eyes flew open, "Hello Bella, what do I owe the plesure?" It was Carlisle, the father of my Edward. "Hi Carlisle, I was just hoping, uhhh, hoping that Edward was here, I need to talk to him about something pretty important." He smiled a gorgeous smile down at me, placing a cold hand on my shoulder, it was even cold through my sweatshirt. Sheesh, I forgot just how cold they actually were. "Would you come in Bella?" Not really wanting to accept in fear of all the memories that is going to smack me in the face, but I knew not to accept would be rude. "Sure, is Edward here?" Looking around the giant great room to see if I could detect anyone else, but there was no one. Carlisle sat on the huge white sofa in the middle of the room, "Come on in Bella and have a seat." Was it my imagination or was Carlisle avoiding my question about Edward? I couldn't be upset with him, as good as he has always been to me, it is his son who I have a problem with. I sat down a good three feet away from him, looking around me, taking it all in knowing that this would be the very last time I would set foot in this place.

If I listened closely I could still hear all of us, Carlisle and Esme chatting about going hunting for the weekend in Goat Rock Mountain, Jasper standing in the corner as far away from me as possible, arms crossed over his chest, with a look of pain plastered on his face, Emmett in the back ground sneering some kind of wise crack at me before sounding his booming laughter. Alice always trying to improve me in some form or fashion, Rosalie glaring at me from afar with a look of disgust, and Edward..... I felt tears forming at the corners of my eyes, as this memory came rushing in. We were here sitting on this very couch, the first time he told me that he loved me, and kissed me more heartily than he had ever dared. I was so caught up in my moment being here, I forgot to hold my tears back. I felt an ice cold hand placed over mine, "Bella, I know how hard this is for you, and I am here if you need to talk, okay?"

It was Carlisle, dangerously close to me, I could smell the same sweet smell of him, something all of the Cullens had. With this more memories invaded my mind. Remembering how his scent tempted me, how it completely intoxicated me, making my head spin. " Earth to Bella, come in Bella, remember Jake, the one you love," it is bad when your own self conscience is trying to make you snap out of it. As I came back to earth, I knew I had to get out of here before it all became too much. But I came here for one thing only, and I needed to do that before I left. I didn't realize just the simple fact of being here would be so hard. Every time I thought about leaving, the hole in my heart ripped, it was like it was happening all over again. "Bella, are you okay? Do you need a glass of water or something? My eyes met his, the ocher amber color was mesmerizing against his pale skin. Looking away quickly before another memory raped my mind, "No Carlisle, I need to go, I'm sorry for intruding on you at such a late hour. I need to be heading back, Charlie will be waiting." I rambled aimlessly. And finally he acknowledged my question before.

"Bella, you said you needed to talk to Edward, right?" With him saying that made me plant myself back on the couch, intently waitng for more. "Yes, I do, it is pretty urgent, well not urgent, there is just some things that I have to put in the past, and in order for me to do that I need to talk to him, face to face." If my assumptions were right, there was a new sadness to Carlisle's eyes, as I spoke these words to him, "You know Bella, tell me if I am overstepping my boundaries here, you still love Edward, but you are extremeley hurt by what he did to you. Stop me if I am wrong. You still ache for him and dream about him at night, and long to be in his arms? Am I right so far? I was shaking my head back and forth in disbelief. "Yeah, a part of me still loves him Carlisle, but it just isn't enough anymore, I have found someone that completes me on a whole new level. It would have been enough a month or so ago, but not now, I cannot be hurt again by him, I just will not allow it."

Carlisle edged closer to me, wiping the tears off of my face and I instinctively turned my nose into his hand and inhaled deeply. He just held it there and let me. His touch was so much the same as Edwards, cool, soft and gentle. I took my hand and pressed it against the back of his, holding his hand in place, looking him in the eye, tears streaming fast down my face, soaking his hand. They were coming uncontrollably now, my chest heaving with my sobs, barely able to get out a word in between.

"I......can't....do.....this........Car....lisle......it...hurts....so......bad...." He pulled me into his granite chest gently, placing my head over where his beating heart is supposed to be and rocked me in a swaying motion. "Shhh now Bella, it will be okay love." Did he just call me love? That is another Edwardlike quality he had. ugh how much of this can I take. I didn't want to break the embrace because it was soothing the pain, and all of a sudden I heard Carlisle humming a familiar tune, it was my lullaby, only it had more added to it at the end, notes that I did not recognize, my eyes felt heavy, almost hypnotized by the smooth sound of his voice, as I drifted off to sleep it almost seemed like Edwards voice took the place of his fathers. Probably one of those half asleep, half awake delusions, I could feel him stroking my hair as he continued to rock me gently, I fought the urge to let sleep totally pull me under. My efforts were futile. All I could feel was the coolness of his skin, the soft hardness of his chest, the way he stroked my hair, and Edward's voice humming my lullaby, as the darkness over came me.

**Please, please review. My readers are such an inspiration to me. It helps keep me me motivated. What will Bella do, if it really is Edward instead of Carlisle? What will Jake do if he finds out? Keep reviewing and I will keep writing. **


	23. Goodbye Edward

**Here it is again, my disclaimer stating that I own nothing, which is very depressing. Everything belongs to that chic Stephanie Meyer. Blah, Blah, Blah. **

**Chapter 23-Goodbye Edward**

**EPOV**

I watched Bella from the woods beside her house, as she got in her truck and drove away. Where could she be going at this time of night? I had to follow her. I ran through the woods at a safe distance so she would not see me. Nearing my house now, I seen her slow down, and then she pulled into my driveway. Did she come here to see me? Just the thought of that made me smile, there may be hope after all. I kept my distance as she went to the door, I heard her ask if I was there, and she needed to talk to me about something important. This could be about one of a million things. Bella was in the house now so I figured I would read Carlisles mind to keep check on things, and see if I could get a clue on what she needed to talk about. Their conversation was very small, I could tell Carlisle was genuinely worried about Bella, so that told me that her state was not very good. And then I heard it, Bella crying, no wait, sobbing to be exact. The pain filled my silent heart, and my chest heaved with silent tears.

Bella was in there crying and it was because of me, and the pain I put her through. I would spend the rest of my eternity making it up to her, doing everything in my power to make sure she is loved, and cared for. It was my duty, to make sure everything works out. As I neared the back door opening it, making my footsteps silent so Bella couldn't hear me. I heard Carlisle humming my lullaby I wrote for her, with all of the notes that I have added since she has been gone. I slowly walked up behind Carlisle and tapped him on the shoulder. He already knew I was there, but I still needed to give him the gesture. I was jealous of their closeness, how her face was against his chest, and how she felt safe enough in his arms to fall asleep. Carlisle continued to rock her as I began humming her lullaby, I seen no harm since she was asleep. Carlisle seen the need in my eyes, and only audible to my ears, "Would you like to do this Edward? This is not really my place."

I sat down taking her into my arms, rubbing her hair, continuing to sing and rock her in fear of waking her up. I placed my nose and mouth against the top of her head, speaking gently, "Bella, my love, oh how I have missed you." I whispered into her hair.. And then like out of a dream with a sleep laden voice, "I love you." If my heart could beat, it would have at this moment. I knew she was proabably dreaming, but it felt good all the same, to hear those words again. I felt my heart swell within my chest. Holding Bella like this was surely a sin, kind of deceiving her in a sense, without her being aware that it was me. But I wasn't going anywhere I would sit and hold her for all eternity, if she would let me. So when she wakes up, whenever that might be, I will be the one holding her, and I will explain to her, and make her understand that I did what I did for her own good. As smart as Bella is surely she will understand, and hopefully she would take me back.

My thoughts rewound back to earlier today, which did not give me much hope. I thought about seeing her with Jacob, giving herself totally to him, her telling him she loved him. Feeling her closeness, the warmth of her skin against mine, I could feel her breath escape onto my arm, it sent electric currents each time she exhaled. I was so stupid to ever walk away from her, to hurt her like I did. As I processed these thoughts slower than I normally would have, trying to decide what I would say when she wakes up. I could hear her heart rate pick up speed, and her breathing wasn't so deep. She began to move, so I held my breath waiting for her eyes to discover who she had been sleeping on. She mumbled, as she rubbed her eyes, "Carlisle.......what.....time....is.......". And her eyes, her breathtaking eyes were on me. The look in them was unfathomable, it was obvious that she was upset. And she had every right.

She jerked herself out of my arms, as tears sprang from her eyes, "You.....you are here, and I.......I was in your arms.......and.....you left me." She was sobbing again, I reached for her face and she turned away, "No, don't touch me Edward, I am not yours anymore, you have no right to touch me. I came here to totally let you go Edward, so I can move on with my life." Still reaching with my arm half stretched, "Bella let me explain." She laughed a laugh that I never heard. "You explain, no, not now, it is my turn to explain some things to you. Edward, when you left me I thought my world was coming to an end, and actually for a while it did. You broke me apart, smashing me with your hurtful words, leaving me cold and alone in the forest. I was destroyed. But now, now Edward, I have come here to tell you goodbye forever. I need to get on with my life. I have found many things to live for, things to make my life better. Edward, I don't need you anymore, I thought I did, but I don't. And I will tell you the same thing that I would tell anyone that asked, you will always have a piece of me that I can never get back, nor do I want it back. I don't regret the time that I shared with you, you taught me alot."

"But you see Jacob is the one that put me back together, swept up all of the tiny fragments and glued them back together one by one."

Bella's eyes began to soften saying these next few things, placing her hand on my face. "Edward, I will always remember you, and a part of me will be with you forever, you are a big part of my life, but you have to understand, in the time you were gone I have grown alot, coming to understand myself. Just so you know this will be the last time I try and contact you, or see you." Her eyes overflowed with tears, I caught one on the tip of my finger and placed it in my mouth. She gently smiled at my gesture, I would not pressure her now, not here, but in time, yes, in time I would ask her for the ultimate sacrifice. Could she deny me? "Bella, I know this makes no difference now, and how I wish it did, but I am here to stay, I am not going anywhere, and Bella, I love you." Sniffing her tears back, with her bottom lip quivering with her tears, she got off of the couch, looking down at me. "You didn't love me enough to stay. I love you too, Goodbye Edward!" She turned to head for the door and I was in front of her in lightning speed. "

"Bella I can't, well I won't stop you from leaving, but can I ask one more favor from you, before you go?" A sudden fear was in her eyes, and her brow pinched together in confusion.. I was use to reading her expressions. "One more kiss.'" She took a deep breath and looked away briefly, she nodded with uneasy acceptance. She stood there, still as stone, waiting, not totally meeting my eyes with hers. If this was all I was to get, I needed to make my intentions noticeable. I wanted her to know that my inhibitions were no longer a problem, that I would not be careful with her for her own good. I wanted to make love to her, like never before, and I had to exude all of this in a kiss. I took her face with one of my hands, my fingers wrapping slightly around the back of her neck under her hair. As I pulled her hair back off of her neck, I could see all of the purple marks the dog had given her earlier. Placing my other hand around her waist pulling her gently to me, lowering my head with restraint. I wanted to make this moment last for as long as I could.

As I neared her beautiful lips, I tried to remember their taste. Taking my lips down to hers and pressing gently, I let my tongue escape to taste the sweetness there. Savoring the flavor, her lips parted and my tongue desperately wanted entrance. Pulling her into me with a little more fierce, trying to get her to respond. She granted me entrance, my tongue slid over hers, and it was completely still, I opened my eyes to find Bella's warm brown eyes staring into mine with confusion. I had never kissed her this way, and she wondered why I did so now. Good my plan was working. I leaned into the kiss darting my tongue around her mouth, pulling out to carefully bite her bottom lip, then savagely taking her mouth in mine again, over and over. Pressing the small of her back down, making her press up against my erection. I wanted her so bad, more than ever. Now is not the right time, but someday my Bella would come back to me, and I would make her the happiest woman alive.

When our kiss came to an end, she sweetly touched my face, and she was gone. I heard her dinosaur of a truck roar to life, and I could still hear her sobbing as she left my driveway and sped down the road towards her house. I ached for her, more than I have in the past. There is something to that saying "you don't know what you got until it's gone." I want her more now, knowing that I can't have her. It is no longer an option for me. I would have to fight for her, or worse just take her. Falling onto my knees, with the pain of knowing she was going back to him, to love him, and give herself to him again. This could very well be my undoing, I would watch Bella from the shadows, and wait for her in the wing, forever if I had to, but one day she will be mine again.

**Please review my story, it really helps knowing what my readers want. :)**


	24. An Understanding

**You know the drill, none of it's mine. Sniff, sniff......**

**Chapter 24-An Understanding**

**BPOV**

The nerve of him, ughhh, well at least I got that over with. I told him how I felt and where I stood. Ready to move on with my life, with Jacob. I do feel better, in a sense, but part of me hurts knowing just how final my words were, I truly hope that he got the big picture, and never bothers me again, because if I had to see him on a regular basis, the pain would be intolerable. Touching my lips with the tips of my fingers as I sped towards my house, my truck groaning in protest to the speed. The tingly feeling in my lips was irritating me, reminding me of my betrayal. It wasn't meant to be on my part, only a last kiss to say goodbye, but the way Edward kissed me should have been against the law. In the back of my mind, with all of these thoughts crowding my mind. One rushed to the front of the line, the one of Edward stroking himself in front of me, watching me and Jacob like some kind of sick perverted, vampire.

Remembering how his pale hand gripped his long shaft, his burgundy lips parting slightly, his eyes with a look in them like he could devour me at any given second, the way he pumped himself hungrily making himself explode, never releasing his stare, as he spilled himself into his own hand. Briefly paralyzed, by his ministrations, the mere thought of Edward going that far, he brings a new meaning to the word "freak". But I couldn't say much considering, just thinking about it made me wet with desire. I guess I am a freak too, but not quite to the extent of Edward, with him being a vampire and all. Nearing my house, as I pulled into the driveway I noticed all of the lights in the house were on. Obviously Charlie was home probably wondering where in the hell I was, since I didn't leave him any kind of note, thinking I would be back before he got home. Charlie was out of the front door and to my truck before I could even step out of my truck. At first I was to worried about the several shades of purple, Charlies face was turning to notice who was standing in my doorway, nearly blocking the light coming through it.

Charlie was now screaming at me, something about no note, being worried sick, but I had tunnel vision, Charlie was only inches from me, but he was blurry, and all I could see was Jake, leaning one shoulder up against the frame of the door with his arms crossed over his massive chest. Trying to read the look on his face was impossible, his eyes were on me, probably wondering where I had gone, and where I had been for so long. I would get to that but I needed to calm Charlie down before he had a heart attack. "Dad, I'm okay, I just needed to get out for a while. I went driving trying to clear my head, and I got tired, so I pulled over to rest and fell asleep." I hated lieing to him, but at this point it was necessary, he wouldn't understand if I told him what I had really been doing. Watching his face turn back to a normal color, I knew he believed my lie. Taking a piece of my hair between his fingers and stroking it as he spoke, "Oh okay Bells, I'm glad your safe at home, next time could you please leave your old man a note or something. I think I have the whole neighborhood in an uproar, thinking you have disappeared. I called Billy and Jake thinking that you might have taken my advice and went and seen Jake.

But they had not heard from you either, so that really worried me, I ran out of place to look Bells." He leaned over whispering to me, "Bells, Jake has been here for almost three hours, pacing the floor, mumbling under his breath. I told him that I would call when you got back, but he wouldn't leave. He was truly worried Bella, I have never seen him so upset, you really have a good friend there. I think you need to talk to him Bells, he's over there waiting." I acted like I was surprised to know that he was here. I looked over at him and he had not moved an inch, since I arrived. He sat staring at me with the same look in his eye. I hugged Charlie, whispering in his ear, joking, "time to go tame the beast, go get some rest dad. Pray for me, I might not make it through this one." I said smiling and hitting him on the shoulder. Turning around and heading for the door, "night Bells. And by the way, from now on I will be putting a pad lock on your door at night, okay?" Shaking my head "Goodnight Dad." I could see Jacob smile as my dad sneered his joke at me.

"You know that wouldn't be such a bad idea you know, maybe I will spring for the lock myself." Jacob was smiling down at me, but it didn't reach his eyes like my favorite smile. "Yeah, leave you two alone for a few hours, and there is no telling what you would come up with to keep me locked up and tucked away safely. You know I'm a big girl now, I can take care of myself." Jacob picked me up into his arms, buried his face in my hair, my feet were dangling at least a foot off of the ground. "Bells, you had me so worried, I didn't know where you were, and it was driving me crazy. Where did you go?" Grabbing his hand as he sat me down on my feet, "can we get out of the doorway and go talk, Jake? There is alot of things I need to tell you, and I think we need to sit down, because it may take a while." We walked to the edge of the forest and sat on a large tree that had fallen from the last storm we had. The night was perfectly lit by the light of the moon.

Jacob sat down first pulling me into his lap, wrapping his arm around my legs. "So, you went to see the bloodsucker, heh?" Taking a double take back to look at Jake in the eyes, utter disbelief. I must be hearing things, shaking my head to force my delusions to go away. He smiled a crooked smile, confidence seeping out of every pore of his skin. "But....how...do...you....." He cut me off mid-sentence. "The leech, I mean Edward has already informed me that if I do anything to hurt you, that he would kill me. He could sense that I was worried about you, so he told me that you had been over there to say your final goodbyes, and that you would be home soon. I assured him that I would not stoop to his level, the way he hurt you. After a few minutes of us staring each other down, and making sure each one of us knew where the other one stood, we oddly came to an understanding." I was thoroughly confused, "wait, let me get this straight, Edward came here to talk to you? Exactly what was the understanding you two came to?" Putting his hand on my face, pulling me closer to him, I could smell his warm, woodsy scent. He looked at my lips as he spoke, "Let's just say we have a-lot in common, we understand each other on a certain level." He laughed like he couldn't believe it himself, "We have our own weird little friendship. Well like I said, really it is just an understanding."

He bent down to kiss my forehead, "it's nothing to worry your pretty little head about. And Bella, there is no reason to explain everything, he has already filled me in." I wondered if Edward had actually told him _everything_, "Bella, I want you to tell me something, tell me if you felt anything when he kissed you? That is all I am worried about." Oh my god, he did tell it all, my brows tightened in the center, "He told you he kissed me, and you didn't kill him?" He grinned slightly, "That is the one thing your Edward made sure of is that I knew he kissed you, he showed me every gory little detail in his memory." Oh no, I thought, here comes the wrath, "Edward still loves you Bells, but he knows the way you pulled back and kind of seemed detached, that your heart belongs with me. But he will always be waiting for me to fuck something up, to make a serious mistake, so he can have another shot at you. I can't blame him for that, you are worth waiting for Bella."

I didn't want to tell Jacob what I felt when I kissed Edward, but I also wanted everything out in the open. "Jacob, you asked about the kiss? Well, it is not that I felt like I was in love again or anything like that, nothing more. It was more about shoving it in his face that he couldn't have me anymore, to let him know what he would be missing, and what he left. But he caught me off guard, the old Edward was so reserverd, never pushing the envelope, he would always pull back before it became too heated." I looked away, not sure I should continue, "Bells please finish, I want to know how you feel, the way you tick."

"This time Edward was not careful at all, he hungrily took my mouth, demanding entrance, he pulled me close to him, pressing himself into me. There was a primal edge to it, the way he grunted into my mouth, as his erection grew. I was the one that had to pull away, before it got to be too much. It was the thought of you that brought me back, that gave me the strength to pull away. I am not saying that it didn't feel good Jacob, I wouldn't be human if it didn't. All I am saying is that I love you, and everything feels better with you. So yes, I did feel something when he kissed me like that but there was no mental connection, only physical." I could almost see the wheels in Jacobs head turning. "But can Edward do this?

**There is definite lemon cream pie waiting for anyone that reviews. *D**


	25. A Special Place

**You know the drill. Stephanie Meyer is the queen, she owns it all. I am just a mere peasant, borrowing her characters. **

**Chapter 25-A Special Place**

**JPOV**

My internal mind is screaming, "love me, not him." I needed to show confidence in Bella's committment to me. She has shown me just how much she wants me by making the ultimate sacrifice. I cannot ask her not to love him any longer, a part of her will probably always love him, just like I can't prevent him from waiting for me to screw things up with her. She is so damn beautiful, it will be as easy as breathing for me to be good to her, to be with her for the rest of my life. I want to show her that I am the only one for her and she is the only one for me. The thought of that kiss, that the leech showed me made my stomach churn, the way he held her, and dangerously tasted her, making his vampire dick get hard. And his thoughts, he honestly could have kept them to himself, a visual was enough to get the picture. When he shared his thoughts with me, a mental picture of Bella, in her purest most vulnerable state, she lay there naked on a white couch, arms above her beautiful head, waiting. This was obviously one of his fantasies.

That thought made my dick get hard until I seen what came next, Bella was not waiting on me, she was waiting on Edward. For him to make love to her for the first time. She screamed his name as he plunged into her over and over again. She screamed for him to turn her into his kind, that she wanted to be with him for eternity. And as he neared the end and shot his evil seed into her, he tenderly swept his lips over her neck, and chest, biting, placing venom in her veins, and sealing it shut with a brush of his tongue. It was like nothing I had ever seen in my entire life. He was so graceful, the way he made her his, an expert. After I seen this thought in his head, is when he assured me that if I hurt her that this would be the next thing that played out, that I would have no more chances with her. We both loved Bella like no other, and we would die for her. That is the reason we came to an understanding of sorts, we were much alike in so many different ways. The fact that we both had a side to us that we didn't trust around her, we both would love her until the day she died, and both look out for the best for her. I think if we met on different circumstances, or in a different time, if the fact didn't remain that we were to be mortal enemies, we could have been friends.

Pulling myself from my reverie, realizing Bella was looking at me with a face full of concern. She did feel something when he kissed her, but it was only the physical affect that she felt. That really irked me to no end I had to show her that the way I made her feel was better. Slowly lowering my lips to hers, making my every move discernable, almost in slow motion. I went towards her lips, only to pass them up, moved her head to the side and placed closed mouth kisses down the soft edge of her jaw. I wanted to take things slow tonight, take my sweet time with her. Her lips parted as I ignored them, paying close attention to the fact that she desperately wanted my mouth on hers, noted by her soft moans. I really shouldn't worry, she did promise me that she was mine and there was no turning back. But I wouldn't be a man if I didn't worry about things like this. I know there wouldn't be no going back for me, but now with Edward in the picture I couldn't be sure about Bella. I felt like an animal trying to mark it's territory, as I bit her neck agressively, leaving my mark so to speak. Mine, all mine!!! I thought.

I released her for just a moment, I needed to go and get a blanket from the house, I knew a perfect spot, a clearing that we could be alone, out of sight. It was a spot that I went to in the woods to think. "Bella, stay right here, I will be back in a second." I picked her up, placing her gently back down on the moss covered tree. "Where?" I was gone before she could finish her question. It took me all of about two minutes to retrieve a couple of blankets from her bedroom. I even did it without making a sound to wake Charlie up. Walking back up to Bella, I noticed her shivering with her arms wrapped tightly around her chest. I have to remember she gets cold easily, unlike me. "I'm sorry Bells, I needed to go get a blanket, I want to take you to a place that is kind of special to me. It is a place that I like to go and think. You may remember it from our childhood. We happened upon it one day while we were playing in the woods, when we wasn't suppose to be." I seen Bella smile up at me, raising her hands for me to help her up from a sitting position.

"Jake, does it require alot of walking through the woods?" "It requires me to do a bit, but I am going to carry you the whole way, so don't worry, okay?" I lifted her with one arm and carried her through the dense forest. She was like carrying a bag full of feathers, she felt so light. The place that I was heading towards was just beyond the treaty line, but barely. We had arrived only ten minutes into our walk, I owe that to my long strides. I went to set Bella back down on her feet, she lost her footing and fell on her backside. I couldn't help but laugh at her, my laughter echoed in the air. Slamming my hand over my mouth, trying to contain the volume, she looked at me shaking her head, with a red heat rising in her cheeks. I didn't know if she was mad at me for laughing, or embarrassed that she fell. Probably a little bit of both, but the look on her face was priceless.

I spread the largest, softest blanket down on the ground, I would use the other one to cover her up if she got cold. Because I planned on her being naked very soon. But hopefully my heat would be enough to keep the cold at bay, I wanted to see her skin in the moonlight. She was still sitting on the ground where she had fallen, poking her lip out. " Come on Bella," patting the blanket. "If I walk, I might fall down again, I think I will just stay right here." She turned her head so I couldn't see her face. I went to where she was and stared down at her, "Okay, looks like I am gonna have to make you." I picked her up, wedding style and layed her down in the middle of the blanket. The moon was positioned just right so I could see every detail by its light. The pale skin of her face was illuminating. If I didn't know any better, I would think she was one of them, but not my Bella, her scent was clean and pure unlike the leeches. I crinkled my nose at the thought.

Laying down beside her, she wasn't looking at me yet, and I knew that I had probably made her angry with my rude laughter. "I'm sorry for laughing, but I couldn't help myself Bella, you are just to darn cute. Do you forgive me?" I opened my eyes as wide as I could, poked my bottom lip out in a pout. A full fledged puppy dog face. How ironic, I would be giving her a puppy dog face, with me being a monstrous wolf. Hoping she would take the bait and forgive me soon. If I am not careful, the sun will rise before I even get the chance to make love to her. And then I seen it, she smiled. Yes! It worked. "I forgive you, now come here." Her hand was knotted in my hair, pulling me close to her mouth, she kissed my feverish lips, every lash of her tongue brought fire with it. I needed to slow her down, because at this rate my plan to go slow will not work. I fought the urge to let my erection get the best of me. Bella was not going to make this task easy. I wanted to make tonight special, the first time I was to worried about not damaging her for life, the second time my hormones took over. But now, tonight it will be different, I will savor every bit of her, not rushing in the least.

Pulling her heated lips off of mine, whispering barely audible, "I want to do this a bit different tonight Bella, take it slow, make sweet love to you." I pulled her into a sitting position, and I sat directly in front of her mirroring her image. I was curious, wanting to try something, I had heard if some of your senses were cut off, that your other senses were magnified. I had a bandana tied around my arm, I undid the knot and held it my hand. I seen her eyes shoot to the hand holding it. "What is that for?" I placed my finger over my lips, "Shhh, just humor me I want to try something a little different. Now, close your eyes" she softly shut them, I sat and admired her face before tieing the bandana around her eyes. I slid my finger down her cheek, and to her lips, tracing the full outline. She was reaching in her darkness trying to find me, I gently pushed her hands back down to her lap. "Ah, ah, ah, hands off, I want to touch you, make you feel good." She let out a deep sigh in defeat. Waiting for just a second, trying to increase the feeling of my next touch, since she wouldn't know when it was coming.

I pressed the pad of my thumb down on her bottom lip, pulling it gently to the side, my fingers slid down her neck, onto her collar bone. Placing my open palm where I could feel her hearts steady beat. Letting my hands go down her sides, slipping my fingers just under the hem of her shire, "raise your arms Bella." She did as I asked and I carefully pulled her shirt over her head. The moonlight danced on her body, as pale as she was, she was even paler in this light, like she was made out of porcelain. I could see her dark pink nipples shine through the thin fabric of her lace bra. "Mmmmm" she is so devine, as I looked her over, I felt my hardness throb against my tight pants. Using all of my strength, I ignored my need, and focused my attention back to Bella. I placed my hands on her legs in between her knee and hip, I bent down to let my warm breath blow out onto her nipples, they were hard before, but doing this her back arched, and I watched her nipples grow hard and taut, threatening to bust out of the thin fabric.

"That feels good Jacob, don't stop." Without sayin a word, traced the outline of her bra with a single finger, never touching where she wanted me to. I watched her chest rise and fall with every deep breath she took, each and every time I touched her. My hand covered her entire breast, and I began kneading her on the outside of her bra. Moving my nose up and down her jaw line to rest my nose at the corner of her mouth. As I continued, her hear raced and her breathing was picking up pace. "Kiss me Jacob." Softly moaning, my name over and over again, begging me to kiss her. But I didn't instead I likced her lips with my tongue, and blew my breath onto her again. Her lips parted and her face darted in my general direction, trying to kiss me. Pulling away just in time to miss her lips wrecking into mine. "This is your time Bella, lay back and enjoy okay?" "I'm trying but you won't let me touch you, so I can enjoy myself." I smirked at the absurdity of it. Pushing her back gently, "Just lay down, and relax."

I got on my knees beside her, reaching down to stroke her bare stomach, as I watched the goose bumps rise on her skin. Not only where I touched, but all over. Straddling her hips, my legs on either side, my breath caught in my chest, her sheer beauty captivated me. "You know you are breathtakingly beautiful, but you are even more stunning in the moonlight Bella? I wish you could see yourself." Making my way down to the edge of her jeans, tracing the line there just below her navel, making her squirm under my touch. Pressing the palm of my hand on top of her mound, but not on her

center. That was going to be touched by only one thing tonight. I thought I would go nuts as she bucked her hips upwards, into my hand, making the smell of her arousal release into the air. That mixed with all of the earthy scents, made my head spin with desire. Unbottoning her jeans, raised her hips to help me take them off of her. Laying down between her legs as I pulled her jeans off, one leg at a time, My face was dangerously close to her. She had on a matching pair of lace panties, with the same thin fabric.

I put my arms under her legs and around to rest my palms on her stomach.

Placed my mouth over her panties, and exhaled, sending a warm rush onto her clit. "ahhhhh....Jake....take them off, I need to feel your wet mouth on me." I peered over her mound to make sure that she was still blindfolded, she was but what I seen was so unexpected, it almost made me cum in my pants. Her own two tiny hands were fondling her own breasts, pinching her nipples, rubbing them between her fingers. She would for sure be the death of me. The bulge in my pants was entirely too uncomfortable, I unzipped my pants, letting my erection break free. Considering I hardly ever wore underwear anymore, due to the fact that messing up a few dozen pairs by busting out of them as I change. I had to step back and breathe before I lost all control. I wanted to feel all of her soft skin, every inch. I was back on my knees straddling her again. She felt that I had no pants on now, reaching in my general direction, "Let me feel if Jake, I need to feel you." I took my hand and grabbed the thick shaft of my cock, moving up so I was between her breasts. Taking the head of my dick, spreading my juices onto her hard nipples. Rubbing in small circles on her tips.

The animal in me told me to grab her tits and wrap them around my cock. I ignored that urge, only wanting to please her. Stroking myself into her breast almost took me completely over the edge. Sitting up straight, moving my way down, I stopped and rested on her stomach. My russet skin in deep contrast to hers, as my erection pulsed, hot on her stomach. It almost took up the full length of her abdominals. Down a little further I rubbed myself into her panty clad pussy, making her thrust into me. Pulling them to the side with one finger, kissing her mouth with no agression, only sweetly. Slid the head between her folds, if I wasn't careful to take control of her bucking hips, I would be in her in no time. So I shifted my ass at an upward tilt so I wouldn't press into her hard. So if she tried, it wouldn't happen by accident, because even by accident, with me in her, at that point I couldn;t stop myself. I bent over to take her lips, in between mine and kiss her with all of the love that was in my heart. "Jacob, make love to me, please, I can't wait any longer. I need to feel you in me, I want you so bad." Looking into her eyes, never looking away.

Sliding her panties off with one hand, throwing them hard into the woods, we would be lucky if we ever found them again. "Promise me Bella, that you will love me for the rest of my life." She smiled, "Jacob, I cross my heart with all my might, that I will love you until the day I die." I truly hope that her love is strong enough to withstand being with someone like me, a werewolf. I was not at her entrance, and she had a hunger in her eyes. Rocking my hips back, to enter into her slowly, my pace was strong but slow, with each long stroke I pulled almost all of the way out just leaving the tip in her, and slowly filling her with all of my length. I felt her soft skin tighten around me like a vice, making love to her, my Bella, was like I had died and went to heaven. As I came near my end, I held back wanting Bella to reach hers with me. "Bella, I want you to cum with me." She shut her eyes, as the screams were pouring out. "Look at me Bella," And when we came in unison I covered her mouth with mine as we devoured each others moans. "I love you always, Bella." "I love you too, for eternity, Jacob."

I rolled over, pulling her on top of me with my now spent cock still inside of her. As she collapsed on my chest, I pulled the cover up over us, hearing her deep breathing slow, she drifted off to sleep, as I played with her hair, and even though we were still intact, I drifted off to sleep with my angel.

**Please review!!! Hope you liked it. I will try to post soon, so stay tuned for more. What happened to Bella's panties?**


	26. Dream or Nightmare?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 26- Dream or Nightmare**

**BPOV**

When I woke, trying to adjust my eyes to the bright light shining in on us. The sweat on my back was beading up. As I looked down at Jacob, he was smiling a sleepy smile up at me. Frantically looking at my watch realizing Charlie would be up soon, but not for at least an hour so I was safe. I felt something jerk down below, he was still in me, after all night, he was still there, we had never broken contact, not even once. I felt him pulse inside of me, could he actually want more? Looking at his face I knew the answer to my own question, which was a big yes. Biting my bottom lip, as I felt his erection growing inside of me. The skin stretched a bit uncomfortably as he reached his full size. He thrust his hips up, lifting me off of the ground, totally suspended in the air. Pushing myself up to a sitting position, holding myself there in fear that I might fall off. He groaned in pleasure at my new position. My knees never touched the ground as his thickness pounded into me. I became dizzy, chill bumps all over my skin, raising my hands to move my hair that stuck to my face with the early morning dew. Jacob made me reach my peak in record time, I felt myself squeeze around his shaft. As he neared his, he brought me to mine again. My body convulsed as I layed back on his chest, thoroughly exhausted.

"Jake, as much as I am enjoying you, the more I hate to leave but I need to get back before Charlie wakes up. Are we still getting together with your friends tonight?" I was genuinely excited about meeting all of them, but knew if I was to be any kind of company I would have to get some rest. "Yes, I will pick you up around four, and Bells wear something you don't mind getting dirty, we usually play football, and I want you to play." Grabbing my hands and pulling me up, I scanned the ground trying to find what was left of my clothing. I found everything but my panties. "Jake, have you seen my underwear?" He was looking too, "I threw them that way, they are somewhere over there, but I just can't find them." He said shrugging his large shoulders, "I will just buy you a new pair okay?" The underwear didn't really matter, it was just the thought of my underwear being out here for anybody to find. That is what made me uncomfortable. After I put my clothes back on, Jacob threw me over his shoulder and started running through the woods. We were back at the edge of the woods that ran behind my house. He picked me up into one of his bear hugs, and placed a chaste kiss on my lips before setting me back down firmly on my feet this time. "See you at four, love you Bells." As he ran away, I could faintly see his body blur and quiver. Damn, I did need some sleep.

I opened the front door carefully so Charlie wouldn't hear me come in. As I snuck around the corner and up the stairs I heard someone clear their throat rather loudly. Fuck! I was caught, it was Charlie sitting on the couch watching me try to sneak in. "Bella, can we talk?" "Sure dad!'' He looked relaxed and his face wasn't turning purple yet, so that was a good sign. "Bella, what is going on with you and Jacob Black?" I knew I had to lie to him, to pacify the situation. "Dad, we just had alot of things to catch up on, I have been so out of it lately. We are just trying to rekindle our friendship that's all." Charlie was feeding in to my story, "Oh okay Bella, did you two get it all out of your system?" If he only knew how much we got out of our system, he wouldn't be so calm. "Yeah, oh and dad, Jake invited me down to the reservation tonight to meet some of his other friends. Do you mind if I go? He's picking me up at four if you don't care?" " That's fine Bells, I have to pull an all nighter at the station anyway. Maybe I can make arrangements with Billy if you could stay the night, I would feel much safer for you to be around people I trust, with as much trouble that has been happening in Forks."

I grinned sheepishly, like a kid in a candy shop, at the thought of me spending the night at Jacob's house. This shouldn't seem weird to me because growing up, when I came to visit, I spent most of my time at Jacob's house, on LaPush Beach, and in the surrounding forest. I remember those lazy summer afternoons, where Jacob and I had played all day. We would come in with dirt and mud caked all over us. His dad would make us get in the tub with our bathing suits on and spray us down. Then he would fill it up with warm water and let us play. One time we were so tired from the day, that as the tub drained, we layed on our sides, Jacob behind me, we fell asleep. We didn't wake up until my dad got there to pick me up. I remember crying because I didn't want to leave Jacob. Hell, I was only about four at the time, and he was my best friend in the whole world. There is not many things from my memory of this place, that wasn't filled with Jacob. And that continues to be the case to this very day.

"Dad, are you gonna be okay for the day, I am beat. I need a nap before this afternoon, if I expect to have any fun." He was nodding his head as I spoke, "I'm a big boy Bella, I think I can handle it. I will probably just go down to the diner to have lunch. You know my usual steak and fries, with lots of ketchup." My stomach let out an angry protest when I heard Charlie talk about food. I went to the kitchen and grabbed two poptarts, and put them in the toaster. Filled a large glass with ice cold milk, and drank half of it before my food was ready. My stomach hurt because I drank it too fast. Putting the pastries in a paper towel to carry them upstairs, I sat on my bed and devoured every crumb. I didn't bother to take a shower just yet, I needed some sleep, every bone in my body hurt, every muscle was sore, and every joint felt out of place. The thought of playing football was the last thing on my mind. Me, play football? Huh, I bet Charlie would love to see that. I finished the rest of my milk and set the cup on my nightstand. After I set my alarm clock so I wouldn't over sleep I closed my eyes and let sweet slumber take me away.

_It was black as night as I ran through the woods, frightened, running as fast as I could away from my predator. I seemed to trip over every branch under my feet, putting it closer and closer to me every time I fell. I felt the blood trickle down my legs, hearing the leaves behind me crunch as my stalker came dangerously close, when I looked behind me to see whoever or whatever was after me, I smacked into something so hard that it should have sent me hurdling to the ground, but it didn't, I had two arms wrapped around me, holding me up. My vision was blurry from the impact, I could barely make out a mans tall, lean, figure. Blinking, trying to clear my eyes to get a better look at my savior. Then his smell hit me in the nose, and I noticed the two arms that cradled me effortlessly were cold as ice. And then I heard his velvet voice murmur, "Don't be afraid Bella, you are safe with me, I will not let anyone hurt you." I felt like I was going to faint right there in his arms. "Who was after me?" Making out what looked like a crooked smile, "It was a wolf Bella, but I frightened him away. He will not bother you anymore." A wolf was chasing me, but why? Could it have been?......no I didn't even need to think that way. Looking up at Edward as my eyes became more focused, his arms around me as gentle as someone would hold a baby, his eyes were smoldering. And yes, my favorite crooked smile was there, as his lips parted letting his sweet breath escape, making me drunk by his presence. Edward was better than any drug, not that I had tried any but he seemed to have that effect on me, like a drug. All I know is that old habits are hard to break, mostly the kind that are addicting. He bent the cold smoothness of his lips down to my ear and whispered, "Bella, do you remember what you so desperately wanted at prom?" His words washed over me as the memory was at the forefront of my mind. "My sweet, sweet beautiful Bella, I'm ready to give that to you now, I was stupid for not giving it to you then, when you were mine. Are you ready?" He lowered his lips just under my ear, kissing down my neck to where the blood pulsed fast in my vein. Murmured against my skin "there is no turning back now Bella." As he grazed his sharp teeth over my neck, feeling like nothing more than a slight pain, I opened my mouth to stop him, "Noooooo Edward", but it was to late, the fire in my veins raged through my body, consuming me completely._

I woke still screaming to the top of my lungs, drounding out the sound of my alarm clock going off. Charlie came rushing up the stairs, out of breath with a horror struck look on his face. His eyes darting around my room like he was looking for something. He came over to sit next to me on the bed, and patted me on the shoulder. "Bells, it was just a dream honey, are you okay?" I was still dazed and confused. I just nodded trying to push the last bits of sleep that was left in me. You know that feeling when you first wake up from a heavy sleep, and you feel like you are kind of inbetween, not asleep, but not fully awake either. Charlies words were echoing in my head. He gave me a little shake, "Bella,...Bella, talk to me, are you okay?" "Yeah dad, it was just a nightmare, I will be fine in just a minute, what time is it?" Charlie looked at his watch, he was already dressed and ready to go into the station, "It is three in the afternoon, I went to the diner, so I brought you a veggie burger back. I don't want you to go off hungry. If you are sure that you are okay, Bells I need to hurry down to the station. Oh and by the way, you need to pack yourself an overnight bag to take to Jakes. I cleared it with Billy, and he said that was fine, after I get some rest tomorrow, I will come down to visit Billy so we can watch the game. Have fun tonight, and don't do anything I wouldn't do." He was smiling down at me, "I feel pretty safe with you down there, have you seen the size of those boys? They are all huge, I wonder what they feed them." Charlie was laughing. "Bye dad, I'm fine, I will feel better after my shower. See ya tomorrow, be careful tonight, don't get into any trouble dad."

When Charlie left I put a few things in a bag for Jake's. A comfortable pair of night clothes, an outfit for tomorrow, clean underwear and socks, and a bathing suit. I would get my toiletry bag after my shower. All I could think about was my dream, how real it felt. I could feel his cold skin, smell his breath, feel it completely wash over me. The feel of his sharp teeth puncturing my vein. I shivered at the thought, trying to think of my night with Jake and his friends. It was going to be great. Feeling a bit giddy, and detatched at the same time, with each pleasant thought, the other would come and push it out of the way, making my good thoughts go to the back of the line. At one point in my life, that would have been considered a dream, but now it is a nightmare. For the longest, I begged Edward to turn me into his kind, but now I am with Jake, it has turned into a nightmare. I know Edward would never do that against my will, or would he? Nah, I don't think so, he has to many good morals, he wouldn't even consider it.

Jumping in the shower to quickly clean up, I heard the phone ring and it made me jump. I will look on caller ID to see who it was when I get out. I was running out of time. It was already 3:30 and Jake would be here in thirty minutes or less to pick me up. Hastily washing my hair and body, making sure I do it thoroughly but fast. I couldn't help but think of the last time I was in the shower, it was with Jacob. A knot in the pit of my stomach formed as my memory served me right, with mental pictures and all. The glass on the shower doors, were now foggy from the steam in the shower. Out of the corner of my eye, I seen a dark figure. Scared, I opened the door quickly to see if there was someone there. There wasn't it was just my mind playing tricks on me. As I continued to let the feelings of my past creep in on me, I felt a familiar urge down below. I needed a quick release, fondling myself, sliding my fingers in and out my folds, was not near enough. I pictured Jacob in all of his massive glory sliding in behind me. I took my showerhead off of it's holder and turned it to pulse. Spreading my lips apart to let the hot water beat down on my clit. "That's it my sweet Bella, do it for me." My eyes widened as I heard that familiar velvet voice. I peered out of the shower door again and there was nobody there. I definitely need help, as I concentrated on my lower half, holding the pulsing water, letting my hips rock like I was fucking the air. I was getting close, my breath coming out in hard pants, "Say my name Bella, I want to hear you say it, say it out loud." And before I knew it, my hips jerked as I held myself up by the tiles on the bathroom wall, screaming out his name,..........Edward."

Looking around in disbelief at what just came out of my mouth, I truly hope Charlie was gone, because if he didn't he would for sure be aware of what just happened. I felt the blush rise in my cheeks as I thought about this. What in the hell is wrong with me? I love Jacob, he is my life. I don't want to be with anyone else but him. I need to stop this shit, something just came over me, hearing his sultry voice coax me into an orgasm, at the same time I pictured Jacob being there. That is sick and twisted in a way, well shit, in every way. Have I been corrupted by Jake? Just the pure look and feel of him, you could tell that he was built for sex. Has he turned me into some kind of kinky sex maniac? Surely not, maybe it is just my overactive imagination. I went to my room and it was unnaturally cold in there, I quickly found what I wanted to wear. Jake said to wear something I didn't mind getting dirty. I found an old pair of sweat pants, and a rugby shirt that kind of fit me snugly. It was comfortable, and I really wouldn't care if they were ripped to shreds. I pulled my wet hair, up into a loose ponytail, packed my essentials in my bag and headed down the stairs. Just as I cleared the last step, I heard a loud knock on my door.

Rushing to the door thinking it would be Jacob here to pick me up, instead it was a rather large, gangly looking teenager. He had the same hair and dark skin as Jacob. "Bella, I'm Embry Call, one of Jake's friends, he sent me to pick you up, he had some last minute things to handle." He put his large paw of a hand out for me to shake, as I took his hand in mine I noticed the same hot temperature of his skin. "Nice to meet you Embry, let me grab." Embry was so "Jake like" it was uncanny. I retrieved my bag and locked the door behind me. We headed towards a dirt bike, he smiled as he handed me the helmet. "You might want to put this on, the trail can get kind of rough." He seen the fear in my eye, "don't worry Bella, I am a good driver, I have been riding one of these since I could walk, just hold on tight. In fact it might be better if you sat in front of me so you could hang on to the handle bars, you might feel safer there, it won't be as bumpy." Embry held the bike still as I threw my leg over, scooting towards the front of the bike, he climbed on behind me and kicked the bike to life. I felt him press against me, feeling the heat come off of him in waves. If it wasn't for the wind whipping me in the face, I could open my eyes, I could have sworn that he was behind me, sniffing me. My presumptions must have been true, because with the bumps he scooted close to me, and I could feel his hardness press into my back. Oh Shit, I played it off as his raging teenage hormones. Jake would kill him if he knew.

We pulled up at Jakes house, Embry got of first facing me, my eyes darted towards the obvious bulge in his pants, and he noticed. I blushed profusely, he smiled down at me, a little uncomfortable grabbed himself trying to position it so it would be less noticeable. I thought a joke might put him at ease, as I took off my helmet and set it down on the seat of his bike, "You know Embry, you should teach your pants not to point at people." I smiled and winked at him, now it was his turn to turn several shades of red. Maybe a joke wasn't such a good idea. "Sorry Bella, I couldn't help myself, with me pressed against your back like that. Ya know, Jake is sure a lucky man to have someone like you. He told me you were beautiful, but he didn't tell me to what extent." "Thanks Embry." "Oh and Bella, could you please not tell Jacob about this, he would be furious with me?" Not sure if I should agree, but I wanted to keep conflict down. I was here to have fun, not watch a whole bunch of hormone riddled teenagers fight. "Sure Embry, your secret is safe with me." We headed to the house and Billy opened the door as soon as I set foot on the porch. "Come on in Bella... Embry. Jake should be back in a few minutes, make yourself at home. I sat down on the old faded couch, in the small living room. Looked around and nothing had changed about the place. I seen a picture of Charlie, Billy before his accident, and me and Jake on LaPush Beach. I was sticking my tongue out in Jacobs direction and he was crying.

"Do you remember that photo Bella?" I didn't really remember exactly, since most of my childhood memories are from here in LaPush. "No, not really." "Well it was fourth of July, you were about six and Jacob was barely five. You were at the stage where you thought boys had cooties, and they were gross. You hurt Jacobs feelings when you told him to not touch you because you hadn't had your cootie shot yet. You ran from him singing, circle, circle, dot ,dot, now I got my cootie shot. It broke his heart because even after that you wouldn't let him touch you the whole day. We stood on the beach and held you two for the picture, we wanted a family photo, of sorts. You know we have always considered you and Charlie to be family Bella." Billy looked up at me, with his wide white smile, and weathered face. I could feel the love pouring out of him, like I was his daughter. Jake came barging through the door, as Billy and I shared this moment. "Hey Bells, am I interrupting something?" He seen that I held that photo in my hand, and the way Billy was looking at me, and the tears in my eyes, as I felt an overwhelming feeling of coming home. Jacob grabbed me up into his arms, inhaling my hair, "missed you Bells," he whispered into my ear, "welcome home baby." The joy that flooded my heart was mind blowing. I had never been so happy in my entire life. Embry cleared his throat, probably aggrivated about being thoroughly ignored. "Oh hey Em," Jake slapped his shoulder hard. Embry was now rubbing his shouder to make the obvious pain go away.

"Bella...Jake...I will see you two later at the get together okay?" As I waved goodbye, I noticed his eyes fell and he smiled to himself. I knew what he was thinking about. "Bye man, see you later." Jake turned to me and saw the redness in my cheeks. "What are you embarrassed about?" I looked at him puzzled, "I'm not, why do you ask?" "Well you just must be really excited to see me then as he took my face between his swealtering hands, and kissed my lips like it was the first time. "Get a room!" I heard Billy tease at us. "So what is on the agenda tonight?" I asked him. Jake looked down at me, still holding my face, he gave me the most evil grin I have ever seen.

**Please review. Bella is about to meet the pack. What will Jacob think when he reads Embry's thoughts. Will Bella's panties mysteriously reappear? Read and find out. And guys please review, it really helps. **


	27. Preparations

**You know the drill by now. I own nothing, everything and everbody belongs to Stephanie Meyer. I am just here to play with them for a while. :O**

**Chapter 27-Preparations**

**JPOV**

If Bella only knew what we had in store for tonight she would probably run for dear life. I wanted Bella to meet the pack, the pack in true form, including myself. Of course I would ask her if she wants to see, and I will respect her wishes whatever they might be. As I picked Bella up I noticed a faint trace of that leeches scent. It seemed to be clinging to her clothes, like it was lingering in her room, attaching itself to any porous object. Just like a leech. As I smiled my devilish grin, looking down at Bella. She looked up at me curiously, "well, do I get an answer Mr. Black?" she huffed out at me, impatiently tapping her foot. "Well, Mrs. Swan I suppose you do, we are going to go down to the beach and meet my friends in about an hour and a half. Seth, Embry, and Jared are preparing the wood for the bonfire, Sam and Emily are preparing the food, Leah and Quil are gonna join us later, they have prior arrangements that they need to handle first. Relax Bella it is going to be fun, oh and we are in charge of scheduling what games we are going to play. So that means we get to decide what to do, and when to do it. I think that is the best job of them all. But Bells, I have already talked to everyone about this, and they agreed, but I told them that I would have to clear it with you first. That is where I was earlier when you and Embry first got here. Bella, I want to show you the other side of me, because that part of me you don't know yet, and I want you to. The others are going to phase with me, there is really nothing to be scared about Bells, as long as there is no kind of confrontation going on, I will just be like a big loveable dog."

The look on her face was priceless, if I had a camera in hand I would definitely not pass this look up. "Is that okay with you Bells?" She nodded, wide eyed. We really needed to get on our agenda for the evening, but I was curious as to what she thought about my best friend Embry. "Bella, what did you think about Embry?" Her face turned red again as she looked away, not meeting my eyes. "He's nice." Her answer was short, she didn't want to say to much, I wonder why, had he said something to offend her. I would so hurt him if he did. "Did he do something wrong Bella, or say something stupid?" Just the thought made me angry. I could tell she was hiding something from me, obviously something that she thought I wouldn't want to know. But if she wouldn't tell me, I would know soon enough, as soon as we phased tonight, I can get into Embrys mind and read it like an open book, and so help me god ,if he screwed up with _my_ girl, I would rip every single hair out of his mangy ass. I went to sit at the kitchen table so we could work on our list for tonight, "So, what do you want to do first?" She smiled at me, walking around behind my back, "I want some alone time with you, so I can have my way with you." She blew in my ear before she came around to face me. I clenched my teeth, and took a quick intake of breath, it sounded like a hiss.

Mmmmmmm....do we have time?, I wondered. We could go for a quick swim down at the beach. "Bella, did you bring your swimsuit?" "Yep, why?" Twirling the pencil around, and around with my fingers. "We could go for a quick swim if you want." Trying to sound hopeful, but not to the point of begging, although I would resort to that if I had to, I am not beneath begging. "The list remember, we have to plan Jake, let's stay on task here." I growled with frustration, after all she was the one who started it, her saying she wanted to have her way with me, hm. She was being very successful at being a tease, but hey I wasn't complaining, I kind of liked it as long as she did it to me and nobody else. My dick was hard just thinking about her, fighting my monster back down so I could concentrate on the task at hand, the list. "Screw the list, let's don't do it and say we did. We will improvise, play it by ear, fly by the seat of our pants, come on Bells. Things usually turn out to be more fun if they are not scheduled or planned. It seems to always turn out better, kind of like me and you. We didn't plan this, and look at us, it is awesome!"

"Yes it is Jacob, and have I told you that I love you? If not I do, with all of my heart, and you know that I can't tell you no." That coming from her sounded so funny, because up until just recently, she had no problem telling me no. "Oh really? I will have to remember that, I will just keep that tid bit of information filed away for safe keeping. Okay, let's get our swimming stuff on and go for a swim, we will only have about an hour or so before we have to be there, so we can just take some clothes to change into with us. I don't want to miss a minute of you being wet." Bella grinned, and she blushed slightly. I grabbed her hand before she could walk away, I was still sitting in the kitchen chair, "You know Bells, I will never get tired of seeing you blush. You have done it ever since I could remember, and I have always loved it. Even though I teased you about it when we were younger, it simply takes my breath away every time. I would like to think that I am the cause of it some of the time." She bent down to sweetly kiss my lips, "You are most of the time." Letting go of my hand, looking back at me seductively, "I might need a little help changing Jacob, would you mind assisting me with that?" I blew air out of my mouth in a loud huff, pinching the bridge of my nose. "Bella, I'm afraid that if I help you with that, we will never make it down to the beach. I will hold you here, a prisoner in my bed, with me being the warden." She giggled like a little girl, my eyes wrinkled as I smiled at just how cute she was.

" Okay then, last chance, no more offers!" she trailed off. I lunged behind her, grabbing her by the waist, pressing my full body against her back, lowered my mouth to her ear as a feral growl vibrated out of my chest. She let out a tiny squeal as I took her by surprise. "Ja-cob!?" You had your chance buddy, let me go change so we can get the hell outta here, kay?" She said this whole sentence with a smile on her face. I could tell she was in a playful mood, not to mention she was getting better at teasing by the minute. My mind was in overdrive here, I was thinking that maybe she could have been the same way with Edward, but on second thought she said that he would never go that far. So maybe not! I quickly changed into my swim trunks, and sat on the couch to wait for Bella. When she came out of that room, with her bathing suit on, well if you could call that skimply piece of fabric a bathing suit, that is. It was white with cherries all over it. It barely covered her, dipping low on her hips. "oooooh Bella, I like that, but I am not sure if I want all of my horny friends to see you in it. I might get jealous and have to hurt someone. Her face was turning red again, "You don't have to be jealous Jake, these are yours", she said pointing to her breasts, "And this is yours," rubbing her hand over her center, "but most of all, this is yours." She was looking in my eyes as she placed her hand over her heart.

We walked hand in hand down to the beach, as we got closer I snatched my hand away from her and playfully smacked her on the ass, then running away towards the water. I left her far behind as I ran at full speed, and crashed into the water. Coming up, slinging my hair out of my face, I heard her say some not so nice things to me. I think I heard her call me an inmature idiot, she was at the edge of the water and turned around so her ass was towards me, pulling her bathing suit up and over her cheek red cheek, "Jacob Black! Look what you have done, and it is still stinging!" Her ass cheek was flaming with the outline of my large handprint glowing a bright red. "Awwww....poor baby, ya want me to kiss it for you? Does Bella have a boo...boo?" I better watch my mouth before she gets really mad at me. "Oh, don't you worry Jake, I will get you back, one way or another." Knowing Bella, she was probably not lieing, she always could find a way to get under my skin, when she was determined. It seems like she always found a way.

I took my hand and rared it back, slapping the water, in her direction, trying to get her wet. I was truly pushing my luck. "Come on Bells, the water is great!" She stood there with her hands on her hip, lip poked out, the whole nine yards. "No!" she said through gritted teeth, hissing. "I thought you couldn't tell me no Bells." Bella snobily stuck her nose up in the air, her words came out like ice, "well that is before you slapped me hard on my ass." She continued to stare off into space, I got out of the water, placed the palm of my hand on her cheek and started to rub. Her body was still tense, not wanting to let me know how good it felt. I fell to my knees behind her, the bottoms of her bathing suit was still stuck up in her crack from where she showed me the proof of "my abuse." I took my tongue and slid it across gently licking her "wound." "Please forgive me Bells, I was just playing." She turned to look at me, "Get your ass back in that water before I change my mind." Pointing towards the water and smiling at me, I knew I was forgiven. "And by the way, GOTCHA!" Oh no she didn't. "You mean to tell me that you were feigning anger, this whole time?" Looking at me with the most increduous smile. "Jake, you know this doesn't let you off the hook, I still owe you one." She enclosed her arms around my neck, and wiped the hair from my face, kissing me gently. "Oh Bella, I almost forgot, I meant to ask you if you mind that we are gonna do a little drinking tonight? Do you drink, or will you have a couple with me? I hate to corrupt you and all, but I think it will loosen the mood a bit. "

"Sure, I guess a couple won't hurt. I don't make a habit of drinking, I have only tasted the stuff a couple of drinks. "I am sure Emily will bring something frilly for you two to drink, ya know because yall can't hang with the big dogs." Bella locked her legs around my waist, and rocked her hips against me. Oh God I could smell her arousal again, wait.....could I actually smell it, or was it just my imagination due to the fact that we were submerged in water. I knew my senses were good, but were they _that_ good? Just then stepping out of the woods was Seth, coming our way. I couldn't quite make it out yet, but he was holding something over his mouth and nose. When he saw us, he came rushing over, and then I knew what that something was, which he was now twirling around his first finger. "Look at what I found Jake, I want to meet whoever these belong to, they smell so good, I could eat em." I felt myself vibrate beneath Bella's embrace, I barely held myself together. He didn't know they were Bella's and if he did he would be thoroughly embarrassed. "Uh..Seth..why don't you put those away for later man, I want you to meet my....ummm...girlfriend Bella." Seth quickly stuffed them in his pocket before she could turn around. I don't even think he realized that she was here with me, so dazed because of the underwear. "Bella this is Seth, Seth this is Bella, the love of my life." Seth was temporarily speechless as he took in Bella's big brown eyes. I didn't want to think of his face when he seen the rest of her.

Bella raised up out of the water, I could see every detail through that almost sheer fabric of her bathing suit. I watched as Seths eyes bulged out of his head, and his mouth fell open, as she raised her hand to shake his. He just sat there like a dumbass, completely enthralled by her presence. Shit, is this the reaction all of my friends are going to have. I cleared my thoat loudly to bring him out of his reverie. He blinked twice, closing his mouth, "Nice....nice to meet you Bella." shaking her hand a little wildly. "Seth, it is so nice to meet you too, I am looking forward to meeting everyone tonight." My body still quivered, I didn't know how much of this I could take....

**Tell me what you think. Please review! I have had one complaint about my grammar. I apologize, try to look over it, bad habits are truly hard to break. Get ready for some wolf action. Will Jacob loose control, as he hears all of his friends thoughts? Will Seth figure out that the panties he has are Bellas? Read more and find out. I will try and update soon. Thanx**


	28. Hangin' With The Pack

**You already know they are not mine. It makes me so sad that I want to cry. :( Tear, tear! Oh well that is life, but there is no harm in dreaming, twisting it a little and making the story my own. **

*This chapter might have to consist of two. I am going to try my hand at some of the packs point of views, even though I don't know them as well as Bella and Jake. So forgive me if it sucks, but I am going to try my best.

**Chapter 28-Hangin' with the Pack**

**BPOV**

The vibrating sensations were pulsing through his body and into mine, making me shake. I didn't understand what was going on, was he that turned on? Jacob was yelling at one of his friends obviously coming up behind me. Seth, hmmm....I think I have heard Jake mention him before. Jacob introduced Seth to me as his girlfriend, is that what I am? I guess so, in a way, even though I feel more than that. But status really doesn't mean anything to me. As I shook his hand, I took him in, he was younger than the rest of them, smaller, but you could still tell when he grew into his skin, he is going to be as big as the rest of them. He had a roundness to his features, making him not look so threatening. But there underneath it all, I could see his lean muscles ripple, the same darkness of his skin, and the awkward whiteness of his wide smile. His eyes were round and dark like two black marbles, as his eyes were gliding over my skin, my hand still in his, I noticed again the heat that was radiating from him. Almost making my hand sweat in the short time we had contact. His mouth fell open as his eyes reached my breasts and lower, and slowly back up to my face. "Nice...nice to meet you Bella." I told him it was really nice to meet him too, and that I couldn't wait for tonight.

After Seth left to walk back up the beach, I turned to look at Jacob. He was in the water waist deep with his fists clenched tight, resting them on the surface of the water. I could see ripples in the water that reached about a two to three foot radius around Jacob. He was still vibrating! I went to the edge of the water, looking down at him. I think he is jealous, that's it, that is what I see coursing through his veins. He half smiled at me, and shut his eyes, I suppose he was trying to control himself. "Jacob, you are gonna scare the fish away if you keep doing that ya know?" Opening his arms to me, beckoning me to come without even saying a word. I wrapped my arms around his chest, even though they would not fit around the girth of his wide chest, placing my hands palm down on his back. The water was cool, and his body felt warm against me, it was a tantalizing mixture of fire and ice. "Bells, I can't stand it when anybody looks at you like you are somehthing to eat. I get jealous easy when it comes to you, I have to warn you that I am gonna be kind of overprotective. I just got this chance with you after so long, and when other guys show interest, they are a threat in my eyes. I just have loved you for so long, and the thought of someone trying to screw it up for me, just runs all over me. Not that I believe one of my friends would do that, but I don't trust anyone one of them, not with you anyway. You are just too damn irresistable, and a little naive."

"Naive!? I am naive??? I don't think so, I can handle myself Jacob Black and don't you forget it. Remember, I am Isabella fuckin' Marie Swan, the girl that runs with vampires and now wolves. So don't you think I can handle a few of your horny little friends? Anyway they probably don't even think I'm attractive." Jacob better put this flame out before I explode, I couldn't believe the nerve of him, to even suggest such a thing. But come to think of it.....Embry, his best friend even gave into his weakness. Jacob flashed all of his white teeth at me, "You obviously don't know what you do to the male gender, do you? Here let me show you. Jacob grabbed my hand beneath the water and pushed it palm down on his rock hard erection. With his hand placed over mine, he made my hand grip down onto his cock. A wave of pleasure wafted through me, up my arm, through my chest, to the pit of my stomach, making it's way to it's destination, between my thighs. "See what you did, it is all your fault Bella, and you think you are so innocent." I continued stroking the entirety of it, using long strokes with my full hand around his shaft on the outside of his trunks. "These....damn....pants...are....in....my.....way!" Jacobs eyes were forming into slits as he threw his head back and hissed. "I'm afraid we will not have time for that now Bella. But you can rest assured that you will get yours tonight." I pouted at him, I wanted to touch it. "Just once Jacob, can I touch him?" Motioning my eyes downward. "No!" He batted my hand away, smiling a shitty grin the whole time.

"Okay then, just as long as you know a woman has needs, I have needs, and if you won't deliver, I'm sure one of your friends would oblige." Looking out of the corner of my eye, I could see that made him think a little bit. "You wouldn't!?" If you don't let me touch it I might." I had to laugh a little at myself, knowing I would never really do that. "Damn it, here, but we might be late for the party, so don't blame me." He grabbed my hand a little rough and shoved it down the front of his pants, his hand followed. "Jake I want to it too." He looked away momentarily, "Is there anything else you demand my queen? Hold on!" He put me on his back and started swimming. We ended up a little ways down the beach where there were some big rocks that would shield anyone from seeing us. He leaned back on the rock face, and dropped his pants, throwing them into the sand. Took my hand and placed it on his huge cock, With his hand wrapped around mine he forced my hand up and down his thick shaft agressively. "Is this what you wanted Bella?" His head was cocked up towards the sky, as he let it rest on the rock. Deep, animalist noises were emanating out of his chest, and hisses escaped his mouth every time I did something right. As our mingled hands worked to bring him to his peak together. I moved my hand out from underneath his. I was totally mesmerized by him. He stopped moving his hand, "Don't stop Jacob, I want you to make yourself cum for me."

His moaning got louder as he heard my request. As he pounded his dick with his fist, through heavy breaths, "Do you like my cock Bella?, Do you want to taste it? I want to be in you Bella, I want to bury myself in you balls deep. Mmmmmm... Bella, I want to fuck you until you can't cum anymmore." I placed my mouth over his nipple and began to suck, at the very moment my mouth made contact with his skin, he erupted, hot like lava onto my stomach. I dipped myself into the water while Jacob retrieved his shorts. We could hear everyone down the beach, hollering for us. As we swam back, in the distance we could see the start of the fire. Little butterflies were dancing around in my stomach at the thought of tonight, meeting everyone. We got out of the water and everyone's eyes were on us. Embry still had that look on his face from earlier, and Seth was grinning from ear to ear. We still had to change, so we went a little ways into the woods with our clean clothes and towels to dry off with. I stripped down and Jacobs eyes raped me. "Your a little impatient aren't you Bella?" he grinned down at me. "I'm a good mind not to give you any after that little stunt back there." I heard the leaves rustle back behind me, Jacobs eyes darted to where the sound was coming from, "Fuck Seth, get the hell out of here, don't you see we are trying to change?" "Do you see what I mean Bella, there is no exceptions to the rule where you are concerned. Already one of my so called friends is trying to sneak a peek at you." I laughed, he truly was jealous. "So see Jake, you have no choice but to take care of my needs."

"Jacob, wipe that worried look off of your face, you know for a damn fact that I wouldn't do that, you have to trust me, I love you, not them or anyone else for that matter." He nodded his head, and his face relaxed. "I know Bells, but you don't know my friends, put it to you this way, they would fuck a hole in the wall if it was wet. I just don't want them getting any funny ideas, and with alcohol in the mixture it might get kind of crazy tonight. In the past they have done some pretty freaky shit. I mean yeah, this is part of my life, but now you are a big part of it and I don't want anything to happen that I will regret, or you will regret. So let's just have a couple of drinks tonight so we can keep things under control." I had no problem with that, I don't even like the taste of the stuff. We finished getting our dry clothes on, I looked down and noticed that my fingers looked like wrinkled raisins from being in the water so long. I was ready to have a little fun. It was beginning to get a little dark outside, and a bit cool, I figured I wouldn't have any trouble staying warm with the fire, and not to mention Jacob. I am sure he was not going to let me out from under his protective eyes tonight.

Jacob took me by the hand as we got near the edge of the woods, before we stepped out he bent down and kissed me sweetly on the lips. I would never grow tired of just how soft and warm his lip are, and the taste was out of this world.

Getting closer to the source of all the noise and laughter, my nervous heart took flight. It beat as fast as a humming birds wings. Jacob began pointing everyone out, "Bella, that is Sam, Emily, Jared, Paul, and Quil, you have already met Embry and Seth." Leah will be joining us later, she has some kind of problem as always " I think that was Sam that said that but I couln't be for sure. Hopefully I would know them by name before the night was over. "It is really good to finally meet you all." They seemed to all respond back at almost the same time, their voices mixing together. Jacob and I took our place on a big log beside Sam and Emily. Emily leaned over to Bella whispering somehting in her ear. Emily knew I could hear her as everyone else could here, but Bella wasn't aware. She said, "Bella, I have to warn you, this group is a big bunch of idiots when they get together." Bella just smiled and blushed at Emily. Emily offered her a drink, it was one of those Bacardi Twists, I think it was green apple. As Emily took the top off for Bella, yep sure enough, the sharp smell of the drink made my stomach lurch. "Jacob, do you want one?" That was just not my kind of drink, it was either beer, or Jack and Coke, or if I really wanted to rip myself a new asshole, Tequilla Gold straight up. "What do you have in there Emily?" She was digging in the three coolers that they dragged all of the way down here. "Just all of the usual stuff Jacob. I picked up your favorite from the liquor store for you, Jack Daniels, a whole fifth."

I knew I had to show some restraint if I wanted to keep things under control, because Jack and I have a long history together, and it hasn't always been pretty. "Uh...give me one Jack and Coke, if you don't mind. But only one, and then I think I will just stick to a couple of beers." Quil called me a big pussy. I'll show him pussy alright when I break his nose off of his face. Bella was sipping on her sissy drink over there, putting her mouth around the end of it. I nudged her shoulder, "Is it good?" She hiccupped and whispered in my ear, "Not as good as you!" She had almost finished the entire bottle before I even got to my first drink. "Slow down Bells, we have all night, I want you coherent for the festivities." Embry interupted, "Come on Jake, let the girl drink, she is old enough to make her own mind up about how much and how fast she drinks it." Bella smiled at him in appreciation for taking up for her, being on her side. I finished my first drink pretty fast. The first part of the party was everybody gettin a few drinks in them to loosen up, and then the games will begin. Across the fire I could see Embry glance at Bella every few secconds, each time on a different part of her body. I don't think I am going to be able to deal with this, it is harder than I thought. Bella was oblivious to this as she chatted away to Emily, like she had known her for half a century.

**Embry POV**

That lucky dog, he gets to imprint on the love of his life, not to mention that she is beautiful and sexy as hell. My mind is running crazy at the thought of me pressed against her back, mmmmmm... I wonder what it would be like to be pressed against her front. There is just something about her that pulls me in, but I can't put my finger on it. I mean for Christ's sake, she has on an old pair of sweats and a holy rugby shirt. Nothing sexy, but her in them makes it sexy. I wonder if her and Jake have yet, Jake hasn't phased in a while so I haven't been able to get in his head, and before I met her I wasn't really interested at what he had in his head. But I am for sure interested now, just the thought of her lips on mine, her ass pressed against me, the smell of her, the taste of her. Quit it Embry! I have to remember that is Jacobs girl and she is off limits. But could I stay away?

**Please review this chapter. My next chapter will be a continuance of this one. Will Embry over step his boundaries with Bella tonight? What will Jacob do? Is Bella strong enough to walk away? Review people, I need input. Thanx to all that read and review. **


	29. The Pack Continued

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, all characters belong to the infamous Stephanie Meyer. **

**Chapter 29-The Pack Continued**

*Just to clarify, most of Embry's point of view is him talking to himself in his mind. If he actually talks I will put it in quotations. That is how I write, if you haven't noticed. Just a little tip....

**Embrys POV**

I can't be sure of myself, or even trust myself after what happened today. The memory of her, the smell of her sweet skin. Shit, just the memory is making me hard. I put my hand in my lap so no one would be the wiser. Jake has his arm around her waist holding her against him, when he is not looking at her, he turns to glare at me with a skeptical look on his face. I know he can sense something off, but since he can't read my mind at the moment he has no idea what that somehting is, and I am glad of that. Maybe he will be too drunk to care later on when we do phase. When Jake had his full attention focused on Sam, I took the opportunity to look at Bella. Wow, she is beautiful, I am wondering if it is possible that Jake made a mistake about the imprint. Because I feel so drawn to her. We are not actually supposed to be able to make a mistake as far as imprinting is concerned, so I guess I can check that possibility off of my list. Being highly attracted to someone else's imprint is dangerous, I need to keep my distance. Bella's eyes caught my deception, she was looking at me with lazy eyes, and a crooked grin. Oh my god, her full lips, her beautiful chestnut hair. I have to quit obsessing like this, it is not healthy.

I watched Jacobs hand rub circles on the inside of her knee, wishing that it was my hand indstead of his. Her eyes were now staring back into his, and then he kissed her, he kissed those lips, that I have thought about all day. Obsessed about all day is more like it. After leaving Jakes today I had to rush home and take care of myself. My dick was so hard it hurt, at the rate I am going tonight I will surely have blue balls within the hour. I have to get up and walk around, before I loose all senses. I heard Quil shouting at me, "Hey man, where are you going?" I didn't want to answer but knew I should, "Just down the beach for a minute, be back in a jiffy." I took my bottle and headed down the beach. Maybe if I get a little toasty, and come back ,things will be mellow, and not so high strung.

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**BPOV**

My head was spinning as Jacob released his lips from mine, making a loud smacking noise. I have already drank two of these fruity drinks, not really helping the spinning effect, I'm sure. After the kiss I noticed that Embry was walking away, down the beach. I caught him staring me down earlier, I wonder if that was the cause of his dismissal. "Hey Emily, do you have something that is not so sweet in there, this is kinda making my stomach hurt a little?" Emily was digging in the cooler that was closest to her. "Do you want a Jack and Coke, or a little Tequilla?" Jake was staring at me now, "are you sure you want more Bells, you are gonna get drunk." "Oh Jacob, let me have a little fun. Uh, I guess I will just have a little bit of that Tequilla, I heard that was good." Emily smiled as she poured me about 1/4 of a red plastic Solo cup. "Here Bella, take this lime and suck on it after you take a sip, it cuts down on the alcohol taste, that stuff is pretty stout." With Jakes eyes burning a hole through the side of my face, I took my first sip. My stomach rolled, I thought I was going to hurl, I shoved the lime in my mouth, as I felt the liquid burn all the way down my throat, and hit my stomach like an atomic bomb. Jacob laughed at my expression, I could feel my face pucker.

Everyone was getting a little looser, letting the alcohol induce them into a relaxed state. It kind of reminds me of the way Jasper did his mind control thing. Emily and Sam were now up dancing to the music, and the a couple of the other ones, though I am not sure which two, were wrestling in the sand. Jacob downed his fifth Jack and Coke. He had a drop threatening to spill off of his bottom lip. I stuck my tongue out and licked the drop before it could fall, letting my tongue linger, and pulling his full bottom lip into my mouth. He growled into my mouth, at the sound I felt the wetness begin to pool at my core. Jacobs hand slowly inched up my leg, placing his pinky finger at the edge, and grazed it just once, teasing me through my pants. The wetness, was making my underwear wet with desire, I could feel it seep through the fabric. "If you keep that up Jacob Black, we are gonna have to leave early." He continued to laugh at me. "What is so funny?" "Bella, you are drunk already." He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "and by the way I can smell you, but that doesn't mean I am giving you any."

**Seths POV**

The wind was picking up, it felt good and cool blowing through my hair. "Hey Jake, do you mind, you know you have a bit of a lonely audience here". Them two are probably too buzzed to even care. Jacob looked at me, "Well don't watch then, or do, I don't give a fuck, if it bothers you that much." I knew he was teasing but it really didn't bother me, I just like to fuck with him, that's all. And then from somewhere unknown, a familiar scent hit me hard in the face. My nostrils flared, and my head fell back trying to figure out that smell. "Yes!" oh no, I said that out loud and everyone turned to look at me, confusion on their faces. I know what that is, it is the same smell of those panties, I didn't have them with me, and I had taken a shower so I know the smell couldn't be lingering on me somewhere. The wind has to be carrying it from somewhere, but where? I got up and began following my nose like a hound dog, on a trail. When I would leave the group the scent would become faint, and when I back tracked and got closer, it became stronger. I walked around behind Jacob and Bella, pretending to stare out at the water. The smell was so strong, it made my mouth water. Could it be? No, I didn't want to think of it being her, I stood closer to Emily, thinking maybe I had just never noticed before. It wasn't her!!! Then it hit me, the only other female here is Bella. I kneeled down to talk to Jake, "Jake, you wanna get everybody together and play a little football, are you up for it, or up for something else?" I said this while glancing at Bella, moving my sensitive nose in her direction. I took a deep breath and fell backwards onto my ass. It was her, I can't believe it! She smells so sweet, even better in person, I mean the panties were great, but the real thing is awesome. I felt the bulge in my pants quiver against my boxers. I feel like teasing Jake a little, "Jacob, you are one lucky fucker to have Bella here." I looked at her and smiled, "If he ever hurts you, ya know where to find me Bella."

Jacob launched at me, chasing me down the beach, I ran at top speed but knew he could out run me anyday. He tackled me hard, and brought me down to the sand. "Whoa Jake, just kiddin." He punched me hard in the chest, and growled, but he still had a smile on his face, so I knew he wasn't mad at me. "Paws off my girl Seth. " I put my hands off in agreement with him, Jake was huge, and he could take me, or any one of us for that matter. He pulled me up with one hand. We walked back down the beach, everyone was sitting around the fire now. I noticed Leah had made it, she was throwing knives at Bella with her eyes. "Ya know Jake, Leah is over there giving your girlfriend death glares." Jake shook his head, "I guess I better hurry before I want to put my own foot in Leahs mouth, you know how she doesn't care who's feelings she hurts. I can't help it if she likes me, I just don't like her that way, she is more like a pesky little sister."

**JPOV**

I ran the rest of the way down the beach back to Bella, she looked uncomfortable with Leah there. I sat back down beside her and placed my arm back around her, she was shivering in my absence. I have to remember that she is not as warm blooded as I am. "Hey Bells, sorry about that, I had to go pounce on Seth, to set him straight." I glared at Leah, she did not need to be staring at Bella like that, it made me uneasy. Sam pulled Leah off to the side, I heard everything, "Leah, Bella is here with Jake, you need to leave her alone. She is practically one of us now, since Jacob has imprinted on her. I am sorry things didn't work out for you, but you need to accept it. You don't have to like it, but move on with your life. I will not tolerate you mistreating her." The fact that Sam was taking up for Bella, made me feel good. He knows how it is to imprint on someone, all of the others do not. They have only heard stories. Leah came towards us, she stuck out her hand for Bella to shake, and kind of looked ashamed of her behavior. Wow that's a first. "Hi Bella! It is good to meet you, Uhhh.. I'm sorry about the way I acted, it was totally uncalled for." Bella told her that there was really no reason to apologize, that she understood how stressfull introducing someone new into a group of friends. She was too damn understanding for her own good.

"Who's up for a game of football?" I wanted to do something besides sit here and be uncomfortable with Leah staring at me the whole night, and I knew she wouldn't want to play, she never does. All the guys agreed, Emily finally said she would after a little persuasion from Sam. "Come on Bella, it will be fun, I promise we will be easy on you." I grabbed behind her neck and planted a very wet kiss on her, hoping it would help. "Will you please play with me?" I whispered in her ear, then tracing it with my tongue. A soft moan escaped her lips. "Yes, you've talked me into it. Well it is more like you coaxed me into it with your evil ways." She got up and dusted her rear off, almost falling over in the process. I grabbed her elbow to steady her. We gathered around so Sam and I , the usual team captains could choose teams. Hmmm, do I want to choose Bella or not? Maybe I should.... "Bella, I choose you, Jared, Emily and Quil." Sam chose, Seth, Embry, Paul, and Leah. It was not quite an even match, but we would sure give them a run for their money. We huddled and made our plan. Trying to use my good sense in thinking that maybe the guys would be scared to takle her , so we agreed that it would be best to throw her the ball. Each team was lined up, and ready for the play. "1....2....3....I threw Bella the ball, and I seen from about 40 yards down the beach Embry was on her tail. He wouldn't!? And then, if it was possible to takle someone gently, he established it. I watched it in slow motion, Embry took her down softly to the ground, Bella rotated to face her attacker, he placed his hand around the back of her head, as she fell backwards he put out his other arm to break the fall. He was treating her like a fine piece of china.

It felt like an eternity as I watched the whole painful thing, I was glued to the sand, frozen. All I could do is watch. Embry's body was on hers now, he could have prevented that, with his kind of strength, but he let his body cover hers, and animatedly let his face fall inches from hers. Their lips were no more than centimeters apart. He paused looking her in the eyes, and breathing heavy. If I would have walked up on this not knowing what was going on, I would have thought that they were about to make love. Why is he not getting off of her? My wolf started howling, shaking in me, rage spilling over.

**Please review! Will Embry make a mistake this early in the game? Keep reading and reviewing. Luvs and Hugs!!!!**


	30. Eyes Wide Shut

**Not mine!!!!! Totally Stephanie Meyers!!!**

**Keep in mind that Bella is completely drunk!! Don't be haters, everybody gets drunk and makes bad decisions.**

**Chapter 30-Eyes Wide Shut**

My heart was racing as I tackled Bella to the ground. I knew that I should not be doing this, but I had to be close to her, even if it is just an innocent game of football. Aren't we suppose to tackle the one with the ball? Surely nobody would notice that I was being careful not to hurt her, I didn't want to hurt her, I want to hold her. Bella was beneath me on the sand, my whole body was pressed up against her, my lips could accidentally brush against hers with the fall. I could feel the frantic beat of her heart, her deep, rapid breaths. It felt like everything was going in slow motion, Bella had a dazed look in her eye, she was still holding the football under her left arm, and the other arm was extended like she is going to try and push me away. I felt eyes from every direction watching my every move. I have to get off of her but I don't want to, it is like there is an unbreakable force holding me to her. I looked down at her and spoke in a whisper, "Sorry Bells...I just......" Reluctantly pushing myself off of her, I noticed she was not moving either. She layed there in the sand like she was frozen, did I have the same effect on her? Nah, she is probably just in shock. "Bella.....Bella!? Earth to Bella...." She finally came around, looked at me and smiled, boy she is drunk.. With an alcohol laden tone, her words slurring as she spoke while pointing her finger in my general direction, "You...uh...you....called me Bells...."

"What is wrong with that, you don't like people calling you that?" As I reached down to take Bella by the hand to help her up, a deep, snarling voice was behind me. "Embry, I can handle it from here, and no, she doesn't like anyone but _**ME**_calling her that. " I looked Jacob in the eye, his eyes were formed in slits, with his brow forming a shed over them. His posture was stiff, with his fists clenched at his sides, his whole form shook with the wolf. "Hey man, calm down, she is not hurt, I made sure of that Jake." He bent down to my ear made sure he spoke low enough so only I could hear. "I know what you are trying to do, but I don't know why. I can understand why, but Embry, you are my best friend, and friends just don't do this to each other." Jacobs voice changed from anger to complete hurt within seconds. I knew I was out of danger now, but I shouldn't be worried about that, I have hurt my best friend. Bella came to stand next to me with her hand on her hip, "Ja..cob,...hiccup.... don't be uggaly with Embry, he did....hiccup...not hurt.....me. Hiccup.....now.....you....apolo...giiiize.."

Jacob released his attention from me and averted it towards Bella, his face becoming a little angry, "So what now Bella, you taking up for him? Hmph, me apologize? I don't think so, all I have to be sorry about is trusting anyone, including you..." As Jacob finished his harsh words, tears started to fill Bella's eyes, Jacobs words were relentless. "Go ahead, cry, why don't you run to Embry, I know he wouldn't have any objections." I couldn't help but flinch as his words spat out at her. "Jacob....easy...this is all my doing. Don't blame Bella, it is not her fault." I suddenly felt like I needed to protect her, she was sobbing uncontrollably, and he wouldn't let it go. His hand moved to the bridge of his nose, scrunching his eyes shut. The rest of the group moved back around the fire, not wanting to interfere with our business. Being connected through the pack is bad enough, I guess they figured when it was at all possible they would stay out of it. I was thankful!!! I leaned in closer to Jacob, "listen man, she is pretty drunk, she doesn't know what she is saying. Just take it easy on her, don't say anything you might regret later." When Jacobs eyes met mine, the fury was gone, it was replaced with tears of his own. "Just get her away from me." I couldn't believe him, "But..." He interrupted me with an ear splitting yell, "NOW!"

I knew I had better do as I was told, I felt myself beginning to cower like I was under Sam's command. Jacob was hurt because of what I did, and the fact that Bella took up for me was like icing on the cake. I took Bella by the hand and started leading her up the beach. She looked back and whispered, "Jacob...My Jacob.....please!" The torture in her voice was unbearable. As we were out of sight I heard the pained howl of a wolf, Jacobs wolf. He did not want Bella to see him that way, phasing while he was angry, in fear of hurting her or scaring her one. "Bella, lets sit here okay?" There was a large piece of driftwood, faded white in the sun. She leaned in, placing her head on my shoulder, I didn't make any advances to put my arm around her, but allowed her to stay put. I had already caused enough damage as it is. All I could hear around me was the steady crashing of the waves, the endless sobbing, and the irregular beats of her heart. We sat in silence, the violent sobbing ceased, and an involuntary hitch in her throat took it's place, her breathing became deep and slow, the beats were slow and in perfect rhythm, I looked down as she knotted her hand in my shirt at my chest like she was holding on for dear life. She shivered,she was asleep, sitting straight up! I put my arm around her, supporting all of her weight, trying to warm her. I didn't want to be responsible for her freezing to death too.

My mind quickly went back about two years when I had a girlfriend named Sara. Bella reminded me alot of her, so beautiful and kind. Sara moved away and I was devastated to say the least. I knew she wasn't my imprint but she was sure close enough. Maybe that is the reason I am so drawn to Bella, until now I didn't realize that. I bent down to press my nose into her hair, breathing it all in. She smells so damn good! I was unconsciously rubbing circles on her shoulder with my hand. "Mmmm....Ja.....cob!" Oh shit, she thinks I am Jake, this is not good, not good at all. Before I could wake her, without opening her eyes, her mouth found my neck, she latched on, sucking violently. I could feel the blood coming to the surface. This was making my body do things it never has before. I felt a rush of heat flood through me. I needed to tell her to stop, that it was me and not him. I couldn't force my lips to open, completely paralyzed by Bella. This is wrong, in every way, but it feels so right! She placed her tiny hand to the bulge in my pants, and I came unglued. She moved her hand up and down my length like a well seasoned pro. She went to unbutton my pants, but I stopped her, that I could not allow. Out came her protest, eyes still shut, mouth still pressed against my neck. "Jake......please....let me, I want to make you feel good...make you cum."

Her voice seemed to pout right along with her lip. As her hand had a death grip on me below, the knot in my stomach became unhinged, releasing a fire that swelled up inside of me. Here I am letting my best friends, drunken imprint jack my dick. I could not deny her, I didn't have enough will power. Letting her release me from the restraints of my pants, my dick sprang out like it was set for a booby trap. Her hand encircled me. I knew my length was not quite as big as Jacobs, but around I had him beat. I knew this because of us growing up together, taking showers in the school locker room. I hope Bella wouldn't be the wiser, but then again if she caught me, I wouldn't have to be the strong one here. "Oh, Jacob...you've gotten bigger...mmmm!" Yep, she noticed, but too drunk to put two and two together. Her hand was cold in contrast to my warmth, the mixture was wonderful. She started off slow, moving up and down my shaft, not missing and inch. Paying close attention to my sensitive tip, lingering there, my hips bucked against her. I would not last long at this rate, the feeling was all to overwhelming. The fire that is raging in me, is now centralized and focused in on Bella's hand as it worked its magic. I stopped her, dragging in a ragged breath, hissing through my teeth. My mouth was on hers, kissing her, her lips danced with mine, my tongue wanting entrance. I forced it through her closed mouth.

The taste of her sweet mouth enveloped me, my hand wound tight in the back of her hair, not able to get her close enough. At this point I felt like if I was in her, I still wouldn't be close enough. She began to moan into my mouth, and me into hers. I placed myself between her legs, with me on the sand and her on the piece of wood. Pressing my body against her as she continued to stroke. Her movement was now vicious against my smooth, hard skin. Instinctively, I rubbed myself into her hand, everytime she went down, my hips thrust, bringing with it animalistic moans. Her other hand rippled down my stomach towards my throbbing erection. Now both hands were gripping me, she moved them in opposite directions, in a circling motion, over the head and back down, grazing against my balls. I was coming close to the end, a few more strokes and I was there. I threw my head back, not paying attention, all I could feel was her, then something warm and wet came in contact with me. Shit..her mouth was taking me in, she gagged as I hit the back of her throat. I could feel her teeth graze my sensitive skin. I was to wide for her mouth, as I moaned louder, she began to blink slightly, "No, close your eyes!" I said in the best Jacob voice I could muster. Pulling her mouth back to mine, grabbing her and exploding into her hand. "Oh Bella...shit....fuck....Bella!"

With my eyes closed, letting my body come down from this high, her hand was still resting on me as it jerked, under her touch. When I looked at her, her mouth gaped open, and her eyes were wide on mine.!!!

**Please, please review. Sorry it took me so long to update. I didn't really know where to take the story until last night in my dream. So how do you like it?**


	31. Deceptions

**This is not mine, I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 31-Deceptions**

**BPOV**

As drunk as I am, I am sure complete shock covered my face. Gasping at the sight of my hand around Embry, the warm wetness of his release in my hand. His eyes searching mine, ready for me to explode. Okay Bella, let's think rational here, I thought to myself. I was sure, in my head that it was Jake this whole time, but it obviously was not. And then my memory came back, the last thing I remember is being torn away from Jacob with Embry holding me by the hand, dragging me down the beach, with my uncontrollable sobs. After that point it was all cloudy, vague... It had been Embry, the love of my life's best friend, here with me. And me doing who knows what. I felt the tears start to sting the corners of my eyes, the thought of what just played out, made me sick with the fear of having to tell Jacob. "Where is Jacob?" I mustered up enough courage to ask him. I didn't really know him that well, but after tonight I guess I knew him much better than before. "I don't really know Bella, maybe you should just let him calm down a bit before we try and find him. He was pretty mad you know?" No I didn't know. "What happened, why is he mad?"

I couldn't hold back the stinging tears any longer, they spilled on my cheeks as I waited for Embry to respond. "You remember when we were playing football, I tackled you when I shouldn't have. Jake got jealous, and was rightfully angry with me. But when you took up for me, it added fuel to the fire." I urged him to continue, "go ahead Embry," I remember playing football, but the last part I do not, so please continue." "Well, when he started yelling at you, blaming you for everything, I butted in, trying to protect you. I couldn't sit there and let his words hurt you. You were crying, and pleading with your eyes for him to stop, and he wouldn't. He wouldn't let it go! He just told me to get you away from him, well actually demanded it, so I did." I could feel my face blush at the thought of my next question, but I needed to know. Looking down at my hand still full of his release, "How did this happen?" He shot me a Jacob looking grin, all crooked and cocked to the side. Shit, no wonder I thought it was Jake in the drunken state I am in. Some of the effects from the alcohol was wearing off, bringing me back to reality with each question I asked.

"Well?"

"Ya see, you was crying and shivering from the cold as you laid your head on my shoulder, so I put my arm around you to keep you warm. I think you had fallen asleep from all of the stress and the alcohol. You leaned into me, grabbing my shirt, whispering Jacob's name. So instantly I knew that you thought that I was Jacob. I wanted to tell you, but somehow I couldn't, the things you were doing to me, made my body feel like it has never felt before. When you started fondling me..." His eyes looked down to his erection, "I tried to stop you, but then you begged me to touch it, wanting to make me feel good. So I let you, Bella I am a man, and no man in their right mind would even attempt to stop you. As I neared my release, I did little to pay attention, all I felt was you around me, and then I felt your warm, beautiful mouth on me, it was to late to stop you. I didn't want to stop you, I had no desire in me to to stop it, the only desire was for me to be in you, other places. I am not ashamed of myself or you Bella, I wanted this, and when the opportunity presented itself, I was shocked that it happened so soon, but I wasn't going to deny myself this chance." "But he is your best friend Embry, how could you?"

"Best friend or not, he is the one that sent us away, he knows I am attracted to you but he sent us off alone anyway." I needed to get back to Jacob, to tell him that I am sorry. I got up and went to the edge of the water, bent over to wash my hands in the surf, then splashing water on my face. The water was icy, but it was refreshing. I felt two large hands around my waist, and something very hard pressed against my back as I looked out at the ocean. "Bella, I want you...I can treat you better than him. Let me show you how I can make you feel." A familiar ache made itself known. No, I had to ignore that so I could stay true to Jacob. Pulling away, I turned to face him. "Embry, leave me alone... I am with Jake, I love him." He had an evil grin on his face, "I know you love him Bella, but this has nothing to do with love, have you every just fucked somebody because the pure desire was to overwhelming. Where you didn't have to think about the act of making love. Just to tune into your deep rooted fantasies, and let yourself go in someone.? Well, I can be that someone for you. I will do anything you want me to do to you Bella." "I want you to go fuck yourself Embry." My words lashed out at him, I had to draw the line, the buck stopped here. "Where.....is........Jacob?...."

He knew I meant business but still a little full of himself, "I seen him run off into the woods, but I am not sure that you want to see him like this Bella. You know what I am saying to you is right, you are attracted to me too, I can see it, sense it almost." I turned away from him, with utter disgust on my face. I heard him behind me, down the beach, "You'll be back, mark my words." Uhhh, I thought, the nerve of him. I ran into the woods frantically searching with my weak human eyes. I needed Jacob, but with all of these dangerous branches, threatening to trip me up. I slowed as I heard a deep familiar voice, the voice was coming from not far up ahead. Being careful not to make any sound, I inched closer to the voice. Was it Jacob? And then I knew it was, and what I saw, crushed my heart like a vice. It was Jacob, behind Leah, bent over a boulder, he was pounding into her with such a force that I am sure he never unleashed on me. The jealous tears exploded onto my face, dripping to the ground. I heard him say, "Is this what you wanted Leah, huh, my big dick in you?" Unlike me, he is totally aware of what he is doing, and who he is doing it with. As he ground into her, his body shook as he pulled out and released onto her back. Coldly said, "you know this changes nothing. I just want you to understand that." The hole in my chest burst back open, I gasped and he looked in my direction.

I ducked down behind the huge boulder that I was hiding behind. I could hear him talking as I tried to muffle any sound that came out of my mouth. I thought I was going to throw up, with the pressure on my chest. It felt like a two ton elephant was sitting on me. "Leah, I needed to loose myself in someone, just this once, don't tell Bella. I need to go and find her, to tell her I am sorry." Leah agreed with him, that it would be best that I didn't know. The thought of him, keeping this from me, at least I was going to come to terms and tell him on my own. I saw Jacob get dressed and start on the trail that led him back down to the beach. When I knew he was out of range to hear me, I turned the other way and ran as fast as I could, dodging the trees, picking up my feet to make sure I didn' trip. I couldn't see because the tears in my eyes fogged my vision. I wanted to be as far away from this place as possible. I had been running a good long while, when I happened upon this familiar place. It was the meadow, where Edward and I fell in love. where we spent allot of long days, in the prime of our relationship. I sat in the middle, where him and I sat many times, it was the best spot for the sun to shine through the trees. He would sparkle, sending prisms of light all around him.

I pulled my knees into my chest and held them there so tight, I felt like I was going to pull them through my own body. Rocking myself, trying to push the ache that was trying to put up residence in my heart again. Sobbing into my knees. I was cold and all alone, I guess this would be the way I died, considering in between bouts of bliss in my life, came overwhelming pain. Every man in my life has left me alone and broken. At least Edward, in his own mind had a good reason. But Jake, he just got angry that I took up for Embry, and went off and fucked Leah. I know what I did, is not much better, but at least I had in my mind it was Jacob. I vowed to never drink alcohol again, it causes people make very stupid mistakes. If and when I seen Jake, I would tell him what happened between Embry and I, and then I would wait for him to tell me. I would give him a chance to explain, but if he made the choice to continue his lies, I would let him know about me seeing the whole thing. Hopefully he would tell me himself... At least then, maybe we can get past this whole mess. The life that was going so well only a few hours ago, was falling in shambles, at my feet.

Burying my face in my hands as I continued to rock and sob. "Bella!?" , I heard his velvet voice melt around me. I stopped my tears so I could listen carefully. I looked around me, trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness. The only light, was the light of the moon. Is this my imagination? "Edward?" Nothing, but me and I am sure the thousands of creatures that lived here. A few moments passed, "I am here Bella, don't cry!" I continued to scan the trees around me, but knew if he didn't want me to see him, I wouldn't. "Where.......?" Then he was crouched down at the edge of our meadow, pain written all over his face. "Bella, I won't come any closer if you don't want me to." I knew he needed to keep his distance, but I did need someone to talk to. "No, please.....I need to talk, I need....." The sobs came in heavy bouts. He went to touch my face but pulled back just centimeters away, "Did he hurt you Bella?" Yes he had hurt me, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell Edward that. And then it came out without me giving it permission. "Yes, yes he did Edward, he told me he loved me, and he fucked Leah. I saw him behind her, sticking his dick in her, pounding her. But I did something bad to, but I was drunk and didn't realize, and he knew...." I couldn't continue. Edward reached out and pulled me to his cold, stone chest. I didn't have the strength to move, I would, just this once, let him make all of my pain go away.

Oh Edward, it hurts so bad.... I don't know what I am going to do." My tears soaked his baby blue button down shirt. "I'm sorry." I said trying to wipe my tears away. "Shhh luv, everything is going to be okay, I will take your pain away Bella, I promise he will never have the chance to hurt you again. Do you want to hear your lullaby?" I just shook my head into his chest, unable to answer. He began humming my lullaby, comforted by the familiarity of him, my sobs quietened as I fell asleep in his cool embrace.

**Review it!!!! Tell me what you think. Don't hate Bella, she is a woman scorned. Hell, she made her mistake, but where does that leave Bella and Jake? What does it mean for Edward? Will he do, what he promised Jacob? Stay tuned in for more. Give me lots of reviews and I might feel inspired to write more. :)**


	32. Stop Spazzing on Me!

**To all of my frantic, pissed off readers. Hang in there, you will soon find out that Bella fell while running in the forest and struck her head on a rock. She had visions of Jacob deceiving her with Leah, and the whole thing with Edward isn't totally a dream. He is always around waiting for Jacob to screw up. Don't be mad, keep on reading. What is up with you guys spazzing out on me? Chillax!!!**


	33. Screwed Up Big Time

**You know the drill. Of course you do, I do not own any of these damn sexy characters, and I think I might cry.**

_***To my avid readers, I appreciate all of your reviews. I like to hear what you think, but keep in mind that I cannot please everyone. I have it all in my head the way I want the story to turn out, let me write and I promise most of you will be happy. In life we all make mistakes, and some of them can be life altering. I am bringing that to life here, if all I wrote was fuzzy fu-fu stuff it wouldn't seem real. Not to me anyway!!! But hang in there! Thanx**_

**Chapter 33-Screwed Up Big Time**

**JPOV**

I needed Bella to be away from me, far away from me at this point. I felt my the hair on my neck begin to stand on end, and my organs shift around getting ready to phase. I couldn't let her see me, not like this, angry and in wolf form. I yelled at Embry, "NOW!" He did as he was told, and the last thing I heard and seen was Bella's sad face, and pleading voice. "Jacob...my Jacob...please." She looked back at me with her hand outstretched. Embry was dragging her along the way. My heart beat rapidly as the wolf in me became stronger, it was to late for me to stop it. I want to go to her, I need to go to her ,but it will have to wait. As my beast took over, every muscle in me twitched, and I shook until he came to surface. This is the last thing I wanted, mostly now when it is suppose to be a fun and happy evening for us. I saw Embry and Bella round the corner, totally out of sight, and I let out a loud howl and began to run. Running through the woods, all I thought about is tuning into my inner wolf, letting him take over my instincts. This is the quickest way, that I can calm down and get back to Bella, to tell her I #m sorry that I overeacted. I have a tendency to do that.

I love the way the ground gives beneath my feet, and the sound of the twigs, and leaves crunch between them. The one thing I love most about being a wolf is the freedom to run as far and as fast as you want. There are alot of advantages, but also alot of disadvantages. Earlier was a prime example, me loosing my temer with Bella. Come to think of it, she really didn't do anything wrong, she just didn't want us to fight, which is understandable. And I am the stupid one that sent her off alone with that hormone riddled teenager Embry. "Shit!" I need to get back, I sure hope that kid doesn't do anything he will regret. I will have to kill him! I had been running for about an hour it seems. Bella may have already decided to go home, at least then I will know she is safe. But knowing Bella, she steers clear from safety, it is danger that follows her.

I ran as fast as I could, feeling the muscles in my legs contract and release, I pushed them to the limit. It felt like it took me longer to get back than it did going. I guess it is because I wanted to get back quickly. It seems like the more you want something, the harder it is to achieve it. I arrived at my house, the moon was high in the sky, I estimated that I had been gone well over an hour. It had gotten reasonably darker since I had left. I went in and to my room to grab a pair of sweats, considering I had busted out of my other ones earlier. They are laying in shreds on the beach. Billy was on the couch watching the news, "Son, where is Bella?" I was ashamed, I didn't want to tell him what happened, but with the way word traveled around here he would find out soon enough. Looking down at my feet not wanting to meet his wise old eyes, "Dad, I got angry and said some really mean things to her. I sent her away with Embry because I needed to phase, I couldn't control it dad. I need to go and find her, to explain, say I'm sorry."

I felt my chest tighten, and my eyes were filling fast with hot tears. They spilled over as I continued. "I love her dad, she is my life, why did I hurt her, why?" I was on my knees, sobbing into my own hands. "What if she leaves me dad, I don't know what I am going to do, I can't live without her." The amount of tears that soaked the floor is ridiculous. It should be against the law for an almost grown man to produce this many tears. "Jacob, pull yourself together, I am sure Bella will listen to reason. Go talk to her okay?" "Thanks dad, and could we keep this little episoda a secret?" He just nodded and half smiled at me. I ran out the door and down to the beach. My eyes scanned the crowd, I seen everyone but Bella. "Where is Bella, did she go home?" I was kind of hoping she did, because I could just go and talk to her there. Embry was looking away from me, never looking me in the face. I went over to him and tried to make him look at me. Everybody became silent as I towered over my best friend. "Embry, would you like to tell me where Bella is?" He still didn't look me in the eye, "Come on man, where in the hell is she?" The silence was driving me mad.

Finally he spoke, "I don't know Jake." He said shrugging his shoulders. "What in the fuck do you mean you don't know? She was with you when I left, and now you are telling me that YOU....DON"T.....KNOW! The hell you don't know. Look kid either you tell me, or I will beat it out of you." "Calm down Jacob, she went looking for you in the woods. I couldn't stop her!" This is just great! "You couldn't stop her Em, for christ's sake you are a wolf for crying out loud, and you couldn't stop her." Embrys face fell, "She really wanted to find you Jacob, she was pretty upset." "I know and she had every reason to be Embry, but I didn't expect you to just let her go off in the woods alone, do you know how dangerous that is." Embry was confused, he didn't know that Bella was a danger magnet. As I walked away I pointed in his direction, "You know we are not finished here Em, but I have more pressing matters on my hands right now. I will deal with you later."

My mind is full with all kinds of thoughts, when I neared the edge of the forest I took the time to take off my sweats and tie them onto my leg. I couldn't afford to keep on ruining my clothes, my dad would kill me. I knew I could get to Bella faster in wolf form, my senses would be heightened so I can smell her easier. Bella's scent is so familiar to me, it shouldn't take long. I made sure to sniff the ground so I could get on her trail, sniffing along the ground about two yards into the forest, I found her scent. As fast and efficient as I could with my nose buried in the leaves, making sure I didn't loose it. I was at a steady pace, not running but steady. Bella had went deep into the woods, and there was a good possibility that she was still here and just lost, knowing her. It is dark and any human can't see well in these woods at night. If she was still here, I would find her if it takes me all night. Her scent was becoming stronger so I slowed down, barely at a crawling pace. I squinched my eyes closed, because it started making my nose burn. It was her scent, but it was somehow tainted, different. I unclenched my eyes and looked at the source of the smell. It was blood, that covered a sharp rock, on the forest floor. I put my nose closer, yep that is Bella, but where?.......

I looked around, trying to see her but she was nowhere to be seen. I put my nose back to the ground to see if I could find out where she went. By the amount of blood that is on the rock, she is hurt pretty bad. I couldn't quite put my finger on that other smell that was mixed with her. I was going insane with fear, is she okay? I had to find her. I sniffed in several directions away from the rock to try and pick up her trail. But came up with nothing. I did catch another trail, but it wasn't hers, it was too sweet, like candy. It made my stomach churn as it burnt my nostrils. And then it hit me, LEECH! Fuck, that damn bloodsucker, didn't even give me a chance. He told me he would be waiting in the wings for me to hurt Bella, but I didn't realize he would be watching that close. But what do I expect out of a fucking vampire that has nothing better to do with his infinite time. Shit,, I have totally fucked up, this makes things hard. I have to find her, make her see that I can control myself. I just had to make her see.

I headed for Bella's house, maybe he took her there, but I really doubted it. I phased back to human form at the edge of the woods behind her house. I climbed the tree leading up to her bedroom window and peeked in. She wasn't there. I listened carefully and heard the TV playing downstairs, and Charlie's loud snore. If he would have brought her here with a huge wound Charlie would not have been sleeping peacefully. So I knew they never came here, Bella would not have gone with him on her own accord, so wherever they are, he probably took her against her own will. If that fucker hurts her, or changes her, it will be the last thing his sparkly ass ever does. I didn't want to worry Billy just yet, until I knew for sure. Running again, I was going to the Cullens, I had alot of respect for Dr. Cullen, he has helped my dad out alot with his injury. The path leading up to the house reaked, it became stronger as I set foot on the porch, and knocked on the door. Carlisle answered, "Hello Jacob, what brings you here at such a late hour? Is your father okay?" He was so damn considerate, I cannot be angry with him. "Uh...No Carlisle, sorry to bother you but I was wondering, have you seen Bella?" His brow furrowed, and his lips pinched together. "Bella!? , no I haven't why?"

My heart was being painfully ripped out of my chest, she wasn't here, and I dreaded asking my next question to confirm my fears. I felt like I needed to explain, after interrupting whatever vampire doctors do. "Well, we were at a party and things got out of hand like they sometimes do. To put it in a nutshell, I got jealous and angry, and said some things that I shouldn't have said, I was really mean to her. She ran off to try and find me in the woods alone. I smelt her blood and her trail disappeared. And her scent was mixed with, well, uhhh..... one of your kind. That is why I am here, I thought that maybe one of you were hunting in the woods or something and found her." "She is not here Jacob, would you like me to help you find her?" I didn't need any of their help. "No, but thanks." I turned to walk away, and before he shut the door, "wait, there is one more thing Carlisle, is Edward at home?" He was really confused now, "No Jacob, do you need Edward for something? He hasn't been home much lately, after, you know? He wanders mostly, trying to find something to occupy his time with. He left earlier today, and I haven't seen him since, when he comes in I will let him know that you need to speak with him." "Okay, thanks again."

That did it, it is like my worst nightmare coming true. I just knew he had her, but where? Like I really needed confirmation, I was just hoping she would be somewhere where there was some kind of logic involved. At least if she was at the Cullen's home, there is Carlisle and Esme which in my book has to many good morals to be vampires. And if he had taken her back to Charlies, her dad would have been the almighty voice of reason. But no, that fucking bloodsucker has her somewhere he knows that I will have trouble locating. But I WILL find her, no matter what........

**Please review. I need input, I have been spitting these chapters out like a mad woman. Where is Bella? Will Jacob find her in time to save their relationship?**


	34. Part Of My Life

**Disclaimer: Come on, do I have to say it again? It gets depressing after a while.**

_**Authors Note: I think some of you have gotten a little confused, and I am sorry for that. People started freaking out a little, so all chapter 32 was about is putting some of your minds at ease. To clarify, Bella hit her head, and because she had a guilty conscience about Embry, she had a nightmare/vision about Jacob and Leah. So guys, that NEVER happened, Okay? Chill!!!! I like Jacob and Bella together, hence the story. **_

**Chapter 34-Part of My Life**

**BPOV**

A stabbing pain in the side of my head above my ear woke me up. I felt like screaming. Every time I tried to open my eyes, my stomach turned flips, ready to vomit at any second. So I guess I had better keep them shut, but wait.. I don't even know where I am, or what happened. I need to find out. When I opened my mouth, it felt dry and sticky like I hadn't had water in days. I couldn't speak, I tried but nothing came out. I decided that I would just listen around me, to see if I could figure it out on my own. Trying to remember why my head would hurt so bad, but nothing came to mind. I layed there trying to remember anything about today, but I couldn't. I don't even know if today is the same day I am talking about. I am so confused. I heard someones low breathing beside me, I wasn't alone, but who? I opened my eyes into slits, the light that was shining in, stung them. Owww, not a good idea! I made concentrated efforts to let whoever it was that was here with me ,know that I am awake. Focusing all of my efforts onto the one part of my body that does not hurt. My hands!

I moved each finger carefully, lifting them off of the surface that they were laying on. Whoever was here with me, if they were watching me carefully could surely see my fingers moving. My assumptions are correct, "Hold still Bella, you hit your head on a rock in the forest, you have been unconscious for three days." That voice......that voice sent my heart beating like a hummingbirds wings. "I'll be right back Bella, don't try to move, I need to make a phone call, to see if it is okay to stop the medicine." I had so many questions, but I couldn't speak or move for that matter. It is like my mind worked but my body didn't, I can hear, but that is about it. I heard him on the phone, trying to speak low so I couldn't hear. I picked up bits and pieces. "Carlisle, Bella is moving her fingers, and I can see her eyes move under her eyelids, would it be okay to stop the IV of paralytic drugs. Her head has healed alot, I think it would be okay. Alright, yes, thank you. See you soon... Bye."

I cannot begin to fathom what was going on here. Obviously first I hit my head and had a rather serious injury, second I was somewhere with Edward, but where I do not know. I need to know why I am here, so many questions. Then his velvet voice was next to me again, "Bella, I spoke to Carlisle, he will be here soon to take you off of the medicine, just hand tight, I am right here. Bella, squeeze my hand if you can hear me." I felt his cool fingers slip between mine. I gently gripped his hand, the electric current that I felt running up my arm was all to familiar. I heard him sigh, it was a sound of relief. "Bella, I know you have alot of questions, I would like to answer some of them now. Listen, when I found you, you were barely conscious, you were crying uncontrollably and continued to say Jacobs name over and over. I tried to console you but knew your injury was serious, so I ran with you to get the help you needed. Carlisle suggested that I take you to a cabin we use near the goat rock mountains. He came and tended to your injuries. He gave you a paralytic medication, putting you into a drug induced coma, it is for your safety. Don't worry, Charlie knows that you are safe, and I know you have to be wondering about Jacob. He also knows that you are safe, but we asked Charlie not to tell him where you are. Bella, when you are able, I want to know what Jacob did, to make you so upset. I don't want to hurt you Bella, by asking you about it, but I must know."

As I listened, I imagined his face, so perfect, white as an alabaster statue. His voice saturated with pain. "Bella, I want you to know that I am never to far away, waiting, and if he hurt you I will not let him do it again. I.......I love you far to much... I know you made your choice, but I want you to ask yourself if it was the right one. Don't be afraid but I brought you here with every intention on turning you, but the more I thought about it, I feel like it should ultimately be your decision. You know I would love you for all eternity, nothing holds a light in comparison to the way I feel about you, but I cannot take you without your approval. I thought I could, but now I know I can't. This is alot to think about, and I don't need an answer now, I have forever, and forever is how long I will wait for you. Any choice you make, it doesn't matter, there is nobody else for me, only you. I will respect your wishes no matter what. There is no pressure here Bella."

One thing that is not paralyzed is my emotions, I felt my eyes stinging with tears, and felt them streaming down my face. He spoke with never faltering honesty and pure conviction. His words burned to my very soul, the thought of this beautiful creature, alone for all eternity, I could not wrap my mind around it. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would love me like no other, and Jacob did knowingly betray me, or did he? Everything is so unclear, I am so confused. I heard Carlisle come in, "Is she responding, how is her head?"

Carlisle, my saving grace, Edwards father has shown me nothing but kindness and compassion. He truly brings a new meaning to vampire. The love that I have for these people, I just cannot ignore. I cannot write them out of my life for good. Even though I do not love Edward the same way anymore, I need him to be a part of my life in some way. "Bella, it's me Carlisle, I am going to flush your IV with fluids, you may be a little bit disoriented at first. It is just the drugs making it's way out of your system." I felt the good doctor at work, with the same cool touch that I have grown to love. As I layed here, I couldn't help but think of Jacob, My Sun, with his strong, warm hands. The completeness that I feel when I am with him.

But how do I keep them both in my life, is it possible to have mortal enemies co-exist? One way or another I knew that Edward and his family had to be a part of my life. I couldn't dismiss them so easily, they have made such an important impact on my life. I don't know why I thought that I could not see this before, yes I love Jacob, and he is where I belong. But on the other hand I love Edward and his family, they are every bit as much a part of me as my own family. I have to find a way, make Jacob and Edward understand how very important they are. Each having a unique role in my life, the thing is I cannot live without either one of them. Surely I can make them understand. As I began to feel the drugs lift from my system, my head throbbed, I can feel my pulse beating through it. A sudden urge of nausea rolled in my stomach. My eyes shot open, as I bolted upright, searching for something to throw up in. Edward was there with a hospital basin, holding it under my mouth. Carlisle was rubbing circles in my back as I continued to throw up, trying to comfort me. When the bouts of nausea ceased, the pain in my head was immense, and my muscles ached. When I move the stiffness was uncomfortable.

Carlisle handed me a wet washcloth so I could wipe my mouth. "Thanks." There was a raspy, hoarseness to my voice. I grabbed my throat in response, "Its okay Bella, you haven't been able to use your voice for three days. It is to be expected, don't worry, your voice will come back to normal soon." My eyes reached Carlisle's, his smile reached his eyes as I looked at him. I seen his eyes avert towards Edward. I glanced over and the look on his face made me laugh out loud. "Ouch", that hurt. The look on his face was of horror struck, his arms stretched out towards me, not knowing what to do. Ha funny, a vampire not knowing what to do in any situation is funny to me. I smiled in attempt to assuage his feelings. The crooked smile I love made itself known, he reached over and put his hand on my face, with his thumb lingering at the corner of my mouth. "Are you okay Bella?" I just nodded. I opened my mouth to try and speak. He moved his thumb over my lips, "not now, as long as your okay, there is no need to talk right now. Just rest, there is plenty of time to talk."

I needed some answers, and needed to explain alot also. I didn't have time to wait. Edward smoothed my hair back away from my face. "Edward, I have to talk now, it can't wait." His eyes squinted in disbelief, "You are stubborn, do you know that?" Carlisle came over and told us goodbye, "Bella, take it easy, I will be back later to check your progress." "Bye Carlisle, thank you." Now that Edward and I were alone, we could truly get down to business. After walking Carlisle to his car Edward stood in the doorway, and stared at me. I patted the bed beside me, beckoning for him to come and sit. As if in slow motion, Edward walked towards me, holding me with his eyes. I could tell he dreaded the talk we were about to have. When he finally sat down, he looked straight ahead at the wall in front of him. He had his hands folded in his lap, and he would not look at me. "Edward.....Edward...will you look at me?" Nothing, he continued to stare blankly at the wall. I placed my hand on his arm, "Edward....please!?" When his eyes met mine, feelings rushed in. If he could have cried he would be doing so now.

My tears flowed out burning my cheeks. Edward leaned in and placed his cool lips to my forehead. He let his lips linger there, as he held the back of my neck, moving his hand down my neck and onto my shoulder. "Bella, I already know your decision, I can see it in your eyes. You don't have to explain, I said I would respect your decision and I am standing by my word." He went to get up, I grabbed him to prevent him from doing it. If he would have wanted to get away he would have. He sat back down and looked me in the eyes. "Edward, give me a minute, I have a few things to say to you. First, to get it out of the way, my decision is still the same. I do belong with Jacob, but you see, I have come to realize that I cannot live without you. "What..do you expect me to take second place to him all of the time Bella?" "Let me finish Edward, you were my first love, and I owe it to you for the person I am today. I still love you, but not in the way you want me to. I cannot write you and your family out of my life for good. I consider them to be my family too, including you." When I included him, he became interested. "You think of me as family?"

"Yes, in a sense I do, but Edward, you will always be more than that to me. You showed me how to be in love, you opened up so many doors for me. I still love you, there is a part of me that is still "in love" with you, I think that part of me will remain for the rest of my life. But you have to understand, that I belong with Jacob, he is my soul mate, he completes me in a way that is foreign to me. You fill a certain part too, and without that part I am not complete. I didn't realize that until now, we have to find a way that you can be part of my life with Jacob in it at the same time. I know this is hard for you to comprehend but I cannot see living my life without either one of you." He looked away briefly, resting his head in his hands. "Bella, I refuse......I can't just love you like a big brother, and erase all of the feelings that I have for you." "I don't expect that Edward, all I want is to have you in my life, no matter how that might be. I am not asking you to forget everything and pretend for me. I need you in my life that's all." He lunged towards me, my nose centimeters away from his, I could smell his sweet breath as it intoxicated me, and his amber eyes bored into mine.

"Do you honestly know what you are asking of me Bella? To have you near without being able to hold you.....touch you....." I never thought of it that way, how it was going to be hard for him, and hell even for me. "Edward, I understand all to well, but you will find somebody else, maybe not in my time but there has to be somebody out there for you. I know it will be hard, but can we at least try? And if it gets to be too much for either one of us, I will back away, and leave you all alone, no matter how much it hurts." He backed away and lowered his head, and nodded with agreement. "Thank you Edward." I had one unanswered question that I so desperately was curious about. "Oh Edward, where did you find me, I mean in the forest?" His brow furrowed with confusion. "Where?" "Yes, where?" Well I found you just past Jacobs house, I know I wasn't suppose to be there but I figured it was safe with all of the wolves having a party at the beach." Hmmmm.....I could have sworn I seen Jacob with Leah way past his house. Did that really happen? Just the thought made my stomach churn. There are alot of things that needed to be worked out with Jacob. "Why do you ask Bella?"

"Well, you asked me if he hurt me. I know this sounds funny but I am not so sure. He did say some hurtful things to me down at the beach, but I am not sure about the other." "What other?" "Well, when I was hunting for Jacob in the woods, I seen him with Leah, ya know they were having sex. But I could have sworn it was way past his house, so I don't know if it was my overeactive imagination or not." Edwards face became sad, "Bella, I would be a bad person, I mean vampire if I didn't tell you this. I would have seen it in Jacobs mind if he would have done anything like that. I know what you are suggesting. Jacob has the tendency to scream his thoughts at me, and anyway he loves you to much to do that Bella. He really does love you, and yes you do belong with him. Deep down I have always felt like I was borrowing your love, like it belonged to someone else. I am not saying that the love you had for me was fake because it wasn't. I had a deep seated fear that you wouldn't be mine for long. That is one of the reasons I left, I couldn't bare to face the fact that it was not forever with you. And when I heard Jacobs thoughts, and seen him with you, I knew my forever was at an end. I have come to realize that I cannot change this, and if I can only have you this way, it is better than nothing at all. Just never ask me not to love you the way I want to, or not to hug you and wish you were mine. That is simply to much to ask. We will try, if that is my only option, but I can't promise I will always be on my best behavior."

I am glad that he has finally accepted where I belong, and was relieved that he was willing to try to remain a part of my life. Now I needed to get to Jacob, and explain some things to him. Would he go along with this? Would he understand? As all of these thoughts came rushing in, Edward was beside me holding my hand, "Bella, I can go with you, to talk to Jacob if you want." I really need to do this alone, I think. I hugged him tight as he wrapped his arms around me. "I don't deserve to have you Edward." The love I felt for him was indescribable, more than a brother but not as strong as what I felt for Jacob, just different. "I love you." His chin on the side of my face, and his lips at my ear, "Oh God Bella, I love you too!"

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Please review! I will try and update soon. **


	35. Definitely Not My Imagination

**Yada Yada Yada. I would continue, but frankly it is depressing to admit that these beastly, utterly sexy characters are not mine. So I will save myself the heartache, Sniff, sniff!!! You can thank whatsername for dreaming them up.**

**Chapter 35-Definitely Not My Imagination**

**EPOV**

Please god have mercy on my damned soul, take me now. I have just let go of the girl that I love more than life itself. If she only knew how much I hurt inside, but I love her enough to do whatever it takes to make her happy. And if it is the dog she wants, then she will have him, and no matter how it makes me feel, I will be a part of her life. "Oh God Bella, I love you too." I leaned my forehead against hers, it was like fire and ice. My body convulsing with dry sobs as I looked into her wide brown eyes. I could get lost looking into them, they were so deep and full of life. "Do you want me to go with you luv?" She looked at me, not taking her head away from mine. "I have to do this alone Edward, I think it is the best way. I need to explain some things to him, get a few things straight, and tell him that I need you in my life as well. It will be easier, without having you as a distraction." Me, a distraction? "Do I distract you Bella, am I that interesting?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood. She smiled her best Bella smile, it made my silent heart melt. My chest continued to heave and it did not go unnoticed. She took her hand and placed it over my heart, looking me in the eyes, I could feel her breath blow over my lips as she spoke. "Edward, you will always hold a piece of me here, it will always be yours."

"But it's not enough for me, you will always be my drug Bella. And that is why I cannot always promise to be good. You have seen an addict without his fix haven't you? And I don't think Jacob would be to fond of the idea of me getting my fix." I laughed at my own absurdity, and Bella joined me. It seemed like neither one of us wanted to break this connection that we had, our foreheads still touched, and her hand was still placed over my heart. I wish I could make it beat for her, in confirmation that it was for her. I noticed her look down at my lips so I gave her my crooked smile that seemed to send her heart in a frenzy. "You know Edward, you do still dazzle me? You shouldn't do that to me." I took her face between my hands and looked her deep in the eyes, "Do I? I'm sorry." I let my breath blow out onto her skin. She shivered in response. "Bella, luv, before you go, can I explain myself?" She just nodded, looking a little confused. "I wanted you to know that just because I have agreed to be in your life, it doesn't change the way I look at you. I will still look at you, wishing you were mine and Jacob will see. Even though I will not overstep my boundaries, I will not hold in anything for his sake. He will know that I love you unconditionally, and that I will always wait for you to change your mind. And one more thing, I want to apologize for being in your room, watching you."

**BPOV**

I was screaming internally, I loved this man before me. It would not be hard to fall back into loving him the way he wanted me to. But I could not betray my heart. I belong with Jacob, that is how it is meant to be. I have known it deep down since we were kids. It was written in our destinies to be together, it seems cruel to me to have to choose, to have two people you love like no other and need them both to survive. "Edward, I am not going to ask you not to love me, or look at me with love in your eyes. I am sure Jacob will see the same in mine, he will just have to accept it the way it is. And if he loves me like he says he does, he will." Wait what was that last part? Being in my room!?! Could he mean? I thought that was one of my hallucinations, was he really there!?! He removed his forehead from mine and kissed me sweetly on the cheeks, it brought goosebumps up all over my skin. No matter how much I loved Jacob he still did this to me. I doubted that fact would ever change.

"Edward, what did you mean by what you said last, about being in my room?......were you....ummm....really there?...I mean...I thought......" I couldn't finish I was to embarrassed to say, mostly if what I saw wasn't really what happened. That part could have truly been my overactive imagination. I had always wanted to be with Edward sexually when we were together, but the actual thought of him that night in the corner of my room, with _all of him_ exposed to me, doing what I imagined him doing. Could that possibly be what he is talking about? Surely not! "Bella, spit it out, you are falling over your own words. I just wanted to say sorry, that's all." I felt the heat rise in my cheeks, he stroked lightly with the back of his hand across my blazing skin. "That color was made for you Bella, but why do you blush now?" I didn't know where to start. Should I leave well enough alone, accept his apology for something that I did not know what he was apologizing for? Or should I ask? "It is just that you have nothing to be sorry for Edward, do you?" This was my feeble attempt to ask without really asking straight forward.

If he could have blushed he would have, he looked away from my eyes, his eyes squinting in the corners. He sighed before he began, "Do you remember me being in your room Bella?" I just nodded, oh shit here it comes, my cheeks were getting hotter by the minute. "Well, do you remember what I did? That is what I am sorry about." I didn't want to admit to him that I thought that I was seeing things, actually I thought I conjured up his whole being in my mind. "Bella, I wanted to walk away, but when I saw you, naked, with him making love to you like I wanted to, and never had the guts to do it. It was like something unknown possessed me. My instincts took over and I pictured myself in Jacobs place, with you screaming my name instead of his. That is all it took. I wanted you to see part of me that I would never allow you to see before. I also wanted you to realize that now it is yours for the taking, I would not deny you any longer. I was stupid for denying you for so long. But I am sorry I did that in your presence, I feel like a pervert. But I don't want you to think of me that way Bella, you just have that kind of power over me. I might be powerful vampire, but you hold within you the power to destroy me."

My head was swimming as my memory served me well. I shouldn't be feeling that ache deep inside. The memory of _him _made my panties wet with desire, as I remembered his long fingers wrapped around his long cock. The way his eyes took me in, his mouth opened, lust pouring out of him as he neared his release. He threw his head back, and drew in a deep breath. Oh no, he can smell me. "Mmmmm....my, my, my Bella, what are you trying to do, undo me right here? I told you I can't be good all of the time, and with you doing that definitely makes it more difficult." When his eyes met mine again, looking at my center and then back to my eyes. His eyes were dark all of the sudden like he hadn't fed in days. This happened within seconds, it was almost like I could see them change colors right before my eyes. He could see the fear in my eyes, "Bella don't worry, I will not do anything that you don't want me to, but just remember it is not just your blood that sings to me now." I half smiled, not really believing him. "If I have to be good, would you please excuse me for a moment." "Sure!"

He excused himself to the restroom. And what I heard put me in total shock, Edward was, oh my god! With every noise that I heard escape those perfect lips, just the sound brought me close to my peak. With rolling waves that started in my chest, making its way to my core. He made one last guttural sound that was so sexy, I clenched down onto my core, trying to hold it back but it was to late. Damn, this isn't going to be easy! He came out of the restroom, with an almost satisfied look on his face. "Sorry, I had no other choice. It was either that or...." He looked me up and down, smiled, and laughed a little, "take you whether you liked it not. So I figured it would be better to resort to taking care of myself. I never said this was going to be easy Bella." He said this like he could read my mind which I knew he couldn't. "Edward, I need to go and find Jake now, and it is not easy for me, just to let you know if you are wondering." "I hate to let you go so soon, but you need to handle your business." He walked me to the door, as I faced him he grabbed my hands, "Promise me you won't stay away to long?" I smiled up at him, standing on my tiptoes and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek. "I promise." He laughed, "What?" "You know that you are gonna have to play spider monkey again right?" I was briefly confused before it came to me.

He put his back to me, "Climb on." I did and he took off like a bolt of lightning. I buried my head in the crook of his neck. It was tempting to kiss him there, I had to fight myself the whole way. When we arrived at my house there was nobody at home. Charlies cruiser was not there and the house seemed eerie to me. I didn't know why, maybe it is because I have been away for a few days. Edward placed me on firmly on my feet. "Thank you Edward, I will call you in a few days when I get things straightened out." "Remember I love you my sweet Bella." He looked behind me with an evil grin, quickly stole a kiss from me, right on the lips. Before I could say a word he was out of sight.. "I love you too Edward" I whispered. I stood there, momentarily dazed, until I realized there was someone behind me. I could feel his hot breath beating down on my neck.

**Please more reviews. I need them! They help so much. I want to thank all of my loyal fans. Upcoming-- Jacob and Bella reunite. Will he accept her wishes or does this mean trouble for them. If he made her choose, who will she pick. **


	36. A Chance To Explain

**I am not even going to say it. You already know the drill!**

**Chapter 36-A Chance to Explain**

**JPOV**

"No Seth, I just told you that I was told by Charlie that Bella is safe, that she hurt herself in the woods, and she is being taken care of but he wouldn't tell me where she is, and that seems strange to me. Does it sound weird to you at all? I am going insane, it has been three days since I have seen her. The last things I said to her were harsh, even for me and my temper. I have my own suspicions about who has her, but I try and keep my mind away from that." Seth looked at me, cocking one eyebrow straight up. "You mean Cullen?" I was floored, "You know who in the fuck I mean Seth, Yes, fucking Mr. Sparkly Ass Cullen, why did you even have to ask?" "Sorry man, just had to make sure. Jake, why don't you go and ask Charlie again? Maybe he has some new information." I really don't know what is the best thing to do in this situation. But the one thing I did know is that I cannot sit around here any longer, and wait for Bella to show up. I had a feeling that wasn't going to happen after the way I treated her. "Sorry I snapped at you Seth, it is just so hard to just sit and wait. I am outta here! Tell Sam that I can't make it to the pack meeting tonight, I have to find her!" I had my sweats tied to my leg within seconds. I ran and jumped in the air, letting my wolf take over, I could feel each hair as they shot out from my skin all over. I will never get use to the way that feels. "Ughhh!"

Even in wolf form, I had a one track mind,-- Bella. My one and only goal was to find her and prove to her that I will not ever do that to her again. I am so ashamed, I couldn't really blame her if she ran back to that leach. Wait, yes I could, anybody but him. I had visions of her in his arms, and he looked at me there in my own vision. His eyes as black as midnight as he took my Bella, gave her an eternal kiss, forever stopping her heart, making her his forever. I shook my head trying to run the vision out of my head. I pushed my muscles, making me go even faster, it seemed like I couldn't reach her house fast enough. Looking through the forest, I could see her house, I slowed down to a normal human pace. Untieing my pants from my leg, I heard a noise. I had one leg in and one leg out. I slipped my other leg in quickly in case I had to be prepared for something unknown in the woods. Then I realized the noise was coming from Bella's yard. I peered around the large oak that I was standing behind, are my eyes deceiving me? Hell no they weren't, it was blood sucking leach boy with _MY _Bella. I knew it, I just knew he had her this whole time. Why does she seem so happy?

Just then, the fucking leach obviously heard my thoughts, he glanced in my direction, fully meeting my eyes. I tried to scream my thoughts at him, so I could make myself crystal clear. "Get....Away....From....Her.....SHE'S MINE!" I emphasized each word in my head. I didn't want to cause a scene in front of Bella again. That would discount everything that I a trying to prove here. He display-ed an evil grin on his death white face, I put my hand up and glared in his direction. He was up to no good, I could feel it. With inhuman speed, he told her that he loved her, quickly stole a kiss from her lips and sped off into the woods. I was behind Bella in the blink of an eye, I was furious, but not with her. It was the leach who I had beef with. I stood for a minute, letting myself calm down before I let her know that I was there. "I love you too, Edward." She whispered softly. My heart began beating against my chest, trying to break free of the restraints of my body. She loves him? And she professed it to him so easily. I shook with anger and hurt, I couldn't contain my heavy breathing. It seemed like a light bulb went off in her head, she knew someone was behind her.

Bella slowly turned around, almost animatedly. Within seconds I took in all of her, still worried about her condition, even though I shouldn't be. After all, it is obvious that she has changed her mind about us and ran back to him. A million thoughts swamped my mind, filling my heart, making me feel like I was going to dround in them. She swung her arms around my neck, what, was this suppose to make this all go away, make everything better? I think not! I didn't respond to her touch, I clenched my fists tightly at my sides, and turned my head away from her. I might as well had been made from stone. I felt cold even with my warm temperature, hard even. Every wall that I had broke down over the years for Bella, finally admitting to her the way I feel, has been put back up in this moment. She released me, and her wide brown eyes pooled with tears. "That is not going to work this time Bella. How could you do this to me? After.....after all...." I couldn't finish. I am crying inside but would not allow them to deceive me, would not let her see how much she hurt me. "Jake," I put my hand up in her face, telling her to stop. "Don't call me Jake, only my friends are allowed to call me that, not you, not now." Bella was crying uncontrollable now, I couldn't let it get to me.

"Jacob, let me ex......" "Bella there is nothing to explain, I get it okay? You chose the leach over me. I was just a substitute glue holding you together until you made your way back to him. I will walk away." She was shaking her head no the whole time. Not a sound came out of her mouth except her loud, vicious sobs. I feel as if someone has reached in my chest and physically ripped my heart from my chest. I needed to tell her one more thing before I leave her for good. "Bella, you don't have to explain about Embry. I partly blame myself for that, he is being held mostly accountable though. The elders are having a pack meeting now about the whole situation. There will be some kind of punishment for him, even though I think I have punished him enough. His wounds are still healing. He assured me that you thought it was me the whole time. I shouldn't have let you get so drunk. I came here to apologize for the way I treated you at the beach, and to forgive you for what little bit you had to do with that whole situation. And I am still sorry Bella, but I cannot forgive you for this. It is like you are taking my heart, throwing it on the ground, and stamping it with your feet. I do still love you Bella, but I don't know if I can put this behind me, I don't know if I have it in me to do that."

I felt myself calming a little, but not enough to listen to her reasoning. I didn't want to hear how she belonged with him, how much she loved him, and she still wanted to be my friend. "Bella, for now I'm walking away. Don't contact me until I contact you, I don't know how long it will be." I turned to walk back in the woods, looking one more time behind me. I seen her on her knees, with her arms outstretched, not able to speak. Her face was red and blotchy, and her shirt was soaked. I turned around quickly on my heels, fell to my knees in front of her, grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Fuck Bella, I can't walk away, I want to, and as strong as I am, I am not strong enough to be away from you, even after this. You have a chance to explain, but I can't promise anything, I will listen." I pulled her to my chest as she continued to let her tears flow. I rubbed her hair burying my nose in the top of her head. My nose crinkled as the smell burnt my nostrils. Ewww leach! I held her until her sobbing slowed, I pulled away looking into her eyes. "Can you talk now Bella?" she just nodded, unsure. She sat down in the grass facing me so I did the same, this might take a while.

She began and I listened intently, not wanting to miss a thing. "Jacob, Edward found me hurt in the woods. He took me to Carlisle first, but with my injury being as severe as it was, he didn't see fit to keep me there where you could find me and maybe cause trouble. They gave me a drug to put me in an induced coma for three days. I can't lie to you Edward originally took me there to change me, but he realized that it was ultimately my choice, so he didn't." I could feel my body tense at the thought. "Is that what you wanted to explain to me Bella, that you chose to end your life now?" She put up a finger, "Let me finish Jacob, no that is not it. Edward could have taken me while I was incapacitated for three whole days, he made a conscious decision not to do it. He talked to me while I was coming two, trying to ease me in to all of this information." "What do I owe him my fucking life now Bells?" she pinched the bridge of her nose with frustration. "Jacob...Please....I told him that I had not changed my mind about you, that I belong with you Jake. I have known it since we were kids, but never realized it until you came back into my life. I mean yes, I did love Edward, I cannot deny that." I had to interrupt, "I heard you tell him that you loved him today. Do you still love that freak?" There was something funny to her, she laughed. "Yes I do love him Jacob, but not the way you think. Part of me will always love him no matter what, and nobody can take that away from me. You see, I tried to write him and his family out of my life, but I realize I can't do that. They are a big part of who I am, a part of what makes me, me!

But you are my present and my future, there is no one that could fill my heart the way you do, not even Edward. But you need to understand that I cannot live without having them in my life Jacob. Edward is willing to try and make this work, are you?" I'll bet he is willing. "I don't know if I can Bells, it would be hard, but I guess I will try anything that makes you happy." I am so relieved to hear that she did not choose him over me. "Jacob, I love you so much, please forgive me. I can't live without you, and if the whole Edward and his family thing doesn't work out, I will choose you. I have said this before, there is really no choice I had to make, it has always been you. I can't turn my back on you. You entered my life like a tidal wave, I have been riding it ever since. There is no turning back for me Jacob, you are an absolute." I have something to give her but I don't know if it is the right time. She does love me, I can see it running through her veins. I took her hands into mine, they were shaking. Not with anger, but with nerves, fear almost, like it is the first time we touched. In a sense it is the first time.

"Bella, I have something for you, if you want it. I know how you are about gifts." I had a pouch tied around my calf, I untied it, opened it and shook out the contents into my hand. I tightened my fist around it, making my knuckles turn white. She smiled and touched my face, I leaned into her, inhaling. "Shit, that smell, oh sorry, I said that out loud, didn't I?" "It's okay Jake, I need to shower. So what do you have there?" "If you don't want it I will take it back okay?" She opened her hand, palm up. I layed my hand in hers and opened my fist letting it drop into her hand. When she looked down her eyes started pooling again. "Is this?...It can't be....." She was speechless. It was a necklace that I had bought for her years ago, when we were kids. I tried to give it to her, confessing my undying love and she wouldn't accept it. I saved for months to buy this thing, keeping all of the money that I made around the reservation doing odds and ends for people. I have kept this long, hoping one day she would accept it. "Oh Jacob, yes I want it, I can't believe you kept it this long." She threw her arms around me, raining wet kisses all over my face. "You wonder why I kept it so long, it was in hopes that someday you would accept my love. I have loved you from the beginning, I cannot actually remember a time that I didn't love you. It was truly from first sight, Bells. I can honestly say that."

She handed me the necklace, "Will you put it on me Jacob?" She turned her back to me and lifted her hair up off of her neck. I reached around with my hands, the clasp was easy, even with my big fingers. As I snapped it closed, I bent down to sweetly kiss her neck, moving my way up to her ear. "It's forever for me Bella." When she turned back around her tears were happy, "Forever for me too!" As I layed on the grass, not caring who could see, she joined me. We layed for what seemed like an eternity, just staring into the depths of one an others eyes. Hand in hand, in our own little heaven, we watched the sun go down, and witnessed the night take it's place. I didn't want to think of having to deal with Edward in our lives, all I wanted was to be here, with the girl of my dreams, forever! As the wind picked up, I caught a faint familiar smell. I am sure it was him, watching from afar. So as I made my thoughts get loud so he could hear. "I will try for Bella, not for you. You are still my enemy, and it doesn't change the fact that I hate you. I know what you are trying to do, Bella loves me! But you can understand, that for Bella, I will do anything." And he spoke so only I could hear, Bella was distracted with the sound of a night birds croon. "As would I." That is all he said before he disappeared, out of my head.

**Please review. I have alot of ideas of where I want this story to go. Tell me what you think. LUVS ans HUGS to all of my faithful fans. I hope you are enjoying it. **


	37. Embracing the Wolf

**Come on guys, do you really want me to say it again? Please don't make me!! Stephanie Meyer is wicked awesome. Her characters rock even more! Need I say more? You all are smart, you get the picture....**

**Chapter 37-**

**BPOV-Embracing The Wolf**

As my attention was focused back on Jacob, I noticed that he had a weird look on his face. It was like he was concentrating on something really hard. I smoothed my hand over his cheek, wiping away this look that I did not like. His face softened under my touch. "Mmmmm". Jacobs eyes shut, and took in a deep breath. "Jake, you okay?" He let out a deep cough and crinkled his face up. "You know Bella, you reek, isn't it time for a shower?" My feelings were hurt just a bit, only topically. I stuck my tongue out at him, like a kid. He leaned up on one elbow, with his large hand, and started goosing my sides. I rolled with uncontrollable laughter. I slapped at his shoulder. It brought me back to when we were kids, Jacob had always been bigger than me physically, even though I am older. He would tickle me until I couldn't breathe. And boy, if he ever got a hold of my feet, it was over, I was through. One time he tickled me so hard, and wouldn't let up, that I literally passed out. That is what you get when you pass out so easily.

Jacob pushed himself up on his knees beside me, giving me a break from the tickle fest. My convulsing laughter stopped, I still felt like a giddy little child. Jacob seemed to bring that out in me, I guess it is from having most of my childhood memories with Jake. When I looked at him now, it was hard to believe it is the same kid I remember. I mean yeah, he is the same, but his round face has turned chiseled, more man like. And the size of him, Wow! Every time I see him, I think he has grown. Actually, I know he has, it must have something to do with the wolf. "Jake, I have a question. But don't think it is stupid, Okay? And don't you dare laugh.." He grinned down at me, "I mean it Jacob Black, if you laugh, so help me God." "I pinkie promise Bells." He stuck his pinkie out for me to grab with mine. His pinkie was longer than my middle finger. Everything happening today was bringing me back to the past, pinkie promising was something we did, when we really meant it. The times that I remember most is when I would have to leave every summer to go back to Phoenix. We would promise not to forget about one another. And when we were really small, we would cry, they would have to pry us apart. Back then he was just my best friend in the whole world. He is more, but he always has been, I was just blind until now.

It was so cute for someone so large, pinkie promising. I reached up and took his finger in mine. He vowed not to laugh, so I believed him. "Ummmm....I was wondering Jake, why are you so big? It's just not normal." Our fingers were still intertwined, he smiled and took the pinkie that was locked in mine, and ran it down the bridge of my nose. "Well, the elders and the pack haven't come up with any logical explanations for our rapid growth. All we know is that all of our descendants, just like us are gigantic. We are even larger in wolf form. The largest one of our kind was 7'8" tall while human. I am actually now almost 7'4"." He boasted just a bit. "Didn't you tell me that you were 7'2" before?" "I've grown!" Maybe it is true, I felt like he was growing right before my eyes. "Everybody thinks that I might beat the record." I smiled a weak smile, and I felt my eyes widen. The thought of him getting any larger shocked me. I mean he has grown almost two inches just since he has been back in my life. It has been almost a month now. "Will I ever get to see you as a wolf?" I really wanted to see this part of him. He was going to show me down at the beach before things went awry.

"Do you really want to see that Bella? I mean, I obviously can't show you out here in the open. But I do have the perfect place, if you want to see now." I was kind of scared with the whole thought as it sunk in. "Yes, I want to see all that is you Jacob. But one thing, will you still be my Jake?" He did laugh at this, and I pouted just a bit. "Sorry Bells, I will still be your Jacob, just a little bit harrier, well allot harrier. Just think of me as an overgrown house pet, a big lovable dog." He winked at me. He stood up and reached down to help me off of the ground. "Bella, I think it will be faster if I carry you to where we are going." I really am getting a little sick of being carried all of the time, like I couldn't walk myself. "I can walk Jacob, I do have legs ya know." He scooped me up wedding style. "Don't be so stubborn!" He said, giving me an Eskimo kiss, rubbing the tip of his nose to mine.

I huffed loudly, as he ran with me through the forest. Jake didn't run quite as fast as Edward, but his movements were fluid and effortless. He didn't even get winded, I know for a fact that I would never be able to win a race with him. He suddenly stopped, just inside the treaty line. There was a big open space, surrounded with rocks. This place looked familiar to me somehow, had we been here as kids? I couldn't place my finger on it, but I have been here before. Oh well, maybe it would come to me later. The rocks would hide anyone back here, unless somebody just happened to come up on us. Jacob placed me on my feet, "wait here, I need to undress and go over there to phase. I don't really want you to watch me phase. Bella, remember that I will not hurt you, okay?" I sat down on the cool, dew damp grass, Jacob turned around so I could watch him undress. He did it slowly, almost teasingly. I bit down on my my bottom lip, this was a knee jerk reaction. It had only been days since I had seen him naked, but everytime simply took my breath away. He is beautiful, in all of his massive glory.. There is not one detail about him that is not massive, and exquisitely defined. Jacob grinned before he turned to walk into the woods. I let out a whistle as I seen his tight ass saunter into the dark woods, completely out of sight.

I waited only seconds, and I heard a sound like thunder coming from the direction Jacob went in. I had to blink twice, trying to clear my eyes. There, in the exact spot that he disappeared into, out came a humongous wolf. He walked with his head down, peering out of the top of his eyes. He had his tail between his legs, like he was afraid too. I can't lie, my heart is beating out of my chest. He inched closer, when he reached about two feet in front of me, he stopped. Laying down on all fours, his head was still over mine. He bent his head down so my eyes would meet mine, letting out a soft wimper. Slowly reaching out to him, towards his face. He came closer, never standing up, he crawled on his belly. He put his muzzle under my hand, and nuzzled into it. I let my hand stroke his head, feeling the thick softness of his fur. I put both of my hands on either side of his face, like I do when he is human. I looked into his eyes and seen My Jacob staring back. This is crazy, me with a giant wolf boyfriend. What next, will I date a zombie for all that is holy? I smiled, putting my cheek up against the side of his nose. I rubbed my cheek into him, a deep resonating sound of contentment, rumbled in his chest. "I love you Jacob Black, even if you are the big bad wolf."

Jacob raised his head, and gave me a wolf like grin, showing me all of his sharp white teeth. This did not scare me, I knew he wouldn't hurt me. He let out a deep growl, stood up on all fours, and looked down at me, still grinning from ear to ear. That look was familiar even in this face, that was new to me. Jacob towered over me, he crouched back like he was ready to attack. "Jake, don't you dare." He jumped in the air, lunging at me, with his paw that is the size of a volleyball, pushed me carefully to the ground. He placed his four legs all around me, straddling me, and looking me full in the face. He let his tongue loll out to the side, and ran it up the entirety of my face. "Ewwww, yuck Jake, you are too slobbery. " I batted at his nose, pushing him away. Jacob laid down beside me, and that same sound began to soothe me. I rolled to my side, putting my arm around his back, scooting closer so I could feel his warm fur against me. He looked at me, and whined a little, not able to talk, but I knew what he was saying. He loved me! It is weird that I know what he is thinking even in this form. As I let his "Purrs" push me into a deep sleep. I am happy and content, here in the embrace of My Wolf.

**REVIEW REVIEWREVIEW...... Please. Stay tuned there will be updates from the pack, and Edward in the coming chapters. Tell me what you think. Will Jacob be able to control himself, with Bella being close to the pack, or will his jealous fury start again. What happened the night Jacob almost killed Embry for what he did? My readers want to know!!!!**


	38. The Talk Between Enemies

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 38-The Talk Between Enemies**

**EPOV**

I feel like a stalker, if she only knew how much I actually watched her she would be upset with me and a little freaked out. But it is necessary to keep an eye on her. She always seems to find trouble in the most unlikely places. It is not like she finds it, I think it follows her wherever she goes. I mean look at her now, she is there with that wolf, how dangerous is that? I guess it couldn't be any more dangerous than being around me. Why didn't she go off and find a normal boyfriend, anyone except that dog, my mortal enemy? She is so beautiful, I am having to fight the urge to go and steal her away from that mangy mutt. I will never stop loving her for all eternity, I cannot see my existence without her in it. That is the only reason I agreed with her earlier today. Even if I have to be uncomfortable, as long as she is in my life I will be okay. "Edward, I know you are out there somewhere, I can smell you." I was hearing Jacobs thoughts. "Bella is okay you know, you don't have to hang around all of the time. It is kind of weird to have you watching . You have to give us some privacy."

I knew Jacob was right but pulling myself away from Bella is a very hard task at hand. I could see them, Bella was sleeping peacefully, she didn't even notice that Jacob left her briefly to phase back. He was laying close to her, with his arm draped around her abdomen. His nose nuzzled into her hair, and his thoughts lashed out of me, cutting deep wounds into me. "_My beautiful Bella, I will never hurt you again. I want to love you until my last dying breath, have kids with you, grow old with you. I will never leave you!_ _Oh and Edward, I know you are listening, this is just for you. I was the first one inside of her, her tight walls are an exquisite sheath, you had your chance before, but never again."_Jacob showed me him and Bella in the shower, every gory detail, just for my benefit. I could feel the jealousy rise in me, this feeling was somewhat new to me. I had only started feeling it when Bella came into my life, when Mike Newton started likeing her. That kid still makes me uneasy, the way he looks at her like one of his possessions. I could not shake the mental picture of Jacob pounding into my Bella over and over again. Knowing that I would never feel her that way, that I had my chance and let it stupidly go to waste. Or do I have a chance? I will not give up hope so easily.

I opened my mind up to Jacob, letting him hear my thoughts. I took him back to when Bella would beg for us to take our relationship to the next level. "_I pushed her away on a nightly basis, she wanted to make me feel good, even though I couldn't grant her wish. Being as fragile as she is. I would hurt her if I had sex with her, could kill her actually, that is why I let my chance slip away Jacob. It is not that I didn't want her, because I wanted her more than anything, and still do, nothing has changed for me. She would frequently ask me if I desired her. I told her that I did, but she didn't really believe me, considering she was rejected every time. We did nothing but kiss, and hold each other. We never even felt each others bodies, I felt like it would have been too much for me to handle. Does it ever feel that way for you? Like your animal is going to take over?" _Jacobs thoughts were silent for a moment, it was strange because usually his thoughts were so loud. I sat patiently waiting for his response.

"_Yes, I hate to admit it, but I have a hard time being so close to Bella, mostly when we are intimate. The wolf within me, threatens to explode every time, I fight him with everything that I have in me, to keep him at bay. I would never forgive myself if that happened. I could hurt her, even kill her. When the primal need of sex presents itself, it makes my wolf drool, and shake with a desire of it's own. I know this is going to sound weird coming from me Edward, but I am not as strong as you are. I couldn't help myself when the opportunity presented itself to be with Bella like I had always dreamed about. We are alike in that sense, ya know being scared of something that should really just come naturally. It is a constant battle between the wolf and me. As I am sure it is a battle for you, with being a vampire and all. Being on the same level as you is strange, I have always thought of myself as a monster, the pack says that I need to embrace my wolf, but I can't bring myself to it. I feel like it is a curse of some kind. Thank you for being the strong one Edward."_

Jacob really is being sincere, I could hear it in his tone, he didn't scream them at me this time, it was more calm and heart felt. He thinks I am this strong being but I am not. "_Jacob, I am not as strong as you think. You see, when I was changed, I was frozen in time, never getting older, forever 17. There are things that didn't change. My needs and desires came all rushing in when I met Bella. I have the same needs as any other 17 year old. Carlisle has assured me over and over that if Bella and I ever made love, that I would be able to control myself. I just doubt myself so matter of factually. You see, her blood sings to me, she is like a drug that I can't get enough of, my addiction. I had become desensitized to it, spending every moment possible with her. If I had to go hunt for the weekend with my family, when I came back it was like the first day I met her. The constant burn, me having to fight the urge to drain her, but after I almost lost her, when James almost ended it for me. I knew at that point I could restrain from hurting her. And I don't know if she told you the whole story. I was ready to take our relationship to the next level, even though it was strongly against my morals, I wanted to make her happy. But I never had the chance to tell her or act upon it, because of what happened at Bella's birthday party. Jasper lost control when she cut her finger on a piece of tape. I couldn't bare the thought of having her in close proximity to danger all of the time, being around my family. So we all left, and Jacob I want to thank you for being there for her, putting her back together. Cleaning up the mess I made. I am not here to cause trouble for you. But I will tell you just like I told her, don't ask me not to look at her with loving eyes, or not to love her anymore. Also, I will hold her, and you will see that I still love her, that is just simply something I cannot help. Be good to her Jacob, and so help me God, fuck up one more time, and that WILL be the last time. Oh and by the way, Bella thought that you and Leah had sex the night I found her. She was obviously having a nightmare of sorts, when she was knocked unconscious. I cleared that up for you Jacob, I assured her that I would have seen it in your thoughts. You didn't did you?"_

I had to be sure, if he did, that would be it. He would have to tell her, and I don't think she would stay with him after that. Bella deserves to have someone that would be true to her. "_No Edward, I would never do that to her, I love her too much. She is the only one I have ever did anything with. I could never do that, and with Leah, yuck she is like a sister to me. No never! Edward, I am glad that we had this talk. It makes me feel a little better about the whole situation. We don't have to let Bella know about this little discussion, do we? We can pretend that we hate each other just the same, but we have to make this work for her. I don't know how we are going to keep from getting jealous all of the time. But I am sure we can figure something out. I don't expect you to fall out of love with Bella, because I know that is an impossibility. I respect you in allot of ways, you showed her how to love, and hell, because of you leaving her, you pushed her in my direction." _Shit, I didn't want to think that it was my doing. "_Jacob, I always had a feeling that I wouldn't have Bella for long, like she belonged to someone else. Like I was borrowing her love for a while. It was always you. But don't think for one minute, I wouldn't take her back if given the chance. She would eventually love me like she does you, but for now I will respect what the two of you have. So Jacob, with that I will tell you goodnight, take care of Our Bella." _

Before Jacob could say anything else, I closed my mind to him, and with inhuman speed, made my way back home. Thinking of the next time I would see her, hold her, touch her soft skin. That day would be soon, I would make sure of that. Bella, would not forget me so easily...

**Okay guys, I am going out of town for a couple of days and will not have time to update. So this gives you a few days to review and ponder on my story. Tell me what you think. Is this a new found friendship or just an understanding between the two of them. REVIEW!**


	39. Truth or Lie?

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.**

**Chapter 39-Truth or Lie?**

**JPOV**

Hmmm.... maybe Edward really does understand that I can be enough for Bella, that I will be good to her. It seems like we have found common ground somehow. Who would have figured, a vampire and a wolf having something in common. I know I need to get Bella up, but she looks so peaceful, I hate to wake her. But if we have any hopes in hiding the fact that we are seeing each other from Charlie, she needs to get home, before he does. I reached down to to stroke her cheek, "No....no.....don't...." For a minute I thought she was actually talking to me, but soon realized she was having a dream. So I didn't bother her, my curiosity getting the best of me. I lowered my hand back to my side and waited to hear more. "No...please Edward, don't go.....don't leave me...." Bella was now crying in her sleep, while my heart ached. She was having a nightmare that Edward was leaving her again, begging him to stay. Hearing this made me think twice, should I keep Bella from him, if she still loves him. I know she said there is no choice, but to hear her cry unknowingly in her sleep over him is more than I can take. They say when you love someone, to set them free, if they never come back, they were not yours to start with. I was to much of a coward to try that theory out. All I know from this point on, I would not be without her, she is my sustenance for life.

Unable to bare this any longer, "Bella....sweetie...wake up......wake up Bella!" I shook her shoulder trying to pull her from her nightmare. Her eyes shot open with a disoriented look in them. When I finally pulled her from the vice grips of her nightmare, she buried her face in my chest, I felt her tears soak my chest. She was clenching my shoulder with her hand, like she was trying to hold on for dear life. "Jacob, hold me...I'm sorry....I.....can't.....he......left......, please don't leave me Jacob." My heart wrenched with an agonizing twist of pain, the tears swelled in my eyes and spilled over as I layed against the top of her head. How could she think that I would leave her? I sniffed, not worrying about my tears, they could deceive me all they wanted. I looked in her eyes, "Bella I will never leave you, do you understand? Do you? Please Bella, you need to understand that, I don't have it in me to leave you. I mean you could run over me, kill me and feed me to the hounds and I would never leave you." Nothing would ever cause me to leave you, I love you too much. Tell me you trust me Bells."

"I do trust you Jake, it is just the nightmare. I have it sometimes and it really frightens me beyond belief. I just feel like anything good that I have in my life will ultimately be taken away from me. And I cannot stand the thought of loosing you too. It would be so life ending for me, you see when Edward left, I thought my life was over, but now I see it was temporarily on pause, waiting." I hate to tell her that we needed to get her back home, I don't want to give her up, even if it is just for a short time. "Bella, are you okay now? I don't want to leave you in this state, but Charlie will be home soon. And if we both walk in looking like this, he will get suspicious, I eyed Bella's hair. It looked like a rat had made it's nest in there. She moved her hand precariously over her hair, wide eyed and smiling. "Wow, I'm never going to be able to get a brush through this mess." "Are you ready to go Bells, we can figure out some reason for me to come over later on today." She grinned at me, "You know Charlie likes you right, he likes the idea of me and you, it is just that right now he is so afraid that I will get hurt again. He often refers to the state of my existence for the past few months my "Zombie era". I know right, kind of stupid. But come to think about it, I was kind of out of it for a while."

"Bella, I love you baby!" "I love you too Jacob, with all of my heart." I scooped her up and ran as fast as I could. I felt a renewed energy bust out of me, I was finally living the life that I have always dreamed about. I had the girl that I love in my life, the way I wanted. What could go wrong? We came close to her house, when I put her down. "Don't stay away long!" I kissed her on the cheek. She smiled and went to walk away. I caught her by the wrist and pulled her fervently back to my chest. She thudded against it, I heard her breath whoosh out of her. Holding the back of her head, I pressed her mouth into mine, trying to mold us together. I meant for this kiss to be remembered, I made a silent vow to always kiss her, like it is the last, to love her like no other, and hold her above everything. I slowed, savoring every bit of her essence, breathing her in, tasting her. I felt overwhelmed as the tears trickled down my cheeks and into our mouths. She broke away to soon, to stare at me, her eyes followed her hands, as she wiped my tears away. "Jake!?! What's wrong?" "That's just it Bella, there is absolutely nothing wrong." She looked puzzled while she spoke. "Then why are you crying?" "All I know, is I want to spend the rest of my life with you Bella, you complete me in a way that nobody else can. That is why I am crying, I actually get the chance to have all of my dreams come true. I knew from the very first time, on LaPush Beach, holding your hand running in the sand, that it was you. It has never been anyone else for me Bella. It is just overwhelming to know that I finally have my chance. This is truly it, after so many years."

"I know, I am the stubborn one who made you wait, call me later, and you don't stay away to long. I'll miss you Jake." "Me too!" I said kissing her hand, as she pulled away from me. I planted my feet to fight the urge to run take her away somewhere for safe keeping. I looked in the driveway and noticed that Charlie's cruiser was already there. Shit, she is in trouble, maybe not, I hope not anyway. I headed back to the reservation, totally in human form. I took my time getting back, letting everything absorb completely. I need to go and check on Embry, to see if how he is healing. I whipped the kid pretty good, but it should teach him a lesson. I also need to find out what the elders have decided to do about his punishment. Maybe they will go easy on him, since I gave him the worst kind of ass beatin. A part of me kind of feels bad, but he did deserve it, taking advantage of Bella like that. Just thinking about it made my blood boil. Maybe today wasn't a good day to go and see him, I could feel my skin tremble with fury thinking about that fucking little punk. I am not strong enough yet. Anyway I already have to deal with a leach loving Bella, having to share her in a sense. I refused to share her with anyone else.

**BPOV**

"Damn it, Charlie's cruiser." I didn't know what I was going to tell him when I got in. Surely he knows that I am not with Edward and his family anymore, and I couldn't really tell him that I was with Jacob all night, he really would get suspicious. Hell more than suspicious, he would flat out know, and I am not ready to face that just yet. I turned the doorknob to the front door, and was surprised that it was locked. If Charlie was expecting me home, I know it was out of character for him to lock the door. It feels strange to have to knock on my own door, to my house. I rapped three full times, no answer. I know he is here... so I hit it harder this time. My knuckles swelled in protest. "Ouch!!" I heard some noise inside, then the rattle of the locks, and I was staring into the face of a worried father. "Dad!?! You okay?" If looks could have killed, I would be dead. "No Bella, I...am....NOT....okay! Did you expect me to be. Alice has been over here all night, worried about you and Edward. Hell Bella, I didn't even know that Edward was back, I thought he was out of your life for good. I knew when Carlisle contacted me about your injuries, he said that you were with Edward, and he was taking care of you. Bella, wher have you and Edward been? Alice said that she couldn't get in touch with him. "Dad, I haven't been with Edward, the last time I seen him was yesterday afternoon." Alice quickly interrupted, "Hey Bella, sorry Charlie I need to go, I finally got in touch with Edward he is at home. I appreciate you listening to me babble all night." Alice swiftly kissed my cheek as she went out the door.

I seen my dads face turn purple, "Don't lie to me Bella, you have never been the one to lie Bells, so don't start now. If you wasn't with Edward then who, or where have you been? And how in gods creation can you explain, that just as you get home, Edward gets home too?" I didn't know what to say, it did look bad, but I was telling the truth, I wasn't with Edward. "Coincidence maybe?" Charlie huffed at me, "I wasn't born yesterday young lady, and if you expect me to believe that you must think I am crazy AND gullable." Charlies face was the kind of purple that made me think of that purple dinosaur that use to come on television. I was a little mad that he didn't believe me. "Dad listen, I was not with Edward last night, I......" I don't know if I should tell him, he might actually implode. "I was with....who I was with does not really matter, as long as it was not him, right?" Charlie just glared at me, with a glassy look in his eye. Just then the phone rang, I went to pick it up and Charlie reached it before me. "Hello, oh hey Jacob, no....no...she can't.....why?..well, my daughter and I have some things to work out right now. It just isn't a good time..yes, okay.............I will..... you too....Bye Jake....What? Look Jacob, this is really none of your business, I hate to be so rude but I have to draw the line somewhere. I will have Bella call you okay?"

My mind was spinning, I couldn't think of what to tell him. The truth or a bold face lie. I could not fathom what Jacob might be saying to him, I might not have to tell him at all. Maybe Jake told him for me. Could I be so lucky? Charlie came rushing back in on me, he was in my face. I have never seen him so furious. "Bella, that was Jacob. He was kind of pushy on the phone, I have never known him to do that before Bella. When I told him that we had business to attend to, he kind of intruded and asked me to be easy on you and listen to you. Have I ever NOT listened to you Bella?" "Dad, I don't want to tell you who I was with last night, and I know that you could make me if you wanted. But if I know my dad, he will not do that to me. Am I right?" I was looking at him hopeful, that is the one thing that Charlie always came through on everything. I watched as his face turned it's original color. "You are right Bella, but it would be nice to know." He wasn't giving up so easily, "Bells, you know you can tell me." "What to tease me after I tell you." Dad was finally smiling, "Don't tell me that it was that Newton kid.

Did he actually think that I would go behind his back with Mike? Not ever in a million years. "No dad, not Mike, would you please let me explain?" Charlie crossed his arms over his chest, and his mouth formed into a thin line. I couldn't totally look him in the eye, sort of ashamed. "I.......I....was with Jacob dad. He came to see me as soon as I got home yesterday evening, after Edward brought me home. We had allot to discuss.....allot to work out." Charlie was shaking his head back and forth. "So, the things that y'all had to work out couldn't have waited until you told me where in the hell you were Bella. I have been sick with worry. Was it so important that it made you loose all regards for anyone's feelings? I am really disappointed in you Bella, and when I see Jacob I have a few things to say to him." Oh no, this is not good. I didn't want any friction between Jacob and my dad. Mostly now, so I better not tell him that him and I are an item now. More than an item actually, I am completely in love with him. He really would teeter off of his rocker then. "Dad, I am so sorry, I should have told you first. I promise I will not do that again, and you will have your chance with Jacob this afternoon, him and Billy are coming down for a visit. Is that okay?" "I guess so Bella, you know I am not the type to hover or be nosey, but you can't blame me for wondering what was so important. Would you like to fill me in?"

I didn't really want to, but felt it was necessary to temporarily pacify him for a while. "Well dad, I am not really at liberty to air Jacobs dirty laundry, but I will tell you that he has been having some problems with his friends on the rez. Ya know, we have really gotten close lately, I can tell him anything, I am so comfortable with him. And I know that you don't want to hear this, but we also talked alot about Edward. And I will tell you just like I told Jacob, because he feels the same way about Edward as you do. I love Edward, I always will, and I refuse to write him and his family out of my life. He is a part of me dad, an irreplaceable part of me that I will not be without. I want you to accept that dad, because I will not stay away from them." Charlie was in deep thought, "Bella he destroyed....." "Dad, don't even go there, I know what he did, but that is in the past. I have come a long way since then It is all water in the bridge, Edward and I have come to an understanding. He is my friend, and I will not push him away for anyone."

Charlie put his finger up, opened his mouth and started to say something. Before he could say anything there was a loud knock at the door. My dad and I looked at each other quizically. I wonder if Jacob decided to come early?

**Please review! Who could it be at the door? Let me know what you guys think. **


	40. An Unexpected Visitor

**Okay guys...are you ready to see who is at the door? Well, I think I just might make yall wait another chapter. Just kidding, I wouldn't do that to ya'll. I just wanted to say that I am tired of doing the whole disclaimer bit at the beginning of every chapter. So one last time for the rest of my story. Yes, I hate to announce that these characters are not mine to claim. Oh how I wish they were. They are Stephanie Meyers, I want to thank her for having that awesome dream.**

**Chapter 40-An Unexpected Visitor**

**Charlie's POV**

I am so angry right now, I can't even see straight. I should be thankful that Bella is safe at home, but all I can think about at this moment is the nerve of that asshole coming back into her life. I mean, I appreciate his help when Bella got hurt, but that is what we have hospitals for. Bella was explaining herself, and even though I didn't like what she had to say, I needed to accept it, because knowing Bella she would go against me, mostly for that creep. Who could be knocking at the door at this time in the morning. I don't care who it is, they need to get the hell out of here. Bella and I have not finished our conversation, it is far from over. "I'll get it, you stay put. I am not finished here Bella." I know I sound harsh, but isn't that what a father is suppose to do. Before I opened the door I glanced back at Bella, she was nervously biting her bottom lip. That is a habit she has had since she was a little girl. I decided that I would let whoever it is just think that we were not at home, or still in the bed one. The last thing that we need is any more distractions.

I turned around, back towards Bella. "Are you going to get that dad?" "No, Bella I am not. There is allot that we need to work out here, that is more important than anyone that could be at the door this morning," Bella looked towards the door, and back at me with utter confusion. "But...." "Look whoever it is, if it is important enough they will come back later. For now, you and I have more pressing matters." She just nodded, and looked down at her feet.

**BPOV**

My curiosity was getting the best of me considering the knock at the door did not stop, and Charlie decided not to answer it. I wonder if it is Jake? The knock continued for a good five minutes. Charlie and I went to sit on the couch to continue our discussion. I know I must have seem distanced, because Charlie would frequently ask me if I was listening to him. I am trying, but all I can think about is Jacob and everything that has went on for the past few days. I am completely absorbed in it all. "Bella...are you listening to me? I am not joking Bells, this is serious stuff." "Uh....what serious stuff dad?" Charlies face reddened again. "I knew it! You are not listening to me Bella. I said, the whole thing with Edward is dangerous. He left you and you walked around like the living dead for months. I cannot see you go through that again, do you understand? I will not allow it." "Dad, I appreciate your concern but it is different this time. I know you don't understand right now, but you will soon enough, when the time is right. Edward and I are just friends, and you can't choose my friends for me. I am almost grown now, let me make my decisions. Shouldn't _I_ be the first one to be afraid of getting hurt again?"

Charlie's face softened at the thought, as I watched a violent shudder rip through his body. "I just can't stand to see you that way Bells, I thought that I was going to loose you there for a while. I can't loose you like I lost your mom Bella." I looked in the eyes that mirrored my own. Big and brown and full of tears that threatened to spill. There is one thing on this earth that I cannot take, and that is to see a grown man cry, mostly my dad. There is something about it that just breaks my heart. "Dad, please.......let me make my own mistakes. You know I would never put myself in that situation again, to get hurt like that again. I can't push the Cullens out of my life, and just like you, they are my family." A single tear ran down his cheek, and his voice quivered. "I have difficulty looking at you any other way than my little girl. I still picture you with scraped knees, freckled face and pig tails. But now the truth just hit me in the face, and hard. You are turning into a woman Bella, and you know that is hard for a dad. Even though I am going to let you control your life doesn't mean you can't let the old man know where you are, and that you are safe. That is all I ask Bells."

Now I am crying, I wiped the tears before they could fall in my lap. Jeez, I am such a cry baby lately, it seems like that is all I do. I took Charlie by the hand, "Dad, I promise to never keep you in the dark again. And dad, I will not tell you now, but when Jacob comes over there is something that you need to know. It might clear things up for you. But I don't want to tell you without Jacob here, okay?" Charlie pulled me in his loving arms, and wrapped me in a tight hug. This is not something that I am use to.. I know Charlie loves me, but he usually has a strange way of showing it. He has never been the hugging type, but today he decides to change a little. "Just as long as you two don't tell me that you are running off together, I think I can handle just about anything." "Okay dad.. And dad? I love you, ya know?" He was still holding me tight, "I know Bella, I love you too sweetie. And just so you know, you will always be daddy's little girl."

Oh no here comes the water works, there has never been a time in my life where he didn't call me daddy's little girl. In all the letters he use to write me while I was in Phoenix, he would address me as that. When he would see me for the summers, he would tell me how much he missed me and always ask me if I knew I was daddy's little girl. I guess I would always be that to him. The summer is quickly approaching, my best friend Jordyn from Phoenix would be coming to visit soon. She is coming down for the entire summer, I cannot wait to introduce her to Jacob, and maybe even the Cullens. Although I would need to pass that by them to see what they think. But I think it will be fine, knowing them. I need to go and E-mail her to see if she got the plane reservation that I sent her about three weeks ago. Hell she doesn't even know about Jacob and I yet. I mean she knows of Jacob, but the last time I spoke to her about him, we were just friends. Charlie finally let me go, and I immediately looked at the front door. "I wonder who that was dad?" Charlie just shrugged his shoulders, "It really bothers you not knowing doesn't it?" "Yes, it sure does. I hate being so curious. But you are right, if it was important they will come back. I am glad we had this talk dad." "Me too Bells, well seeing that I did not go into the station last night, I need to go down for a while and get some paperwork finished up. What is your plans for today?"

"Well, I need to respond to my e-mails, and contact Jordyn. It will not be long now before she comes to visit. I also need a shower and some rest. I will mostly be hanging out here the entire day. If I do decide to go out, I will call you at the station dad. " "Okay Bella, I will see you later, don't get into any trouble." I laughed because trouble follows me everywhere. I went up the stairs, noticing that I was stiff, probably from sleeping on the forest floor all night. I decided I would go check on my e-mails first, before taking a shower. My thoughts went back to earlier and the knock at the door. I could not shake this out of my mind, who could it have been? I knew it wouldn't have been Jacob so soon, unless he decided to be with me when I got into trouble, knowing him, he wanted to take complete responsibility for the whole thing. Flinging myself on my bed, my mind took a detour, bringing me back to somewhere it should not be. My brain was being consumed by Edward. There is really no reasoning behind this, I guess it is just another quirk of mine. I don't work like normal humans do. Laying on my pillow, pulling the covers up over my cold legs, trying to shake these inappropriate thoughts.

After several attempts, I gave up, it is useless. He was forever etched in my mind. Timeless and beautiful. I lowered my lids, and welcomed the coming darkness.

_Edward layed on top of me, his beautiful alabaster skin glowing. I paled in comparison to him. I always have, how could he want me? As I looked in his amber eyes, I seen a true conviction there. He loved me, and there would be no other for him. I am his other half, even though I could not be. Could I deny this man in front of me? I have wanted him for so long, with him always pushing me away, afraid to hurt me. Without a doubt I will give myself to him, only if it is for one time. I would not deny him that, or myself. With a velvet voice, and a touch as smooth as silk, stroking my cheek. "I want you Bella, I am ready now...I will not hurt you. Do you want me? I felt fire in my cheeks, his touch almost sizzled at the temperature difference. If I tell him yes like I want to, where will that leave Jacob. Jacob being my other half, the one I am suppose to be with. Jacob would understand, wouldn't he? Before I could answer, Edward crashed his lips to mine, with a force that I have never felt from him. His tongue traced the outline of my lips, as my breath escaped with an open mouth, his full tongue darted in. Ohhhh....the taste of him, within seconds I was drunk, intoxicated by him. He had never chanced this closeness before, I could feel the urgency in him. Nothing about this was typical Edward. His mouth explored mine, our tongues dancing with one another. My body reacted the way any other humans would have. I groaned into his mouth, fist ed my hand in his hair, and pulled him closer. Edward bit down on my bottom lip a little rough, then pulling it into his mouth to suck. My eyes flew open to meet his. He had abruptly stopped, when I seen him, he had his mouth open, panting, with a small drop of blood on his lip. I watched as his tongue, lapped it off of his lip. This was seducing me to no end. An evil grin replaced his tongue, and a deep growl came out of his chest. I had never heard anything quite like it. This wasn't the Edward I knew, this is the Edward that I have always wanted to know. Damn it he is so fucking sexy. Even sexier than I could have ever imagined him to be. "You taste good enough to eat Bella." My core was dripping, at the sound of his words, he looked down between my legs, "Can I eat you Bella? I want to taste more, I mean your blood is so desirable, but that... he motioned with his eyes to my center.... that I have wanted to taste for a long time now. Before I could speak, he seen the resolve in my eyes. I wanted him more than anything. He trailed his cold kisses slowly down my body, letting his tongue taste my skin. When he reached my core, he blew out his icy breath onto me, making me gasp, I pulled his head closer to me, I had to feel his mouth on me. "Now Edward!" He took his first two fingers and parted my lips, exposing my clit to him. "Is that where you want me Bella?" "Yes!" It came out as a whine. He took the tip of his tongue, and barely slid it across my sensitive nub. Once!!! Shit, he is going to fucking drive me crazy. He grinned at me over my mound, he is not stupid, he knows exactly what he is doing. "I don't think you want it. Do you?" Is he crazy, "Yes Edward, I do..now fucking get busy before I explode." "Ahhh Fuck, Bella." With that he plunged his tongue forcefully down on my clit, licking, sucking,....even BITING! Just the mere thought of him cussing, at my expense sent my body into a frenzy. I briefly removed my eyes from him, to look around, and there in the corner of my room, was Jacob, masturbating to the sight of me with Edward._

My eyes shot open, and I realized I had been touching myself in my sleep. What kind of fucked up dream was that? My hand was stuffed down the front of my pants, my fingers in my now soaked folds. Very disoriented, I scanned the room around me. I turned around to get out of my bed. "Ohhhh!" I gasped. Edward was on his side, in the bed with me. I pinched myself, and looked at him. "No Bella, you are not dreaming, nor am I a figment of your imagination." He looked at me with his famous crooked grin. "What?.....How?........" He laughed, "Shhh..Bella it's okay, I knocked on the door first, but nobody came. I read Charlies thoughts and decided I would wait for you here. When you came in I didn't want to scare you so I waited for the oportune time to let you know that I was here. But then you fell asleep so quickly, I didn't have the chance. You looked so peaceful, so I didn't want to wake you. But then.........." He smiled again, a little more devilish this time. "Then what Edward?" He looked into my eyes, "your dream?" Oh..My.....God! I cannot believe,.... "Did I talk in my sleep as usual?" His eyes squinted with a smile, "I think you did a little more than that Bella." Shit...Shit....Shit.....He knew I was dreaming about him. Shit!!

His eyes followed the line from my chin, down my breasts to my stomach, down to my core and back up. His lips were parted, and yes he licked his lips. Edward LICKED HIS LIPS!!!!

**Juicy!!!! What does Edward want? Why is Bella still having dreams of her lost love? Review me allot. I need all of your support. Thank you!!!**


	41. Oh No He Didn't!

**This is going to be short...promises for a longer chapter next time. Just needed to get the point across.**

**Chapter 41-Oh No He Didn't!**

**Edwards POV**

Mmmmm.. My sweet Bella. I don't want to wake you, but I so desperately need to talk to you. I am glad that I have learned patience over the years. Bella started moving and mumbling in her sleep, I almost got up and walked away, not wanting to intrude. That was until I heard her say my name, not once but three times. Now I was glued, I couldn't pull myself away. I am sure she told me that she chose Jacob, but why is she dreaming of me? And this was not your ordinary dream either. She was breathing hard, moaning, and calling my name, all at the same time. She was turned on by me! For the love of all that is holy, she is stroking herself. I let my head fall back, being struck by her scent. It shot straight through me, now I could not leave, there is no way that I can make myself. When I thought Bella came close to her release, she bolted upright in the bed, and her eyes flew open searching her room. It almost made me want to look too. She seemed a little disoriented, and a little pissed at what she was doing to herself. She was so taken back that she didn't even notice that I was in bed with her. Maybe I should go and hide.

Bella went to get out of the bed and just about ran into me in the process. She gasped at the sight of me so I had to explain myself quickly. If my heart were still able to beat, I am sure it would be pounding through my chest at this moment. I couldn't help myself, my already hard cock got even harder at the sight of her. My eyes swept over her body, down to the place where I wanted her most. I long to be in her! I looked her in the eyes, to let her see the need there.

**BPOV**

I removed myself from the bed, I couldn't handle being so close to him. Not with him looking like he wants to eat me. Not after the dream I just had. "What are you doing here Edward?" I am pissed, here I am, sleeping in my own bed, with a vampire stalker listening to my dreams. I mean I love Edward, but not that way. I don't even know why I have those dreams. I shivered at my thoughts. "Bella, don't be upset with me. I came here with the intentions of talking to you about getting together with Jacob. You know, so we can all be on the same page. I want to make this work for you. But I can't help myself, I am so sorry that I seen that, heard that. Wait, let me rephrase that, I am not sorry that I seen it, I am sorry that I was not strong enough to pull myself away, to invade your privacy. Forgive Me?" Edward gave me the most convincing puppy dog face ever. "Oh no you didn't see me.!, what are you laughing at Edward?" "Bella, you are so beautiful when you blush. I hate to admit it, but I did see everything, and I heard everything too. You love Jacob right? Do you think you made the right choice seeing the fact that you still have sexual fantasies about me?"

Edwards sarcastic attitude was back and in full command. "Yes, I love Jacob, Yes I made the right choice, and Yes I did have a sexual fantasy about you and I don't understand it either, it is quite disturbing if you ask me. It was not my choice! I can't help what my fucked up brain does while I am awake, much less while I am asleep. Jacob is the only one that I have ever made love to, and I PLAN on keeping it that way. I mean, once upon a time, I would have jumped at the chance to make love to you, to feel you in a way that I have never felt you before. But I look at it this way, if it was meant to be, it would have happened then, NOT NOW! I think it was never meant to happen, like somewhere in the stars I was destined to be ! I love you Edward and want you in my life, but are you ever planning to give up?" His face fell slightly as I plopped back down on the mattress beside him. He raised a cool finger to stroke my cheek, "Not until your very last breath Bella, and at that point I will cease to exist, joining you."

His sadness disappeared, "Don't look so sad Bella, I am only telling you the truth." I did not want to accept this, that this beautiful creature would forever be lonely until I died. It is not fair. "Edward, couldn't there be someone out there for you? I mean to spend your life with? I can't stand the thought of you being alone." "But I won't be love, I will at least have you in my life." "But Edward....." He put his long finger over my lips, "No buts, you say the word and I will not push my luck any more. I will be your friend to the best of my ability. But I cannot hide the feelings in my eyes." I don't know what I want at this point, he knows I love Jacob, but I love him too, and don't want to hurt either one of them. Edward was my first love, but Jacob is the here and now. "Edward, I love you. You are too good to me, I really don't deserve to have you in my life. But you take me for a stronger person than I really am. I love Jacob, but with you in my face, luring me in like you do. I just can't ignore that. Your tempting me as we speak, and I don't want to crack under pressure. I want to be true to Jacob. It wouldn't be right for me to give in to my fantasies. He grinned, "Okay Bella, I will back off, just as long as you continue to think of me that way. That is good enough."

"Thank you Edward. I will talk to Jake tonight about setting up something between us. But first things first. My dad has a few things he needs to get straight with Jacob." "Yeah, I read his mind earlier. Don't worry, it will not be too bad. But the next time he sees me, it will be. He really doesn't like me at all." I know my dad has issues with him and that is understandable, but surely he won't cause a scene. "You have to understand why Edward." "Oh I do, I completely understand." Edwards face was full of pain now, I lifted his chin with my finger. "Edward, look at me. I have forgiven you for the past, and hold nothing against you. Please put that behind you, it is all water under the bridge. Please let it go!" He looked at me, "I can't Bella, I just can't. It is my fault that I lost you, my fault that you hurt so badly. I blame myself." I wrapped my arms around his stone chest, and pressed myself into him. "I miss the thought of you, having you to hold each night, I will always miss loving you like I did. But I do love you, you know that right? Will that be enough?" He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, "for now!"

He pressed his icy lips to my forehead, I felt the chills forming on my skin, "I love you too, but I am going to give you the space you need. I will wait for you to call me. When you miss me, call me. I'll be waiting." He jumped out of my window, I watched as he neared the forest, I seen him turn around, and hold his thumb, first finger, and pinkie finger up, forming "I love you" in sign language. My heart raced, and tears came rushing out of my eyes. He is a hard habit to break, but the one thing on this earth that I can not live without, is My personal Sun, Jacob. I couldn't wait to be in his arms again.

**I need lots of feedback, let me know how you like it or don't. REVIEW!!! Lots of love to all of my readers that review me, and a little to the ones that don't. MUAH!**


	42. The Talk

**Will Jacob go against Bella's wishes by telling Charlie that they are seeing one another? If so, will she forgive him? What will Charlie think? Does Jacob have something to hide from Bella?**

**Chapter 42-The Talk**

**JPOV**

"Dang, it has only been three hours since I left her, but it feels like forever. Maybe I will call her and see if I can come early." Billy is eyeing me like I am a freaking moron. I know it sounds silly, but it is almost painful to be away from her. "Dad, don't look at me like that, you know how I feel about Bella." He nodded his head, he should understand anyway, as much as I talk about her. But there is something else behind his eyes, that he really didn't intend on me to see. I know deep down what he is trying to convey with his eyes, his eyes are full of shame. "Dad, I know what you are thinking, but please let me tell Bella in my own time. I don't think she really needs to know right now, but I promise I will tell her, just not now." "Son, you do what you think is best, but if it comes down to me having to tell her, I will not sugar coat it. So you better not wait to long, it is not fair to her Jacob. You do know that she deserves to know. I mean, wouldn't you want to know." My dad has a good way of making me feel like shit. Well, it is not his fault. It is all mine, I should feel like shit for lieing to her. Maybe I will tell her today, then again, maybe not. I don't need her running off into Edward's arms.

I picked up the phone and dialed her number, the phone rang, and rang, and rang. As I was putting the phone down, I heard someone on the other line. "Hello, hello....is anyone there?" I put the phone back to my ear. "Bella?!?" "Uh...no...this is Charlie. Is that you Jacob?" "Yes sir, I just wanted to speak to Bella, is she in?" There was a little silence, and then..."Yes Jacob, she is in but I think she is asleep, considering you kept her out all night. Didn't you have plenty of time to talk to her then?" I have never heard Charlie be so short with me in my whole life, and frankly it scared me a little. "I'm sorry for...." He didn't let me finish. "Jacob, I don't need your apologies son, all I need is a little respect. I love your dad like a brother, and you as a son. But you took it a little too far, to have her out all night without even telling me first. You have to know that I was worried about her. Jacob, I think it would be best if you stayed away for a while. I don't know what is going on around here, and I need time to work it out. I do not need Bella getting hurt again. "Charlie, I think it would be a mistake to make us stay apart. Bella is happy with me." I tried to sound convincing. "Jacob listen, I don't have anything against you, it is just that Bella is so vulnerable right now after Edward left her, and now you have come back into her life, she seems happy, but I worry that is just external- a shell."

I don't really have any good way of telling Charlie that it isn't just on the outside, that we are a pair through and through, without giving too much away. "Charlie, I will respect your wishes, but first I would like to talk to you face to face. Do you think I could come over and talk to you? I mean, if it is a good time." Charlie cleared his throat. "Well, I guess it is okay. I do have allot of things that I need to get off of my chest. When do you think you will be over here?" I wanted to go ASAP, but I didn't want to seem to anxious. "I need to clean up a little and make sure dad doesn't need anything before I come. But I figure it will be about an hour or so. Is that to soon?" "No, that is fine, bye Jacob see you soon." Before I could say anything more there was nothing but dead air. Uhhh... I dread having this talk with him, he is really upset with me. I headed to the bathroom to take a shower. Before I stepped in, I heard my dad call my name. "Shit!" I wrapped the towel around my waist. "Yeah dad, what do you need?" Billy had a shit eating grin on his face. "Was that Charlie you were on the phone with? He's pissed, I could tell by your face, can't blame him though."

My dad has a way of knowing things he really shouldn't. "That was him, and yes he really is upset with me. I am going over there in just a little while." Billy shrugged his shoulders, "You gonna tell Charlie? I think he deserves to know about you and Bella. It has just about killed me to keep my mouth shut as long as I have. And Jacob, you remember what we talked about earlier. Bella needs to know, you kind of owe it to her." I know Billy has good intentions, but what he doesn't know is that what he wants me to tell her, is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. I just nodded my head, and turned to walk away. "I love you son!" "MMmmmm.. love you too dad." Billy could sense the trouble in me. He is truly a better father than I could ever asked for, he can be a little bit overbearing about certain situations, but besides that I can't complain. He usually doesn't meddle in my business to much. If it didn't have anything to do with Bella he probably wouldn't care. But he thinks so much of her, like a daughter. I guess I would tell her, because I sure didn't want my dad to do my dirty business.

After my shower, I put on some clean clothes. I thought it might be appropriate to wear a shirt this time since I am going to talk man to man with Charlie. I don't think he would appreciate me being half naked. I pulled out the first that I found and held it up. It looked small, it has been so long since I have worn a shirt, except for at school. I stretched it out with my hands before putting it on. I pulled it over my chest, and had to fight it all the way down. You could see every line in my abdomen through the thin fabric. Oh well, I guess this will have to do, seeing I don't have anything better. Mental note, go to the store and buy bigger shirts. Not attempting to brush through my mess of hair, I pulled it back into a ponytail. One of these days I am going to cut all of this off, it would be so much more convenient. I slipped my shoes on, this is something else I am not use to. But Charlie would look at me like I was weird if I walk in his house without any shoes on. I was now getting anxious to go and get this over with. "Dad, I'll see you later. I don't know when I will be back. I will let you know if I end up staying the night. I probably will, if she will let me." As I left, the more I thought about it, the more I knew that she would probably not want me to after I tell her. That thought made me sick.

Putting on the charade of being a normal human being, I got into my car, and headed to Bella's. When I pulled into the driveway I noticed Charlie was looking out of the window. I guess he is ready to get this over with too. I took some slow, deep breaths trying to prepare myself for this, but soon realized there was nothing good enough to prepare me. I had to tell Charlie about us, I know Bella doesn't want me to, but I see no way around it. Before I could knock on the door, Charlie was already standing there with the door held open for me to come in. He didn't smile as usuall, his face was stern. I smiled in the attemt t o get him to return it, but it backfired on me. He scowled even harder at me. Gesturing with his finger towards the couch. I took the hint and sat on the opposite side of the couch farthest from the door. I am waiting for Charlie to sit down, but he didn't. He's standing there with his arms folded across his chest, mouth hung open like he was starting to say something, the he turned purple and held one finger out for me to hold on. So I waited......................... I watched his face turn back to an almost normal color.

"Charlie, before you say anything will you let me explain? I know you are upset at me, and you have every right to be. But there are some things that you need to know first." Charlies face darkened slightly, and he just nodded for me to continue.

"First, I want to start off by apologizing to you, for keeping Bella out all night. I am sure Bella told you that we had allot of things to work out. Did she tell you what kind of things?" I am a little to hopeful that she has already told him, but I seriously doubt it considering the way she feels about telling him. "No she didn't give me any clue to what was talked about. Should I be concerned?" I didn't want to push it all on him at once, but there is really no way of easing him into it. "I don't know if concerned is the proper way to describe it, ummm...maybe shocked might be a better word." I can tell this isn't going to be easy. Charlie looked confused, and angry at the same time. "Well, if you are going to shock me Jacob, now is the time." "Okay, here goes nothing or everything. Whichever way you want to look at it. I am going to just come out with it, okay?" He huffed, "Get on with it Jacob, stop beating around the damn bush." I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to think of an alternate way, nothing came to mind. "Charlie, Bella and I.....ummm... what I am trying to say is, Bella and I are......." "Yeah!?" Charlie was moving his hands in a circular motion towards his body, trying to get me to come out with it. "We are seeing one another!" There it is out, finally. I held my breath waiting to feel Charlie's wrath.

He looked to the side, and then folded his hands in his lap. It was the first time that I noticed that Bella had this same habit. Mostly when she is thinking of what to say. "Define seeing." He was short with me, "Well, you know I have always loved Bella, right? Ever since we were kids. Just recently she has returned those same feelings for me." Charlie smiled and shook his head in disbelief, "So here you sit, telling me that YOU love Bella, and SHE loves you, so that is why you kept her out all night, doing who knows what till all hours of the morning. How long has this been going on between the two of you?" I knew that question was coming sooner or later. "Since the first day that I seen Bella, after, you know Edward disappeared. We haven't been able to stay away from one another. She tells me that I complete her in a way like she has never been completed, that I am her other half." "Just as long as you are not completing her in the wrong way Jacob. And you know she is still in love with Edward right?" His words stabbed through me like a knife. "Yes, I do, that is alot to do with what we had to work out." "Jacob, you listen and listen close. If you ever hurt Bella, I will personally give you the ass beating of your life. Billy is my best friend and I do not want any hard feelings between us. I don't like that fact that you kept it from me, but I am glad that you told me. Don't screw up!"

With those last words, making my stomach lurch. I feel nauseated, because I know that I have already screwed up, and I have already hurt her. She is just not aware, but she will be soon enough.

**Please review. Sorry it took so long, I have company visiting me. It is kind of hard to take a few hours out a day to update. Hang in there. Give me lots of feedback. **


	43. I Need Answers!

**Sorry it has taken so long to update. I have had a bad case of writers block. I wasn't quite sure where I wanted to take it.**

**Chapter 43-I Need Answers!**

**BPOV**

As I watched Edward disappear into the deep woods, my tears continued to fall fast. I couldn't seem to get a grip on the fact that this is the best way. Him and I being friends is proving to be very difficult. He loves me unconditionally, always hoping for a loophole somehow, a way to have another chance. And if Jacob wasn't in the picture I would be back in his arms right now. I don't understand the way I feel. I know deep down that it is wrong for me to have these feelings for him, while being in love with Jacob. I am glad that I waited for Jacob, giving myself to him, I don't think it would have felt quite the same if I would have given myself to Edward. It makes me feel better that Jacob and I were both virgins. It made it more special, knowing we would be the only ones to ever have each other. Surely in time the feelings that I have for Edward will fade into a lasting friendship. I guess it will just take some time, I cannot expect all of it to disappear overnight. Thinking about Jake, I picked up my phone to call him and ask him when he could come over. I need him, maybe the more I am with him, the more those feelings will fade. I cannot go the rest of my life feeling this way about two men. It is so confusing and stressful.

"Hey Billy, how are you? I am just wondering if Jake is around?" I heard Billy laugh under his breath. "No Bella, he is at your house or on his way, but I think he should be there by now." Hmmmm... that is strange. "Oh okay, thanks Billy. Bye!" "Oh Bella, by the way..be easy on him okay." I don't understand what he means. "O----Kay!?!" I wonder what he meant by that. I put my hair up in a knot on the top of my head, not taking the time to brush through all of the tangles. I am to curious, and Billy didn't help matters any. I rushed down the stairs almost tripping over my own two feet. When I rounded the corner I noticed a very nervous Jacob sitting in front of my dad. He was wringing his hands together. When he caught the sight of me, he briefly looked in my eyes and looked quickly away pinching the bridge of his nose. Wow, Charlie must be giving him a good lashing about having me out all night. There didn't seem to be much talking going on, so maybe they are finished. I went and plopped down next to Charlie on the couch. "Hey dad....Jake...what is going on?" I tried to be as cheerful as possible trying to lighten the mood. There is a morose feeling in the air, and to be quite frank about it, it is giving me the heebie jeebies.

Charlie was eyeing me out of the corner of his eye with both eyebrows raised. You know that kind of look someone gives you when they think you have totally gone off of your rocker? I glanced over at Jake and he still had the same hard look on his face. "Ummm...hey Bella, Jake and I are finished having our talk. I will give you two some privacy, I will be in the kitchen reading the paper. You and I need to talk later, if you have time, if you can pull yourself away from lover boy over there for a few minutes." What in the hell is he talking about? Lover boy? Oh shit. It just dawned on me what is going on here, the meaning behind the look on Jacobs face and the words that just came out of Charlies mouth. I looked at Jacob with knowing in my eyes, he told him! Now it is my turn to have my face mirror theirs. I feel betrayed in a sense, I would have liked for Jacob to wait until I felt comfortable telling Charlie. How could he do this to me? Now I am going to have to face my dad yet again, about an uncomfortable subject for me. I nodded my head at Charlie letting him know that I would talk to him later. When he left the room I put all of my attention on Jacob. His large hand was shielding his eyes, he didn't want to look at me.

"Jacob?" He lowered his hand, and his eyes were clouded with shame or guilt one. I can't distinguish which one. My eyes began to fill with tears. "Why?" Is all I could get out. That is the only thing I wanted to know. "Bells" "No don't call me that, just like you said before, only friends are allowed to call me that, not you, not now. Friends don't stab each other in the back Jacob, you knew how I felt about telling him right now. I wanted it to be the right time, so you and I could tell him together. Why did you do this?" He inched closer to me, reaching out to touch me on the face. I swatted his hand away, striking the top of his hand. He coiled it backwards like a disciplined child. "I don't want you to touch me Jacob, I want an answer. Don't you think I deserve at least that?" "Listen Bella, I thought it would be best. It needs to be out in the open and with me having you out all night, it just made better sense. I don't have any other answer besides that. I know I should have waited, but I just couldn't. It was the right time!" "No Jacob, it wasn't, you don't respect my wishes enough to wait for me. I mean..." I threw my hands up in the air, lost for words.

"I'm sorry Bella, I don't know what else I can do, I can't reverse time and take it back ya know?" Oh here we go, with the smart ass attitude. This is complete bullshit, now I can't trust the person I am in love with. Isn't that what is suppose to be about? I mean, don't you need to trust that one person the most? "Smart ass!" I huffed at him. Why do men have to be such pigs? "Bella, it just seems like you don't understand anything, I can't get it through your thick skull why I did it. I------AM------SORRY! Do you want to bend over and let me kiss your ass, will that make it better?" Acid filling his tone. "Jacob, if you are going to be this way, I want you to leave." I stood up and pointed to the front door, I would have never thought I would say those words to Jacob Black, the love of my life. But he is pissing me off the more he opens his mouth, with every sarcastic word. A little bit of self pity washed over me. "I am the one that should be acting this way, not you. Never mind Jacob, just leave. It is not worth it, I can see how important all of this is to you. Just go!" Jacob stood up and towered over me, I could feel his hot breath in my hair. "No, I am not going anywhere, this is where I belong. He touched my face, and I pulled away, it was like a hot poker touched my skin.

I continued to look away, down at the floor. Hot tears forming in my eyes, feeling betrayed by him. Who was I to think that this was always going to be ideal? I am not that lucky. Jacob didn't move a muscle, he stared at my face while I stared at the ground. I took a step back and he followed, keeping contact with my body. I put my hand on his chest to try and push him away, but my actions were futile. He put his finger under my chin and lifted but I would not look him in the eye. "Bella, I'm staying, like it or not. I belong here...with you." I took a few more backward steps toward the front door, and soon found my back pressed up against it. Jacob pressed his body against mine, as angry as I am I didn't expect to feel what I am feeling right now. With him so close, that familiar ache between my legs made itself known. I ignored the feeling, "Get away from me, I want you to leave, NOW!" I actually did want him to leave. He has hurt me, just for the fact of going behind my back. And being an inconsiderate asshole, thinking he can just be anyway he wants and me forgive him. He pressed himself harder into me, I could feel his cock on my stomach. I can't be weak....I can't be weak. I chanted to myself in my head. "No Bella, you know you want me to stay." Uhhhhh... the nerve of him almost made me sick. But he is right, part of me wanted him to stay but the other didn't.

His mouth was at my ear, I could feel the moist heat of his breath on my skin. I knotted my fist in his hair, not out of passion, but out of anger and pulled back, forcing his head to move away from me. "LEAVE! I want you to, I need to see Edward, talk to him. Maybe get some advice from someone that I trust, seeing I can't trust you. With those words, I am sure burnt like acid rain, he pulled away. "Oh yeah Bella, maybe you should just go fuck your vampire buddy. I'm outta here!" He spat at me, pushing me to the side so he could get out of the door. I shouted, "maybe I will, and maybe he will be better than you." Jacob turned on his heels and was back in front of me within half a second. I knew Charlie could hear every word, and I would have a lot of explaining to do later. But that is the least of my concerns at this point. Jacob looked at me with anger filled eyes. "Jacob..I....." He put his hand up, so I let him talk. "Well maybe I will go and revisit my past and have a fling of my own. And I know for a fact she is better than you, because I have fucked her before. So you just go and fufill your little fantasy with your bloodsucker. See if his cold cock can satisfy you the way I can. And by the way Bella, while your Edward is in you, think about me."

The tears that were brewing before spilled over onto my cheeks, his words stabbed me like a dull blade, leaving jagged tears in my heart. As he ran towards the woods, his figure blurred as I watched him explode into a wolf just inside the cover of the trees. I heard branches snap, and a sharp howl. I fell on

my knees in the doorway and let the sobs overtake me. With the door still open, I layed on my side, clutching my knees to my chest, trying to hold myself together. Charlie laid his hand on my shoulder. "Edward....Edward......Please!! I see stars before my eyes and let the blackness engulf me. I felt safe here in the dark, away from all of the pain this cruel world had to offer. "Bella, wake up! Please don't do this again. Come back to me! Charlies voice interrupted the the darkness that I welcomed with open arms, I was almost angry. All I could think about is what the last thing Jacob said to me. About him being with another girl. Was that true, or was it just angry words? My chest hurt as each sob broke through. Charlie sat beside me on the floor, holding me and rocking me back and forth. "What do you need honey? I will get you anything." All I could muster is "Billy." I need to ask Billy, what he said before was starting to make sense. He didn't want this to be the end all be all for Jake and I. "You need Billy!?" I nodded. He got up to get the phone and dialed Billy. "Billy hey this is Charlie, I hate to bother you but Bella needs to talk to you." He handed me the phone.

He held it up to my ear for me knowing I didn't have the strength. "Bella, don't say anything. I know what this is about, and I know you need some answers. I love you like a daughter, and you should know that Jacob loves you. Bella, there was some angry words exchanged I am sure. But you deserve to know the truth." My head was spinning, making me feel sick. I sat on the other end, inhaling deep breaths. "Bella, I know about you and Jacob. There is not many things I do not know about any of the pack members. Mostly my son, he has not been truthful with you Bella. He came to talk to Charlie about having you out all night, and he also came to talk to you about other things. I told him that if he didn't tell you that I would. It is just not fair for you to continue living a lie. I don't know how to tell you this, I guess I will just come out with it. You were not his first Bella, he lied to you thinking that it would have made a difference in how you felt about him. I tried to tell him otherwise, but he wouldn't listen." I pushed the phone away from me and began to scream. I have lost all sense of reality. "Edward!!! I need you....." I heard Charlie talking to Billy, trying to make sense of what is going on. It took all I had in me to push myself up off of the floor. With Charlie distracted, talking to Billy. I got my keys off of the hook, and headed for my truck.

I went to open my truck door, but before I could, a cold hand was placed over mine stopping me. I swayed from dizziness and turned around. "Bella, it's okay love, I'm here." I put my head on his shoulder before my limp body succumbed to the darkness.

**I know this is harsh...don't hate, all is in love and war. Every couple goes through hard times. Please review!!! I need a lot of feed back. I really had a bad case of writers block. The more input I get, the better I feel about continuing this feat. I had thought seriously about discontinuing, but felt like it would be punishing myself and my readers. Thanks to all of my dedicated readers. luvs and hugs...**


	44. Permanently Altered

**Will things ever be the same between Jacob and Bella? What does this mean for their future? Will she turn to****Edward? Will Jacob revisit his past like he claims? Tune in to find out more... **

**Readers Beware!!!!! I have to warn you that some readers may be sensitive to this material. **

**Jacob really screws up big time. Will Bella ever forgive him? Can they get past this? Just remember this is a Jacob Bella fanfic, I will be true to the end. Also remember that in real life, things like this happen everyday, and people get over it, and get on with their lives. So don't spaz out on me! Kay? Lots of love...**

**Chapter 44-Permanently Altered**

**JPOV**

Why does love have to be so damn complicated? I ran towards La Push, trying to block out all thoughts as I ran, knowing the pack would be listening. I really tried to control my temper back there, but it was damn near impossible. I wanted to tell Bella in a different way, but everything seemed to get under my skin, making me react the way I did. The thought of Bella with Edward is excruciating, and what did I do? I pushed her in that direction, I am so stupid. Anger gripped my being, I need to loose myself tonight. Totally let go! Maybe I will go and see Ashley, she is constantly calling and begging me to come over. She is just a girl that I never really cared about, just someone to release my teenage hormones on. Bella is the only one I have ever loved, but I couldn't wait on her forever. I got tired of jacking off! I know I can't stop Bella from doing anything that she wants to do, and with her knowing that I lied about being a virgin, probably helped her make her decision about Edward. I will be lucky if she ever talks to me again, I never did get the chance to tell her that I truly didn't imprint on her. That it was just a sure fire way to have her in my life for good. I am sure that is going to go over well, if I ever have another chance to explain.

I felt like if I told her about imprinting that it would buy me some time with her, to make her feel like it is her destiny to be with me. But if it is Edward she wants, I will step away and let her be happy, no matter how much it hurts. I have taken advantage of Bella's situation and vulnerability, I will no longer interfere with fate and if by chance she still wants me after today, I will gladly accept her. But for now, seeing there is not much hope, I'm heading somewhere that will help numb the pain, or temporarily make it dull. It took me about ten minutes to reach her house, I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of doing this. Before I stepped out into the open I realized that I was nude, shit! I need to go home and grab some clothes. I went the other direction to my house, hopefully Billy would be asleep and none the wiser. He would definitely object to what I am about to do. Not that he could stop me, but he would make me feel guilty. And I am sure with his conscience he would call and tell Bella, thinking she deserves to know. If only he would have butted out, maybe her and I would be okay right now, and if I kept my mouth shut about us being together to Charlie. I couldn't be that smart! I really am stupid... Oh well, the damage is already done, so what difference does it make?

When I reached the front door of my house, slowly opening the door just in case dad is asleep. I didn't want any kind of confrontation with him. Not now, I am not in the mood. My mind is on a single track, a distraction from the pending doom. I poked my head around the corner, Billy was sitting in his wheelchair positioned facing the door. I barely even had enough room to open the door and get in. I struggled to fit through the barely big enough opening. "Dang dad, could you back up a little?" He pointed his old finger up at me. "No Jacob, I suggest you sit your ass down and talk to me." I didn't sit, not wanting to do this now. Shit I don't want to do this EVER! "Dad, not now I don't feel like talking about anything. I came here to get some clothes, I need to get away, need some time to think." Billy shook his head, "Son, I said sit. We have a lot to discuss. Grab that blanket and cover yourself up, I feel weird talking to you while you are naked, but don't want to wait for you to go and change." I grabbed the throw that is behind me on the couch, and threw it over my lap, making sure all of my parts were covered. The couch creaked under my weight as I sat down. I looked at him, waiting. "Bella called, well Charlie called and Bella talked. Jacob...she sounded terrible. It was like she had no soul left, like when Edward left her, only worse. What did you do? Please tell me you didn't screw this up Jacob."

I feel like running away and hiding from all of this, but I am not a child anymore. I have to own up to my manhood and embrace this, and face it like a man. "Dad, I went against her wishes and told Charlie about us. She was so mad, I have never seen her that way before. It just brought out bad things in me, I started being an asshole, and before I knew it we were fighting. That is when it happened, I never meant for it to go as far as it did. She told me that she couldn't trust me anymore, and she needed to go and talk to the leech. That is when I lost it, I told her to go screw him, and that I was going to go screw my first. That is how I told her that I wasn't a virgin. And before you ask, I never got to the part of me lieing to her about the imprint. I feel like shit!" "Well Jacob, you should, Bella is a very special person that you have loved for your whole life. Why do you do this to yourself son? I mean why not be true to yourself, you could have prevented all of this from happening if you were just truthful to her. I made some of the same mistakes with your mom in the beginning, and I found out later she would have loved me just the same. I tried to tell you, but as stubborn as you are, you would not listen. Do you think you might take your old man's advice next time? If you are given the chance for a next time._" _

I wanted to say yes, but knowing the way I am it would just be a lie. "I'll try!" I got up off of the couch. "Jacob, just to let you know, the last thing I heard on the phone was Bella screaming. She was screaming for Edward, so I suggest if you want to salvage any part of the relationship you have left with Bella, you need to go to her and make things right. If you let this go, I fear that it will never be the same again, there will be nothing left to save." My one track mind kicked into high gear, this way was so much easier than my dad's alternative. On one hand, all I had to do is go and mindlessly, heartlessly fuck Ashley's brain out. And on the other hand I need to go to Bella, and beg for her forgiveness, in the hopes that she would accept me back into her life, with guarantees that she would. What would I do then? One was a temporary fix, and the other had the possibilities of fixing it for good, if I am lucky. I knew my dad was right, but a quick fix is what I need. "Son, make good decisions okay?" I just nodded on my way to my room. I sat down on the edge of my bed, placing my elbows on my knees. I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to decide on what to do. Uhhh....this long hair is getting on my nerves. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I took the shears out of the drawer and cut my entire ponytail off, throwing it on the floor. I cut my hair as close as I could to my head in the back, leaving a little length on the top, so I could spike it up. I got in the shower to wash all of the loose hairs off of me.

Drying off, and putting my clothes back on, my decision was made. The pain I am feeling is unbearable. I need a distraction, I picked up the house phone and called Ashley. "Ashley, hey this is Jacob. Yeah, I am sorry I haven't called in a while, there has been a lot of things going on here at the rez. I am just wondering if you want to get together tonight? Miss you too..." I just lied again, all she is good for is a good lay. "Okay then I will see you in a few minutes, where do you want to go?" I truly hope she just wants to go to the place that we use to go together to be alone, to screw. I don't feel like beating around the bush, pretending to like her when I don't. I want to make this as quick, and as simple as possible. I don't care if I hurt her feelings in the process, I am out to satisfy my needs tonight. Yes, I know I am being a jerk, but hey, isn't that what men do best? I ran from my room, down the hall and into the living room. Billy already knew my decision, he could see it on my face. He started to say something but I ignored him running out of the door. I don't need him giving me a guilt trip, I already felt bad enough.

I got in my faithful rabbit, putting in a CD, turning it to my favorite song, As Your Falling Down, by Escape the Fate. Cranking the volume up, as I sped off toward my destination. This song matched my mood. I made the drive in about five minutes, it would have taken an average driver about twelve. I pulled into her driveway, looked into the rear view mirror and practiced a fake smile. Maybe she will not notice that I am putting on. Knowing her being as shallow as she is, she wouldn't. When I got out of the car, she was already coming out of her house bouncing up and down on her front porch squealing. "Jakey!" Shit, I hate her squeaky voice, and I hate her calling me that. I had forgotten how annoying she is. She wrapped her arms around my neck, "I've missed you Jacob, you don't come around enough." I half hugged her back so she wouldn't get her feelings hurt. I needed to placate her, if I wanted to bury myself in her later. I gave her my best fake smile that I could muster. She paled in comparison to Bella. She had a mousy look to her, she is about 5"1, 102 pounds if I could guess right. Her features in her face are angular, almost pointy. All of my friends think she is the hottest thing in school. Her eyes grew wide as she took in my size. "Mmmmm... you've grown!! Is that all that has grown?" She said gripping my crotch. Well that just told me where she wanted to go. This is going to be easy. Normally, my dick would be standing at attention at this kind of contact. But strangely it produced no reaction from me. He hung limply down the right side of my pants, against my leg.

"So, where are we off to?" I opened the door for her. She climbed in, still trying to get a reaction out of my cock. Not even a twitch! Hmmmmm.... She looked up at me, trying to give me a sexy look. "You know where, unless you have another place in mind." I smiled, this is easier than I thought. I sat myself in the drivers seat, and brought my car to life. The CD was blaring as soon as I started the engine. She reached and turned down the volume. "What is that?" she said with a disgusted look on her face. "It is only the best fucking band in the world!" I said turning it back up, and singing along with it. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her cross her arms over her chest, with her lip poked out slightly. She didn't like my music, she never has. But this time I didn't care. After my song went off, I turned it off completely. "Thank you!" I didn't do it for her but I would let her believe what she wanted. The drive to the cliffs would take about thirty minutes, this is going to be the most uncomfortable thirty minutes of my life. You could slice the silence between us with a knife. She reached over, running her fingers up my arm, stroking my neck, and into my hair. "I like the new look, it makes you look grown, more masculine." She said, sliding her fingernails over my head.

Her hand slid down my chest onto my stomach over the deep lines. "Mmmmmm.. you've been working out." Looking at me licking her lips, she let her hand descend down to my dick. She pressed against me, grabbing me through my jeans. I was trying to will him to pay attention to her touch and drive at the same time. I needed more from her, it was so unlike being with the Bella. She could look at me a certain way and it would be so hard that it hurt. I pushed her hand away and unzipped my pants. I reached in, pulling my limp cock out in my hand. "Do you mind?" I grabbed the back of her head, and I caught a glimpse of a grin as she lowered her mouth down onto me. She wrapped her tiny hand around me, and stroked up and down. Sucking my lifeless dick into her mouth, swirling her tongue around the tip and placing me in her throat, trying to get a reaction. Finally, a twitch and then I grew in her mouth. Not as hard as usual, but hard enough. She smiled around my dick, as I put the petal to the metal, trying to get to my destination. Every time I thought about Bella, and what she could be doing at this moment, I felt myself loose a little bit of my reaction. What in the hell is wrong with me? "You have grown, A LOT!" She uttered with great satisfaction. She sucked my dick like it was a fucking lollipop. The last lollipop that she was ever going to taste.

I had to drive slow along the cliffs edge, making sure I didn't go to far over to the side. When I reached the top, I pulled behind the familiar rocks. I have been here on many occasions with her. But this time seemed so different. Before I couldn't wait to get here and get my business down, but now if felt like it is a chore. Something necessary and needed, but not something I want. We will not be able to do it in the car like we used to, I have gotten to big and it would be damn near impossible. I didn't think to bring a blanket, I guess we would have to make do. I would be fine bending her over the closest rock, that way I would not have to look at her. "Back seat?" I shook my head, is she crazy. "Uh...no...I don't fit back there any more. We will have to outside." She got out and headed for the nearest boulder and leaned against it. I went over to her, she glanced up at me, expecting a kiss. I placed my lips on hers, and I instantly felt nauseous. I pulled away quickly, pulling her arm making her face the rock. She let out a giddy squeal that pierced my sensitive ears. "You must have really missed me Jake, you are really impatient tonight. Don't I get any foreplay tonight?"

"No! Just turn around and grab that rock, and don't call me Jake again." I don't care if my words are harsh. The pain is overwhelming, all I see in my mind is what Edward showed me in his mind before. What he would do if I fucked up with Bella. And this squeaky little girl said, "Oh, you want to play rough do you? I like that!" What she didn't understand is that I am not playing. "Shut up and turn around. I don't want to hear your annoying voice again. All I want to do is bury myself in you balls deep." She giggled, and I just shook my head, she obviously thought that it was still a game that I was playing. When she turned around I roughly raised her short denim skirt up around her ass, and quickly tore her panties from her body. Her scent was all wrong, she had an almost bitter scent, where Bella's is sweet as honey. I let my pants drop to my ankles not bothering to take them off. This would not take long, I will not worry about satisfying her, only myself. She spread her legs apart, awaiting my entrance. I held my dick at the base squeezing slightly, trying to push the blood through it to make it as hard as I wanted. I reached down to get a condom out of my jeans pocket, it has been there for a while. I pulled open the package and slid it over my cock. I stroked my dick a couple of times, while I had my eyes closed, envisioning my Bella. I knew this was wrong but immediately my dick became as hard as ever, I decided keeping my eyes closed would be the best way.

I gripped the sides of her ass, pulling them apart, and plunged into her, not letting her adjust to my size. She let out a blood curling scream, "Stop, it hurts!" I ignored her and kept pounding her pussy relentlessly. I could almost feel my balls enter her at times. Each time I nailed into her she screamed, her screams never turned into moans. With my sensitive sense of smell, I could smell blood. I was making her bleed, I was close so this didn't bother me. A few grunts later and I pulled out of her removing the condom, turning her around, pushing her down to her knees. I gripped my dick and slid my hand up and down, leaning my head back. I felt her mouth cover me and I spilled myself onto her tongue. I quickly pulled my jeans up over my hips and waited in the car for her to finish straightening her clothes out. Just as I thought, it didn't fix the problem at all. That orgasm was completely unsatisfying, dull. It was as if I hadn't done it at all, I would have been better off, doing it myself. She got in the car, and looked at me with sad eyes, I knew I had hurt her. She didn't let on, "that was interesting, but I did like it." I know she is lieing but I just played along. "Just something I wanted to try, next time I promise it will be better. We will take our time." I knew she believed the lie, I was getting good at this lieing thing. There wouldn't be a next time. She smiled at me. "Call me and let me know when, it w ill be soon?" I just nodded. "Promise?" She is so damn insecure, that part hasn't changed about her. "Sure!" I tried to sound convincing.

The remainder of the ride home was silent, I payed attention to the road not wanting to make conversation with her. What would I talk about? Maybe the fact that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life, in a moment of sheer weakness. Or maybe how much I loved Isabella Swan, and how I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But now within the past three minutes, all of those possibilities are flushed down the toilet. I dropped Ashley off at her house, promising her that I would call her soon. But all I could think about is Bella's beautiful face, her warm heart, and her loving touch and how my life as I knew it is over, everything has changed. And just like my father said, nothing will ever be the same. Everything is permanently altered.

**Please review....Your support is greatly needed. Jacob really messed up this time. Keep in mind that in normal everyday life, couples everywhere deal with this kind of thing. I am pulling from real life experiences here, not exactly word for word, just some of the same situations such as cheating and so forth. So calm down, everything is going to be okay. I made it through plenty of rough patches myself. Life is all about making mistakes, and learning from it. I have made plenty, and today I am a better person for it. **


	45. Reality Hits Hard

**Just hang in there, I promise only a couple more chapters for the rough spot Bella and Jacob are encountering. I want to thank all of you for supporting me through this. I would not be able to continue if it wasn't for my dedicated readers. Please be patient with me, I feel like if I write them going through hard times, barely making it through, in the end they will be stronger for it. I know some of you hate it, I cannot satisfy everyone. When I get a whim, I go with it, and never look back. Thank you to all of the reviewers out there, you really are appreciated. **

**Chapter 45-Reality Hits Hard**

**EPOV**

I heard Bella calling for me, I am never to far away from her. Always looking out if she ever needs me. I was hunting about six miles from her house, near the edge of town, a favorite spot of mine. The woods around town were brimming with fresh kill, it is the best spot when I am in a hurry. This part of the woods has been the only one I have visited in a while, wanting to stay close to Bella. When she called my name, I used my fastest vampire speed, arriving to find her about to climb into her truck. Before approaching her I analyzed the situation, I noticed her pale skin had turned a few shades lighter. Dark circles under her swollen eyes were heavy, and her face was red and blotchy. She has been crying, the air around me is thick with the smell of wolf. Jacob! What in the hell has he done now? I placed my hand over hers, our temperature almost matched perfectly, she is so cold. "Bella?" She turned around and collapsed onto my shoulder, I noticed her breathing sped up and then slowed. "Bella, it's okay love, I'm here." Her body became limp, everything about her screamed frail. I scooped her up into my arms and ran to our meadow. I knew she wasn't in any immediate danger, she has passed out.

I layed Bella down on the soft, cool grass. She looks so peacful, but knew it was only short lived. When she wakes, the pain will return to her beautiful face, and I will be here to listen, and be whatever she needs me to be. Our meadow being close enough to the treaty line, I should be able to read Jacob's mind if he is close enough. I focused intently on all of the minds in one general direction, the direction of Jacob's house. I caught a glimpse of Jacob's father, it is fuzzy considering I hadn't had much contact with him. I had only caught it through Charlie's head.. I feel like I have had enough one on one time with Jacob for him to come through loud and clear. I waited, stroking Bella's cheek. Nothing from Jacob only his father. _I don't know what I am going to do with that boy of mine, he is so stubborn it is unhealthy. I guess I will have to do a lot of explaining to Charlie, I will not make excuses for what he has done. Putting Bella in this state again. I can't understand what is wrong with him, I mean he loves her for Christ's sake. _

So, Jakey boy has messed up, and it sounds serious. Maybe this is the chance I have been waiting for all along. I pressed my cheek up against her forehead, inhaling her scent of lilacs and vanilla. I lowered my head to her chest, placing my ear over her heart. I closed my eyes and listened, her heart is barely beating. Every other beat is out of sync, almost skipping a beat to make an irregular rythym. She is out, completely oblivious. I propped myself up on my elbow, laying on my side, taking in her essence, her vulnerable beauty. If my heart could beat, it would be soaring out of my chest. I couldn't pull my eyes away from her, I love her, even if she is not mine to love. I will never stop, I can't. It is like asking me not to feed, not to exist. I ran my fingers through her long chestnut hair, sweeping it away from her face. She flinched under my touch and mumbled, "Edward.......stay......Edward...." She is dreaming, at least she is dreaming that she wants me to stay. I know nothing about this situation should make me feel good, but this did. I know that somewhere deep inside she still wants me, loves me. It may be false hope, a hope that is altered by certain situations, but it is still hope.

"Bella....love...wake up." I pressed my cold lips between her eyebrows, the place where she crinkles, when she is worried. I heard her take a quick intake of breath through her nose, she batted her eyes trying to force them open. She grabbed my shirt with her fists, pulling me closer to her, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. "Stay, don't leave, please stay Edward." She is a little disoriented. "_Bella, I am not going anywhere. I am here to stay." _She buried her head into my chest, and when realization hit, she sobbed into my chest. Her weak body convulsed, I let my hand smooth over her back with long strokes, trying to soothe her. I hummed her lullaby, slowly but surely her sobs slowed. "Edward, am I dreaming?" I couldn't help but laugh, she is to damn cute, she actually thinks she is dreaming. "Look at me Bella, I am really here." I smiled her smile. "I don't believe you, it doesn't feel real. I am so numb." Hmmmmm.. what should I do to make her believe me. "Does this feel real, I lifted her chin, aligning our lips, not taking my eyes off of the target. Pressing my lips full on her mouth. I noticed her eyes were wide on mine, when I peeked through my closed lids. I licked her bottom lip, tasting the mixture of sweet and salty tears. She gasped, and wound her hand in my hair, pulling me closer.

I will not break away as usual. I allowed her to explore my mouth with her tongue, as I did hers. The taste of her is almost to much, I endured it for her, I would give her what she wants, whatever that may be. It was Bella that pulled away this time, gasping for air. With a look of disbelief on her face, a little color had come back in her cheeks, "I told you I am dreaming, the Edward I know would have never kissed me that way." I laughed out loud this time, after all of this, she still thinks it is all a dream. "Great, now my hallucination is laughing at me." My body shook with laughter, as her brow crinkled. I took my finger and smoothed the indention. "Bella, you fainted, just outside your truck. It had something to do with Jacob." She winced when I said his name, this brought her back to reality. Her face hardened with pain, when reality hit.. Note to self, don't bring up the subject again unless she initiates it. I continued to try to smooth the wrinkle out, not knowing how to make all of the pain go away. I feel so helpless. "Edward?" "Yes love." "I don't want to think about Jacob right now." Bella's eyes focused on mine.

I want to know what happened, but if it is to hard for her to talk about right now I will not press the subject. It is bound to come out sooner or later, when she is ready. "Thank you Edward, I mean, for being there when I need you." I stroked her cheek with the back of my hand, "I told you that I would always be here for you Bella. You seem to underestimate me, I wait for you to need me. It is actually kind of pathetic, but I can't pull myself away." Bella gave me a sad smile, as long as I have existed, this smile tugged at my heart. I need to know the meaning behind it. "What is wrong Bella? I need to know." She looked away briefly, then returning her eyes back to mine, "It is just not fair for you Edward, why do I deserve to still have you in my life? When I have no life to give you? I am an empty shell. You deserve so much more that I can ever give you. Can't you find someone to fill your life?" I did not have to give a second thought to her question. "Bella, please understand that it is you...only you....and all there ever will be. You are the end all, be all. I know this makes you sad, but I can't love anyone else. I'm sorry! I am not asking you to love me the same, just accept who I am, and what I value most."

Bella sat up and began rubbing her temples with a look of discern in her eyes. I sat up and faced her, mirroring her image. "Do you want to talk about it love?" Right before my eyes, I watched her face turn red. It reminds me of her father when he gets angry. Bella started shouting, pushing her fists into my chest with every word. "He fucking lied to me Edward, he went against my wishes, but most of all he lied." Her angry tears fell from her eyes, "this wasn't just any lie, he told me that he was a virgin, he took it all away from me under false pretenses. I hate him, men are such pigs!" "Uhhh. Thanks, I think." I tried to make a joke, to make her smile but it isn't working. "No Edward, you are the exception to the rule." I am still in the mood to tease her a little, hoping it would make her feel better. Jacobs ass is so mine, he has seriously fucked up this time. "If I am the exception, can I lie to get into your pants and get away with it?" This made her smile wide, and blush profusely. "You know Bella, that color still becomes you, and I am glad that I can still make you do it."

Her face became serious, almost determined, she leaned closer to my face. What is she doing? Oh....my joke! I sat still as a statue, she ran her nose along my jawline, from my ear to the corner of my mouth. I felt her warm breath tingle on my skin. Her scent filled my nose, intoxicating me. Bella pushed herself up on her knees, and proceeded to wrap her legs around my waist. She licked her bottom lip as she stared at my lips. I could feel myself harden beneath her. She pressed her lips against mine, and I didn't budge. With her lips still on mine, trying to rise a reaction out of me. I mouthed my words around her lips. "This will not make it go away Bella. I am not objecting, but I don't want you to regret anything." This seemed to make her take things to the next level. She fisted both hands in my hair, and the next thing sent my senses soaring. She pressed her hips into my growing bulge, making me throb. A moan escaped my lips, as they parted, her tongue flicked between my lips. The taste of her sent my eyes rolling in the back of my head. The fire in my throat is making it difficult, but not to terribly bad. It isn't enough for me to end it right here.

I wrapped my hands around her waist, holding her sides, lifting her up suspending her in the air and placed her on her back on the grass. It happened so quick, she didn't even have enough time to remove her legs from around my waist. I hover over her, trying to keep a safe distance between us, not letting her feel my growing erection. If I feel her warmth on me right now, I will take her no matter the cost. She is looking at me with a desire that I have never known, I have never let it go this far before. The unrelenting thirst that I am feeling at this moment is overwhelming. Each of my senses are heightened, almost sending me into overdrive. I can smell her arousal, taste it on my tongue in the air, she is simply mouth watering. She began tugging at the hem of my shirt, before I could let her proceed I need to make sure this is where she wants to take things, I mean this is the point of no return for me. I grasped her hands, stopping her. She looked at me kind of hurt. "Bella love, I need to know that you have no reservations before we continue. There will be no regrets on my part, but you?" She looked at me now with a flicker of sadness, but the fire is still burning deep in her eyes. "Yes Edward, I have wanted you for a long time. You should have been my first, it is over between Jacob and I. He lied to me about something so important. Well, it was important to me and I don't know if I can ever trust him again. I mean I want you, if you want me, if you don't look at me as damaged goods."

Could she honestly think that I would feel that way about her? Wait..it is Bella we are talking about here. "I want you more than anything, and no, you are not damaged goods. I have always wanted you, even when I thought I couldn't control myself. I have never given myself a chance to even try to handle it. You have to understand the reason I have to make sure. I don't want to hurt you Bella, not physically or mentally. I just want to make this right for you, if you still want to be with Jacob I can't do this, not with a clear conscience anyway. " Bella looked away for a few seconds, in deep thought. Bella returned her eyes to mine and smiled. "He made his decision when he lied to me Edward, and my decision is made now. Make love to me, that is all I want." There is pure conviction in her voice, her eyes melted into mine. I lay my body on top of hers, my steele hard erection strained against my jeans, threatening to tear it's way through the fabric. When she felt me grow on top of her, she bucked her hips upward into me. This contact made us groan in unison, I felt an ache like never before. I had been turned on before, but not in this magnitude. Her hands traveled back to the hem of my shirt, I let her pull it over my head. Her eyes swept over my chest and abs as I raised to assist her in pulling it off. She bit down on her bottom lip. This look being one of my favorites, almost sent me over the edge.

She went to pull her own shirt off, I stopped her, grabbing her wrist. I don't know if I am ready to feel her swealtering skin next to me. I have to prepare myself a little more. "Wait........." I took deep controlled breaths, in through my nose, out through my mouth. Not that they were really needed, but it did have a calming effect, making me relax slightly. "I want to do this." My voice quivered as it came out. I do not sound like a vampire, I sound like an insecure idiot. Bella gasped as my cold fingers slid under the edge of her shirt. With one quick movement I had it over her head, tossing it to the side. Where our bare skin touched, an electric current pulsed. Will I be able to control myself? The smell of her naked skin is double the torture. I bent down, and placed my mouth at her pulsepoint. Testing the waters, I let my tongue glide over the vein. Bella inhaled deeply, running her hands through my hair. She pulled me down onto her neck with as much force as she could. I felt my teeth graze her sensitive skin. "I want you...please make love to me Edward, I can't stand it... PLEASE!" Shit, can I give her what she wants without killing her? Or can I give it to her without her truly being mine? I'm not so sure. I pulled away from her, looking into her eyes. I felt my brow pull together. She tried to hold me to her, but she knows it is useless to try, so she gave up. I sat on my knees, between her legs looking down at her.

I let my eyes run over her slender frame. I never knew how beautiful she actually really was until now. The clothes she usually wears, doesn't do her body justice. I took in her ample breasts, and how her pink nipples were hardened under the white silky fabric. My erection twitched, as my eyes made it down her tight abdomen, and round navel. I am fighting the urge to go any further. My instinct won over what I really needed to do. I am there at her mound, it seems to make the smell of her arousal more intense, now that I am focused on the source. I clutched at my bulge, trying to make the throbbing go away. I heard Bella giggle. I smiled at her, "sorry!" She took her hand and slid it under her bra. Her breath came out softly under her own touch. Oh God, how I want to touch her. I still had my erection, firmly hidden under my hand, or partially hidden. I slid my hand over my jeans, her eyes darted to my actions, maybe we could get pleasure from each other without taking it to the next level. "Do you like that Bella?" She nodded with blush in her cheeks. "I like it too, you touching yourself, it is so sexy." "You know I would like it better if you were touching me Edward. I have never felt your hands on me, I have only had dreams about it." She is going to be the death of me. She sat up as her tiny hand reached for my hand that isn't occupied, the one that is hanging by my side, placing it on her breast, over her bra. The warmth radiated all the way up my arm. My mouth hung open like a flaming moron, I don't know what to do.

"Touch me..." My hand covered her entire breast. I took my thumb and grazed her nipple, this sent a shudder running through her body. As I leaned in closer to get better access to both breasts, her breathing sped up as I continued to do what came natural. I had never done this before, but she seemed to like my hands on her. She took a deep breath and took one of my nipples in her mouth, biting down gently. A grunt escaped my mouth, it didn't even sound like it came from me. She is making my body do strange things. When I realized that I left my manhood uncovered by my hand, it was to late. Bella, was grabbing fiercely over my jeans. She went to undo my zipper, and one of my hands flew to hers. "Are you sure Bella?" She kissed down my stomach, and flicked her tongue around my belly button. Licking at the edge of my jeans, her mouth lingering above the button of my jeans. "Yes, there is nothing I want more." She mouthed on my skin. I let her unzip my pants, my black silk boxers is all that concealed me. She put her nose on me, running up and down my length, inhaling. She let out a slight squeal. "You smell so good." My erection pulsed against her as I felt her lips brush the tip through the fabric. She looked down, as did I. I seen a drip of moisture seeping through. It was to much, when she licked my hidden head, tasting me. "You taste good too." This is fucking it, I can't hold back.

I had a knee jerk reaction and pushed myself against her mouth. Her hands were on my thighs, grinding me on her mouth. I didn't make any attempt to stop her, it feels to damn good. My mind is somewhere else in another world, and before I knew it, she had me out in the open. I feel her warm breath caress my cold skin. Before she could take it further I pushed her back down. I don't want to hurt her feelings. "I want you to touch yourself Bella." Taking my own dick in my hand, stroking it's full length. I touched her breast at the top of her bra, pulling it down with one finger, exposing her to me. Her nipple peeking out over the fabric. "Edward, I want to taste you. I want to give you pleasure." "You are love, just play with yourself, please?" She closed her mouth into a tight line, and obliged. She lay her finger over her nipple and rubbed tiny circles. Every few times, she would pinch her nipple between her thumb and first finger. This made me groan, and grip my dick harder, and pump a little faster. I am curious of her taste. I leaned in and took her nipple into my mouth, sucking lightly. Uhhhggh..her taste made me grow even bigger, if that is even possible. My erection has become so hard, it is uncomfortable, I have to do something. But what? I am by nature a selfish creature, but when it comes to Bella, I can't be. I cannot bring myself to take what is not mine, or can I?

**BPOV**

Oh my god! What am I doing? I will tell you what in the hell I am doing, I am doing exactly what I promised myself I wouldn't do. But his hands, oh his hands on me is pure sin. And anyway, what do I have to go home to? I might as well have some fun, while Jacob is having his.

**Please review. I am sorry for such a long break since my last update. I have been out of town, with no Internet, which sucks! So how many of you think that Edward and Bella should go all of the way? Will Edward go against what he believes in now that him and Jacob have an understood friendship? Who do you want to hear from next? Give me lots of feedback and I will try and give you what you want. **


	46. Rejected and Accepted

**Here is a little of Bella's point of view. Do you think Edward will let it go as far as she wants?**

**Chapter 46-Rejected and Accepted**

Edward cupped his hand over my breast, rubbing his cool thumb over my erect nipple. My body convulsed under his talented hands, sending chills all over my skin. I reached for him, I needed to feel him against me. "Edward, I want you, please." Edwards face was answer enough for me, his eyes were sad, like he wanted to give me what I want, but his morals that were to good for vampire standards, got in the way. But what did I expect? "You are not going to give in are you?" Edward removed his hands from me, zipping his pants, he sat down beside me with his legs crossed. How stupid am I to think that this perfect being would want to be with me intimately? "Bella.........." Before he could tell me how it would be wrong, or how he could kill me, or how much I would regret it, I don't need this, I feel like I am going to explode. "No Edward, don't give me any of your lame ass excuses this time. I am not as breakable as you think I am, I am old enough to know what I want, when I want it. I do not need you to tell me that it is a mistake, or that it is dangerous. Don't you think that everytime I am with Jacob it poses a danger? How is this any different? You said that you could be what I wanted, whatever that may be. Did you lie to me too?" I felt my fiery tears sting my eyes. Edward looked at me, "Bella, I did not lie to you, I am here for you, and I want to give you everything you desire, but I feel that you are doing this because you are angry with Jacob. Like you want me for the wrong reasons. I want to make love to you, but only when I know for sure that you will not run back to Jacob. I will not be responsible for any more of your pain. I can't do this with a clear conscience knowing that you still love him Bella, please respect that."

The tears that I am fighting so hard to hold back, burst out of my eyes. I know he is right, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. "Fine, be that way Edward, I guess it will be better to just go and find somebody that will give me what I want." I stood up, looking around for my shirt. Edward was still sitting on the ground, smiling? What in the hell does he have to smile about? I crossed my arms over my chest, tapping my foot, getting angrier by the second. "What?" He tried giving me that perfect crooked grin of his. He held his arm out, holding my shirt in his hand, "is this what you are looking for Bella?" I went to grab it out of his hand and he pulled it back. "Ah, ah.. You can't have it, unless you promise that I can take you home safely to Charlie, and promise not to go off and do anything stupid." I turned and started to walk away, I could care less if I am topless, I can make it to the treaty line within minutes. I wanted to be far away from here. My angry tears streaked down my face, damnit rejected by Mr. Fucking Perfect again. I mumbled under my breath, hoping he would not hear. I only made it a few feet before I felt his cool hand on my shoulder, making me stop in my own tracks. I turned with a death glare on my face, my breath lashing out with heavy pants. "What do you want from me Edward? You have made it clear that you don't want me, so let..... me....... leave." I shrugged away from his icy touch.

"Listen, talk to Jacob and make sure that it is over between the two of you. If you still want me then, we will make a life together. I will make love to you when I know there is no turning back. Because after I give myself to you there is not turning back for me. There really never has been any turning back for me, only waiting. Just know that is what I want, and the offer will always stand for as long as I exist. I know that you don't belong to me, and I cannot tell you what to do, but please don't do anything that you regret. And please be safe, can I walk you home?" He handed me my shirt, I snatched it out of his hand, huffing. "I am not going home Edward, I am going to find somebody that wants me in this world. I turned on my heels, leaving him in our meadow. On the way to the reservation, I felt like somebody was following me the entire time. It was probably Edward making sure that I arrived at my destination safely. I need to think! I made my way to the beach, and found a bleached piece of driftwood to sit on, looking out at the water. I pulled my knees to my chest, feeling the hole start to tear again. The waves, crashing down with a rythmic sound, it almost had a hypnotizing effect on me. I was thinking about nothing and everything at once. I looked up at the cliff and noticed the trees that lined the top were blowing fiercely with the wind. I am so numb, I didn't move, I don't have the strength. The cold rain started pelting my skin, I stayed, stuck to the piece of wood. At least I know I am alive, feeling the wind, and the cold rain. I am so numb to everything else.

I curled up on the sand, wrapping my arms tight aroung my chest. "Please, please...." I am not ready to feel this pain again, I will not survive it this time. My body trembled from the cold, my head swirled, and my hearing went, the darkness engulfed me, dragging me under to it's hellish depths. All of the sudden I was warm, as if the sun was shining down on my skin. I am actually sweating. I felt two arms clenched around me from behind. I opened my eyes, and nothing looked right to me. I am in an unfamiliar place but I looked down, and the arms seemed familiar. Dark, russet color, very large and secure. I went to protest about Jacob being so close to me, but I couldn't move, or speak. My throat feels like someone stuck a hot poker down it, my chest hurt, and every muscle in my body is stiff and sore. I will tell him a thing or two when I am able, but in the meantime, his arms did feel good around me, his warm, bare chest pressed up against my back. Wait, my back is bare too, am I naked? I felt my leg, and I still had my jeans on, but my upper body was completely stripped of clothes. Still somehow, my insides felt chilled to the core. I shivered and it hurt. When my body convulsed, the arms clenched tighter around me. I felt his warm breath in my hair, traveling down my neck. He did not offer any words, he just held me, keeping me warm. I can't think straight, how did I end up here? Why am I so cold? I pushed all of this as far away as I could and fell asleep.

**?POV**

What is that over there in this storm? I ran over to get a better look. "Bella?" What in the hell is she doing out in this. I bent down to touch her and try to wake her up. Shaking her shoulder violently. "Wake up Bella, please wake up." The tears welled up in my eyes when I felt her cold temperature, and heard her faint heartbeat. I picked her up easily and ran with her to shelter. She is freezing to death, if I don't get her warm soon, she will die. I layed her down, pacing the floor trying to decide the best thing to do. I have heard that the best way to warm someones body is transmitting it through raw body heat. Meaning skin on skin contact. I took my shirt off and threw it in the floor, I got on my knees beside her and took her shirt off. I put her back to me, pressing my chest against her bare back. I flinched at her icy temperature, I would endure this to save her life. I pulled the covers over both of us, even though I would probably sweat profusely under them. She needs as much heat as I can give her. I monitored her breathing, the warmer she became, the faster and stronger her heart would beat. I relaxed a little, falling fast asleep with this angel in my arms. I know it is wrong, after everything that has happened, but I couldn't let her lay there and die. When I woke, I was sweating and felt Bella try to move. She shivered, and I made my arms tighten around her, pulling her closer to me. I didn't say anything, she has had enough shock in one single day to last a lifetime. I felt her body relax as she drifted off to sleep again. There is plenty of time for explanations. Everything I had to apologize for could wait until she is better.

So I held her, I will hold her for as long as it takes. This may be the last time that I ever get to hold her again. I felt her head, and it seemed to be the right temperature. I knew she was out of danger, I got up and went to the kitchen to find something to eat. I hadn't eaten in the last eighteen hours since I found her. I found some chicken noodle soup in the cabinet, I took out the large can, opened it and poured it into a pot. This would be enough for Bella and I both to eat. After it came to a boil, I got out two bowls and divided it. I sat them on the nightstand in my room, and ran back to the kitchen to get us some milk. When I came back into the room, I watched her slow steady breathing, signaling she was still asleep. Having this kind of shock on her body, she would probably sleep a few more hours. Before I try to wake her up, I decided to lay back down beside her until our soup cooled a little. When I wrapped my arms around her, she breathed in deep through her nose. Her voice came out raspy, " I am so sorry for what happened, I forgive you!' What does she mean? Maybe she is dreaming. And then her hand was on my outer thigh, "did you hear me? I forgive you, make love to me." No, I don't think this is any dream, her words and actions are to deliberate. What am I suppose to do now? "Please, make love to me." She sounded so desperate. I rubbed her shoulders, and kissed the top of her head. She sighed under my touch, her hand that was on my thigh flew to my center. She gripped my cock with more strength than I thought she had in her. I had to stop this, I couldn't let this continue, no matter how much I wanted her beautiful hands on me. I pulled her hand away, placing it in front of her, next to her chest. I let my arms remain around her, as I felt her shiver again.

I heard her begin to cry, as I felt her chest heaving with each sob. "Shhhhh..." I stroked her cheek from behind her, running my fingers over her hair. "Please don't cry Bella." I rocked her gently in my arms. Her sobbing came to an abrupt stop. I held my breath and waited.

**BPOV**

These arms are familiar, but the voice isn't. I slowly tried to turn over, using all of the energy I had in me. The light in the room was filtered through the late afternoon clouds at dusk. The person behind me is definitely _not_Jacob, but who? I felt his arms release me, and heard his foot steps creeking on the wood floor, stopping in front of me. I have my eyes closed tight, afraid of who it might be. "Bella, open your eyes, I need to explain, it is not what it seems." I opened my eyes, taking in the boy before me. I knew now why his arms were so familiar to me. I had once compared him and Jacob, they are almost like brothers, with their dark skin, and large stature. I squinted when my eyes made it to his face, to make sure that my eyes were not deceiving me. "Embry!?!" I shook my head just in case this is some kind of sick, twisted delusion. I seen a "glow-in-the-dark" smile spread across his face. "Are you okay Bella?" I lifted my hand to my throat, it hurt really bad. "Oh here, I made us some soup, it should be cool enough to eat now." He ran back around the bed and helped me up into a sitting position, propping pillows up so I could lean my back on them. He took the bowl of soup, holding it out in front of him. I sat and stared at him, wide eyed I am sure. He took a spoonful of soup, lifted it to his lips and blew lightly, cooling it for me. He touched it to his upper lip, testing it. This is weird! He lowered it to my mouth, I opened it and it tasted so good. It felt wonderful as the hot liquid soothed my throat. I watched eagerly as he prepared the next bite for me. I feel like I haven't eaten in days.

Embry fed me the entire bowl of soup. He reached over and took a glass of milk off of the nightstand, positioned the straw in front of my lips. He watched as I sucked the last drop from the bottom of the glass. I smiled when I finished, my empty stomach is full, and my throat feels slightly better. "Thanks." He didn't take his eyes off of me as he put the glass back down on the night stand. I looked down and realized that I am still topless. My arms shot up and covered my bare chest. I felt the blood rise in my face making it red and hot. Embry smiled and went across the room to retrieve my shirt. "Sorry, here." He handed me my shirt and I quickly pulled it over my head. He stood at the end of the bed, smiling down at me. He reminds me so much of Jacob when he smiles. Uhhhh.. I don't need to think about him, but I am curious. "Can I ask you a question Embry?" He sat down on the edge of the bed, and nodded, "sure, anything!" "Have you heard from Jacob today?" He looked away, staring at the wall. "No, no I haven't. He hasn't talked to me since............" Embry looked like he was about to cry. I moved closer to him, and put my hand on his shoulder. "It's okay Embry, I forgive you. I do not hold anything against you." He turned around and gave me a sweet smile. "Your not mad at me? I mean..uhhh...I don't want you to be mad, I just thought you would be." His eyes teared up and one single tear fell down his cheek. I caught it on the tip of my finger, held it close to my eye, studying it. "Hmmmm....werewolf tear." I tried making a joke, he gave me a half hearted smile, but he wanted to be serious.

"Bella, I want you to know how sorry I am, for everything that happened. There is no one to blame but me. I took advantage of you, and your situation. I just feel so drawn to you, and I can't explain that so don't ask me to. Do you know what happened when Jacob found out about it?" I knew very little, but I wanted to know more. "Jacob wouldn't say much about it. What happened?" Embry rubbed his temples, and started to explain. "Well, later that night we phased and I couldn't help but think of the things that happened between us on the beach. So naturally, he heard my thoughts and seen them too. Jacob stopped in his tracks, towering over me. He attacked me, without giving me the chance to explain anything. Of course as you know, Jacob won, leaving me almost dead." Oh my god, I didn't know he lost control to that extent. "He did what? You almost died?" Embry started crying harder now. "When Jacob attacked me, I knew it was going to be bad. He came at me from the side, breaking all of my ribs on my right side, puncturing my lung. All of the bite wounds were deep, almost to the bone." He picked his arm up, showing me all of the faded scars. They were barely even noticeable now. I figured they were pretty bad, considering what was left of them and how fast they healed. "He blew out one of my knees, and broke my other leg, my collar bone, and crushed my nose. I had to be rushed to the hospital to have it reconstructed before it healed that way. The punctured lung took the longest to heal. They were worried that it would try and heal with the hole still in it. If that would have happened I would have died. Jacob hasn't forgiven me, and I have not forgiven myself. You shouldn't forgive me either. I am a bad person Bella. He doesn't want to have anything to do with me any more and I can't blame him."

For some odd reason, this pissed me off. "Embry, Jacob is not perfect himself, and I do forgive you, and you should forgive yourself, there is no harm done. And if I am the one you did it to, and I forgive you, then everything should be okay. Right?" "Well yes _and_no, I am glad that you forgive me Bella, but everything is changed because of my actions. I am not part of the pack anymore." I didn't understand. "What do you mean?" His eyebrows pinched together in the center, "the elders got together and decided that it was best for the pack as a whole. That if I would do that to another pack members imprint, I would do just about anything. So now I am all alone, with no friends to turn to." This sparked an interest in me, I needed to understand the whole imprinting thing a little better. "Embry, I am so sorry, I feel terrible. They should have given you a second chance, I mean it takes two to do the things that happened on the beach." He kind of laughed at that and shook his head, "You don't understand Bella, to do what I did to you, being Jake's imprint is serious business. When we imprint, the connection is unbreakable, a permanent bond. We cannot lie, cheat, or even stand to be away from the person for any amount of time." This is a little confusing, Jacob did lie to me, and he has been away from me for a while now. "Did you say that they couldn't lie to each other?" Embry looked confused this time. "Uhhhh...yeah....why do you ask?" I feel the blood boiling in me now, thinking of Jacob's lie.

"If Jacob lied to me, what does that mean?" I can tell he is in deep thought about something. "He lied to you Bella? Are you sure?" disgusted, "Yes. I...am...sure, he lied to me about me being his first. I gave him my love, trust and my virginity, and he lied to me." "I don't understand Bella, I mean I have never heard of someone lieing to their imprint. I don't know if it is even a possibility, I am pretty sure it isn't. Maybe that explains why I could reason with myself about being attracted to you. You were not yet taken by the imprint. This explains alot of unanswered questions. If he had imprinted on you, you wouldn't have been attractive to me. That is just the way it works, not because you are not attractive or anything. Bella, Jacob has lied to you again, I don't think he actually imprinted on you. I think he told you that so he could have some kind of final claim on you, mostly around us in fear of one of us imprinting on you. He led us all to believe that he had imprinted, it is kind of selfish actually." The more I thought about him lieing to me about all of this, the more I realized how right Embry is about him being selfish. I would have loved him just the same if he would have told me the truth from the beginning, I would not be here now. I would be somewhere in his arms. I clenched myself, trying to hold it all together. "Why do you do that Bella? I noticed you do that a lot, even in your sleep."

"I am trying to hold myself together, trying to keep from falling apart at the seams. All of this hurts so bad, I can't stand it." It is my turn to cry uncontrollably. Embry sat with a worried look on his face, with one arm reaching toward me. He lowered his hand on top of mine, holding it, I plunged my face into his chest, sobbing. He wrapped a single arm around me, "Shhhh...Bella...don't cry sweetie, everything will work out. I am sure Jacob has his reasons." "I don't want to hear his reasons, it is over between us, I cannot be with someone I don't trust, and he has ruined that." Embry's arm felt nice around me, consoling me. "Bella, don't make any rash decisions, you are hurt, and that is understandable. Wait and make your decision when you talk to him about all of this." How ironic, I have had a wolf and a vampire tell me the same thing in the past twenty four hours. "You know Edward told me the same thing earlier, and the thing is, I feel like Jacob has given me no other choice. I will listen to him, but I think it would be best if we took some time away from each other. He has lied to me one to many times, and anyway, what is the sense in being with someone that I do not trust? Isn't that what love is supposed to be based around?" My eyes are stinging with tears, the salty mixture is running into my mouth, making my stomach churn. Embry's eyes were on me, he looked like he wanted to cry too. "Bella, Jake loves you, he would do just about anything to have you in his life. I think it was just his way to have his claim on you. I know it isn't the right way, but I guess he felt like it was the best way to keep you."

Now that made me laugh out loud, except it isn't a real laugh. It is one of those forced bouts of laughter, like laughing at something that is truly not even funny. "If he knew how much I loved him, and how much I still love him, he would not have had to do those things to keep me. The very thing that he thought would be a good way to keep me, is the one thing that is pushing me away. I didn't sign up to be lied to, all I ever wanted from him is forever, and now my forever is ruined." I pushed myself up off of the bed to go look out of his bedroom window, the pain has a death grip on my heart, ripping it open, revealing a once healed wound. This pain that has been held at bay is ravaging my body once again, this time slashing relentlessly. In ways it feels worse than before, because I would no longer have my personal sun to drive the pain away. I looked out at the moon, wondering the whole while, where Jacob is, what is he doing? Is he thinking about me? I can feel Embry's breath in my hair, and then two warm hands on my shoulders. With my eyes closed, this is very comforting, reminding me of Jacob. I still love him with all of my heart, but I don't know if things will ever be the same between us. I took in a deep breath, smelling the air around me, Embry had that same earthy smell, the one I had come to love. Embry's voice was low and raspy, "I don't like it when you cry Bella, it makes me sad. Jacob shouldn't have lied to you like that, when you deserve so much more." I turned around and didn't expect him to be so close, his hands were still raised like they were still resting on my shoulders. Embry really is a sweetheart, he practically saved my life.

He seemed a little shocked from me turning around so abruptly, bringing our proximity to a new level. He raised his hand to my cheek and wiped my tear streaked face. My hair was wet with tears, sticking it to my skin, he brushed it away and tucked the strands behind my ears. At this point, any kind of closeness helped the hurt just a little. When he placed his hand on my face to wipe the new tears away, I leaned into his hand, letting the heat warm my skin. I closed my eyes and sighed, it felt so familiar. Would I ever feel the same again? I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me, needing to feel his warmth. He resisted, his wide, round, eyes were on mine, searching. I didn't want to speak, I just need to be held. Somehow he knew exactly what my eyes and body were trying to convey without saying a word. He ran his fingers through the back of my hair at the nape of my neck, and gently pulled me down onto his broad chest. He started swaying back and forth, like we were dancing to a slow song. There is no music, but as I listened, he was matching the rhythm of our breathing. I can hear each steady beat of his heart under my ear. I can't tell if it is sweat from the heat of his body or tears. It is probably a mixture of both. My eyes are beginning to get heavy with sleep again, my knees almost buckled underneath me. He grabbed my elbows to keep me from falling to the floor. "Sit down here Bella, you are still so weak." My mind went straight to Charlie. "Does Charlie know that I am safe?" Embry smiled, "Yes, I called and told him that you had passed out on the beach, and you were staying with Emily for a few days while you regained you strength."

"Oh, okay!" I said relieved laying back on his bed, pulling the covers up around my neck. "I am freezing." Embry got up quickly and went to his closet, pulling out a thick goose down comforter and threw it over me. I smiled as he tucked it in around me like I am some kind of child. "Ya know Embry, you might be the cure for this kind of cold. No blanket can give me the warmth that you can." Embry's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. I wanted to make him feel needed, after all he kind of saved my life. "I will be right back, I need to take a shower, I haven't had the chance since you have been here, I have been so worried, I couldn't leave your side. So don't move, it will not take but a few minutes." I had no intentions of moving, I hurt to bad. And anyway, if I get out from under these blankets, I will likely freeze to death. I put three fingers up in a girl scout promise sign, I think that is the sign for it, or it may be boy scouts, hell I don't know. "Girl Scout Promise, I will be here when you get back." He giggled, as he got up shaking his head on the way to the bathroom. As I lay here the pain in my throat became intense. I looked over and noticed the milk glass was empty. I got up to go and find the kitchen to get me a glass of water, on the way, in the room up ahead to the right I heard the shower running, and seen the light shining down into the hallway. Shit, the door is wide open, I guess he didn't expect me to be up and moving around. I got a little closer to the edge of the door, and thought about running past it with my eyes closed, not wanting to see anything that would embarass me. So I shut my eyes and darted in front of the open door. Whew, I walked a little fast down the remainder of the hall and found the kitchen on the left.

I opened the cabinet to my right and it is full of dinner plates, salad plates, plates of all shapes and sizes but no glasses. "They are on the left Bella." My hand jerked, sending the cabinet door crashing closed, causing a loud bang. The sound made me jump. I placed both hands on the sink, trying to steady myself. I am shaking like a leaf! I went to reach above my head to the left cabinet. As I put my hand on the shiny silver polished handle, a warm hand was over mine, pulling it open. Butterflies in the pit of my stomach started fluttering, as the warmth radiated up my arm. His mouth is at my ear, "I will fix it for you, what would you like?" My insides are shaking, just like my outsides, maybe even worse. "Uhhhh......water." "Ice?" I just shook my head yes. I stayed completely still, afraid to move. I sniffed the air, I could smell his soap and shampoo, a mixture of different scents. I noticed that he had on some kind of cologne, God it smells so damn good. Jake never wore anything like that, and Edward didn't need it. I couldn't help myself, I moaned without giving myself permission, it just came out unexpectedly. As Embry was filling my glass up, he heard me and his eyes flew to mine. His lips were in a tight line, with one side turned up into a sideways grin. The water was now running over the top of the glass as he stared at me. "What was that?" Now his smile is full and wide. He cut the water off and emptied a little out of the glass, wiping the outside with a paper towel. When he turned around to hand it to me my eyes instantly traced that perfect V that led down to the white towel hanging low on his waist, it is the only thing that concealed him. This made the butterflies go into overdrive. What is wrong with me? I think Jacob has ruined my teenage hormones for life.

Embry stared at the expression on my face as I looked at him. I looked away quickly, embarrassed as hell, "sorry!" I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye again, I am to ashamed. He lifted my chin, "there is nothing to be sorry for Bella." I pulled away from his touch, as I felt the hot blush rising in my cheeks. "Bella, I am serious, please stop apologizing, I like it when you look at I me." I hung my head, staring at the floor. "I shouldn't be looking at you that way Embry. It might give you the wrong idea." I started sipping on the cold water, it felt good sliding down my dry throat. A shiver ran it's course through my body. Embry put his hands on my upper arms, and rubbed up and down, causing friction which brought heat with it. When I looked him in the eye, he stopped, his face became serious. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped before he even made a single sound. His hands held my arms with gentle pressure, he bit his lower lip. Shhhh...damn he is sexy, but I don't know if he is even trying to be. His face is inching towards mine slowly, caution lining his every move. Shit... shit...shit..... what am I going to do? It would be so easy.

**Please review. I need lots of feedback. Excuse the time in between updates. I have been on vacation with minimal use of internet. I am trying to make the chapters a little longer. **


	47. Authors Note

Authors Note:

I am sorry that I haven't written in a while. There has been a family emergency. I want to assure my readers that there will be updates soon. Please be patient with me. Keep reviewing and I promise it will be good. I have a few things up my sleeve that I am sure you will love…. Or hopefully love.


	48. What's Wrong With Me?

**Chapter 48-What's Wrong With Me?**

**Embry's POV**

She is so vulnerable and beautiful, I want her so bad. I leaned in closer to her face trying to analyze her reaction. I can sense shock, and there is question in her eyes, but she is not pulling away. Could it be this easy? Would it still be considered wrong? I will not take advantage of her like I did before, I would ask her permission. I put my hand on the side of her neck, with my lips only centimeters away from hers, I made sure to whisper. "Bella, can I?......... without warning she urgently pressed her lips to mine, and pulled away with one swift movement. Her eyes were wide, staring into mine, her heart shaped lips parted, "sorry…I…..," I placed my finger over her lips to stop her, I don't want her to apologize. "Bella, please don't." Her eyes softened, "what about Jacob? I still love him, I shouldn't be here, and he will kill you if he finds out." Her voice is so soft, if I was not a wolf, I wouldn't have been able to hear her words. "Bella, I am not connected to the pack mind anymore, he will not find out. I don't want you to feel bad about kissing me Bella, I wanted it too. Actually I want to do it again."

I took her face in my hand, and pulled her closer to me. I traced her lips with the tip of my nose, inhaling her scent. She has the breath of an angel. Her lips parted at my touch, her mouth searched for mine. When she came close to claiming my lips, I pulled away denying her. I will hold her at bay for as long as I can, I want to prolong this fantasy of mine. Her hands flew to the back of my head, and tangled in my hair pulling me close. I did not allow her lips to touch mine, I turned my head and she assaulted my cheek. "Please…" she whispered against my skin, causing it to tingle. "What do you want Bella? Aren't you still in love with Jacob?" Bella's face is close to mine; she is still pulling my hair, trying to get me to kiss her. "This has nothing to do with love, this is me trying to move on, trying to forget." I pulled away from her to look her in the eyes, "Bella, I don't want to take advantage of your situation, I mean I would love to take things to the next level but I am afraid that it will only hurt you in the end." Her face became red, but not with embarrassment. "Fuck, what does a girl have to do to get laid around here? Do I have to go as low as Newton? I am sure he will gladly oblige. I have been rejected twice in the past twenty four fucking hours, and I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me." She took two steps back away from me and took her top off, revealing her ample breasts. "Why don't you like these Embry?" She rubbed her fingertips over her taught nipples. I looked away briefly to try and compose myself.

Caressing every part of her bare skin, making her way down to the edge of her jeans, my erection is straining against the towel making it hard to think. I caught a glimpse of her biting her bottom lip, as she unbuttoned her pants and slid them down over her hips. The white lace underwear she is wearing barely concealed her. She slipped her hand beneath the fabric, I stood there dumbfounded watching the slight movement of her playing in her own folds. My dick is now throbbing relentlessly, any efforts to withhold myself from Bella are failing miserably. My restraints are faltering, I am succumbing to my primal needs. "Why don't you want me Embry?"

I went over and took Bella's shoulders in my hands, bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "I do, but not this way." I turned and walked back down the hallway to my bedroom, I need to get away before I can't walk away. I stood in the entryway of the room, I heard her crying. I turned on my heels, headed back to the kitchen and took her in my arms. "I am sorry Bella, don't cry sweetie. It is just that I know you still love Jake, and I know how you will feel if we went too far, that is all. I want to be close to you, to feel you against me. Please believe me, there is nothing in this world that I want more than to be with you." Bella stopped her sobbing and looked up at me with teary eyes, "really?" I just nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Really!" I hugged her tight, but not to tight considering I might crush her small frame. Bella seemed content knowing that I wanted her, and I am beyond happy that she actually wants me under any circumstance. I took her hand and led her to my room, I sat down on my bed pulling her down in my lap. She curled up like a small child, with her head on my chest. She spoke into my chest, "Embry, I am glad that you want me, I mean I am glad that I am desirable to someone else other than Jake." I laughed, how could she think that she is not desirable? "Bella, I do want you, more than you know. I am glad you understand why it is not the best idea right now." With everything said and done, we were both at ease. Bella's breathing became deep and slow, signaling she is getting tired. "Bella, do you want to lie down? You are about to fall asleep. "Do you mind if I stay right here?" I truly didn't mind her being in my lap, it felt so natural. "No I don't mind." I held this angel in my arms until she was fast asleep. I put her down on the bed and she gasped, feeling the distance between us. "Please don't leave me." I molded my body up against hers, wrapping my arm around her. "I'm right here Bella, I promise I will be right here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere."

My eyes were getting heavy, and just before sleep took me over. There was a tapping noise at my bedroom window. My eyes shot open, who in the hell?

**Sorry for the short chapter, I have been tied up with family issues. I just felt like I needed to get something out there for my readers. Thanks for your patience. Please review and promises for a longer one next time. Who could it be?**


	49. Late Night Visitor

I want to thank all of my faithful readers for your support. I also want to apologize for the extremely short chapter 48, I hope this one can be longer. As you all know, I have had alot on my plate the last couple of weeks and it has made it very difficult for me to continue my writing. I am one of those people where my mood effects the way I write, I would hate to screw it up. Now the stress in my life has lessened slightly and I have a new found motivation to continue.

**Chapter 49-Late Night Visitor**

**Embry's POV**

My arms instinctively tightened around Bella as I heard the tapping noise on my window get louder and louder. Who could it be, and what could they want at this hour? I slowly took my arm away from Bella so I could get a better look. I climbed onto my knees, pulling open the slats in the blinds. "Shit!" Bella shifted in her sleep when she heard my voice. I squinted my eyes to make sure that I was not seeing things, it is raining pretty hard, not to mention it being pitch black out there. I am pretty sure that my eyes were not deceiving me. I closed my eyes and opened them again, and sure enough there he was in the flesh. Jacob! He was signaling for me to come out, what am I going to do now? Here I am, in bed, with his girl, how do I explain that one? Maybe he doesn't have to know, I think that would be the best thing considering my situation right now. I held my first finger up to the glass, signaling for him to hold on for one minute. Okay Embry, how is this going to work? What if he wants to come in? That is just it, he can't. I inched my way close to the edge of the bed, "Embry, where?..............." I flew back to Bella's side. "Bella, there is someone here to talk to me okay? I will just be right outside, I am not going far. You will be safe right here, call me if you need me and I will be back in a flash." Bella mumbled something unintelligible in her half asleep, half awake state. She is nodding her head, so I take that as she don't mind.

I got up and quickly threw the shirt on that I had thrown in the floor earlier. On the way to the front door, I tripped over my own boots that I mindlessly left there the other day. While I am in the floor, I might as well put them on. After lacing them up only halfway, I got up and headed straight for the front door, before Jacob got any wise ideas about making himself at home. But I don't think that is going to happen considering our relationship now. He always use to consider my home, his second one, always coming over, helping himself to whatever he needed or wanted. Jacob was my best friend, and in ways he always will be. But to bring myself back down to reality, I remembered my last encounter with my so called best friend. The altercation between us has been life altering, forever changing things as I know it. I took a deep breath before I opened my front door, preparing myself. I didn't expect to see , standing before me, a very large, wet, extremely upset Jacob. He had his head hung, pointed towards the ground. Immediately I became worried that something might have happened to Billy. I would be the first to assume such things. "Jacob!?!" Jacob fell to his knees in front of me, he fisted both of his hands in the top of his hair, pulling at the same time. Even though he is wet with rain, I can see the tears in his eyes, they are all swollen and red.

I knelt down beside him and cautiously put my hand on his shoulder. "Jacob, what's wrong man? You okay?" Jacob wouldn't look me in the eye, he is mumbling random words under his breath. I can only make out a few profanities here and there." He untangled his hands from his hair, and wiped his face and looked at me in the eye. "Embry, I don't know what to do. I have really fucked up this time, I think I have lost Bella for good." I started feeling the sign of guilt brewing in the pit of my stomach. "Jacob, what do you mean?" I really knew what he meant, but I didn't want to reveal that I knew to much. "I can't even begin to tell you how many ways I have screwed up Em. First and foremost I want to clear the air with you. I haven't been fair or honest with you, or anyone for that matter." Oh no, here it comes! "I lied to you and the rest of the pack about imprinting on Bella. I know that it is no excuse but I felt like if everybody thought that I had imprinted on her, the rest of the pack would leave her alone. I am going to make things right with the elders and the pack as soon as I can. I cannot stand to loose you as a friend Embry. Also, when it comes to Bella, I lied to her too. I not only lied to her about the imprint, but I also lied to her about me being a virgin. I wanted to make it as special as I could for her." I thought about all of this for a moment, and what could I say to make things better for him? Hey man, don't worry everything will be okay, oh and by the way, your girlfriend is in my bed as we speak. I don't think that will look to good.

"Jacob, just talk to her, I am sure she will listen to reason, I think everything will eventually be okay. "You don't understand Embry, that is not the only thing I have done, it is so much worse." There is something else, I thought Bella told me everything. Or just maybe there is something that she doesn't know yet. "Please don't tell Bella, I need to do it in my own time." I just nodded my head, promising him that my lips are sealed. "I went to Ashley, after Bella and I had our big blow up. I screwed up royally, I had sex with her!" I sat silent and still. I felt my blood boiling under the surface, shit, how could he do this to her? I closed my eyes and counted backwards, 10....9.....8......7....6....5....4....3....2....1...,

Calm down Embry, compose yourself. I opened my eyes to see Jacob giving me a strange look. "Uhhhh..Embry, are you okay?" Now he is asking ME if I am okay. "Yeah, yeah I am okay. What are you going to do now?" My feelings got the better of me, "Jacob, you really know how to fuck up don't you? I mean not only did you lie to her twice, you cheated on her with Ashley. Don't you know that she is a whore man. What if you get some kind of disease or something? What in the fuck did you have in your thick head when you did that? Bella doesn't deserve that man." All of my words ran together, without any pauses in between.

**BPOV**

Did Embry say that he had to talk to someone? Hmmmm.. I wonder. I am missing the warmth and security of his arms anyway, I might as well get up. I sat up slowly, feeling a bit disoriented. I must have been sleeping pretty hard, because I felt dizzy when I sat up. My stomach started growling, I looked at it disapprovingly. I decided to get up and go to the kitchen to find something to eat, but first maybe I should ask Embry. Ya know, to be respectful in his house and everything. I don't need to go off and treat it like it is my house. I put my jeans on, not wanting to go around half naked. After putting them on, I looked around the house for any signs of Embry, and there were none. The house was quiet, and still, no life here except for me. Maybe he stepped outside, I went to the back door first, nope, nobody here. I turned to go to the front door, as my stomach let out another angry protest. I slapped at it, wishing it would stop. As I neared the door I heard Embry's angry voice, who could he be this angry with, at this hour? I put my ear to the door, to try and make out the words. I know this is being extremely nosy, but I couldn't help myself. I obviously caught the tail end of the conversation, or the yell fest. "What if you get some kind of disease or something? What in the fuck did you have in your thick head when you did that? Bella doesn't deserve that man." I am thoroughly confused now, Embry is yelling at someone about me? What in the hell do I not deserve? My curiosity is getting the best of me, anyway, if Embry and whoever are having a conversation about me, shouldn't I be involved?

Wait, something dawned on me. What if I don't want to know what is waiting for me on the other side of the door? Part of me is screaming, "open the damn door!" And the other part of me is screaming, "walk away Bella, no, better yet, Run!!" I think I have made the right decision to walk away, Embry would surely tell me everything. I put my ear to the door one more time, for curiosity's sake. The sound is muffled but I can still hear Embry talking, only lower this time. "If you don't tell her man, I will. I can't stand the thought of you doing that to her, you are my friend and so is Bella, I don't want to see either of you hurt. But you are hurting her and hurting yourself too." There was silence, I strained against the thick wood door, to listen. "I will Embry, please give me a little time. I need to figure out how I am going to tell her, and what I am going to say. I can't just go up to her and say, hey Bells, by the way I lied to you about the imprint, and you pissed me off so I went and fucked Ashley, now can I?" I pushed my back up against the front door with a loud thud, my feet slid out from under me, I don't have the strength to hold my own weight. My stomach began to churn, burning with stomach acid, making me sick. Now I know why my instinct told me to run, I should have listened. I fell over on my side, clamped my arms around my stomach, trying to hold myself together as the tears fell from my eyes. "No...no....no...no....this can't be happening." I feel the urge to scream to the top of my lungs, so I did. My world is slowly beginning to fade into black, crumbling around me.

**JPOV**

"Whoa!" Embry and I looked at each other briefly. He went for the doorknob, but my hand beat him there. There would be time for questions later, all I know is I need to get in there now. When I opened the door, my heart sank as low as it could go. Bella, my Bella, is a crumpled mess on the floor, holding her knees to her chest, with her head buried where I couldn't see it. I looked back at Embry standing in the door way, he stood there with a look of shock spread across his face. I turned my attention back to Bella, I bent down beside her stretching my arm out to touch her, but before I could, she looked at me with a mixture of emotions in her eyes. "DON'T.....YOU.....DARE......TOUCH.....ME.....Jacob Black!" There is no mistaking her words, so I withdrew my hand. Damn I am such an idiot, she must have heard everything. Embry is behind me trying to explain the whole situation. Something about saving her life, and her being passed out in the storm we just had, and finding her on the beach. Everything became jumbled, all that mattered right now is Bella. I could care less why she is here, all I know is I am glad she is, and I am glad that it is out. It is not the best way it could have happened but still it is out. I stayed right there with bent knees, waiting for her to calm. I want to touch her but I am afraid. "Bella, will you listen to me for a minute? You don't have to, but I have a few things to say to you."

She sat up quickly and started pounding my chest with both fists. "You liar, I hate you...I hate you Jacob... I never want to see your lieing face again. You cheated on me you bastard, I hate your fucking guts, get away from me. I wish Edward would have made love to me, at least he would never cheat on me or lie to me. I will never talk to you again Jacob! I hate you......I hate you......I fucking hate you!...." With those last few I hate yous, her fists slowed as she buried her face into my chest and sobbed uncontrollably. I put my hands around her back, holding her gently, not wanting to press my luck. "I know this will never be enough, but I am sorry." That is all I could say right now, knowing it will not be good enough, nothing will ever be good enough to make things right. Embry came over to speak to Bella. "Bella sweetie, it will be okay. Give Jake a chance, even though he doesn't deserve it okay?" His eyes darted over to me when he said the last part of the sentence. Bella quickly removed herself from me and almost attacked Embry, causing him to be off balance knocking him to the floor. "Make it go away Embry, it hurts so bad. I can't take it!" Embry put his arms around Bella, stroking the back of her head, while he was looking at me. My heart began to break as Bella's sobs turned into whimpers, then slowly came to a stop. This all happened before my own two eyes, Bella found comfort in the arms of my best friend.

**Please review! What does this mean for Bella and Jake?** **Will things ever be right again? Stay tuned to find out what happens next. Remember, things always get worse before they get better. Lots of loves and hugs to all my readers. **


	50. What's A Girl To Do?

**I want to let all of my readers know that until all of the stress in my life minimizes, the updates will be farther apart. I apologize for this, and hope that you all understand.**

**Chapter 50-What Is A Girl To Do?**

**Embry's POV**

I really didn't expect Bella to turn to me, but as I held her, stroking her hair, I looked into Jacob's eyes. They are filled with nothing but guilt, shame, and most of all hurt. The tears streaked violently down his face, his hand is outstretched towards Bella. I instinctively pulled her to the side, out of his reach, and just shook my head. This is what Bella wants, if she wanted to be in his arms, she wouldn't be in mine. Jacob pulled his hand back, and wrapped his arms around his knees pulling them to his chest. He continued to sob as he rocked himself back and forth, occassionally sneaking a look at Bella. It made me hurt to think that he is in so much pain, but it is no body's fault but his. If you have ever heard of that phrase, "karma is a bitch" then you know what I mean. This is really something that Jacob and Bella need to work out, but I am not going to push her away in her time of desperate need. I intently watched Jacob, his face is a mask of pain. Bella fisted her hand in my shirt, "make it go away please, it hurts Embry, it hurts." I put my hand on her face, to make her look me in the eye, "I don't know how Bella, tell me what I can do?" Jacob's eyes shot up over his knees. He is curious I am sure. While Bella spoke, I could only see Jacob's eyes, I needed to see his reaction to all of this.

"Embry, I want you to make love to me, I need to know that there is someone else in this world for me," Her eyes were now on Jacob as she said the last part. "Someone that will be good to me, someone that has better morals, that will not cheat and lie." She put her head back down onto my chest. Jacob is waiting, waiting for my reaction now. "Bella, I can't do that. Anything but that, it is wrong, and it will not make things right." Bella took in a deep breath, "I feel like it will make things even. Then maybe we can all work through this, but until then I am content with not talking to him at all, having him out of my life will be the best thing. I just feel like things are so off balance, why should he be able to do this to me, and me just sit here and take it. Do you expect me to just accept him back with open arms?" Now I am at a loss for words, here I am in an awkward situation. On one hand there is nothing I wouldn't do to make her pain go away, but on the other hand my best friend is here being a witness to all of this. It is too much, what should I do? I looked at Jacob, searching his eyes for some kind of help. Jacob opened his mind to me, letting me invade his mind for some kind of answer.

I had to catch my breath as the visions of Jacob and Ashley sped through his mind. He mindlessly buried himself in her, almost like an animal. But what truly shocked me most is that it was all out of anger, the whole time he thought about how much Bella deserved it. And then he showed me after he took her home. He sat out in his garage, drinking beer and wallowing in his own guilt, trying to figure out ways to get her back, to make things right. Which brought him here tonight, he wants to make up for all that he has done, which includes trying to make me a part of the pack again. But mostly his thoughts are of Bella, he started talking to me with his mind. _"She is my life and I have destroyed any chance with her. I will do anything to have another chance. Please Embry, you have to give her what she thinks she needs. I will not be mad at you, if she has it in her mind that this is the only way, then there will be no convincing her otherwise. Maybe she will at talk to me afterwards, like she said she would. Can you do this for me Embry? I would rather it be my best friend more than anyone else."_ I cannot believe he is asking me to do it with his girlfriend. Well I guess technically they are broken up right now, but still it doesn't make it any less weird. "_Jacob, you know this is weird right? How can I do this with a clear mind? It is beyond wrong!" _Jacob just nodded his head, and pushed himself to his feet. He opened the front door and stepped outside closing it behind him. _"Please Embry, please!"_

Before I could even try and argue my point, I heard him phase and he was gone. Now here I am with his angel in my arms, him wanting me to make love to her. I don't see how this is going to help matters. All I see it doing is making it worse by putting someone else's feelings into the mix. Where does it leave me when she goes back to Jacob? "Embry, I need you, please." I held Bella's face between both of my hands, she sounds so desperate. "Are you sure Bella?" She just looked at me, and mouthed "please" without a sound escaping her lips. I nodded, and picked her up wedding style, and carried her to my room. On the way, she had her face buried in my neck. I can feel her lips, and warm breath there, tickling the sensitive skin causing goose bumps to rise. I gently put her down on my bed, I stood, towering above her not knowing what to do next. This is so damn awkward. She took my hand in hers, holding it close to her face, then placing it on her cheek. I rubbed my thumb gently across her soft skin. She put her hand on top of my hand, turning her mouth against my palm, and kissed it deliberately. Her eyes never left mine as her lips found my wrist, I felt her tongue dart out and trace the vein in my arm. Can I really go through with this? "Bella, I.............." she tugged on my hands, pulling me down. I got down on my knees in front of her. I am not sure if I am ready to be in the bed with her just yet. I don't know if I will ever be ready. I sat for a moment and tried to reason with myself, trying to make this right.

I guess it is as right as it ever will be, with Jacob practically begging me to do this. I moved my hands back to Bella's face, inching closer with great caution. I touched my nose to hers, then leaned my forehead against hers, looking her in the eye. My eyes never left hers, I heard her breath quicken and hitch in her throat. My own heart is pounding in my chest. I slowly tilted my head to the side, closed my eyes and trailed soft kisses down her cheek to the corner of her mouth. I hesitated slightly before I put my full mouth on hers, wanting to make sure I am completely ready for this. I kissed her lips softly, tracing her bottom lip with the edge of my thumb. They parted slightly under the pressure of my thumb. Kissing her bottom lip, licking it slightly, pulling it into my mouth. Her hands knotted in my hair pulling me in tighter. I so desperately wanted entrance, I asked for it with my tongue sliding between her lips. She granted me and our tongues fought for dominance, neither of us winning. It isn't a matter of winning or losing. Her taste is so much better than I remember, it is like honey, smooth and sweet. As our mouths rhythmically danced, I realize that I can do this, I will do this, not matter what it may bring. I trailed my fingertips down her neck, to her shoulders. A felt a shudder ripple through her body. It feels good to know that I have this effect on her. I made my way down to her neck, scraping it slightly with my teeth, brushing her skin with my tongue. "So warm....oh Embry don't stop....don't stop...." There is so much desperation in her voice, I cannot deny her.

**BPOV**

This will make the pain go away, I need this. He feels so good, his mouth....his hands. "Don't stop!" I seen the resolve in Embry's eyes and knew without a doubt that he will give me what I want. His mouth on me feels so good, the wetness between my legs started making itself known. The heat inside me is slowly building, slowly becoming a raging inferno. I am not use to anyone making me feel this way except for Jacob. There is something about this situation that is adding fuel to the fire. Maybe it is the fact that it is wrong, that is making it feel so right. I didn't need Jacob's permission, but I will take advantage of this opportunity by loosing myself in Embry tonight. I let my hands move down torso, and tugged on the hem of his shirt. "I want to feel you." I whispered in his ear. As my fingers ventured under his shirt, I heard a deep moan. This made the wet heat grow between my legs. Sliding my hands to his chest, his nipples became hard under my touch. I scraped my nails across his nipples, causing him to tremble. "Mmmmm......" He took his hands and layed them over my own, taking in a deep breath through closed teeth making a hissing noise. I lifted his shirt over his head, I felt my breath stop and catch in my throat as my eyes took him in. His muscles are well defined, each of them had lines of their own. Jacob is complete brawn, and Emby's muscle is lean. The same dark russet skin, masculine jaw, and warm brown eyes. My mind is taking me back to the night of the bon fire on La Push beach. No matter how hard I try, I cannot remember him. All of him! I so desperately want to remember.

"No fair Bella, you still have your shirt on." I smiled up at him, even though he is on his knees and I am sitting on the edge of the bed, I still have to look up to meet his eyes. I raised my hands above my head, wanting him to take the hint and pull it off. He didn't, he just looked me up and down with a sideways smirk on his face. He put one finger in the middle of my chest and roughly pushed me back on the bed. I tried to pull him down with me, but he had other things on his mind. I feel like my head is going to explode when I seen him bite down seductively on his full bottom lip, running his large hands from my knees, down my calves, gripping my ankles with his hands. He hoisted my legs up resting my ankles on his shoulders. When I look into his eyes I see a raw animalistic glare, unlike anything I have ever seen with Jacob. This is exciting in so many different ways. I thought I would be getting some of the same with Embry, but it looks like things will be different, ALOT different. This became clear when Embry took my hips in his hand and pulled my ass to the edge of the bed. I immediately felt him press his hardness against my now aching core. Even though we are fully clothed, I can feel his outline as he pushed against me, over and over. The friction made me grind up towards him, and his hands clamped down on me tighter, holding my hips to the bed. "Hold still!" He continued grinding down between my folds, the friction bringing me dangerously close. "Ahhhhh.....Bella, cum for me baby. Do you like my dick? Huh? Tell me you like it Bella, I won't give it to you unless you tell me." I can't believe this....."Uhhh..Embry... please.......oh....fuck...yeah....."

Embry brought me over the edge with our clothes still on, shit, I wonder what he can do with his clothes off. When the sweet convulsions stopped I looked at him. There is nothing but lust pouring out of his eyes. "I want you Embry.!" He looked at me and gave me an evil laugh and smile. "No!" No, what does he mean no? I thought that was the whole point, I felt like crying, but I held it back. "Please." He shoved himself into me harder, teasing me. "You didn't tell me Bella, you need to tell me." I felt the blush rise in my cheeks, causing me to turn bright red. I know what he wants me to do, I cannot get my brain and my mouth to connect, I am so embarrassed. Without warning, Embry picked me up off of the bed, turned me over on my stomach, pinning my arms behind my back. Not so hard that it hurt, but enough to restrain me. I felt the weight of his hips grind against my backside. I feel his throbbing length through my jeans. "Is this what ou want Bella?" He said pushing down even harder. I just nodded my head, "mmmm..hmmmmm." The weight of his body came down on me, and his mouth is at my ear. I felt his teeth graze my earlobe, his voice came out low and rough. "Tell me what you want Bella." His dick pressing up against me so hard is making it hard to think. "I want you Embry." I felt his hips leave my backside, "that is not good enough, you will have to do better than that." He slammed himself against me, making me scream. His hand knotted in my hair, tugging my head to the side. "I want......" he slammed into me again, each time grunting. "I want......" He is not letting up one bit, slamming into me over and over.

"I want your dick inside of me Embry, I want it now. Will you give it to me? I like your dick, but I will love it when it is inside of me. There, is that good enough for you?" With those words said, he flipped me over onto my back with one swift movement, like I weigh no more than a bag of feathers. He positioned himself above me, glaring down at me. I lifted my hand to touch him and he pushed it away. He took his own hands and rubbed them down his broad chest, moving slowly down his tight abdomen. He teasingly took his first finger and traced the outline of his cock. I looked up and he was licking his lips at me. Oh how I want those lips on mine, or somewhere on me at least. And you would think as wet as I already am, I couldn't get any wetter. I felt my core literally drip with pleasure. Being bad is actually fun! I got distracted when I heard his zipper being pulled down. My eyes flew back down, I didn't want to miss anything. As he pulled it down, his hand went over his length, rubbing it palm down. Again, I reached to touch him, and he pushed me away for the second time. He grasped my wrists with both hands pulling them over my head. I felt him fall out and hit my stomach. "Leave them here!" He shot his eyes towards my hands. I nodded. He pushed himself back up on his knees, took my borrowed shirt in his hands and tore it off of my body, throwing it to the floor. His entire length is outside of his jeans, I gasped as he took his dick in his hands and began to stroke it's entirety. And before my eyes he grew even bigger. My eyes widened with shock and he smiled.

He continued his ministrations, smiling down at me. He pumped harder and faster, throwing his head back, groaning with each murderous stroke. He took one of my hands from above my head and placed it on his sensitive head. It is very large and swollen, and it throbbed under my touch. His soft, warm skin feels good in my hand. Not allowing me to touch no more than the head, he gripped his shaft, pumping up and down. I felt his moisture in my hand, so I rubbed it over his head making him shudder with excitement. His hips thrusted backwards, out of my grasp. Embry threw himself at me, pinning me to the bed with his weight, crashing his lips to mine. Nothing about Embry is soft, he is hard and rough around the edges. I don't know what I have gotten myself into, should I stop this before it goes to far? Can I turn back now? Do I want to? His whole body is screaming fuck me, he doesn't even have to say it. His face is centimeters away from my mine, his body is trembling above me, panting fiercely. "One more chance Bella, are you sure you want this?" This is my chance, do I stay and have the best fucking of my life? Or do I walk away with an unquenched thirst, a nagging hunger of never knowing?

**Okay guys, tell me what you think. I need lots of reviews. Your reviews mean so much to me, they keep me motivated in my down times. Are you ready for some hot, kinky wolfie sex? Do you think Bella should do it this one time? This could be good ya know. Review..... Luvs and Hugs. :O**


	51. Jacob's Request

**Chapter 51-Jacob's Request**

**JPOV**

Running full speed ahead towards the forest that surrounds Embry's house, I skid to a stop just before heading into the thick trees. Pausing for a moment to look back, to listen one more time to see if she has somehow changed her mind. I can see and hear Embry's mind as clearly as I can see my own. What I seen brought me to my knees, Embry towering over Bella, looking down at her beautiful body. I can see a little confusion wash over Bella's features, and wait is that fear that I see? _"One more chance Bella, are you sure you want this?" _Embry's voice is saturated with lust and desire.I waited for Bella's reaction, this would tell me if I needed to run far away from here, or run back to her and make it all up to her somehow. "Please Bella, change your mind, you don't need this, please!" I said these words out loud, hoping it would somehow will her to change her mind. All of the sudden I don't want to know anymore, I quickly removed myself from Embry's thoughts, but in return I needed to say one last thing to him. "_Embry, treat her right if she goes through with this, make love to her. I trust you man! Make it all go away. I am going to see the elders to try and make things right with them." _I let a howl rip out of me, and launched into the forest, bearing my feet into the dirt, pushing me faster and faster.

**Embry's POV**

I can feel Jacob in my head, kind of aggrivating to say the least, mostly now. After all, this is what he wanted, I really had no intentions on being with Bella. I can feel his pain, the torture that invades his heart with every thought of Bella giving herself to me. With his last request, it is full confirmation. He left it up to me to make things right. I will have to put my needs on the back burner right now, I will make love to her, and treat her right, just as Jacob asked me to do. Jacob's torturous howl, spread through the night. Looking down at Bella, noticing a lot of hesitation in her eyes, and a flash of realization when she heard Jacob's howl in the distance. A single tear streaked down her cheek. "Make it go away Embry!" Her lip quivered when she spoke. I softened, nearly melted on top of her, stroking her hair away from her face. "Bella, I am sorry for the way I acted, it is just that I have these constant fantasies about you." She smiled at me, stroking my cheek with the back of her hand. "Don't be sorry Embry, you didn't upset me. It is just that I wish Jacob could see how much damage he has done, how much he has hurt me. That is why I am crying, not because of anything you have done." Even with the light of the moon I can tell she is blushing slightly, "I actually like what you have been doing, it is different, and I need different."

I cannot believe what I am hearing, she actually likes it! But Jacob's request, what am I suppose to do? "Bella, one thing, can I make love to you first, start things slow and easy? I want to do this right!" She averted her eyes to the side, thinking. She met my eyes, smiled shyly and nodded, "only if you promise there will be more of the other." This made me laugh out loud, this is about what she wants right? I can do this. "Your wish is my command Isabella." I pressed my lips to hers gently, holding her face between my hands. Laying my body on hers I notice the temperature difference, hissed when our skin touched. "You're so cold!" She smiled, "it is just because you are so hot Embry." She giggled a little. I lay down beside her, pulling her on her side, facing me, I let my fingertips trail down her arm resting my hand on her hip. She propped herself up on one elbow, looking at me intently. And then adverted her eyes to my chest. "Are you having second thoughts Embry?" I put my finger under her chin, "No Bella, are you?" She shook her head, no and I smiled placing sweet kisses on her cheek. Everytime she moved towards my mouth I would playfully pull away. She pulled her face away so I can see her poke her bottom lip out. I growled at her, pulling it into my mouth to suck on it. Damn it she got her way, our tongues met in the center, swirling softly. Kissing down her neck, stopping at her collar bone, grazing my teeth against her tender skin. She gasped at the new contact. Bella pushed my head down onto her skin, holding me there. I feel her nipples harden against my chest, I took her peak between my fingers and rolled it gently. This made her moan, in return I took her nipple aggressively into my mouth, biting down slightly.

Everytime I did this I can feel Bella grind her hips into me. I have to take things slow! Paying close attention to each nipple, not wanting the other one to be jealous, when my mouth is on one, my hand would be on the other one. "Can I touch you Embry?" I removed my mouth from her beautiful chest to look at her, "why do you ask?" "Well, you didn't let me touch you before." I smiled and took her hand, placing it on my rock hard erection. Bella began moving her fingertips over my sensitive skin, down the entire length. She took my balls in her hand and gently massaged them. I moved down, not sure if I am strong enough to take any more of her sweet torture. I flicked my tongue around her navel, I can feel the goosebumps with my tongue. I pressed my face to her mound, which is still safely covered with her jeans. I can smell her arousal through the fabric, I growled with anticipation. Visions of me sliding my tongue between her folds, tasting her. A chill ran it's course through my body. Turning her on her back, unbuttoned her jeans, and slid them over her hips. My eyes widened when I seen her sexy underwear. Blue satin, the color compliments her skin. I rose to my knees to take her pants from around her ankles and throw them on the floor. Her chest is rising and falling with every breath, I listened carefully to her heart. It is beating faster than I have heard any human heart beat. She went to take her underwear off, "No Bella, leave them on!" She looked at me confused. "I like them on, it's sexy!" I smiled at her, I don't want her thinking that I didn't want to see her naked. I would want them off eventually, just not now.

I stood up by the edge of the bed, lowered myself to my knees and pulled her to the edge. Looking down at her heart shaped lips, scanning over her taught nipples, down her abdomen. I outlined the shape of her underwear with my finger, going around every edge, never venturing towards the center. With each touch, Bella moved her hips, trying to get me to touch her where she wanted it most.

**BPOV**

Touch me already, I can't stand this slow torture. My mind and body is screaming internally. Without warning, Embry slid his finger over my center causing me to push my hips toward his touch. A feeling of euphoria spread throughout my body as Embry pulled my panties to the side, slid his tongue over my lips and into my wet folds. I wound my fingers tightly in his hair, guiding him. His mouth is so soft and warm, he knows what he is doing, I can tell he has done this before. Embry placed his hands on my inner thighs and pushed my legs up, making me more accessible to him. My legs are now hoisted up on top of his shoulders, he sat up on his knees, pulling me up with him, grabbed me around the waist and stood up picking me up and put my back against the far wall in his bedroom. I don't have anything to hold onto except his head and hair. I have never done this, it is interesting to say the least. He continued his ministrations like a well trained expert. Swirling his tongue around my clit, scraping it with his teeth, sucking fiercely. I felt his finger at my entrance, pushing it in and out. He shoved it in, curled it upwards and found my spot. Between his talented mouth and hands, I came all over his face. My body fell limp against the wall, with my arms around his neck he slid me down his body. I can feel the after shock of my orgasm convulse through my body. I looked up at Embry and from the light peering through his window, I can see my juices glisten on his lips and chin. He looked at me, and seductively licked his lips dry. My knees buckled under me, Embry wrapped his blazing arms around me, holding me up.

"Thanks! Uhh...Embry....uhhhh......" Embry still had me in his vice grip hands. "Spit it out Bella." Now I feel stupid! "I think I am okay now." "Oh okay, but I'm not ready to let you go just yet." He is too sweet for his own good, he will make a good boyfriend for somebody one day. Speaking of boyfriend, "Embry, can I ask you a personal question?" He nodded, and I felt him press himself against my stomach. This made the heat increase between my legs. "Why don't you have a girlfriend?" He smiled, shrugging his shoulders like a big kid, "just haven't found anyone worth my time. I mean I have had girlfriends in the past, but none of them lasted. It seems like I just waste my time and energy for nothing. I think I will wait for my imprint, ya know to be sure." I thought about this for a minute, "okay, so you don't want a girlfriend, do I have that statement correct?" He smiled a crooked smile and suddenly Edward came into the forefront of my mind. I literally shook the thought from my head. "It is not that I don't want one, having a girlfriend has it's benefits, it is just that I am so ready to find her. Ready to love someone unconditionally for the rest of my life, give her all of me forever. You see, when we imprint, we only have eyes for that person, it is so easy, there is no confusion about whether or not we love each other enough. It is always enough!" I took a deep breath, and mumbled under my breath, "must be nice, why am I not good enough to be someones imprint." The thought of Jacob lying to me about that came rushing in and hot tears started stinging my eyes.

"Bella......Bella....look at me, you are good enough. We can't dictate who we imprint on, it is beyond our control. Do you want to know something?" I still cannot look him in the eyes. "I wish you were mine." My eyes burned into his, unsure, confused, and happy, all at the same time. "You do, really? Will you make love to me Embry?" He kissed my tears from my eyes and cheeks, "there is nothing I could possibly want more." He picked me up, wrapping my legs around his waist and layed me on the bed. Holding himself up, hovering over me. He took one of his hands to spread my legs apart, placing himself between them, and lay ed down on top of me. "Bella, I don't want to hurt you, will you tell me if it hurts?" I shook my head in agreement. He slid his hand between us to guide himself to my opening. I held my breath when I felt his head, slide between my folds and rub across my still sensitive clit. Embry noticed my reaction and rubbed his tip over me several times, him groaning lightly each time, bringing me closer and closer to the edge again. I can't put my finger on it, but there is something about the way he moans, it is so deep and sexy it makes me want to scream.

**Embry's POV**

"Ughhhh.....uhhhh.....mmmmmm..... I want you now Bella, can I have you, are you ready?" Her eyes are full of want, I can feel the need running through her veins, she is ready. With my head at her entrance, I slowly pushed inside of her, letting my tip glide past her entrance. "So tight....aghhh..." I hope she likes me making noise because I know I will not be able to hold back. I pushed in a little deeper, Bella slammed her eyes shut, and had a death grip on both of my biceps. I made sure that I stayed still, letting her adjust to my size. I can feel her center squeeze the top of my shaft, the pressure is unbelievable. "Does it hurt, do you want me to stop?" Her eyes became scared instantly, "it hurts but I don't want you to stop. It will feel good when I get use to your size." Is she trying to say I am bigger than Jacob? I wonder! I guess she can see the questions in my eyes, without me having to ask, "you are thicker than him, and I am not use to it, just give me some time." Bella put both of her hands on my waist and began pulling me down gently. Each time I am in her a little more. "Is it all in?" I found this question a little funny and couldn't help but laugh. I tried to contain it but I couldn't. My dick twitched inside of her causing her to yelp, "about halfway there!" Her eyes widened. I slowly slid in and out of her, when I actually wanted to plunge myself into uncharted depths. Slowly but surely I am sheathed inside of her. I took her lips with mine, as I plunged in and out, she swallowed my moans as I did hers, never letting any distance come between our bodies. I can feel the slippery sweat pool on her stomach, and drip from my brow.

**BPOV**

Embry's body had me pinned against the bed, while he literally stuffed himself into me over and over. I feel like I am going to rip right in half, digging my nails into his backside, biting his shoulder. The sweet pain, swarmed, forming a knot in the pit of my stomach, the burn, the calm before the storm. I never thought I could find someone that compared to Jacob, but I think I have. He is so different, I mean just his girth makes it so much different. "Bella?" "Yes, ohhh.. Embry you feel so good." Embry started grunting, and swearing loudly. I joined him, and simultaneously we peaked together. My legs trembled under him. He lifted himself slightly, looking me in the eye. His hard, chiseled, dark skinned body glistened with sweat. The place between his eyebrows pinched together, and a new wetness filled his eyes. Are my eyes playing tricks on me?

**please review this chapter. Your input means so much to me. do you want more of Embry? or are you ready for Jacob to come back for good? let me know what you think. **


	52. If You Die, I Die

**Chapter 52-If You Die, I Die**

**Embry's POV**

My eyes are swimming with tears, this beautiful girl giving herself to me so willingly, so completely as I feel that familiar pressure in the atmosphere as one of the pack members imprints. I knew instantly that I could not be so lucky to imprint on Bella. Which lucky bastard is it this time? I wondered to myself. When I looked down into Bella's eyes, they were first filled with confusion and worry. But right before me they changed, her eyes overflowed with tears, but had a trace of certainty in them, love flowed through her although it was not aimed at me. She looks as though her mind is elsewhere, and at that moment I knew. I withdrew myself from her, leaving her naked form lying on the bed. Her lip twisted up at the corner, forming a sweet smile. Bella's eyes are dazed and she didn't seem to notice that I am even in the room, like nothing went on between us, like I am invisible. A voice inside my head screamed, _"stop Embry, please...I am on my way back to your house, I will explain it all when I get there. I changed my mind, don't do anything... please, I know this sounds weird but I imprinted........on Bella!" _With my back against the far wall, I slid down into a crouched position placing my elbows on my knees, and buried my face into my hands. What now? I mean I did what he asked of me, I can't take it back. A cold hand touched my shoulder and I raised my head to look at her. Her big beautiful brown eyes peered down at me through her long lashes. "Embry, I.........." Holding my hand up for her to stop, "not now Bella please, I know.......I know what happened, you don't have to explain."

"What do you mean Embry, what happened?" I looked at her again to make sure she isn't trying to be funny. Her eyebrows are pinched together signaling she is utterly confused. Could she honestly NOT know? "Bella...." I took her by the hand and led her to sit down on my bed. "Do you honestly not know what I am talking about?" She shook her head and her eyes began to fill up with tears obviously worried about what I have to tell her. "Don't cry Bella, everything will be okay. Listen, I know this is going to be a shock but Jacob is on his way back here. He has something very important that he needs to talk to you about." Bella stood up, pacing the floor in front of me. She threw her hands up in the air, "what could he want now, didn't I make it obvious that I needed this? Why can't he realize that he really screwed up, and I don't want to see him right now. When he comes, make him go away Embry. I am not finished with you yet, you promised." Bella came over to me and straddled my hips. My once spent erection, sprung to full attention again as her warm, wet skin made contact with my now throbbing member. I cannot let this get out of hand, I murmured to myself trying to will myself to have some self control. Before I could clear my mind, Bella had her opening over my tip, slamming her tight core down onto me. Tears streaked down my face as heavy pants ripped through my lungs, "Bella......stop.......I can't.........Jacob.......coming........please......." My words came out all jumbled and I am sure that she didn't understand a single word, or a word that she cared about at the moment. One word that I am sure would stop her in her tracks. "IM........PRI......PRINTED" It came out as a moan and a scream combined.

Bella stopped immediately, while still inside of her, she flung herself on my chest and began to sob. I wrapped my arms around her holding her close to me, breathing her in. "Bella, it is not the end of the world you know." She raised her head to look at me, "you imprinted on me Embry, I think that is a pretty big deal. Is that what I was feeling a few minutes ago?" I took her cheek into my hand, and now tears are streaming down my face. "Oh Bella, not me, how I wish it was me, but I'm sorry." "Wait, not you? But how? I mean who?" She looked away in deep thought, "No....no.........no, no, no! He couldn't, not now! Not after all of this." Bella still made no attempt to remove herself from me, things are starting to get a little uncomfortable with Jacob being on his way. I heard three loud raps on the door, it made Bella and I jerk, her eyes met mine and feeling her slide up my shaft for the last time, is like having something for a few moments in time and then have it snatched away from you. I watched her gather her clothes, and walk across my room. I made no attempt to find all of mine, I found my boxers and regrettably slid them on. Jacob would know anyway, there is no need to try and hide it. Before I answer the door I tried to shove my boner down so it is less noticeable, but my attempt is futile. I opened the door to find a rather excited Jacob, almost bouncing where he stood. I eyed his naked form and couldn't help but snicker. "Uhhhh....Jake...." I said looking down at his bouncing package. "Sorry Embry, didn't think to grab any clothes I couldn't get here fast enough. Where's Bella?" His eyes rove over me and took in the tent I had going on in my pants. "Sorry!" I said covering myself with my hands, "Bella is in the restroom, puting on her clothes. When I felt you imprint, it was already to late. I made love to her like you asked me too Jacob. Please don't be angry with me."

An unexpected smile slid across Jacob's face. "Embry, I asked you to do this and I am not mad. How could I be? Nothing in the world could make me mad right now. I have Bella, she is my imprint, she belongs to me now. I am the happiest person on the face of the earth right now." He should be ....the lucky fuck! "Jacob, she doesn't want to see you, she asked me to make you go away when you got here. What should I do?" Jacob's face became concerned in an instant, and then he smiled again. "Let me handle it Embry, you know when she sees me again she will not be able to resist. She will at least listen to me, give me a fair chance. When we get over this, we can start our life together. There will be no more questions for her, I will be her only choice. Just like their is no other for me, like a missing piece of the puzzle." Jacob slung his arms around me, and gave me one of his infamous bear hugs. "Sorry man!' He said coughing and removed himself quickly, sensing the awkwardness of the situation. The feeling of our naked bodies that close made me extremely uncomfortable. Seeing him naked is one thing, but feeling him naked is on the other side of the spectrum. Down right **FREAKY! **"Do you think I could borrow some shorts?" "Yeah sure, come on in I will go and get you some. Be right back!" I was hoping he wouldn't follow me into the room where Bella and I had made love a few minutes earlier. When I approached the door I could still smell her lingering in the air. Jacob is following close behind me, this is not unusual for him. After all, we are best friends and best friends go in each others rooms. It is just a little weird right now, seeing I made love to his girlfriend, and knowing he could her too.

When he entered my room he sat down in exactly the same spot I had sat in when Bella climbed on top of me. I know if I had a girlfriend, and my bestis friend had just made love to her I would be a little upset. I am just afraid Jacob will realize later the severity of it, or at least be uncomfortable with it.

**JPOV**

"She is really mad huh? I can't blame her, I acted like a royal ass. I will be trying to it up to her for as long as she lives if she will let me. She sure is taking a long time in the bathroom." My nerves are alive with fear, a fear that she will not accept me back into her life. The anticipation is killing me, I half ran down the hall to the bathroom. As I approached the door I heard the trickle of the shower, and listening carefully I can hear Bella's sobs. Hearing this made my own tears jerk in my eyes, and stream down my face. It is because of me, her hurting is all my fault. I leaned my forehead against the closed door, "Bella......." Bella drew in a deep breath, "go away Jacob." The pain in my chest threatened to rip through me. "I need to talk to you, can I come in? Please?" There was a brief silence, the only thing I can hear is an occasional sniff, and the the constant trickle of the shower. "No, I......I...don't...want...to...see....you....just go!" Bella said her words in between her giant sobs. "I'm not going anywhere Bella, I will be right here when you are ready to come out and talk to me." I could be here and slid down into a sitting position. I ran my fingers through my hair, missing the course my fingers use to take in my long hair. This hairstyle is so much easier to deal with but I have to say I miss it. The shower is off and I hear Bella's footsteps in the small room. She is not crying so hard anymore. "Please Bella, come out." "I can't do this anymore Jacob, the pain is just too much for one person to handle. I mean, just when I thought everything was going great you had to go and screw it all up. I thought if I found someone that I could loose myself in, it would make it all go away. But nothing helps, I went to Edward and he just had too many morals, so he was useless. But I think if he knew what you did to me Jacob, he would give me what I want, what I need. And the only thing I think would take the pain away is for him to turn me."

"Bella, you're joking right? I love you, I have imprinted on you, things can be good now. Give it a chance, give me a chance to make things right, we will be so good together. Please don't do this, just know if you do I will beg Edward to kill me, and I am sure he will. I will have no other reason to live, you are my only reason for existing. Don't you see? We are meant for each other, destined in a way. Two old souls that were joined before we were ever born. There is no other choice. If you die, I die." I heard Bella click the lock on the door, I got on my feet and waited anxiously for her to open it. I stared at the knob, hoping it would turn, it did and the door creaked open slowly. At first sight of Bella's face, beyond my control I fell to my knees in front of her wrapping my arms around her waist, holding on for dear life. The tears poured down my face and chest, she made no attempt to comfort me. Her hands and arms hung limply at her sides. "Please forgive me Bella, I can't live without you. I'm sorry, I'm so, so, sorry!" I looked up into her eyes, and they we're blank with no emotion, she stood there, lifeless. I got to my feet placing my hands on her shoulders, "Bella, say something, anything. Fight me, punch me in the face, cuss at me, do something for crying out loud." Bella's face is a blank canvas, she spoke to me with no emotion, no life. "I can't Jacob, not now!" "Don't you want to tell me how much you hate me, how you think I am a bastard for what I did to you? There has to be something you want to say to me Bella." She opened her mouth slightly, "will you do anything for me Jacob?" I nodded, "anything?" I nodded again. "Take me to Edward!"

**Sorry again for it taking so long to update. I am not sure at this where I want to take this. The writing takes me longer because of the uncertainty. Please review me, you could never know how much it means to me when my faithful readers review. It gives me alot of support which I am in great need of right now. Tell me what you think! Luvs and Hugs!**


	53. Three Paths

**Three Paths**

**I have had a couple of requests for alternate endings. I **

**have decided to make three different endings seeing that I don't want to make any of the three boys upset. I believe that my readers deserve to have the one they want. You all have been awesome through it all. I truly value each of your opinions. Ultimately this was going to be a story with one ending, but now I feel like this way is the best way to end it, that way everybody is happy. Hope you enjoy!**

**The next three chapters will be Forever with Embry, Forever with Edward, and Forever with Jacob. You choose which one you want. I will try and make each of them unique. You my readers have control. Thank you, lots of loves and hugs.. Yours Truly, Vegenosferatu (Vegetarian Vampire) 3**


	54. Guide to Alternate Endings

First I want to guide all of my readers into understanding what is about to take place. I don't want to be stoned to death or burned at the stake. The next three chapters will be three alternate endings, I will try and post once a week. After these chapters, my story will sadly come to an end. Each chapter will have a different ending, with a different guy. That way each guy gets his chance with Bella, no hurt feelings. So you choose Bella's fate, you read about the one you want her to be with. Or if you want them all, read them all. It is your choice entirely. I hope you enjoy!! I want to thank all of my faithful readers, for sticking by me when nobody else would. I think I am going to put my pen up for a while and concentrate on other things. I have truly enjoyed this experience with writing fanfiction. I love all of my dedicated readers, and I appreciate all of the honesty that you have had with me along the way. The first update will be sometime next week. The first lucky fellow will be Embry. The second will be Edward, and last but not least Jacob, whom I believe should have been with her in the real story. But who am I to decide! So I, as the writer of this story am giving my readers a chance to be in control. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


	55. I Promise To Love You More Than Anything

**Readers Beware: ****This Chapter will be the ending for those of you who want Bella to end up with the sweet and sexy Embry. If you find that offensive, please do not read. I encourage you to read whatever ending you like best. This is for all of you Embry lovers, hope you enjoy! Remember this picks up where Chapter 52 left off. **_**"Take me to Edward!"**_

**Chapter 54-I Promise To Love You More Than Anything**

"No Bella please, I can't do that, I...I won't. How can you expect me to do that?" Bella is still showing no emotion. She won't even look me in the eyes, "Bella look at me, I'm dying here please." When her eyes met mine, my knees buckled under me knocking me to the ground. My world shattered around my very existence. "How can that be?" I mumbled under my breath. Sobs broke free of the confines of my chest, "this can't be, there must be a mistake." I have to think quick, get her out of here in a hurry. Should I? I don't know what to do? Being as distracted as I am I didn't take the time to look back at Bella for her reaction to my mental breakdown. Her eyes were no longer on me, they are fixed on something behind me. I am almost to scared to turn around and see, but I didn't have to, I already knew. Bella's features became calm, there is no more hostility that lined her face like before. She is looking into the eyes of the person she will spend the rest of her life with, my best friend Embry, and what makes matters worse is that I don't even think she realizes yet. There is nothing I can do, nothing I say will prevent this from happening. I just wish that I could have seen it before I came here and made a fool of myself. Being a part of the pack mind has it's advantages, but sometimes it's disadvantages outweigh the good. When we are connected on a high level, we can hear, see, smell and feel what the other one is feeling or doing. I connected with Embry earlier and mistook his imprint for mine, and he did the same with me. A shiver ran through my body making my whole frame shake. The love of my life is destined to love another, and there is not a thing in the world I can do about it. I feel so helpless! And here I am, destined to witness this for the rest of my god forsaken life.

Bella placed a gentle hand on my cheek, and a knowing tear slid from the corner of her eye. She opened her mouth to speak, but she could form no words. Her eyes constantly averting from me to Embry and back. "Just go." I don't even notice my own voice because it came out as a trembling whisper. Bella bent down in front of me on her knees, cupped my face between both of her hands. "Jake, I didn't....I don't.....I.......can't....I...." I placed one finger over her lips, stopping her. I don't need any apologies, I surprisingly understand. Not that I like it, but I have to live with it. I realize that it is out of my hands now, beyond my control. "You don't have anything to explain Bella, I understand." Bella's tears are now streaking her cheeks, "Oh Jacob, I love you so much, I really do. I don't understand any of this. Why do I feel this way?" She nearly knocked me backwards as she threw her arms around me with the force of a grown man. I pulled back slightly to let her see my best Jacob smile, trying to reassure her. "I love you too Bells, I always have and always will no matter what. Your life is with Embry now, open up to it and you will find a love that you have never known before." "What are you saying Jacob?" And then like magic a look of realisation flashed in her eyes. "Oh!" She turned and looked at Embry who is standing against the door frame anxiously waiting. I seen her give him the smile that I love. But her face quickly fell and she turned her attention back to me. "What about you?"

I hugged her close to me, her heart hammered in her chest as I whispered in her ear, "I will love you until the day I die Isabella Swan. I have no choice but to be okay with this, I will be okay." She placed her forehead to mine, "promise?" I stuck out my pinky and linked it with hers, "promise!" Bella brushed her lips against mine, letting them linger. The internal pressure building up inside me making my tears pour from my eyes. I taste the saltiness from my tears and the

sweetness of her lips combined. This brought a new meaning to our sweet and bitter goodbye. This is the last time I will feel her lips on mine, or hold her lovingly in my arms. Her kiss is laced with goodbyes. I pulled away, and held her eyes with mine. "I'm still your Jacob, and in my heart you will always be my Bells." I stood up and helped Bella to her feet. "Go to him Bella, you deserve this kind of love, trust me, go." She picked up my hand, kissed it and walked towards Embry, stopping halfway and running back into my arms. She slammed into my chest, "thank you Jake, I love you!" She smiled up at me, I picked her up into one of my infamous bear hugs. I placed her gently on her feet, and took her hand in mine. I led her to Embry, I took her hand and placed it in his. At this very moment I felt the air change around us, the love that my wolf friend exuded enveloped me. Bella glanced in my direction as she felt the absence of my touch, I nodded and winked. Before I turned the corner, I looked back one more time. I paused briefly to look at my best friend and the love of my life. They stood silently hand in hand, staring into each others eyes. I silently walked to the door, my body quivering with a mixture of pain and transformation. All I want to do is run, run as fast and as far away as I can. Run until I can't run anymore.

**BPOV**

I don't understand why I am feeling so drawn to Embry right now, I mean I love Jacob. Sure he has been an ass lately but that doesn't mean I stopped loving him all of a sudden. I held Jacob's tear streaked face between my hands, mumbled something unintelligible. "Jake, I didn't....I don't.....I.......can't....I...." I felt Jacob's finger press against my lips, and tears sting my eyes. "You don't have anything to explain Bella, I understand." This made the tears fall from my eyes, maybe he understood but I didn't. What was there to understand? This new feeling is so foreign to me, and it is obvious that Jake can see it too. A series of realizations unfolded right before my eyes. No matter how much I still love Jacob, I would not be able to deny this. Now I understand, Jacob knows and he is being so selfless. Oh I love this man so much, how can I live without him? I slammed into his chest letting him know that I love him. Feeling him against me one more time. I know this is causing him pain, it is causing me pain what do I expect? Jake took my hand in his and led me down the hall to an awaiting Embry. Embry straightened up with an anxious look on his face, he looked like he was about to talk off running after me, like I couldn't get there fast enough. I looked up at Jake**, **his eyes glistened with tears. He took our hands and joined them together. When I could no longer feel Jacob's touch I turned to him, he gave me a reassuring nod. I know when I turn back around, Jake will be gone and I am not sure if I want this. Jake has been such a constant in my life since I can remember. It is not fair really, he should have been the one for me, it made sense it was easy as breathing.

Here I am at the beginning of something totally new. Would it be as easy? Can I do this? Slowly, I looked up at Embry, immediately I felt an overall warmth surround me, ten thousand butterflies took flight in my stomach. I know now that this will be the easiest thing I have done in my life. Embry took me in his arms and pressed himself against me. Our hearts beating two separate rhythm, suddenly matched, beating in sync. Standing on my tippy toes, trying to reach his face with mine, he bent down and sweetly kissed my lips. He smiled, "are you ready for this Bella?" He kissed me again, this time with urgency.

"I"

(Kisses)

"Love"

(Kisses)

"You"

(Kisses and nibbling my bottom lip)

The complete feeling swelled inside of me as Embry's mouth assaulted mine. Our breathing increased as our tongues danced. Jacob's words echoed in my head, "Your life is with Embry now, open up to it and you will find a love that you have never known before." I smiled at the thought and Embry picked me up and I squealed, he took me by surprise. He held me like a baby, lifting me close to his face. Placed his nose to mine, this briefly reminded me of Jacob. It is kind of disturbing how much they are alike. "I promise to love you more than anything Bella." He said kissing the tip of my nose, "Me too!"

**Okay all of you Embry fans, or fans period. What did you think? I hope you liked it. Let me know. ****Next on the alternate ending list is Bella's ending with Edward. Just remember that each of these chapters leave off in the exact same spot, but she will end up with someone different in each one. Will Jacob take her to Edward, or will she go to him herself?  
**


	56. Forever Changed

**As you know this is another alternate ending, the second one in the group of three. I am ultimately saving the best one for last. The way I intended it to end in the beginning. I hope you enjoy a little love from Edward.**

**Chapter 56-Forever Changed**

"Bella, say something, anything. Fight me, punch me in the face, cuss at me, do something for crying out loud." Bella's face is a blank canvas, she spoke to me with no emotion, no life. "I can't Jacob, not now!" "Don't you want to tell me how much you hate me, how you think I am a bastard for what I did to you? There has to be something you want to say to me Bella." She opened her mouth slightly, "will you do anything for me Jacob?" I nodded, "anything?" I nodded again. "Take me to Edward!" Her face a blank canvas, no emotion can be detected in her stale features. I have never in my life seen Bella like this. I looked back at Embry who is standing against the frame of his bedroom door with a confused expression plastered on his face. The truth is I would do anything for her, but can I do this? Can I take her to Edward? No, no, no, no.....I can't. I placed my finger on the side of her face, bowed my head to the floor and shook it fiercely. "No, I can't do that Bella, anything but that. I love you, don't you understand?" Then out of nowhere I seen a flicker of emotion flash in her sad eyes. "I......I......love.....you.....too!" Tears were now streaking heavily down her cheeks. I just knew she loved me , I held her close to me as she continued her sobs. I stroked her hair away from her face, and rubbed small circles in her back. "It's okay baby, I'm so sorry for what I've done, I promise I will make it up to you."

I heard Bella take in a deep breath, as she pushed herself away from me gently. "I'm sorry too Jacob, not for what I have done, but for what I am about to do." As I look into her eyes, I already know what is about to take place. I pulled away from her facing the wall, leaning my forehead against it. I felt her cool fingers on my shoulder. "Please understand Jacob, I can't be with you the way I use to be. Too much has happened and it wouldn't be fair for either of us. You see I got to thinking about this whole imprinting thing. If I was going to be the one you imprint on, it would have happened already." Okay, now I am interested. At least she is not just giving up on me for stupid reasons. I faced Bella, with the hot tears welling in my eyes. I am about to loose my reason for living, my angel on earth. I understand what she is saying, but I don't have to like it. "Jake, I have had time to think about this, and I love you to much to watch you be taken away from me. I can't live through that! And you know, as soon as you imprint you will not be able to ignore it no matter how much you love me. I mean look what happened to poor Leah. So wouldn't it be better if we just separate now, it is going to be hard enough as it is?" God, what do I say to this? Is there a right answer to this?

I placed my hands on either side of her face, "but........but........I......love.......you Bells." Okay people give a hand to the studdering idiot. "I......can't loose........loose..you." The sobs made my whole body convulse violently. Bella wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight to her chest. I can feel her body shake in unison with mine. She wants this no more than I do. I swayed back and forth as if I am trying to soothe the both of us. I know this is for the best, it is only a matter of time before the imprint happens, it is inevitable. There was just something making me hope it would be Bella after all of these years. But deep down in the pit of my stomach I knew it wouldn't be, but held on for selfish reasons. I will always love her, and she would always have a piece of my heart. As our tears became silent, I couldn't will myself to let her go so I continued to hold her next to me, wanting somehow to burn this memory in my brain. Permanently etch her into my heart. "Jake?" My hold loosened and I looked her in the eye. "I will always love you Jacob, no matter what road life takes us down, I will always be your Bella." I smiled down at her, " and I will always be your Jacob." She looked at me and laughed a little, "no you won't, you will always be my sun, forever warming me. My Safe Harbor when the storm gets rough. That's what you are, you are more than just my Jacob."

"So what happens now Bella? I can't just stop feeling." Bella looked away in thought. I seen the red return to her cheeks, "I..don't want you to stop Jake, because I won't. What we shared can't simply be erased. We not only shared intimacy, we shared millions of childhood memories. I always want you to be part of my life. I will always love you forever." A lonely tear, fell from my eye. I put my pinkie finger up, placing my forehead to hers. "Pinkie promise." She looped her tiny finger with mine and we both laughed. "Promise!" Neither one of us wanted to break contact, as our fingers were still entwined. My heart pounded hard against my ribs, as my breaths came heavy. Bella's chest heaved, my mouth found hers for what I knew would be the last time I would feel her this way. She didn't fight, then again, why would she? I took her feverish lips with much haste, melting mine into hers. Her body molded to mine, a perfect fit. Her fingers ran through my hair at the back of my head, and pulled me impossibly close. Our kiss painfully slowed, I placed tiny kisses on her sweet lips, savoring every last minute. With one last tender brush of her lips, I immediately missed their presence. My head instinctively coursed closer to hers. She took a small step backwards, looking down at our pinkie fingers and smiled. " I need to go Jake, I have so many things to clear up. I have to find Charlie and explain, but first I need to see Edward."

This caused a nagging ache in the center of my chest, "do you want me to take you? I can drive you or you can ride on my back. I said, laughing a little. Trying to take the stiffness out of the air. I knew before I even said anything that I would not have to go too far, he is never really far away. He has been paceing the treaty line since Bella has been here. I don't want Bella to know that because it might freak her out. "You know he still loves you right?" She just nodded, not meeting my eyes with hers. "Bella, look at me sweetie. I know you still love him too. Don't try and deny it Bells, it is written all over your face when you talk about him." She had her mouth open with apparent shock. "I do love him Jacob, but I will not be hurt by him again. He can't love me like a human can, I mean he won't even touch me like I need to be touched. I need that now more than ever. Before I didn't really know what I was missing, but now, now I do." Her eyes roamed over my body, and I know what she is talking about. I can't stand the thought of her being with Edward, but if that makes her happy I am all for it. She deserves to have a love like that, someone that can give himself to her totally without the threat of being taken away. "Listen Bells, I am going to walk you to the treaty line. There is someone there that is anxiously waiting for your return." She eyed me curiously, "wha....?" Before she could question me, I scooped her up and tossed her on my back and ran towards the treaty line. On the way I explained to Embry with my mind. He is busy screaming at me in my head about how crazy I am for taking her to the leech. As we came upon the treaty line, Bella fell off of my back, onto her butt with a loud thud.

"OUCH!" Edward appeared from behind a big fir tree, with an unfathomable look on his pale face. If he wasn't suppose to be my mortal enemy I could almost admit that vampires were beautiful creatures. I cringed internally at the thought that just invaded my mind. But take for instance, the viscious blonde, or the dainty little pixie. Stop it Jake! I seen Edwards crooked smirk, and I shook the thoughts from my head. I can feel him in my head, prodding it for information. _"Bella and I are not together anymore, she ended it with me today. Not for the reasons you would like to think because I am sure you already know what I did. She is scared to loose me to an imprint. we will always love each other. She is going to need you Edward, I mean I will always be here for her no matter what but I know she still loves you. She deserves to have a forever lasting love. Can you do that for her?"_ He gave me a quick nod, only I can see with my werewolf senses_. _Bella is oblivious to our little conversation, since it all happened in the short time she was recovering from her fall. She is finally on her feet, dusting her behind off. I instantly grabbed her shoulder, steadied her and knocked the remainder of the dirt off of her behind with a few swats of my hand. Edward and Bella gave me the most incredulous look, simultaneously. I was just doing what came natural, and that was taking care of Bella. Edwards eyes were glued on my hand that is still attached to Bella's backside. I smiled wide, and looked at Bella. She shrugged sideways, and swatted my hand, "Jake!?! Stop." She couldn't hold back the smile that threatened to turn into full blown laughter. I quickly looked at Edward while Bella is still distracted. _"Can you touch her like that Edward? You know she needs that. She needs to feel loved in so many different ways. If you can't, please be honest with her upfront. Don't just lead her on. Like you said, I will always be watching, waiting for you to screw up. She means the world to me, treat her right."_

With that said, I picked up Bella's hand kissing it lightly. "I will see you soon Bells, don't be a stranger." I dropped her hand, picking her up into one of my infamous hugs. "Can't.....................bre.......breathe Jake." I lowered her down on the ground, and kissed her forehead. "You know where I live Jacob." "That I do, love you Bells." She smiled, "Love you too." As I walked away I could feel only one set of eyes on me, I knew at once they belonged to my lost angel. I turned to give her my brightest "Jacob" smile. She put up her hand to wave good bye. I blew her a kiss, and she mock caught it with her hand and put it to her heart. I caught a glimpse of her twirling the locket that I gave her between her fingers. She blew me a kiss, and I did the same thing. Putting it safely to my heart, I am now at ease with this decision. Everything is forever changed, nothing the same, but I am okay with that.

**Okay guys, I told you that there would only be three more chapters left. The thing is I felt like it was necessary not to downplay Bella and Jacobs goodbye. So I dedicate this whole chapter to them. My next chapter will be Edward and Bella. Tell me what you think. Please, please review. You have no idea how much it truly helps. **


	57. Patience

**Chapter 57-Patience**

**BPOV**

I watched as Jacob walked silently through the woods, never looking back. I made sure he was out of sight before I turned my attention to Edward which is patiently waiting for me to "come back to earth." I turned around slowly , trying to avoid his intense eyes. I drew in a deep breath and followed the long lines of his body up to his rich amber eyes that immediately intoxicated me. I can get lost in those eyes. Shaking my head clear, I stared in silence, still struck by his Adonis like beauty. Neither of us speaking, he lifted his hand and edged it toward mine. The closer he gets, the same electric current travels up my arm as always. His fingers locked around mine, "walk with me?" His words melted like butter, sliding off of his tongue. I just nodded, and as we walked I continued to stare at the side of his beautiful face. His crooked grin playing at the edge of his mouth, "you know Bella, it would be wise to watch where you walk." His grin in full motion now, making me dizzy. Next I did something so Bella, it wouldn't go unnoticed by Edward. Even with Edward holding my hand, I stumbled over my own two clumsy feet. I just knew that I would soon be tumbling head over feet towards the ground. Edward let me come within inches of the cold, hard soil before I felt two strong, cold hands wrap around my waist. When he had me on my feet, facing him, he pulled me securely to his chest. He pulled me so hard against him that I might as well had been knocked to the ground. I made a whooshing sound as all the air was knocked from my lungs.

Edwards unneeded breaths layed heavy in his chest, making mine accelerate with his. His eyes scanning mine, uncertainty lacing his every movement. I feel the intensity in his whole body, making me slightly nervous. I have never felt this from him, he held me with such conviction, and passion. If memory serves me right, this usually ends with him pulling away, leaving me wanting more. Three........Two.........One........, again, three.......two.......one.......Nothing! What is going on here? He usually pulls away by the first two. A flash of realization in his eye, "you are expecting me to pull away aren't you?" As I felt his grip loosen slightly, "yes, and that is exactly what you are about to do." I feel him shake with laughter, and pull me into a vice hold. "Not this time Bella, I will never let you go if that is what you want." His stone arms, solid around me, confining me to him. I felt a newness with him, there is something different about him, like he isn't holding anything back. Which I know he is because he could kill me with one swat of his hand. But still, there is a new fierceness in him. He pulled one arm from around me, still holding me tightly with the other and placed his free hand on my face. "I hear you still love me Bella." How? Who? I mean I told him that I still love him, but not the way he is implying. With each sentence he turned his head from side to side, absorbing me with his eyes. "Do you still love me Bella?" I nodded, not able to speak, totally incoherent as his sweet breath washed through my nose, making me drunk by his presence. "Do I still dazzle you? Am I dazzling you now?" I don't know if dazzle is a complete description of what I am feeling right now, it somehow falls short.

"Tell me you love me Bella! I need to hear it, I can't contain my composure much longer. If you love me, I can proceed as I want." As Edward maintained his composure, I can tell that it is faltering slightly. Do I confess so soon? Or wait? Without giving my mouth permission, my brain connected and my mouth flew open. "I do, I love you Edward, I love you so much!" His two icy hands were now on both sides of my feverish face, holding me only centimeters away from his soft lips. The anticipation gnawing at my insides, I wanted to thrust myself forward and take those ruby lips. I knew my efforts would be futile against his strength. Nothing that he didn't want to happen, just simply wouldn't happen. Experience plays a big role in me knowing this, so I waited for what seemed like an eternity for his lips to reach mine. At first the touch was barely there, then becoming a little hasty and harder. I felt his tongue brush my lower lip, then retreat. I can taste his honey, it lingers on my lip, his venom tingling the tip of my tongue. My restraint is failing miserably, all I want is to wind my hands through his hair, pulling him painfully close. That would for sure make him pull away. I didn't want to chance it, fearing that he would pull away from me to soon. His eyes became confused in an instant, with his brow furrowing in the middle, and his eyes squinting into mere slits. He took my hand, guiding it to the back of his head and squeezed slightly. Could this be what he is confused about? Does he want me to pull him closer? He looked at me as if he were waiting for something.

**EPOV**

As I pulled Bella's hand to the back of my hand and squeezed, I realized that her hands should already be knotted in my hair, pulling me dangerously close, testing my ability to control myself. Does she want this? Bella's hand remained at the base of my head softly. Maybe she doesn't want to force me, or maybe she doesn't want this at all. "Are you okay Bella?" She nodded, biting her bottom lip. This is something she did when she is nervous. She has questions lingering in her eyes, waiting to come out. "What is it Bella?" Her eyes fell to the ground and I seen her face light up with the all to familiar blush that I love. I put my finger under her chin, tilting it so I could see her lovely face. "Please tell me?" I tried to use my best vampire voice. She paused a short moment, which felt like a decade to me. "Will you kiss me again?" Is that all she wanted, a kiss? I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling to laugh, so I did. I put one hand on the small of her back, and left the other one on her face. I gently let my lips graze hers, licking her bottom lip desperately wanting entrance. Carlisle told me I can handle this. The more I felt my steel hard erection strain against my slacks, the more I didn't trust Carlisle's words. The venom pooled under my tongue, as I took Bella's bottom lip into my mouth, and with great care grazed my teeth gently against her delicate skin. Bella gasped, and her hands that were minutes ago, hung lazily at my neck, wound tigtly in my hair pulling me close. My first instinct, like so many times before is to pull away. I clenched my eyes shut, swallowing the venom in my mouth. Bella pulled away panting, searching my eyes. "You wanted a kiss, so kiss me!" Those words were all the permission she needed. Bella assaulted my mouth with hers, I can physically feel my eyes ocher turn black as if I am thirsty. Come to think of it, I am thirsty but I don't crave blood, it is other things that I crave.

I want her to know how much I want her, how much I need her. With the hand that is on the small of her back I pulled her so she could feel me straining through my pants. I pressed it against her stomach, and she took in a deep breath. When she pulled away this time, there is much more in her eyes. Confusion, love, want, need.....Lust? She wants me as much as I want her. She slowly and carefully raised her finger and traced the dark circles underneath, noticing my eyes. "Are you thirsty? Do you need to go hunt Edward? You can take me home if you need to go, I don't want to make you uncomfortable." I smiled wide as I took in her expression. "I_ am_ thirsty Bella, I _am _taking you home right now." I let a darkness lace my tone. I swept her off of her feet, taking her by surprise and ran as fast as I could. What she doesn't know is I am not taking her to Charlie's. I am taking her home, her home is with me. She thinks I am thirsty because I haven't fed, in all actuality there is only one hunger in me, a hunger that only Bella can fulfill. I made it home in under two minutes, and when I neared the house I place Bella on her feet facing me. She looked around dazed and confused, and then back at me. "But....but....ummm....you said home." I bent down and whispered in her ear, letting my tongue dart out and lick her skin there. "This is your home Bella, your home is with me." Her arms flew around me in a tight hug. "Oh Edward..I" She stopped mid-sentence, and pulled away again looking at me. "I thought you wanted to go hunting, your eyes are so black."

I lowered my mouth to her neck, right where the blood coursed under her skin and felt it pulse against my tongue. I placed open mouth kisses, all the way to her ear. "Hunting elsewhere will not help Bella, when I have my prey right here." I heard her gasp, and shock and fear filled her eyes . I laughed out loud, "don't be silly Bella, it is not your blood I crave." Her face relaxed slightly, "well what?............" Before she could finish I bent my knees and pressed myself into her center, emitting a low growl deep in my chest as I felt her heat. When I caught a glimpse of her face, it is priceless. Her cheeks are flaming red, her eyes mere slits, and her mouth formed a perfect O.

**BPOV**

My legs feel like jello, stomach turning flips, and my head is literally swimming. Am I dreaming? That's it, I'm dreaming, I mean that is the only logical explanation for these delusions. Edward would never go this far, soon I will wake up in my own bed, alone as usual. I would get up and fix Charlie's breakfast, and I will continue my drab, boring life. This would never happen to plain and simple me, I'm not that lucky! I closed my eyes and shook my head violently trying to wake myself up. "Bella....what...are....you....doing?" I put up my finger telling my delusion to wait. I felt his cold finger under my chin, "open your eyes Bella, you are not dreaming love. I want you, do you understand? I have always wanted you but didn't realize that I could do it, to maintain control. I need you Bella, for eternity. I want to give myself to you, when you are ready." She looked at me with her mouth slightly open, "this is real? You really want me Edward?"

**EPOV**

I pressed my hardness against her again, letting her feel what she does to me. "This is your doing Bella, do you have any doubt about me wanting you? Now what are you going to do about this little problem I am having?" She looked down, and I seen a smile spread across her face. "Little?" If I could blush, I would be doing it profusely right now. To actually hear Bella talk about me like that made new feelings rise in me. "It's yours Bella, and he is actually in desperate need of attention right now." Did I just call my cock a he? Yes, yes I did! I waited for her reaction. I am sure all of this is new to her as it is for me, I know she has been with Jacob, but I have never let it go this far between us, so it is new for her in that sense. I have never experienced this myself, but have seen it played out in many peoples minds over the course of my existence. "How do we do this, I mean...I know how.....but...." She fumbled over her words, not able to make a complete sentence. I caressed her face between my hands, and unleashed her favorite smile. "It will be no different with me Bella, well maybe different, but there are no rules for vampire sex." She laughed out loud a my use of words. "You know what I mean smart ass, I mean you have to be so careful with me, trying to maintain control and everything. You have always described me as breakable, I was wondering if you still thought of me that way." Do I? "Yes I do Bella, but only compared to me. But I won't hurt you love, I know that now. I will be able to make love to you without no worries." She smiled a sweet smile, "really, then what are we waiting for? I have wanted this for a long time Edward, and I see no use in waiting any longer." "Patience love, patience."

**Okay duckies, here is the deal this chapter is an introduction to the next chapter. I am letting you, my readers give me ideas for the the next one.. Do you want Edward to change her, or do you want him to let her remain human? How do you want their lovemaking to turn out? I have my own ideas, but take yours seriously when I write. Let me know! After that I will begin the, sniff, sniff, the awesome Jacob ending. The way it was suppose to turn out to begin with. Read, review! luvz yaz!**


	58. Forever

**Okay all of you Edward fans, this is what you have been waiting for. I appreciate all of my readers support and reviews. I have weighed all of your reviews about how you want Bella's future to come out with my own wants. Some of you want her to stay human and others want Eddie boy to change her. Stay tuned to find out which one I will choose, but remember it is ultimately because of you and how many of you that wanted this outcome. LOTS OF VAMPIRE LOVE!**

**Chapter 58-Forever**

I have wanted this for a long time Edward, and I see no use in waiting any longer." "Patience love, patience." What in the hell does he mean patience? Obviously annoyed, I stood tapping my foot on the ground with my arms crossed over my chest.

**EPOV**

Smoothing out the crinkle between her eyes with the soft pad of my thumb, looking in her eyes, "don't be mad Bella, I just didn't think you would want to do it here in the woods. But I do have the perfect place, _If_you can hold out for another few minutes. I can have us there in no time, but I do have to stop at the house and collect a few things first." She eyed me curiously, biting her bottom lip. I bent down, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth, hearing her heart race with the unexpected contact. Releasing her, "can you wait, or do you want me to take you here Bella?" This is a question that has double meaning, I am pretty much asking myself the same thing at the same time." My erection has become quite painful, throbbing against the fabric of my boxers, straining to break free of the confinements of my slacks. "I can wait.......I think", she whispered looking down at my center her eyes growing wide, "can you?" Her animated eyes now on mine and a small grin pulling at the edge of her heart shaped mouth. I growled low in my chest picking her up and slinging her on my back. I ran faster than ever towards my house.. Arriving I can hear the thoughts of the others inside the house, mostly Rosalie thinking how stupid I am for allowing this, for taking the human back into my life. And my sweet little sister Alice, supporting me the whole time. She was never really able to see it happening with Bella being around the wolves so much. Carlisle and Esme not wanting me to get hurt, or for me to hurt Bella again for that matter. And Jasper worrying that I will loose control and kill her in the process, but I think it is just his own insecurities. And last Emmett, oh Emmett I am quite frankly tired of being in his head with all of his misconstrued sick thoughts about sex and how it should be. But I do have to say that I am intrigued and curious about oral sex. He is constantly showing me graphic pictures in his mind. Will I be able to do that with Bella? I sure hope so!

I analyzed all of this in the time it took me to put Bella safely down on her feet. I grabbed her hands and led her up the stairs to my house. As I layed my hand over the door knob and began to turn it, I heard her take in a deep breath. "Are you okay love?" Now I am worried that she has changed her mind about me. "I'm fine Edward, it's just that it has been a long time since................since ........I have been here that's all. It just brings back so many memories that I tried so hard to forget. And now that I am here again, all of those memories are rushing in. But don't worry okay, I am fine." It is her turn to smooth the lines of worry on my face. I brought her hand that was entwined with mine to my face and leaned into it. "You know they all still love you right? And just like me they never stopped loving you Bella." She smiled, and laughed a little, "with the exception of Rosalie." I laughed lightly with her, "she will come around in time Bella there is no one in this world that is immune to your charm, not even a bitch like Rosalie." She gave me a big smile, taking our locked hands, bringing it to her lips and kissing the back of my hand. "Well what are we waiting for then?" She gestured her head to the door. I heard Esme, whisper to everyone to act normal. I am sure Alice could see me coming with Bella before I ever decided to come here in the first place. The sight I saw was so funny to me, Emmett is playing his XBOX in the living room, while Rosalie is not putting on a face for anybody. She is standing in the corner, her lips pursed in a straight, tight line glaring in our direction as we entered the house. Jasper is sitting in a chair, with his hands in his pockets pretending to watch something on TV. Carlisle and Esme are in the kitchen, having a fake conversation and Alice of course, is doing something so Alice. She is bounding down the stairs, rushing towards Bella. She held Bella in her arms, sniffing her. "Ewwwwww Bella, your smell is so wrong. It is burning my nose, Yuck Wolf stench!"

As Alice pulled my angel from my arms whisking her away, dragging her up the stairs to take a shower. Bella protesting the whole time, I would have to thank Alice for this later. It will be so much easier to make love to Bella with that smell washed away. I need to talk to Carlisle one more time before I do this, and make sure his assumptions still hold true. Carlisle and Esme, Emmett and Jasper were by my side within milliseconds, all four pairs of eyes boring down on me at the same time. I put out my hands in front of me, "hold on guys I need to talk to Carlisle, ALONE!" I seen another graphic image play out in Emmetts head of Rosalie giving him head. "Emmett, stop that okay I need to talk to Carlisle." Esme smacked Emmett hard on the shoulder, he pouted rubbing it and walked away back to Rosalie who is still standing like a statue in the corner. "Where would you like to talk son?" "Somewhere out of the lines of hearing, I just need to be sure you know?" He nodded, I am so thankful for Carlise being so understanding and supportive. Even Esme has her reservations about me making love to Bella while she is still human. But she trusts Carlisles judgement and would stick to any decision he makes whole heartily. Just before we walked out of the door I listened carefully to the goings on upstairs. "Hold still Bella, we have to scrub you down good, YOU STINK!" "Owwwwww...that................hurts......Alice." Carlisle and I looked at each other shaking our heads and laughed as we headed out for our talk. I thought I could grab the needed things so I could take them with us so Bella can be surprised. I grabbed a couple of blankets, my portable CD player and a few other things and put them in Emmett's jeep.

Carlisle and I got in and he already knew without even asking as to where I was going to take her tonight. He had already offered me the house, and assured me that he would keep everyone away for as long as it was necessary. I felt like the house wouldn't be as intimate as the place I chose for such an occasion. This place held special meanings for the both of us, and I know it wouldn't be perfect without this spot. When we arrived, Carlisle continued talking about what to expect on my first time, and how to make sure that I maintained control. I am sure that I will be able to do this. He helped me set up the things that I packed in the jeep, and as we headed back to the house I looked over at him and he had the weirdest looking grin on his face. "What is it Carlisle?" He looked at me with intent eyes, "I just can't believe that you are still a virgin Edward, and now after so many years I just helped you prepare for the night of your life. You and Bella will forever be bonded Edward, but don't forget that she is bonded to someone else too. I just want you to be prepared for anything that's all. This whole experience is new to you son, and from experience it can be overwhelming with the right person. Mind blowing actually!" Shit, now he is playing images in his head of him and Esme. Not exactly something I want to picture. He seen my reaction, "sorry son, I forget sometimes that you can hear my thoughts. "Do you wonder why Edward, that I know you can have control. Do you know how I know this?" In all truth I have wondered that on more than one occasion. "I have never told anyone this Edward, not even Esme so please do not speak these words again. I don't ever think about it, so you or your sister can't read into it. And it happened in the past so Alice can't really see it." Carlisle pulled the jeep over on the side of the road.

"A long time ago before I met your mother, my life as a vampire was lonely. I searched high and low for that someone that I could spend my eternity with. As you know being a doctor I worked closely with humans on a daily basis. One day while at the hospital, I did a routine check on a patient with mild stomach pain. She was so young and beautiful, only nineteen." Carlisle looked briefly out of the window, remembering. "Don't get mad at me Edward, she reminds me of Bella, the same beautiful brown hair, and deep meaningful eyes. She was my singer Edward, just as Bella is yours." He paused again, searching my eyes for any trace of jealousy or anger. "Continue please Carlisle." My patience beginning to wear thin. "Her name was Laine, Laine Jackson and I still remember everything about her with intricate detail, every aspect. To get to my point Edward, I thought I had found my mate in her. I courted her for almost two years, and yes I gave myself to her and it was like nothing I have ever experienced in my life, even to this day. Her being human, and my singer, us making love was an experience that I will never forget." Carlisle looked as if would cry if he could. I placed my hand his shoulder, "what happened to her Carlisle?" He looked at me with the sadness of a thousand years, "her father found out about us, and beat her to death. I got to her to late to save her, and Edward..................." His eyes turned black as he glared out looking into the night, I have never seen him like this. It kind of scared me a little. He turned back to me, "..........I killed him, I showed no mercy ripping him limb from limb. He took the love of my life from me." He shook his head, and leaned into his hands, rubbing his temples. "Don't get me wrong Edward, I love your mom more than anything, but I will never forget Laine." I am in complete shock at this news, I sat there with my mouth hanging open for a measurable amount of time.

"Okay, let's get you back to your Bella. Enough about me, this is your night. Don't worry, I know from experience that everything will turn out fine for you tonight. Just remember to hold back a little, be easy and take things slow. and at times hold your breath if you need to." Carlisle looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile. I just nodded, still astounded by the news. A mile away from our driveway I could faintly smell the scent of strawberries and freesia, my two favorite scents in the world. I had bought out the body shop's line of Bella's favorite strawberry shampoo, and freesia was her own designer fragrance. She did that all by herself. Simply mouthwatering, as we got closer the smell got stronger and my erection made itself known again. My hand on the handle of the jeep, I turned back to Carlisle, "thank you so much for your support, and I promise your secret is safe with me." He nodded and smiled. "Can you tell the others I went for a walk, I need to clear my head?" "Sure, anything!" Still clearly shook up by his confession, and the memories that came along with it. Immediately Esme noticed the absence of her husband, "where's.......?" I went and hugged her, "he went for a walk, he will be back shortly." She looked at me and gave me a forced smile, "is he alright Edward?" "Yes, he just needed to be alone to think for a few minutes, that's all. But not to worry okay?" I said, kissing her forehead. I quickly scanned the room for Bella but she is nowhere to be seen. Esme smiled a full smile this time, "you better go and save her from your sister Edward. She has been up there torturing her the entire time." I ran up the stairs, and busted open the bathroom door. Nobody! I went to Alice's room and there she was, getting her hair done by Alice. "Edward! It is about time you decided to be my knight in shining armor." Alice stuck her tongue out at me. I did a knee jerk reaction and stuck mine back out at her. "No more time for Bella Barbie okay? She is mine tonight! You will have plenty of time for this later." I went over and claimed my angel again. I whispered in Alice's ear, "thanks for this, I owe you one."

Bella squinted her eyes with suspicion. "You look beautiful as always!" Her eyes softened slightly. "Don't try and flatter me Edward, I have been through hell since you have been gone, I mean look at my skin. It is red, from your crazy sister scrubbing me to death." She stuck out her arm with a look of disbelief, her eyes darting between me and Alice. "She was just trying to help Bella!" I so wanted to let my laughter escape, it made my chest tight and full. "Alice, say your sorry." If I had any hopes of making love to Bella, I needed to make this sound sincere. "Sorry Bella." Alice hugged her close, filling her words with all sincerity she could muster. "But you have to admit you smell better now!" She smiled at Bella. "Okay Alice, that is enough." I pulled Bella to my chest, burying my nose in her hair at the top of her head, inhaling deeply. "I see you found your strawberry shampoo." "Well, not exactly me Edward. Alice washed my hair for me, three times with about a half a gallon of the stuff. She wouldn't let me do it myself." "Are you ready for the rest of your life Bella?" "Oh Edward, I am." "Let's go then, what are we waiting for?" I held her hand down the stairs, ignoring all of the eyes on us, and blocking out all of the thoughts as we went out of the door. Before we left, Bella pulled her hand from mine and flung herself into Esme's arms. "I love you!" She said, with my mom rubbing small circles in her back. She looked around at everybody, "I love all of you............... including you Rosalie." I glanced over at Rose and briefly seen a flicker of that same love returning in her eye. But as soon as she realized she let her guard down she held her glare firm. Bella didn't catch that flicker like I did. "Love you too little sis!" Emmett boomed. I always knew Emmett had a special fondness of Bella. Esme smiled, I love you too daughter, this made my silent heart swell. I heard Alice from upstairs shout, "you know I love you best Bella!" Jasper, looked at Bella and simply nodded, closing his eyes, his way of I love you too. And then Rosalie did something so unexpected, her eyes closed, and then opened again making her face relax. Without a word she smiled the sweetest smile at Bella. In a way telling her that she loved her too. Just then Carlisle came through the front door, looking ten times better than when I left him.

Bella threw herself into his arms, he wrapped his strong arms around her leaning his nose into her hair, closing his eyes. I could see that he thought of the girl he spoke of as he held her. I felt sorry for him at this moment. "I love you too Bella, you have always been my daughter. Now make Edward behave okay?" She held him for a second longer. I don't know if she can feel that Carlisle is feeling a little off with her presence. Not that he has anything against her, just those feelings, and memories are returning. He wouldn't lead on like nothing is wrong. If I can trust anyone it is Carlisle. I took Bella by the hand and we went to Emmett's jeep. Lifting her by the waist, I sat her in the seat and buckled her in safely. "Where are we going Edward?" I shook my head no, I am not going to tell her and ruin the whole thing. "Your not going to tell me?" "No Bella, it is a surprise. You are going to love it!" I held her hand as we drove in silence. She pulled it away and placed her hand a few inches up from my knee on my thigh.. My muscles clenched under her touch. Moving her hand up, letting her pinkie finger graze my center. I took an unneeded breath in and held it. Remembering what Carlisle said, "hold your breath when you need to." She continued letting her pinkie rub in small strokes until she palmed me entirely. Her stokes becoming long and hard, but gentle at the same time. A blazing inferno erupted as her movements became almost, rough. I held my breath, remembering what Carlisle said, "hold your breath when you need to." This is just the beginning and I need to. How am I going to make love to her when I feel my composure crumbling at just her touch. "Bella, I am going to wreck if you don't stop." "Oh sorry!" She pulled her hand away and folded them in her lap. I had to think of an excuse to make her stop, before I stop the jeep and take her right here. Soon we pulled into a little clearing, before the woods started getting dense. She looked at me confused as she realized we were back in the woods. "I thought we are not going to be in the woods tonight!" I looked at her, placing my hand on her cheeks, "these are not just any woods Bella." I seen her looking around, she smiled and I knew she realized where we were going. "The meadow?" I nodded, as I seen a single tear stream down her cheek. "Not any meadow Bella, our meadow!"

I ran to her side, pulling her from the jeep and onto my back, running up the side of the steep hill. Within minutes we are standing in the center of our meadow. I had the blankets layed neatly on the ground, the tent put up in the corner, and the CD player set up on the inside. "Edward, when?........." "When Alice had you occupied love!" I inched closer to Bella, taking care wih every step as if I was stalking my prey. I closed the distance slowly, I took her face between my hands, placing my lips on hers. Her mouth gently opened, letting her breath escape, making my mouth water. I slid my tongue in her mouth, exploring places that I have never been, letting the venom seep from my mouth into hers. In small quantities, my venom can be very intoxicating to a human, almost euphoric. Kind of the same effect her blood has on me. I took her hand that was at her side, and placed it on my center. She rubbed with such ferocity, letting me know her need. I deepened our kiss, grazing her tongue and lips with my teeth, careful not to nick the skin. Bella let out a small moan as she wrapped her tiny hand around my shaft through my slacks. She pulled at the waistband of my pants. "These........have........to...........go!" She said through clenched teeth. I smiled and pulled back, she watched me as I undid the button on my trousers. Her eyes glued to that spot, intent on watching my zipper slide down over the evident bulge. Her face is priceless, as I take my time, almost painfully slow even for me. I too, couldn't wait to release myself from this torturous prison, named Armani.

**BPOV**

I can't pull my eyes from his growing bulge, he is going slow on purpose, teasing me along the way. Making me wait! How could he? I keep forgetting this is Edward we are talking about here. He stopped halfway down, "will you do the rest for me?" Oh my god. "YES!" I ran my hands over his sweater clad chest, down his stomach to his zipper, pulling it just as slow the rest of the way down. I ran my fingertips over the cool satin of his black boxers. Edward moaned at the contact. I looked down to get a glimpse of him concealed underneath the satin, and let out a moan of my own. I stood on my tip pie toes to kiss his lips, cheek, down his neck, lifting his shirt over his head. I scraped my nails over the smooth planes of his back, while my mouth found his nipples, biting gently, slowly taking my time as I moved my way down his tight abdomen, over all of the ripples. Now on my knees in front of him, I peered up to gauge his reaction. He had his head thrown back, and his eyes closed. "Can I ask you a question Edward?" His attention now on me, he interrupted me, "Bella, what are you doing on your knees?" Then a new look appeared on his perfect face. If I had to guess, it would be a look of realization and shock. "You don't have to do that Bella. I don't know if I can handle it!" Now for my question, "can I taste you Edward, I have always wanted to." He nodded, placing his hand in my hair. He seemed to take in a deep breath and there was no trace of him breathing anymore. Could he be holding it? I just shrugged and took that as a yes. I put my mouth on him through his boxers, letting him get use to the idea of my mouth on his most intimate part. I felt him twitch beneath my lips. I let my fingertips linger at the edge of his waistband, I slowly pulled them down with his pants, his cock nearly bust out of the restraints. Gently wrapping my hand around his thick shaft, placed my mouth over his head, not touching it yet, just hovering there. A drop of moisture at his tip, made my mouth water with anticipation. What is he going to taste like? If he tastes anything like he smells, I will never be able to stop.

I stuck my tongue out and slid it over the tip of his head, tasting his sweet nectar. OH.......MY...........FOR.......THE......LOVE.....OF.....ALL......THAT.....IS......HOLY!

At that moment it is if I had become possessed, needing more, wanting to milk this angel of mine of all of his sweetness. My mouth took him, as I sucked at him like a wild woman, as if I needed this for sustenance for life. Edward emanating, growls that would start in his chest, and roll upwards into his throat and out of his mouth. "Bella Stop! Stop Bella, this feels wonderful but it seems unfair to me." I stopped regrettably, "what's wrong?" "I want to taste you too!" He said with a smile. He gestured to the blankets, "or would you rather go in the tent?" I really didn't care as long as I am with him. He pulled me to the edge of the blanket, and pulled me down into his lap. Kissing me with a passion that I have never felt from him. "By the way, you taste good. Can I have more?" I feel like a damn drug addict needing a fix. "I think we need to even up a little bit here Bella, here I am totally naked and you are completely dressed. Now does that seem fair to you?" I thought about it for a minute, and yes it did because all I could think about is having Edward fucking Cullen's cock in my mouth again. But I have the feeling in order to do that I am going to have to get naked first or at least partially. This is where his unusual vampire morals get in the way. "I don't guess so." He picked me up and set me on his lap so I am facing him, I felt his hardness at my center making it throb. He bent down, taking my nipple between his teeth through the thin fabric of my long sleeved T-shirt. I whimpered, holding his head to me. "You like it when I bite you Bella?" Yes I do, but did he need to know how much?" I am not so sure. "Yes Edward, I do.!" He smiled, "really?" "Yes really now do it again." "Yes maam'!" This time Edward pulled my shirt over my head taking my bra with it. Now my chest is fully exposed to him.

The skin around my nipples taught from the cool night air, and his talented mouth. "You are beautiful." He said while looking at my breast. For once he wasn't looking at my face when he said that. He took my other nipple in his mouth and sucked tenderly at first, then becoming harder until I felt his sharp teeth graze on the sensitive skin. He moaned, letting the vibrations fill my body. The wetness between my legs grew with every new touch. He looked up at me with lust filled eyes, "you know it is not fair unless I get to taste you too. Can I taste you Bella? I can smell you, and you smell delicious." I seen his eyes grow dark, almost black as midnight. This doesn't scare me because I know he hungers for something other than my blood right now. He picked me up by the waist and laid me down on my back gently. His hands hovering over the buttons on my jeans. "May I?" Leave it to Edward to be a gentlemen even in this situation. I nodded. With one swift movement, he had them unbuttoned and off of me within mere seconds, including my underwear. Now we matched, but not quite. I could never compare to his beauty, the way his stone skin shone in the moonlight. I paled in comparison to him. I looked up and seen his nostrils flare as he took in my scent. His mouth only centimeters away from my wet heat, waiting is pure agony, ready to feel his cool tongue in my heat. A deep, loud growl escaped his perfect lips before he kissed, up and down my lips. Every once in a while sucking them into his mouth, grazing them with his teeth. I haven't felt his tongue yet. "Taste me Edward, please!" He took his two index fingers and spread me apart. Then his cool tongue, tantalizing every crevice and fold, over my sensitive bundle of nerves. My hips jutted upwards and into his mouth. "You like that, is that the spot, right here?" He pressed his tongue to my bundle and began to flick it violently. "Yes, yes, right there, don't stop.....don't stop! mmmmmmmmmm! Fuck yes!"

**EPOV**

I don't know what to think about Bella's foul mouth. Part of me likes it A LOT! Well actually of me likes it. I wonder if she likes all of the dirty talk? I guess I can try it. "Damn Bella, your pussy is so sweet. Do you want me to eat it all night baby?" I heard Bella gasp and her muscles in her legs tighten slightly, she obviously likes it. I added a single finger, rubbing her inside with a circlular motion while I continued my ministrations on her clit. I slid my teeth over her nub, then sucking it into my mouth, while I pumped my finger in and out of her. "So close, so, so, close!" I heard her whisper. "I want you to cum Bella, cum for me. Cum all over my face. I pumped harder, flicking my tongue at vampire speed. Bella tightened on my finger, clenching and releasing over and over, spilling her sweetness all over my face. I raised up and let her watch me lick the remaining juices off of my lips. I layed my body on hers, "I love you Isabella Marie Swan!" She looked at me and smiled, "I love you too, Edward Anthony Cullen, now make me yours!" Carlisle was right, I can do this. Without a doubt I know I will be able to do this without any trouble. "Your wish is my command, but you have to know that I can't wear a condom because of my venom. It will just burn a hole right through it!" She laughed, "It is safe, I am on birth control. No worries there." That made me feel better, I would never forgive myself if I got her pregnant. If that is even possible. "You know this is forever for me right?" "Me too!" With those words said, I placed my head at her entrance, I looked into her eyes, and her into mine as I pushed my way in, our bodies connecting as one. An overwhelming happiness and joy filled me, allowing me to cry this one time. "Edward, are....you....crying?" "Yes love, I can cry only once and this is it. I love you so much Bella, I want you for all eternity. I can't live without you!" "I am yours Edward, and eternity isn't long enough, I give myself to you Edward. Take me!" As we made love in our meadow, both slowly reaching our peak. "I'm yours Isabella, as you are mine forever." I lowered my lips to her neck, with one last thrust we both tumbled over the edge, as I gently pierced the skin of my angel. We both looked at each other and in unison, "Forever!"

**Okay tell me what you think! Most of my readers wanted this ending and what better way to get changed. While you are making love to the sexiest vampire on earth. Up next, yes you know it. Jacob and Bella's forever. I need lots and lots of reviews, it helps motivate me so much.**

**LOTS OF LOVE!!!! VEGENOSFERATU**


	59. HOME

**Okay, remember this is a totally different ending, and yes oh yes my favorite. The Jacob ending. Also remember that it picks up at the end of chapter 52 where Bella wants Jacob to take her to Edward. I want to apologize for the long breaks in between my chapters. Sometimes life gets in the way! This will be the last or next to last chapter of this story. SO, lets show Jake and Bella some love. **

**Chapter 59- Home**

**(ending from chapter 52)**

"Bella, say something, anything. Fight me, punch me in the face, cuss at me, do something for crying out loud." Bella's face is a blank canvas, she spoke to me with no emotion, no life. "I can't Jacob, not now!" "Don't you want to tell me how much you hate me, how you think I am a bastard for what I did to you? There has to be something you want to say to me Bella." She opened her mouth slightly, "will you do anything for me Jacob?" I nodded, "anything?" I nodded again. "Take me to Edward!"

**JPOV**

Is she freakin' crazy? She must be if she thinks I am taking her to him, that would be like relationship suicide. That would for sure ruin any chance that I have left. As my hot, salty, tears sting my eyes I let them spill over onto my cheeks. I stared up at Bella, barely able to form a word with my quivering lips. "B...Bel....Bella, I.....I.....won't, I.....I.....mean, I...can't. I just can't!" Bella bit down on her bottom lip, with a furrowed brow pinching at the center, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. She threw her arms in the air, "fine Jacob, just fuckin fine okay. I don't need you to take me anywhere, I can go myself. By the way, have a good life with your friend, I am going to make my life with Edward!" She turned away quickly, and here I sit like a dumb ass with my arm outstretched, not able to say a word. I am watching my angel, walk out without a fight. Everything happening in this moment in time painfully moving in slow motion, therefore intensifying my pain. Embry mind screaming at me not to let this happen, like I need someone to remind me of that. But regardless, I am helpless as an infant. Several things happened at once, my mind became clouded, vision blurred, a warm rush flushed through my veins. Am I passing out from shock? What is happening? All I can see is a vision of my life with Bella, seeing nothing but her in it. And then all of a sudden, my mind crystal clear, my vision sharp even with my eyes closed. "Bella!" It came out only as a whisper. This is it, oh my God, oh...............my...............God! As I opened my eyes, the tears fell faster as I realized my Bella was still here before me, with her hand resting on the door knob. She stood there, frozen. I can see her whole form shake, her hand making the knob rattle beneath it. With a new found confidence, I found my way to my feet and waited. Embry still in my head screaming "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god..... Jake?" "Em shut up okay, not now!" I mind screamed back at him.

My tears still relentlessly falling down my cheeks, onto my chest. My heart filling with joy instead of pain, and swelling with more love than I have ever known. Just when I thought I couldn't love Bella more, it completely knocked me off of my feet. She is the air that I breathe, the sun that warms my skin, the force that gives me life, the missing piece of the puzzle that makes me whole. Her heart beats within my chest, without it I would die. She is so much more than the love of my life. She is what I need to live, my reason to just be. In the matter of mere minutes my life has changed, my destiny certain and true. I want to go and take her in my arms, to wipe her tears that are flowing freely from her eyes. But I stand here patiently waiting for her to adjust to these feelings, her mind telling her to leave, but her heart willing her to stay. She's screaming at her feet to move, but they remain planted where they are. I look and see her back heaving with each calculated breath. Slowly, without my knowledge I have been inching closer to her, my heart willing my feet to move, me not able to pull myself away like a magnet. Within inches of her, I can feel her body shake with tremors. I put my hand on her shoulder, and she began to sob uncontrollably. Wrapping my arms around her torso, pulling her back against my chest. Her body is tight and rigid in response to my close proximity. I feel her body begin to relax. Leaning her head back against my chest, and let her sobs break free. "Ja.....cob, why? Why now? I mean after all of this time, it has to happen at a time like this, I don't understand." I took her by the shoulders and turned her to face me, holding her at half an arms length so I can look her in the eye. "Bella, does it really matter when it happens? All that matters now is it did happen, and it is beyond our control. We don't decide when, or how it happens. And I am sure you know that when it does you can't deny anything about it. Now I know it isn't fair, mostly at a time like this, but Bella I can promise you that with time all that has happened will be a distant memory. Everything wonderful will replace all of the bad. Like you said once before, "it will be as easy as breathing."

"I don't have a choice, do I?" She said through her teeth as her tears welled up into her eyes again. "Bella, look at me. You can try and have a life without me but you will find that fate will eventually bring us back together. We are two souls combined into one forever now. A bond that we will carry with us beyond the grave. If you choose to still walk away, you will feel like your other half is missing, like you are not whole. And Bella, it will destroy me, it will destroy you........ Do you really want that?" I see her eyes flicker, as she engages in deep thought. Sure that she is rummaging through her mind for reasons to make the choice that she so desperately wants to because of my stupid mistakes. The lines in her forehead smoothed, her face relaxed, "No....no I don't want that." It is almost like she is talking to herself, answering her own questions inside her head, trying to reason with herself. Then her deep brown eyes stared into mine, and she placed her tiny hand on my sweltering cheek. "You are my natural choice Jacob, I will not fight it, I couldn't... even if I wanted to. But what about all the things we have done to each other Jacob? I mean we have slept with other people, cheated, lied? What do we do about that, just let it go, forget about it?" I can' help but laugh at her being the typical absurd Bella that she is. "Yes, that is exactly what we are going to do, and you know what else?" I said placing my finger to her nose, "we are going to have a beautiful life together, full of love, happiness, love, happiness, love and more happiness." I said smiling down at her. "You said that three times Jake." I smiled her smile, "I know, I meant to because that is all you are going to know Bells, no more hurt and heart ache, and you know I can throw in a little lust if you want?" Now it is her turn to unleash her smile on me, she looked up at me through her veil of dark lashes, and slapped me on the chest. "Jake!" I grunted, and snaked my hands around her waist, "just thought I would offer." I bent down close to her ear, "you know, I heard that with your imprint it is ten times better, all of the feelings amplified." I looked at her with an impish grin as I pulled her close to me.

**BPOV**

My breath hitched in my throat, my mouth flew open and I gasped at the contact. It is like I have never felt him like this before, just as he said "feelings amplified." I don't care who is here witnessing this, I plunged my fingers into his cropped hair, took a deep breath and found his lips. Our lips mingled, what seemed like an eternity when I heard someone clear their throat. There Embry sat with the weirdest look on his face. "Sorry guys, ummmm.....to interrupt but could y'all please take this somewhere else, I mean I am happy for you but I don't want to watch okay?" We all three laughed in unison, I detached myself from Jake for just a minute to go and hug Embry. I stood on my toes to whisper in his ear knowing it was pointless to whisper because I know Jacob can hear me anyway. "You will always be my second favorite wolf Embry." I swiftly kissed him on the cheek and watched as his dark skin flushed, and he smiled. He bent down to whisper to me, "let's make Jake jealous sometime okay?" Then I seen him flash Jacob an evil grin, and Jacob let out a deep growl but smiling the whole time. I shot a smile back at Embry, "it's a date!" I said looking at Jake the whole time. He stood there with open arms, with his eyes squinted skeptically. He pulled me tight to him by the waist and pressed his forehead against mine. "It's a date huh? Am I not good enough now?" I put my finger to my cheek and tapped, looking up to the ceiling like I was having to think about it. I can tell that it is driving Jake mad. "No Jake, don't be silly, you are more than good enough, don't you know that by now?" He laughed, rubbing his nose to mine, (eskimo kisses) "Yes, I know that!" "Then why did you ask ?" He pulled me up by the waist, pinning me to his body, my feet dangling in mid-air. I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck to keep from falling backwards. "Because I wanted to hear you say it Bella." As I look into his smoldering eyes, my heart rate rises, and my breath quickens. Listening closely I can hear the steady thrumb of his heart, I can feel it thump against me in a perfect rythym. The woodsy scent of him fills the air around me, and the feel of his strong arms around me is, "home." That is a good way to explain it, home. "Home, what do you mean home Bella?" Shit, did I say that out loud or can he read my mind now? I bit down on my bottom lip hard, causing it to bleed. "You said home, I am just wondering what you meant that's all, you didn't have to get all worried and make yourself bleed."

Jake set me down on my feet, put his lips to mine and sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. "All better?" I just nodded. "You wanted to know what I meant when I said home? Well, it's just everything about you, your laugh, smile, the sound of your heart, your scent, and the way your arms feel around me is home to me. That is you put into one word, if I had to describe you with one word that is what it would be."

**JPOV**

How can she feel that way after all that I have done? I don't deserve to have her, but somehow I do. I quickly realized that we are still here in Embry's hallway, I glance over my shoulder to find him gawking at us from his doorway. "Bella, can we go somewhere else now? I think Embry here is uncomfortable." I took her by the hand and headed for the door. She turned to give Embry a sweet goodbye, "bye Em...bry, see you around." She waved her little hand at him, looking over her shoulder. As we walked hand in hand, I nudged her in the side with my elbow, "so where are we off to, still want me to take you to Edward?" I looked down at her and smiled, of course this is all a joke, I wouldn't dare take her to Edward. Not now, not ever! She smiled an evil little grin back up to me, uh....oh she is on to me. "Ummmmm......let me think........................." I sighed, she is taking forever. "Bella!?!" She elbowed me back, "not today, but maybe tomorrow okay?" I laughed, knowing she is kidding too. "Jake, anywhere we go will be fine as long as I get to stay with you, how are we going to explain to Charlie?" Bella's brow crinkled with worry. "Bella, he will understand when he knows the whole story, anyway he likes me you know. I am kind of his favorite." She smiled up at me, with a crooked grin. "You know you may not be when he knows the whole story, he has a tendency not to like anyone that I am involved with." "Well at least he'll like me better than the bloodsu-------, I mean Edward. By the way Bella, have you thought about where this leaves Edward, what this means for you?" Bella stopped us here in the middle of the woods to turn and face me. She lifted her hand and placed it on my cheek, "Yes, and there will soon come a time where I will go and talk to Edward myself, and he will understand Jake. And as for where it leaves me, it leaves me to a life with you, exactly where I am suppose to be. But they will always be a part of me Jake, and I intend on keeping them in it." Bella's matter-of-fact tone helped make her sure and confident. It helped me understand completely. I know that she will not let him come between us any longer, but he will, just as the rest of his family will remain a part of her life. That with me is where she belongs and I have her heart, but he will always have a piece that can never be returned. I will live with this for her, and we will come to a mutual agreement that works for everyone, because Bella's happiness is the most important thing to me.

"I love you Bells!" A shiver ran through her body, I forget that she is not as durable as I am. The cold night air swirled around us, so I pulled her close wrapping my arms securely around her. She nuzzled into my chest, "I love you too, Jake!" I could feel her sweet breath as she whispered against my bare skin, sending chills all over my flesh. "Let's get you out of this cold okay?" I picked her up, keeping her close to my heated skin. I looked down to find her nose buried in the the skin of my chest, inhaling. "Do I really smell that good to you Bella?" She looked up at me with squinted eyes, and blushed. "It actually intoxicates me." I let out a chuckle, "really?" "Really!" She continued to smell me as I walked with her through the woods to my house. We arrived here within minutes, I opened the door with one hand and held Bella up with the other. She had fallen asleep on our way her, so I lay her on the couch. I glanced around the house to look for my father. I need some advice from him anyway. I found a note stuck to the refrigerator with a magnet that Bella and I had made one summer. It is a picture frame made out of Popsicle sticks, we had taken glue and spread it all over the sticks and dipped it in sand. And in each corner is sea shells that we had collected on the beach. My dad had taken a permanent marker and wrote the date on the back. It has a picture of me and Bella when she was about eight and I about six. Oh my god, the irony! As I look at the date, it is the same as today's date just many years ago. Let's talk about weird. Bella is standing in a pink swimsuit with red strawberries all over it, holding a sand pail looking at the camera with a big grin. And there I am a little shorter than her at that point, staring up at her and I can see now that the love in my eyes was just as strong as it is today. I guess somewhere deep inside I always knew. Okay back to the note!

_"Jake, I know you have Bella with you, take care of her son. Don't let her slip away. Hold on tight and never let go. I am with Charlie, I am going to try and explain the whole wolf thing to him. I told him that Bella is at Emily's house for a few nights. We planned a fishing trip, be back on Sunday. Treat her right Jacob, you have your second chance. Don't screw it up. Love you Jacob! " _

_P.S. If you take the notion to ask Bella to marry you, you need to look in the top drawer of my dresser. You will find what you need. _

_Love, Billy_

If I take the notion? What is that old man up to? Now my curiosity is getting the best of me. I went to my dad's room, and stood in front of his dresser. I pulled it open and found a white silk, drawstring bag. Inside was a sapphire blue, velvet box. I took the tiny box into my hand and stared, wide eyed. The lid flipped open with a pop, there laid my mothers ring and immediately my eyes brimming with tears spilled over. I clamped it shut and put it back in the drawer. I smiled at my dad's generosity, knowing how much my mother meant to him. She was his life, as Bella is mine. I will ask her to marry me, but not tonight. I will do this right, I need to ask Charlie for permission, plus we need to give him time to adjust. We have the rest of our lives together. There are other things on my mind tonight, I want to be as close to Bella as possible. And I am excited that I have until Sunday to be alone with her. That is three nights! My anticipation getting the best of me, making my stomach turn flips. I went back to find Bella sleeping soundly on the couch. I sat down on the floor beside her, sweeping back a lock of hair that had fallen in her face. I bent down, and softly kissed her lips. Her eyes opened and she smiled at me, "where.......? Oh were home." She said sleepily. I like the sound of her calling my home, hers. "Kiss me again Jake." I lowered my lips to hers, and sweetly kissed them tenderly." Bella wound her hands to the back of her head pulling me tight to her mouth with desperation. I pulled back, "whoa Bells, easy!" She poked her bottom lip out in a pout. "We don't have much time, and I want to be with you Jacob!" I smiled, and laughed at her. "We do have time Bella, we have until Sunday!" I said raising my eyebrows up and down at her. "How?....I mean..." "My dad took care of it Bella, we have the house to ourselves until Sunday, your dad thinks you are at Emily's for a few days." Bella took a deep breath, and relaxed a little. "What are we going to do for three nights, alone?" I love to tease her like this. "Ummmmmm....I guess we can play Monopoly, or Checkers or something. Surely we can find something to do to pass the time."

I lunged for her, because she was playing my game for me. She catches on so quick. I put my nose to hers and growled, "Bella, there are some games I want to play, but it is definitely not Monopoly and Checkers!" She smiled at me, "Okay, lets see we can play Old Maid, and Go Fish. Are you up for it?" She laughed at her own absurdity, knowing she is driving me mad. "I'll show you what I am UP for, Miss. Isabella Swan."

**Let me know what you think! Review, review, review! This is the next to the last chapter. Next one there is promises of lot's of juicy Jake and Bella Lemons. I thank all of you for your support through this story. I hate to see it come to an end, but all good things must have an end. LUVS AND HUGS!!!!!**


	60. The Beginning of Forever

**This is it you guys, the last chapter of My Safe Harbor. (Sniff, sniff, wipes a tear) I hate to see this come to an end, I want to let all of my readers know that I have enjoyed every second of this, and want to dedicate this chapter to all of my dedicated readers, and all of the Jacob lovers out there. I regret having to say that this is going to be my last fic for a while, a lot of you want a sequel but at this time I just simply can't. Lots of love, hope you enjoy, because this is the way I always intended for it to end. **

**Chapter 60-The Beginning of Forever**

**JPOV**

I grabbed Bella's sides, and started tickling her. She laughed until I couldn't hear her breath anymore, happy tears streaming down her cheeks. Her rapid breathing began to slow, my eyes boring into hers, the smile on my face turned serious. Inching closer, I let my mouth hover over hers. Her face mirrored mine, the seriousness replaced the smile. "Can I show you what I am up for Bella?" It was only a whisper on her lips. This is all joking aside, the need for me to be as close to her as possible suddenly became overwhelming. As sexually driven as I am, I should have known it would be even more so after the imprint. The need almost consumed me, this could be a potential problem when my physical and emotional need for Bella outweighs anything else. She grinned at me, and placed her hand on my growing erection. "I can feel what you are _up_for Jacob Black." A cocky, sideways smirk spread across her face as she gripped my cock through the thin fabric of my sweats. I feel my member pulse in her hand, a hot rush flooded my loins, and I let out a deep rumble from my chest. In one swift movement I am on my feet, lifted her from the couch and carried her to my room. The necessity of my room is not needed because Billy is not home, but the couch would be quite uncomfortable for me due to my size. I would probably break it in the process. Note to self: Buy a sturdy king size bed, make that California King, when I get my own place, well when Bella and I get our own place. My internal thoughts must be showing on my face because Bella is looking at me intently, trying to read me. "What is wrong Jake?" I guess she is wondering because as I was thinking I still had her in my arms over my bed. But had not layed her down yet. "Do you really want to know Bells?" She shook her head, with an excited expression on her face. "Well at first I thought about taking you right there on the couch, but my dad would be mad if I tore his furniture up so I scratched that idea immediately. Second, on the way in here I thought that the bed would be better, because if I break it, no harm done I just wouldn't have a bed anymore. And third I thought of how when I get a new place, I mean....WE get a new place of our own, I want a giant, sturdy, bed."

I laughed out loud at myself, and Bella laughed with me. I tossed her up in the air and she fell with a thud on my bed. I let my body hover over hers while our fit of laughter continued. Pressing myself slightly against her, letting her feel a fraction of my weight, her eyes immediately became hooded, and she let out a tiny gasp from the contact. "You know Bella, I do want to spend the rest of my life with you. Do you know that?" Bella placed her hands on my shoulders and pulled me closer, "are you proposing to me Jacob Black?" She looked up at me and smiled. "Well?" "Do you want to marry me Bella?" She looked at me and smiled the hugest smile, I think I have ever seen on her face. "You know how I feel about marriage Jake." She shuddered at the thought, I remember a conversation we had years back about this very subject. Why would I expect her feelings to change now. She is totally repulsed by the subject. And then her hands were on my cheeks, it is like fire and ice. "But do you want to know something Jacob?" I looked into her eyes, with a feeling like something was about to change. I couldn't put my finger on it but I know it's something. I just nodded my head. "I could change my mind......for you." I crashed my lips to hers, letting her feel most of my weight on her tiny body, in between fierce kisses, "I ......love....you.....so......much... Isabella Swan, please....be......mine......forever....... She pulled away and looked me deep in the eyes. "I have always been yours Jake, and I will always be yours....Forever!" I trailed my hand down her neck, and sides, playing with the hem of her shirt. My fingers slipped under the edge, caressing the smooth skin of her stomach. I feel goose bumps rise on her skin as I move up, just under her breast. With an extended finger, grazing her sensitive nub once. Just a flick... Bella's breathing accelerated and her hips bucked into me, causing my member to stand at attention. I pulled her shirt over her head, and took her bra with it, all in one movement. Her nipples peaked at the sudden coolness of the room. Palming both of her beautiful breasts in my hands, warming under my heated touch. I licked her bottom lip, wanting entrance. Our tongues, mingled in a way that is foreign to me, like they were made for one another. Never a minute where it was strained or weird. Only natural!

"Jake!?!" "Hmmm..." "Make love to me!" I pulled my mouth from Bella's, immediately feeling the loss of contact. I sat up on the edge of the bed facing her, running my hands all over her body, enjoying the feel of her soft skin. I fingered her button, around and around in circles with my first finger, before undoing them with my finger and thumb. Letting my hand move below the waist line of her jeans, I slipped my hand beneath her lace panties, over her mound, and into her slick folds. Bella bucked her hips up to meet my rhythm, urging for more. Sliding one finger into her center, she let out a tiny moan throwing her head back into the pillow. As the second finger slid into her, her eyes wide on the ceiling the tiny moan grew slightly, the third and she screamed my name. "Ja-----Cob don't stop, please don't stop!" I continued pumping my fingers in and out of her as she neared her peak, I slowed not allowing it. "Why are u stopping Jacob? Please don't!" Her lip" jutted out slightly in a sexy pout. I bent down and pulled her lip into my mouth and bit down slightly. "I will give you what you need soon enough Isabella, have a little patience. We have all of the time in the world." "But I need you now Jake, like right now!" Her fists knotted in my hair, pulled me to her mouth and devoured me. Each thrust of our tongues together is pure heat. Everything in a rush I removed her jeans and underwear tossing them across the room, at the same time she is trying to remove my sweats. Not able to do it fast enough I stood up and tore them from my body, throwing the shreds over my shoulder. Before I could lay down, Bella sat on the edge of the bed, grabbed my ass and pulled me to her. Her mouth enveloping me, her hands moving me, pumping me in and out of her talented mouth. I felt my tip hit the back of her throat and almost lost it right there. My knees buckled uncontrollably as all of the sensations overwhelmed me. My beast shook within, threatening to break free. "Bel.....la....I'm gonna...cum baby, stop!" Bella looked up at me with her lips still wrapped around my throbbing cock, and shook her head no. She took my hands wrapping them around the back of her head, wanting me to guide her head the way I wanted her to. She put pressure on my hand, urging me to push her down onto me.

I pushed down with slight pressure, each time hitting the back of her throat. Bucking my hips along with the steady rhythm I noticed myself going deeper. Bella moaned, sending a vibration through my body. I quickly withdrew myself before I filled her mouth, I couldn't take it any more. Pushing Bella roughly onto the bed, "I want to fuck you Bella, the way you want to be fucked." I know this is rough but that is what she wants, I can feel it. There will be time later to make love, right now I WILL give her what she needs. I took her legs and pulled her ass to the edge of the bed. As I held her legs in the shape of a V, my hands tight around her tiny ankles, I aligned myself with her. With one movement I was sheathed all the way inside her. Not taking the time for her to adjust to my size, I just pounded into her relentlessly, letting my beast take over my instincts. "Bella, scream my name... I want to hear you scream my name. Tell me what you want." Bella's eyes held mine, with pure conviction as she looked into my eyes, opened her mouth and screamed my name over and over again. "Fuck me hard, turn me over and pound me from behind, pull my hair, spank my ass. Be as naughty as you can." The sound of my sweet Bella talking dirty pushed me closer to my peak. I pulled out of her, grabbing her under her back, flipping her over onto her stomach. I raised her hips with my hands, aligning her perfect ass with my cock. Teasing her entrance with my tip, sliding it between her slick folds, but never entering. Slowly I entered her from behind, tilting my hips at an angle to gain complete entrance. Her walls squeezing me, each thrust bought me closer, Bella meeting my rhythm, slamming down onto me as I pushed into her. Reached around, taking her clit between my finger and thumb, rubbing in tight circles, pinching her nub. Bella trembled around me as I felt her release. I held back mine as i relentless buried myself in her. I am not through, not yet. Bella moaned every time I pushed my way in and out. I pulled out lifting Bella up, slamming her into the wall, her legs snaked around my waist, her center hovering over my throbbing tip. Biting her neck, and taking her breast roughly into my mouth. Grazing her taut nipple with my teeth, pebbling it with my tongue. Bella fought her way, trying to find a way for me to be inside of her again.

Placing my hands on both of her cheeks, "Bella.....I love you! You know that right? I love you with every fiber of my being. Without you there is just simply no air to breathe. You are my forever!" Tears that I kept locked behind my eyes came spilling onto my cheeks. "I love you to Jacob! And I know where I belong, it has always been you." The feeling inside of me was overwhelming, the need to have her with me at all times is to much to bear. The thought of her going home without me is to painful. I slowly lowered her down onto me, lifting her up and down over my shaft. "Bella, I need to ask you something, and I know this is not the right time but I have to. There is no question that I want to be with you forever. And if you have no objections on being with me forever I don't see any use in waiting. I set her down on her feet, "stay right here, I will be right back." She looked at me with confusion saturating her face. I ran to my dads bedroom, tore open the top draw and lifted out the velvet sack. I sprinted back to her. She was still awestruck, standing in the same place. I sat her down on the bed and took her hands in mine. On one knee, I looked into her eyes, "Bella, you are my choice, my home, my forever! There is no life for me without you in it. I will love you like no other ever has, I want you to be my wife, my children's mother! Will you marry me Bella?" Her eyes widened and they filled up with tears as she kissed my mouth. "Yes Jacob! Yes, yes, yes..... I will marry you. I love you so much!" I lifted her left hand and placed my mothers ring on her finger. The weird thing is, the ring looks like it was made for Bella. The perfect size. As I lay ed my now fiance down, to continue to make love to her, yes make love like never before. I seen visions of our happy life together, having as many babies as we possibly could. My life with Bella would be forever! "Jake?" "Yes!" "How are we going to tell Charlie?" I laughed at this because nothing in the world is going to stop me from marrying my angel, not even the Chief of Police! "I'll handle Charlie, you know he likes me right?" Bella grinned. "Ok!" The stressed look fell from her face, "You know you are my guardian, my safe harbor right?" I kissed her nose, "mmmm...hmmmm! Always!"

**Okay I'm crying because I don't want to see this end. It has been great and I love all of my faithful readers. Hope you enjoyed My Safe Harbor! Let me know, show me some love. **


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